# to be dominated in a relationship



## Testing1234567

In a relationship, if the girl does everything the guy says, etc., then in Cantonese we say "佢俾條仔食住", literally "she is being eaten by her boyfriend".

How do you say it in English, or in your language?


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## Stoggler

Testing1234567 said:


> "she is being eaten by her boyfriend".



 Blimey!  That means something completely different in (British) English!

Men being dominated by his girlfriend or wife is often said to be hen-pecked, or under the thumb.


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## apmoy70

Greek:
*
«Του έχει βάλει τα δυο πόδια σ' ένα παπούτσι»* [tu ˈeçi ˈvali ta ð͡ʝo ˈpoð͡ʝa ˈs͜ ˈena paˈpuʦ͡i] --> _she has fitted both of his feet into one shoe_ = usually said for authoritarian wife/mother who bosses her husband/son,
or
*«Τον έχει ευνουχίσει»* [ton ˈeçi evnuˈçisi] --> _she has castrated him_


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## 810senior

Stoggler said:


> Blimey!  That means something completely different in (British) English!
> 
> Men being dominated by his girlfriend or wife is often said to be hen-pecked, or under the thumb.


Same here. We Japanese would say that *she is sitting on our butts*(尻に敷かれる).


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## bazq

In Hebrew we say:
אתה *שפוט *שלה [ata *shafut *shela] = "you (are) her *lackey*".
את *שפוטה *שלו [at *shfuta *shelo] = "you (are) his *lackey*".

שפוט and שפוטה are passive participles of שפט from the root sh-p-t which means "to judge", "to rule". 
Someone who is a "shafut" is "someone's bitch" and does everything they say, as if the former is "ruled" or "judged" by the one in power.


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## KalAlbè

The most common one in American English I can think of is:
*She wears the pants in that family/relationship/house. *
One might also hear:* boss lady or alpha female.*


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## Messquito

Mandarin:
工具人(tool person) means that someone is used by the other person as if he/she is a tool.
騎到頭上(to ride/sit on(to) someone's head) (It is not always used with relationships.)


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## Testing1234567

Messquito said:


> Mandarin:
> 工具人(tool person) means that someone is used by the other person as if he/she is a tool.
> 騎到頭上(to ride/sit on(to) someone's head) (It is not always used with relationships.)


Nice. I haven't even heard of those.


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## Zsanna

I wonder if I understood well the original question but I get the impression that "if the girl does everything the guy says" then it is her who is domainated.

But the following could be said about either in Hungarian, (the dominant) *a markában tartja* (_keeps him/her in her/his fist_) or *keményen fogja* (_keeps him/her tight_) or you can say (the subordinated figure, male or female*) *ugrál neki* (_x* keeps_ _jumping for him/her_).

Although *papucs* (_slippers_) was originally used for husbands dominated by their wives (papucs férj - "slippers husband") but without *férj* (_husband_) it could be used for any "subordinated" person in a relationship (esp. one who always gives in and says what s/he is told).
Alternatively, *ő viseli a nadrágot* (_he/she wears the trousers_) could be used for either (male or female) dominant figure.


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## apmoy70

apmoy70 said:


> Greek:
> *
> «Του έχει βάλει τα δυο πόδια σ' ένα παπούτσι»* [tu ˈeçi ˈvali ta ð͡ʝo ˈpoð͡ʝa ˈs͜ ˈena paˈpuʦ͡i] --> _she has fitted both of his feet into one shoe_ = usually said for authoritarian wife/mother who bosses her husband/son,
> or
> *«Τον έχει ευνουχίσει»* [ton ˈeçi evnuˈçisi] --> _she has castrated him_


Apologies for quoting myself, but I feel I presented only one part of the equation, a male being dominated by a female. A couple of more generic expressions, irrespective of sex:

(1) *«Τον/την παίζει στα δάχτυλα»* [toɱ͜ ˈbezi sta ˈðaxtila] (when the dominated is a male person), [tiɱ͜ ˈbezi sta ˈðaxtila] (when the dominated is female) --> _(s/he) plays him/her with the fingers_ (the image is of a puppet being controlled by the puppeteer using wires or strings attached to his/her fingers).

(2) *«Τον/την έχει του χεριού του/της»* [ton (male)/tin (female) ˈeçi tu çerˈʝ͡u tu (male)/tis (female)] --> _(s/he) has him/her in his/her hand._

(2) *«Τον/την έχει υποχείριο»* [ton (male)/tin (female) ˈeçi ipoˈçiɾi.o] --> _(s/he) has him/her under the hand_ (this expression is ancient, the Classical neut. noun is *«ὑποχείριον» hŭpŏkʰe̯íriŏn* < prefix, adverb, and preposition *«ὑπό» hŭpó* & *«ὕπο» húpŏ* --> _under, underneath_ (PIE *upo- _below, under_ cf Skt. उप (upa), _above_, Av. upa, _towards, near_, Lat. sub) + 3rd declension fem. noun *«χείρ» kʰeí̯r* (nom. sing.), *«χειρός» kʰei̯rós* (gen. sing.) --> _hand, fist_ (PIE *ǵʰes-r- _hand_ cf Hitt. keššar, _hand_, Tocharian A/B shar (idem), Arm. ձեռք (dzerrk), _hand_, Alb. dorë, _hand_)) --> lit. _the person under someone's command/control, one held in captivity_).


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## Armas

Finnish:

A man is _tossun alla_ (under slipper).
A woman is _nyrkin ja hellan välissä_ (between fist and stove).


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## KalAlbè

I just remembered one in English: *wrapped around someone's (little) finger.*

She has him wrapped around her finger.


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## luitzen

Can't believe nobody brought up whipped yet. 

In Dutch it is "onder de plak zitten", to be/sit under the stickiness.


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## ThomasK

Or being "onder de sloef" in Flanders (where "the sloef" refers to a "pantoffel", French "Pantoufle", a comfortable home shoe)...


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## Hans Molenslag

luitzen said:


> In Dutch it is "onder de plak zitten", to be/sit under the stickiness.


Actually, a _plak_ was an instrument used for corporal punishment at school way back in history.


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## luitzen

Hans Molenslag said:


> Actually, a _plak_ was an instrument used for corporal punishment at school way back in history.


Oh cool, nobody knows this anymore haha.


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## ThomasK

Ha, interesting, had never seen such a torture instrument around here...


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## 810senior

Ugh being flogged or whipped by his partner makes me think about something else.


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## daica85

In VietNamese, that relationship can be called "*Cô ấy thật dại trai*", "she's so foolish in her boyfriend"


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## Mahaodeh

In Arabic you have several phrases, the most common is "he is like a ring in her finger", "she is like a ring in his finger" (it works both ways). It comes from the belief that Solomon had a ring by which he was able to control the actions of the Jinn, so it's sort of a comparison between this and that.


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## Kevin Beach

Testing1234567 said:


> In a relationship, if the girl does everything the guy says, etc., then in Cantonese we say "佢俾條仔食住", literally "she is being eaten by her boyfriend".
> 
> How do you say it in English, or in your language?


"He's the boss in that relationship"


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## Seeda

KalAlbè said:


> She wears the pants in that family/relationship/house.



Likewise in French—_C'est elle qui porte la culotte._
It's kinda funny we still use this idiom as such, because _culotte _used to mean pants (BrE 'trousers') but nowadays it actually means panties.


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## marcel26

In English we say something like - "_under the thumb_" for example...


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## Soleil_Couchant

I agree with "whipped."  And if we're specifically talking about a husband/boyfriend being "whipped" by the female, there's a vulgar term for that... not sure if I should say it here or not but you can PM me


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## Kotlas

In Russian, when a man is dominated by his wife, he is said to be "under his wife's shoe heel" (быть под каблуком у жены).


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## ThomasK

That shoe/ pantoufle/ pantoffle/ ... keeps turning up. Just because the foot is some sign of power, as implied in _overrun _(maybe not a good example), _trampled over _(???)?


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## Kotlas

Yes, I've noticed, too, that _shoe_ is part of this "spouse domination idiom" in several languages, yet in Russian, for some reason, it is not the whole shoe, but only the heel of it.
And of course, _trampling_ can be easily associated with domination.


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## ThomasK

Because that hurts more? In general it is just the shoe, and it is not even a hard one, it seems to me...


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## Kotlas

ThomasK said:


> Because that hurts more?


No, I don't think so, Thomas. There is no implication of pain at all in the Russian idiom.


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## ThomasK

I see... The other fact is that the heel is common in expressions (to dig in the sand for example), but never the sole, as far as I can see in the languages I know, but again, that is irrelevant here, I suppose.


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## Kotlas

Right, it's just an expression like the English _hen-pecked_, or _under the thumb_, with the same meaning without any extra connotations.


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## ThomasK

I suppose indeed that the main thing is submission, less power, lower in the pecking order. Thanks for these interesting additions!


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## Ameera Fatima

I have no idea about it but i think that it hurts the most


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## Kotlas

"The cunning wife makes her husband her apron."

I just read this proverb which can be viewed in the context of the current topic. It's from the Collection of English Proverbs. However, the source mentions its Hispanic origin. So it would be great if Spanish-speaking forum members could confirm that.


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