# 你（or 您）贵姓？



## yuechu

大家好！

When I first started learning Chinese, I read in a book that it's polite to ask "你(or 您)贵姓?" in Chinese to ask someone's name. However, I have very rarely (if ever?) heard this before. Is it commonly used in non-business settings? I think it's very formal, right?
Thanks!


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## T.D

Literally, 你/您贵姓 means What is your honoured family name. It's used when you wish to show your respect to the other person.
Although preferred in formal situations, it's ok to use it in daily conversations.

But you should not use it if the other person is obviously holding a lower position than you. For example, as an adult, you will not ask a little child 您贵姓, or if you are the boss of a company, you also won't say it to your employees.


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## yuechu

Interesting! Thanks for the info, T.D!


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## SimonTsai

It is not necessarily formal, but courteous, and somewhat literary, although possible in speech. (You may hear a receptionist in a restaurant or hotel asking, '請問 (小姐 / 先生) 貴姓?')


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## Skatinginbc

yuechu said:


> 你(or 您)贵姓?


你贵姓  ==> mismatched registers
您贵姓


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## Samsungaaron

Hi, 你贵姓 is mismatched, and 您贵姓 is correct, but as far as I know, Beijing residents often say this, because it is a very polite way to ask people's family name.


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## SuperXW

Samsungaaron said:


> Beijing residents often say this, because it is a very polite way to ask people's family name.


It is a polite and traditional way to ask that. More common in certain regions, rare in other places.


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## T.D

It occurs to me that Beijingers are usually particularly courteous, especially in means of word choices. I was once visited by a police officer to check my 暂住证，and he asked 您贵姓. (in contrast to what I said in #2)

请问你怎么称呼 is my go-to choice to ask for names.


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## Samsungaaron

T.D said:


> It occurs to me that Beijingers are usually particularly courteous, especially in means of word choices. I was once visited by a police officer to check my 暂住证，and he asked 您贵姓. (in contrast to what I said in #2)
> 
> 请问你怎么称呼 is my go-to choice to ask for names.


The police officer seemed to be a nice guy...


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## SimonTsai

T.D said:


> I was once visited by a police officer[...] and he asked 您贵姓. (in contrast to what I said in #2)


I don't see a contrast: He was putting himself in to a position lower than you; he was a civil '_servant_'.


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## T.D

SimonTsai said:


> I don't see a contrast: He was putting himself in to a position lower than you; he was a civil '_servant_'.


Well, checking for ID is some sort of a test (whether my identity matches the information on my file), so the test-er is obviously holding a higher position than the test-ee.


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## SuperXW

T.D said:


> Well, checking for ID is some sort of a test (whether my identity matches the information on my file), so the test-er is obviously holding a higher position than the test-ee.


不至于吧……这有啥“higher position”的，查户口还要居高临下？警察还不能说“您”了？
中文论坛有“你/您”的专项讨论贴，可以再参考下。


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## T.D

SuperXW said:


> 不至于吧……这有啥“higher position”的，查户口还要居高临下？警察还不能说“您”了？
> 中文论坛有“你/您”的专项讨论贴，可以再参考下。


Not sure why I felt that way, perhaps because 您 is so rarely used in places where I used to live. (chengdu and hangzhou)


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## Huanhuan04

T.D said:


> Not sure why I felt that way, perhaps because 您 is so rarely used in places where I used to live. (chengdu and hangzhou)



“您贵姓” is quite common in North China but not South. It's also frequently used in Beijing dialect, such as "吃了么？“ is used as "hello".


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## questioncollecter

It is an ancient saying which was often used 20 years ago. Currently, it maybe used in commercial context, especially for registration.  In normal social situation, it is more native to say"先生怎么称呼".  In daily communication， ”您贵姓“ maybe sound a bit "old-school" or *deliberate. *


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