# the usage of Вы when you address a family member



## Thomas1

Привет всем, 


I know that if you address someone in Russian the polite form is Вы, I thought it is used when you address strangers or people whom you have formal relationships with. I noted not too long ago that this form was also used as an address to a family member, and I am not sure if this is correct.
If so does it sound normal/natural in Russian? When would you use Вы and when ты when addressing a family member?


Больше спасибо,
Thomas


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## jester.

I can't help you with your question but I just wanted to remark for you and for everyone else:

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## Setwale_Charm

I hope I can be of more help that this celebrating German.
This can be used in very "high-brow" families, of aristocratic descent or such. Nowadays, it sounds more like showing off and can only be used when talking to very old members of the family. But before the Revolution of 1917 addressing older members of your family or your cousins with Вы was a common pratice among higher social classes.


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## Etcetera

Thomas1 said:


> If so does it sound normal/natural in Russian? When would you use Вы and when ты when addressing a family member?


I usually address my Mum's aunt (she's kind of a grandmother to me) with вы. It sounds absolutely natural, and, frankly speaking, I've never thought why I address her so. I also used Вы when speaking to my now late great-grandmother.
I don't know what's the situation in other parts of the country. It seems that in St. Petersburg there are more strict rules of everything.


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## papillon

Here is the situation in my family. I use _ty_ to address:
mom/dad, grandparents and even great garandparents (also siblings and children if I had any). Also with my cousins, who are younger than me.

I use _vy_ to address my uncles/aunts, who are about my parents age. But...I have an aunt who is only slightly older than me, and with her it's _ty._


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## Etcetera

papillon said:


> I use _vy_ to address my uncles/aunts, who are about my parents age. But...I have an aunt who is only slightly older than me, and with her it's _ty._


I use ты when addressing my aunts (my Mum's cousins), who are both slightly younger than my Mum. But with their husbands it's вы.


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## Setwale_Charm

I suppose, it eventually depends on the degree of intimacy of acquaintance. A distant relation by blood who had been playing with you all through your childhood would be still addressed informally.


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## Thomas1

Cпасибо за ответы. 
 
Does anyone of you use Вы to address a younger (than you) member of your family (or have you ever come it across)?
 
Tom


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## Ruslana

I don't address younger members of my family like that. Though, I must confess, I don't have younger members of my family.  But even if I had them, I wouldn't use вы anyway, I think.


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## Bonjour

Thomas1 said:


> Привет всем,
> 
> 
> I know that if you address someone in Russian the polite form is Вы, I thought it is used when you address strangers or people whom you have formal relationships with. I noted not too long ago that this form was also used as an address to a family member, and I am not sure if this is correct.
> If so does it sound normal/natural in Russian? When would you use Вы and when ты when addressing a family member?
> 
> 
> Больше спасибо,
> Thomas


 
If there's a bunch of familiy members, then someone is likely to address them вы cause it's also a plural form of "you"=ты

Also, some people (friends) like talking to each other with вы cause it's kinda fun . I have a friend like that and we do that a lot...makes ya feel like you're in the 19th or smth century


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## Bonjour

Etcetera said:


> I usually address my Mum's aunt (she's kind of a grandmother to me) with вы. It sounds absolutely natural, .


 
I didn't even think about that...yes, that's true, I have some relatives like that....for instance, my grandfather's brother...


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## Anatoli

Thomas1 said:


> Cпасибо за ответы.
> 
> Does anyone of you use Вы to address a younger (than you) member of your family (or have you ever come it across)?
> 
> Tom


It also happens when both are adults and there is not much contact for a long time. I know I have female cousins who I haven't seen since my childhood, if I see them now I might start with "вы" and then move to "ты". I use "вы" with my in-laws - it's quite often with in-laws but there is no rule, it can be quite casual.

Usage of "вы" or "ты" is individual and in families the latter is more common of course but it's the same as outside families - "вы" is more polite and formal, "ты" is casual, often if you feel you can break the ice by being casual, you can use "ты".

There are still families where kids address their own parents with "вы" it doesn't happen often these days but it was common too!


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## Natalya2006

my mother addresses her parents with "вы" , but personally I only use the form when talking to people I'm on formal terms with or elderly members of my family. It depends.


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## Etcetera

Thomas1 said:


> Does anyone of you use Вы to address a younger (than you) member of your family (or have you ever come it across)?


I have a number of younger cousins. I always address them with ты. And so do they.


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## kpacotka

It sometimes depends on the Russian community. Like Americans, there are a variety of Russians communities that differ culturally in a similar way that people from southern states or middle Americans differ from people on the coast. I find that each community seems to have different unspoken norms regarding the use of "vy/ty." In the community where I grew up, using vy for any person who is clearly less than 50 years old was considered kind of funny or odd. In the community where I live now, using ty to address any unfamiliar person, even if they are young, is considered inappropriate. Well ... actually, maybe not quite inappropriate, but _less_ appropriate.


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## Etcetera

Of course, there are differences. 
I was really shocked when a totally unfamiliar to me 12-years-old on a skating rink in Moscow addressed me with ты. In St. Petersburg, a 5-years-old used вы. Well, I know that I look younger than my 20, especially on the skating rink, but nevertheless.
I myself was told at an early age that вы should always be used when talking to strangers (well, unless they're children. Children are usually addressed with ты). My sister was told the same.


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## Crescent

Hello to all!  I just thought of an example where it would be (at least in my opinion, and in the opinion of the people I have been brought up with) more appropriate to use _Вы _than _ты_ in a family situation: if you're talking to your _parents-in-law._ My dad calls his _тёща_ "Вы" (mother-in-law for men) and his _тесть_ (father-in-law for men) too.  And so does my mum when addressing her ''in law'' parents!


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## Setwale_Charm

In principle, I am very much an opponent of tat age and status gradation. Everybody deserves equal respect. 
  I play it safe by never addressing anybody with ты. Excessive politeness is always better that the lack of it. 
  Etcetera. do I qualify for living in SPb?


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## Setwale_Charm

By the way, how did you know it was a 12-year-old? And that he, like me, did not look younger than his 30, especially, on the skating rink?.


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## Etcetera

Setwale_Charm said:


> In principle, I am very much an opponent of tat age and status gradation. Everybody deserves equal respect.
> I play it safe by never addressing anybody with ты. Excessive politeness is always better that the lack of it.
> Etcetera. do I qualify for living in SPb?


Yes, you do! Come and join us!
I agree wholeheartedly that excessive politeness is better than the lack of it. Teens are usually pleasantly surprised when they're addressed with вы.
I remember that when I came to Moscow University for the first time, I was really surprised and pleased that everyone there addressed me with вы, even all those professors! 



> By the way, how did you know it was a 12-year-old? And that he, like me, did not look younger than his 30, especially, on the skating rink?.


It was a girl. And I am pretty sure that she was about 12. I often have difficulty tellng the age of someone who's clearly more than 20, but I can guess a younger person's age rather accurately. Having a younger sister and all her friends around will do that to you!


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