# Thank  you letters



## KateNicole

Hi! I personally have _never_ received a thank you card for the gifts that I have brought to the countless baptisms, quinceñeras, weddings and birthday parties I have attended in Mexico, or in the the United States but given by Mexican people. 

I try not to let it bother me because it has just appeared to me that sending thank you cards is not typically done in Mexico. However, in the "que se considera de buen gusto y de mal gusto" thread, a poster from Mexico mentioned that it is in poor taste to not send a thank you card for a gift received. 

I give gifts because I like to, not because I expect some special recognition, like a thank you card. I don't ever expect a thank you card if the person opens the gift in my presence or calls me to thank me or at least mentions it to me. However, a few times I have tried very hard to come up with a truly thoughtful and unique gift for a Mexican friend, never to receive a note or even a verbal thank you . . . and to be honest, it does hurt my feelings a little.  To reiterate, I don't mind not receiving some sort of a card or letter, but it does bother me when the person I sent the gift to never says _anything_ about.  And then I have to wonder if they ever even received it!  Did it get lost at the party?  Did they know it was from me?  Did it get lost in the mail? etc.

Is this acceptable in your culture? I don't really think it's acceptable in the United States to not even thank someone verbally for a gift, no matter how small. What do you think?


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## grumpus

KateNicole said:
			
		

> Hi! I personally have _never_ received a thank you card for the gifts that I have brought to the countless baptisms, quinceñeras, weddings and birthday parties I have attended in Mexico, or in the the United States but given by Mexican people.
> 
> I try not to let it bother me because it has just appeared to me that sending thank you cards is not typically done in Mexico. However, in the "que se considera de buen gusto y de mal gusto" thread, a poster from Mexico mentioned that it is in poor taste to not send a thank you card for a gift received.
> 
> I give gifts because I like to, not because I expect some special recognition, like a thank you card. I don't ever expect a thank you card if the person opens the gift in my presence or calls me to thank me or at least mentions it to me. However, a few times I have tried very hard to come up with a truly thoughtful and unique gift for a Mexican friend, never to receive a note or even a verbal thank you . . . and to be honest, it does hurt my feelings a little.  To reiterate, I don't mind not receiving some sort of a card or letter, but it does bother me when the person I sent the gift to never says _anything_ about.  And then I have to wonder if they ever even received it!  Did it get lost at the party?  Did they know it was from me?  Did it get lost in the mail? etc.
> 
> Is this acceptable in your culture? I don't really think it's acceptable in the United States to not even thank someone verbally for a gift, no matter how small. What do you think?




Hi Nicole,
as someone who has spent the last 20 years deeply involved in Mexico and things Mexican, I can assure  you you'll never receive a "thank you card".   Maybe a thanks for a gift, given in person -- I think the card idea is very American.

My wife was very put off, when I told her that here in the U.S. you never show up anywhere "empty-handed".  So for a visit, a dinner, a party, you always bring something. In Mexico, you don't.  She said that could be interpreted as an insult.  Things may be changing as Mexico becomes an integral part of the U.S.   But that's how it was when she grew up.

Don't be insulted, Mexicans will also "thank you" in other forms, more subtlely.  And the fact is, they are far more generous and giving than Americans (we always expect something in return).  When I do a favor for an American, I feel like it's being noted (in the  tit for tat sense, you'll owe me), but never for my Mexican family/friends.  Favors are favors and will never be thrown in your face.

Saludos,
Grumpus


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## Eloisa Giseburt

grumpus said:
			
		

> Things may be changing as Mexico becomes an integral part of the U.S.


 


What do you mean with that? I really don't think Mexico will ever be an integral part of the U.S.!!!


You are right in Mexico we do not send Thank you cards. I have never recieved or given a thank you card. However, I always say thank you for the present. 

It is really rude not to say thank you when you receive a present. I was taught to say thank you for presents or when somebody does something for me. My friends and family do the same.


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## Monnik

Hi, Kate...

I must apologize for all those who have not thanked you for the nice things you've done for me. They're giving the rest of us a bad reputation, because, believe me, although it may seem that way to you, we are generally not like that (You need new Mexican friends!!)   

Grumpus...

I'm with Eloisa here... I like the US, admire many of the things that they have accomplished, but I also don't think and, with all due respect, wish, for Mexico to ever become an integral part of your country.

With regards to the thank-you notes, it is a fact that it is not as usual to do that here as it is in the US (we need to have Hallmark stores in every corner, like you do  ), but I assure you, whoever does not thank someone else for a gift, in any way, shape or form, is rather rude.

With regards to bringing something over to friends' homes when invited, I never heard of that as being rude. It won't be rude if you don't bring anything, either, but it is very common and nice to show up with a little something for the host.  I have seen it done here for as long as I can remember (at least in my part of the country).

Oh, and thanks for noting that our people are generous   We really like to please and make people feel welcome.

My best!


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## Papalote

grumpus said:
			
		

> Hi Nicole,
> 
> Things may be changing as Mexico becomes an integral part of the U.S. But that's how it was when she grew up.
> 
> 
> Saludos,
> Grumpus


 
Grumpus,

As long as you guys keep on putting walls around your country, the above will never happen. Your countrymen will be the first to reject the idea.

Respectfully,

Papalote


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## Eloisa Giseburt

It is funny, I have just realized....my signature ...


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## grumpus

Hi all,
The "integral part of the U.S." statement was meant to be a bit provocative, I am glad it worked.  Unfortunately, it is true.  Walls don't matter as Papalote says.  Capital moves in (WalMart, Tourist resorts, hotels, Starbucks) and destroys what was Mexican.  Or even worse, Mexican corporations use the U.S. model to destroy workers gains over the last 80 years in Mexico.  Job insecurity in Mexico is a U.S. import (talk to any Mexican who works for a transnational).   It will take a long time for corporate transnationals (mostly U.S.) to destroy Mexican culture, but, boy, they sure are trying (with the help of the Mexican elite),  

Here on the border, we are binational.  The border wall and the Border Patrol thugs/killers who "guard" it are just a very big inconvenience for us.  Our cultures are mixing more and more, and that's good, because it's at the level of the "pueblo".  

I hope all of you understand the distinction I am making here.  Elite, corporate domination of Mexico is the integration that is happening -- this is not the type of integration that I want.

Saludos, 
Grumpus


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## GenJen54

grumpus said:
			
		

> The "integral part of the U.S." statement was meant to be a bit provocative, I am glad it worked.


I'm not. It's not the least bit on-topic, which, if I may kindly remind you, has to do with the etiquette of sending Thank You cards in Mexico and and other cultures. This thread has nothing to do with border goons and U.S. corporate integration into that fine country. If you wish to open another thread on that very topic, please feel free to do so. 

In the interim, I will thank you to stick to the topic at hand.


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## grumpus

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> I'm not. It's not the least bit on-topic, which, if I may kindly remind you, has to do with the etiquette of sending Thank You cards in Mexico and and other cultures. This thread has nothing to do with border goons and U.S. corporate integration into that fine country. If you wish to open another thread on that very topic, please feel free to do so.
> 
> In the interim, I will thank you to stick to the topic at hand.




Sorry Group, 
I guess I got carried away, as usual.

Saludos,
Grumpsu


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## Bettie

Yeah, I used to live in Mexico City and Merida, Yucatan and Cancun and I never sent or received a thank you note, we just don't do that, I think it has to do a little with the fact that we don't trust our mail, hahaha, it's not like in the U.S. that you send something today and it's being received the next day, it can take weeks, well, I really don't know, I never sent anything within my city of residence, and it was because i didn't think it was going to be on time.
Even invitations are given in person, not by mail like in the U.S.
And we do thanks but in person and when you are receiving the present, the only time a friend called me to thank me for a present was when she got married and my gift was especial for her for a very strong reason, and to tell you the truth I wasn't expecting the call and I was very surprised when I did.


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## KateNicole

Hi everybody,
Just so you know, I wasn't saying that when I personally give a present to Mexican people, they don't say thank you.  People have always thanked me when I gave them the gift and they opened it in front of me.


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## anothersmith

I was surprised when I gave a wrapped present (a DVD) to a friend from Mexico just before Christmas, and never heard another word about it.   I wondered if she had lost it, or forgotten who had given it to her (I don't think I put a gift tag on it).  Finally, last week, I asked her if the DVD was any good.  She said she didn't know, because her DVD player is broken.   But she didn't say "thank you."  

As an aside, I was taught as a child in the U.S. to send a "thank you" note whenever I received a gift.  I get the impression, though, that most parents are no longer teaching their children to do that.  I seldom receive such notes after giving gifts.


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## diegodbs

We never write this kind of cards in Spain, but a "thank you" when you receive the present or a telephone call to thank for it is what we do. It should be very rude not to do it and it's something I've never seen.


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## tigger_uhuhu

C'mon!!!
No me digan que nadie envía o recibe una tarjeta de agradecimiento por el regalo enviado 
Tal vez es que soy de otro planeta o algo... pero para mí es lo más normal... cuando eres invitado a una fiesta, el organizador contrata una "mesa de regalos" en ciertos almacenes, él/ella escoge los regalos que desea.
El invitado va y compra el regalo ahi, solicita que se envíe a la dirección que ha dejado el organizador (no lo llevas para entregar en ese lugar, no señor, eso no).
Unos días después de la fiesta el organizador envía una tarjeta de agradecimiento. Si la celebración fue por una boda, entonces se envía algo como:
María y Pedro
te damos las gracias por ________ 
que nos regalaste,
nos ha gustado mucho/nos será de mucha utilidad.
Estámos a tus órdenes en
(Se agrega la nueva direccioón y num. tel. de la pareja)

Tal vez si soy de otro planeta je je je


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## Monnik

tigger_uhuhu said:
			
		

> C'mon!!!
> No me digan que nadie envía o recibe una tarjeta de agradecimiento por el regalo enviado
> Tal vez es que soy de otro planeta o algo... pero para mí es lo más normal... cuando eres invitado a una fiesta, el organizador contrata una "mesa de regalos" en ciertos almacenes, él/ella escoge los regalos que desea.
> El invitado va y compra el regalo ahi, solicita que se envíe a la dirección que ha dejado el organizador (no lo llevas para entregar en ese lugar, no señor, eso no).
> Unos días después de la fiesta el organizador envía una tarjeta de agradecimiento. Si la celebración fue por una boda, entonces se envía algo como:
> María y Pedro
> te damos las gracias por ________
> que nos regalaste,
> nos ha gustado mucho/nos será de mucha utilidad.
> Estámos a tus órdenes en
> (Se agrega la nueva direccioón y num. tel. de la pareja)
> 
> Tal vez si soy de otro planeta je je je


 
Pues aparentemente tú y yo somos bichos raros, mi querido Tigger!    Y, claro, se me había olvidado lo de los agradecimientos de boda... Algo muy, muy común aquí en México!!


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## Mei

diegodbs said:
			
		

> We never write this kind of cards in Spain, but a "thank you" when you receive the present or a telephone call to thank for it is what we do. It should be very rude not to do it and it's something I've never seen.



Well I've seen it...  but I agree with you Diego, I always say thank you.

Mei


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## Eloisa Giseburt

Monnik said:
			
		

> Pues aparentemente tú y yo somos bichos raros, mi querido Tigger!  Y, claro, se me había olvidado lo de los agradecimientos de boda... Algo muy, muy común aquí en México!!


 



  Me uno a los bichos raros 

Claro olvidaba las tarjetas de agradecimiento en eventos como bodas, etc.  A lo que me refería era regalos de cumpleaños, algo más informal.


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## KateNicole

Hola Tigger!  He recibido un monton de tarjetas de agradecimiento, pero jamas de un mexicano.  Te felecito por hacerlo, aunque no sea "necesario" en tu cultura, porque esas tarjetas son un detalle muy bonito.


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## tigger_uhuhu

Eloisa Giseburt said:
			
		

> Me uno a los bichos raros
> 
> Claro olvidaba las tarjetas de agradecimiento en eventos como bodas, etc. A lo que me refería era regalos de cumpleaños, algo más informal.


 
Je je, cof, cof,  viene bien la aclaración, Eloisa 
Gracias


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## Bettie

Yo en Mérida jamás recibí una nota de agradecimiento por un regalo de bodas!! Eso de las mesas de regalo son algo relativamente nuevo la verdad... tal vez esté cambiando ya y tengo conocidos que llevan el regalo a la fiesta de la boda  eso sí está muy mal visto, pero igual lo hacen.

No sé, para mí es un poco cursi eso de las tarjetas de agradecimiento, tal vez porque a mí no me lo enseñaron, la primera vez que lo vi fue aquí en Estados Unidos y ahora ya lo hago, pero no creo que en México lo haría.


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## grumpus

Bettie said:
			
		

> Yo en Mérida jamás recibí una nota de agradecimiento por un regalo de bodas!! Eso de las mesas de regalo son algo relativamente nuevo la verdad... tal vez esté cambiando ya y tengo conocidos que llevan el regalo a la fiesta de la boda  eso sí está muy mal visto, pero igual lo hacen.
> 
> No sé, para mí es un poco cursi eso de las tarjetas de agradecimiento, tal vez porque a mí no me lo enseñaron, la primera vez que lo vi fue aquí en Estados Unidos y ahora ya lo hago, pero no creo que en México lo haría.




Bettie, 
estoy de acuerdo contigo.  Por supesto, no lo digo, de una manera clara como tu.  
Tengo mis sospechas porque alguna gente lo hace, pero para no provocar mas controversia, me callo (ja ja).

Saludos, 
Grumpus


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## Monnik

Pues te tengo que contar que el primer conflicto con mi suegra (ahem) después de casarme fue porque me estaba yo tardando en enviar las dichosas tarjetitas, y no fue ayer!!

De verdad, fuera de broma, me parece extrañísimo el que la gente no dé las gracias...  A mí, afortunadamente, me enseñaron a ser agradecida, y toda la gente que conozco generalmente lo es.

Me rehu, me rehu, me rehuso a dejar que nos generalicen.  

Saluditos a todos... 

- Bichos raros unidos contra la falta de agradecimiento -


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## luis masci

anothersmith said:
			
		

> I was surprised when I gave a wrapped present (a DVD) to a friend from Mexico just before Christmas, and never heard another word about it. I wondered if she had lost it, or forgotten who had given it to her (I don't think I put a gift tag on it). Finally, last week, I asked her if the DVD was any good. She said she didn't know, because her DVD player is broken. But she didn't say "thank you."
> 
> As an aside, I was taught as a child in the U.S. to send a "thank you" note whenever I received a gift. I get the impression, though, that most parents are no longer teaching their children to do that. I seldom receive such notes after giving gifts.



Si recibo un regalo y no le menciono siquiera a quien lo mandó que lo recibí, la otra persona quedará obviamente con la incertidumbre. 
Es simplemente tener un poquito de sentido común para darse cuenta de eso, y un poquito de sensibilidad como para ponerse en el lugar de quien lo envió. 
Para mí eso tiene mucho que ver con la inteligencia y la sensibilidad, y nada que ver con la nacionalidad y las costumbres. 
Tontos y desconsiderados hay en todas partes.


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## tigger_uhuhu

grumpus said:
			
		

> Tengo mis sospechas porque alguna gente lo hace, pero para no provocar mas controversia, me callo (ja ja).
> Grumpus


Controvertido o no, sospechoso o no... puedo decirte que el 97.5% de la gente que conozco lo hace... es parte de nuestra formación... habrá quien no lo hace... igual que hay quien no lustra sus zapatos o come el arroz con una cuchara... 
¿Por qué? No lo sé... será un misterio más para la humanidad... sospechoso y controvertido  



			
				Monnik said:
			
		

> Me rehu, me rehu, me rehuso a dejar que nos generalicen.
> *- Bichos raros unidos contra la falta de agradecimiento*


*Je je je *


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## Bettie

Yo no digo que no agradezca el regalo, pero lo hago en el momento en que lo recibo, no después, la verdad.
Y tampoco espero que después me manden el agradecimiento, no sé.
Ya nos dijeron tontos y desconsiderados los que no lo hacemos, pero bueno, hay formas diferentes de agradecer, no tiene que ser necesariamente con una tarjeta, pueden ser otras formas en las que uno exprese su agradecimiento, creo yo.

Gracias Grumpus, jeje.


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## 2001nita0

Hi,
In England, most  middle class children are taught that it is polite to write thankyou letters when they receive a gift (for their birthday for example) and many people also write thankyou letters or make a phone call to say thankyou after they have been to someone's house for dinner or a party. I was wondering if this is a common practise in other countries- thinking especially of Latin America, Spain and Portugal. If not- what do you do?
Thanks for all answers..

Moderator note:  This and the following two posts have been moved from another thread on this topic.


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## Flérida

I think that is not a common practice in Spain. Usually we say thanks to the person if he or she is there when we recieve the gift or we say thanks before leaving the house we have been at and that's all. 

I was surprised the first time I went to England to see all those shops that basically sell only cards related to all kinds of events (birthdays, weddings, etc...), I guess because in Spain that is not quite common. 
And also I know people from Spain is always surprised when they heard English or American people saying "Excuse me" "Thanks" or "Please" quite more often than in Spain, just in the same way English and American are astonished when they realize we don't use those words so much.


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## 2001nita0

thanks for your quick reply- Iam interested because my background is half English, half Brazilian but I was brought up abroad and I was amazed by all these cards and letters that are sent here and I always wondered why my Brazilian mother never taught me about it, but I think perhaps it's not a Brazilian custom either and perhaps fathers don't bother so much to teach those things! About the please and thankyou, I think that in Portugese and Spanish, the 'thankyou' is perhaps more in the tone of voice isn't it-without having to actualy say the words...


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## Etcetera

Thank you cards don't exist in Russia. I wish there were such cards, though. 
But if you give someone a present, you can be almost absolutely sure that they will thank you. Besides, the Russian postal system isn't quite reliable, so when you receive a gift sent to you by post, you're expected to call the sender, or send them an sms, or e-mail them - to acknowledge the receipt of the gift. And thank the sender, of course.


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