# To call someone a "friend" / llamar a alguien "un amigo"



## blancalaw

How long do you need to know someone before you officially call them your "friend" instead of "acquaintance"?  How do you determine when to call them your friend?


¿Por cuánto tiempo necesitas conocer a alguien antes de llamarle tu "amigo" en vez de "conocido"?  ¿Cómo decides llamarle tu amigo?

For me after we share common experiences and perhaps “hang out” together for at least one time I generally feel like I can trust them with almost any problem I may have.  Then I call them my friend.


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## judkinsc

Personally, it takes a very long time before I will call someone a friend, rather than an acquaintance.  As in years, though it is hastened if I am around them a great deal.


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## Laia

Yo no lo mediría en tiempo... conozco a "conocidos" desde hace años, y sé que nunca serán mis amigos. Sin embargo, a la mayoría de los amigos que tengo les llamé así desde el momento en que sentí que había confianza y feeling suficientes.


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## Fernando

blancalaw said:
			
		

> How long do you need to know someone before you officially call them your "friend" instead of "acquaintance"?  How do you determine when to call them your friend?



For female friends: Never. 
For male friends: As Laia has stated before, it is not only a matter of time. When you are young, to hang out with something for more than a month converts him in a real friend. When you get older, you limit the numbers of friends to people who you have met for years.

Anyaway, when I have one friend, I will let you know how long is that period of time.


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## blancalaw

Fernando said:
			
		

> For female friends: Never.



Why would you never call a female a friend?


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## cantante

Fernando said:
			
		

> For female friends: Never.
> 
> Hi Fernando,
> 
> "never" ??? Could you explain why that is so? Is it a cultural Spanish thing?
> 
> Curious
> Cantante


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## blancalaw

It could be a cultural thing because my male friends in Argentina became worried when I was getting married because they feared my husband wouldn't allow me to talk to them anymore.   But we should let Fernando answer.


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## Fernando

No, it is just a cultural Fernandian thing.

I consider it is quite impossible (TO ME) to be related the same way a male and a female person, unless difference of age or whatsoever makes impossible to consider her a future couple. What I demand from a female "friend" is not the same I demand from a male friend. No, I am not talking only about sex.

I am not specially proud of this particularity. I would like to speak a woman the same way than a man, but for some reason I can not.

I am not the only one. I have talked on the subject with several (male) friends and they think more or less the same.


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## blancalaw

This is very interesting and would like to know more about this.  I think someone should start a new post about this topic.  For now, lets return to the original topic.


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## cantante

How long do I need to know someone before I call him/her a friend?
I can find out if the person is interesting for me within a very short time, the older I get the quicker I can filter the boring ones out right from the start ;-) After that it depends on the intensity of the contact and the intensity of the "compatibility" that person has with me...some I will never call friends, others within weeks...

Being female, it is much easier for me to be friends with women, there are only very few men that can become my friends, and this depends on the question whether that man has a "concept" of friendship with women or not. Otherwise it will be very strenuous, always trying to define the relationship...

Cantante


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## GenJen54

I feel in the US (and yes, this probably _is_ a “cultural thing”) that we throw around the word friend quite a bit for lack of a more expansive vocabulary. Yes, the word “acquaintance” exists, but to me, there is a level in-between acquaintanceship(?) and friendship, and many of my “friends” fall into that category.

My husband is a perfect example of this use. He’ll tell me a story about a “friend” from class or a “friend” from work or a “friend” he just met at the ubiquitous commercial coffee shop while standing in line for his venti sugar-free triple latte. A “friend” from the coffee shop? Since when did the guy standing in line next to you with whom you’ve engaged in small talk for all of three minutes become your “friend?” 

I’m a bit more guarded in this way. Someone is not a “friend” to me until they know to a certain level who I am – not just my age, birthdate, height and other trivial statistics, but really know who I, (full name here), as a person, am. This doesn't necessarily mean that friendship takes time - I could feel (and have felt) an instant kinship with someone almost immediately - but to me it is about a certain emotional investment you make with another person. Almost like a marriage, but not. 

Take for example my writing group. I am in a group with about seven other writers and we get together about once a month to share and critique one another’s work. It’s a great group in a “friendly” atmosphere. And while I am certainly “friendly” with all of my fellow writers, and positively consider them among “my acquaintance” (archaic expression, I know), outside of the group, I have never socialized with any of them, except at local arts fundraisers in that “cocktail party” kind of way. They don’t really know my husband. They don’t know where I went to high school or where my parents live. They don’t know what religion, if any, I happen to follow. They don’t necessarily know my hopes, dreams, fears and desires for the world (except what comes out through my characters). To be fair, I know just as little of each of them. In that sense, are they really my “friends?”

To me, friendship involves a level of trust and understanding about one another that goes beyond basic trivial conversation. Friendship involves loyalty. It involves “connection.” It involves a chosen “kinship” of sorts with another person with whom you share in a reciprocal exchange of ideas, ideals and most importantly, trust. It’s not something to be taken lightly, nor thrown away easily. I have been told by my friends that I am not the “friendliest” of the bunch (something I’ll willingly admit to), but I have also been told that if any needed a shoulder to cry on, a dark secret kept, a last-minute babysitter, or even an emergency flat-tire change in the middle of the night, I’d be the first one they’d call. To me, that’s the value of friendship, and it doesn't matter how long that takes (usually a while in my book), when I get to that level, that’s when I call them my friend.


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## JazzByChas

As GenJen has alluded to, there are degrees of "friendship."

There is casual acquaintance, when you know someone's name, and a little about them, and see them on occasion.

There are acquaintances, with whom you work, or meet in a social setting, like a "club" or group that meets regulary.

There are friends...a friend is someone with whom I can share intimate details, and get a genuine answer.  Details like hopes and dreams, religion, issues with relationships, family details, and the like.  These friendships take time, and committment.  The measure of a real close friendship will depend upon how that friend will "hang in there" with you, and go through "thick and thin," much like a marriage.  A marriage, in my mind, should be a close male and female friend deciding to commit the rest of their lives to being lived together (with the sex/children/house etc. trapping thrown in, of course!  )

I guess, I should add, that my best friends have my sense of "practiced craziness", a good sense of humor, and leanings towards the arts and languages....that seems to have been the pattern, anyway.


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## borhane

A relationship is like a shark, you know. it has to constantly move forward or it dies....!!!!!


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## blancalaw

This is how I label my friendships:

*acquaintance *= someone I know their name and maybe a little about them.
*friend *= someone I wouldn’t mind hanging out with, such as going out to eat and talking to for a long time.
*good friend *= someone who I would share a number of significant events with, and some personal problems.  This friend also has been my friend for some time and I can trust them with anything.
*best friend *= someone who I share my most intimate feelings, frustrations, hopes, and desires.


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## kevinleihuang

blancalaw said:
			
		

> This is how I label my friendships:
> 
> *acquaintance *= someone I know their name and maybe a little about them.
> *friend *= someone I wouldn’t mind hanging out with, such as going out to eat and talking to for a long time.
> *good friend *= someone who I would share a number of significant events with, and some personal problems. This friend also has been my friend for some time and I can trust them with anything.
> *best friend *= someone who I share my most intimate feelings, frustrations, hopes, and desires.


 
I agree with your word. But, I am a little bit confused now. The girl I love always shares with her best friends (male) about her intimate feelings. But she would not like to share her feelings with me. I was sometimes uncomfortable on this. I don't know whether I am a conservative man. But when she turns to some boys and talks to them about our relationship and things happened, I feel not good on this.


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## nichec

blancalaw said:
			
		

> This is how I label my friendships:





			
				blancalaw said:
			
		

> *acquaintance *= someone I know their name and maybe a little about them.
> *friend *= someone I wouldn’t mind hanging out with, such as going out to eat and talking to for a long time.
> *good friend *= someone who I would share a number of significant events with, and some personal problems. This friend also has been my friend for some time and I can trust them with anything.
> *best friend *= someone who I share my most intimate feelings, frustrations, hopes, and desires.


 
I guess the problem here is that everyone has different definition as to what "friend" or "acquaintance" or "good/best friend" means or whether they should be seperated.

I was talking to this male friend of mine once, and I was totally overwhelmed by the fact that he's only two years older than me, but he has a list of ex-girlfriends that's three times my list of ex-boyfriends (and his list is growing in a dangerous speed ) And then as the conversation went on, I found out the reason for this is because we define "friend" and "boy/girlfriend" in a very different way. While for me a "boyfriend" is a rather serious term and usually indicates a long history behind, for him it's much easier for any girl to fit into this group. (of course this can be caused by everyone's attitude towards relationship as well)

Same situation in "friend" or "acquaintance" or"good/best friend". For me they (people I know) only fall into two groups: "someone I know" and "my friend". As you can tell, it's not easy for someone to jump from the first group to the second group in my case, but it doesn't need to be decided by how long time we've knowing each other, it's mainly decided by how I feel about this person and our relationship. I can feel an immediate attraction (both male and female friend), or we can go on talking only about trivial things for years after we first met or I may start bonding to someone after some experience together or some understanding of the person that I failed to get in the beginning. I think that's the beautiful part of human heart/feelings, there's simply no rules in it.

BTW, I'm also interested in the subject you guys were talking about: why "never" to a female friend? (I have a whole lot of male friends, they are actually the majority....)


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## Jpinzon

Muchos son los conocidos, pocos son amigos, el hecho de que salgas con alguien un par de veces o hables con alguien de vez en cuando no quiere decir que ya eres su amigo.

Amigo es aquel en quien confias, a quien estimas y quieres, es alguien importante para ti. estos sentimientos no fluyen de la noche a la mañana, asi que una relaciòn de amistad es larga y se basa en la medida  en que dos personas se conozcan se comprendan y se ayuden mutuamente.

Un amigo es alguien que debes cuidar, ya que no se encuentran facil, es dificil que te quieran y se preocupen de verdad por ti.

A veces si es dificil mantener una amistad con el sexo opuesto, porque casi siempre estos amigos de tanto compartir, terminan muchas veces enamorandose de aquella persona.

Muchas parejas que conozco, primero fueron amigos y hoy son pareja.


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## tigger_uhuhu

Yo estoy de acuerdo con Jpinzon en lo que ha dicho, no se trata de una cuestión de tiempo... conozco gente desde que tenía 9 añitos y hoy no son mis amigos. 
A mi me da igual que sea hombre o mujer, es más a veces prefiero que mis amigos sean mujeres, no se... juro que no me enamoro de ellas, claro que no... 
Soy alguien que conoce mucha, mucha gente (a veces, es penoso porque no me acuerdo de sus nombres o de dónde nos conocemos), pero amigos... esos los cuento con los dedos de mi mano...


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## DIVA17

Yo personalmente tengo que conocer mucho a una persona para llamarlo amigo, primero debes saber si es alguien en quien se pueda confiar, si te demuestra que esta contigo en cualquier situacion porque conocidos hay por monton pero verdaderos amigos es dificil de encontrar. los amigos se cuentan con los dedos de las manos.


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## Heba

For girls: it takes me a year to consider a girl my friend. This can be even longer if I do not see this girl on a regular basis (my two best friens were my mates at college).
For boys: never. I agree with everything Fernando said.Experience has taught me that guys cannot think of girls as mere friends. I had alot of mates at college, and I was treating them nicely like brothers, but it turned out that they can never think of me as a sister, always as a future couple. If you care about a guy or talk to him about what bothers you, he immediately jumps to the conclusion that perhaps you like him and that you can be a couple.


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## Roi Marphille

Hi, in Uncle Roi's world, mostly everyone I speak to is my friend. 
Just yesterday night I met some "new" people (males and females), this "friends of a friend" thing. I do consider them my friends now. That's it. 
But there is that BUT. 
I therefore, apply my rules in friendship. 
Number 1: I never ask them to do what I would not do for them. In fact, I try to give them the less possible pressure on everything. I'm a free soul, I treat them as free souls too. 
Problems in friendship are usually related to expectations. This "he/she should do that because he/she is my friend". Don't you think?


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## Laia

Lo que pasa (según yo veo) es que estamos definiendo lo que es un amigo de formas diferentes.
Una forera dice que necesita un año para considerar a alguien su amiga, otro forero considera amigos suyos a personas que conoció la noche anterior.
Aquí hay muchas cosas que no estamos tomando en consideración, como la extraversión de cada forero y que entiende cada uno por amigo.
Es por eso que no creo que se pueda definir la amistad en cuestión de tiempo. Ni como algo duradero para siempre, ni perfecto.

Por ejemplo, la idea del amigo íntimo que nos conoce bien, que siempre está ahí, que nos ayuda en todo, que sabe cuando nos ha de llamar, etc, etc... a ver, esto es algo muy bonito, y todos tenemos almenos un amigo que es más o menos así. Pero que haya una buena persona con la que nos llevemos bien, conozcamos bastante, y sin embargo no nos llame cuando nosotros querríamos que lo hiciese... ¿convierte a esta persona en conocido y no en amigo, porque no satisface nuestras expectativas? A veces hay gente que cree ser amigo de alguien, y luego le preguntas al alguien por él y quizás te dice "no, no es mi amigo, le conozco y me cae muy bien, pero no es mi amigo". Esto vendría a ser el caso de dos personas que no definen igual lo que es un amigo, por ejemplo.

A lo largo de mi vida y de la gente que he conocido, diría que conozco a:

- personas que me caen muy mal
- personas que no me acaban de caer bien
- personas conocidas
- personas amigas
- personas muy amigas
- personas íntimamente amigas

Así, también consideraría "amigo mío" a alguien que conociese sólo de un par de semanas, si me cayera bien, y esas cosas. Quizás no le explicaría toda mi vida, ni compartiría todos mis secretos-súper-interesantes con él/ella, pero no veo porque no podría considerar a esa persona amiga, aunque no cumpliera la larga lista de cosas que esperamos de los supuestos amigos perfectos.


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## Roi Marphille

Laia said:
			
		

> Lo que pasa (según yo veo) es que estamos definiendo lo que es un amigo de formas diferentes.


good point my friend


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## Laia

Roi Marphille said:
			
		

> good point my friend


Thank you, my friend.
Actually, it was nichec point too, I think.

Se me ha olvidado antes decir otra cosa:
Las "categorías" _amigo_, _conocido_, _persona que me cae mal_, etc NO son estáticas en el tiempo. ¿Cuántas veces un amigo nos falla y pasamos a no poder ni verlo, o un conocido nos sorprende gratamente y pasamos a considerarle un amigo íntimo e indispensable para poder seguir viviendo?

Jeje... cosas de la vida.


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## nichec

Laia said:
			
		

> Thank you, my friend.





			
				Laia said:
			
		

> Actually, it was nichec point too, I think.




Oh, no fair! No fair! Just because I don't understand Spanish doesn't mean that you guys can "talk behind my back" (that's Spanish, right?) Okay, I'm going to start learning Spanish from now on (what happens to my French and Italian? )

Is it the point about the difference in everyone's definition or the point about having male/female as mere friends, may I ask?


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## Laia

nichec said:
			
		

> Is it the point about the difference in everyone's definition or the point about having male/female as mere friends, may I ask?


First one.


			
				nichec said:
			
		

> I guess the problem here is that everyone has different definition as to what "friend" or "acquaintance" or "good/best friend" means or whether they should be seperated.


 Excuse me. I was not feeling like I could say everything I said above in English...


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## CrazyIvan

Reading through this thread, I found some interesting things that I would pop up some questions.

1. Since I found lots of people distinguish between "friend" and "aquaintence" and notify that the friendship-forming is a process, would you let the people know that her/his importance in your mind has been upgrade/downgrade?  

2. Someone find it difficult to make friends to opposite gender, Does this have something to do with culture? or it is just human nature that different gender hardly make friends? I guess I will open another thread for people interested in and we could do some more discussion there. 

Please tolerate my curiosity  and thank you for any kind of reply.


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## Lionheart 05

For me, friends are like jewels, hard to find and easy to keep. Time has nothing to do with when they are my friend. 
I have two different levels of friends:
Hey, you
Hey, (your name)
I guess I am pretty strange because I have both male and female friends. Guys just have to get a feel for how the girls are acting towards them and then decide how they should act. If they can't do it, then they shouldn't try.


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