# Introducing My Wife



## alfie17

Hi all,

I would like to introduce my wife to meet my Japanese colleagues and friends.
What should I say in Japanese? Which tone should I express?  Formal or informal? 
How different is it if I introduce her to a casual friend or newly met person?

Please advise. Thanks


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## Lupen The Third

alfie17 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I would like to introduce my wife to meet my jap colleagues and friends.
> What should I say in Japanese? Which tone should i express?  Formal or informal?
> How different is it if I introduce her to a casual friend or newly met person?
> 
> Pls advise. Thanks



Hi, you should say it in a formal and polite way I think.

This is my try :
Formal ways > 

こちらが[Name]+夫人 です　＝　Kochira ga Name+ fujin desu, which means  "This is [Name]"
Or
この方は私の夫人です　＝ Kono kata wa watashi no fujin desu, which means "This person is /this is my wife"

If you don't want to be so polite you could say:

彼女は[Name]+夫人 だ = Kanojo wa Name Fujin da, "She is Name"
Or
彼女は私の夫人だ = Kanojo wa watashi no fujin da, "She's my wife"

Anyway, I don't know well mores and customs of the Japanese people but , maybe, the two informal ways could be too direct or rude...so I suggest to use always the formal forms.

Ps: I'm still studying Japanese, so wait for a native please!

Bye


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## Wishfull

Hi,alfie17.
*To a casual friend, informal;*
*うちのカミさんの（name)です。　*  uchi-no kamisan-no (name)-desu.
The phrase うちのカミさん　is humorous.

*To newly met person, formal;*
*妻（つま）の（name)です。*  tsuma-no (name)-desu.



Hi, Lupen The Third
_*こちらが[Name]+夫人 です　＝　Kochira ga Name+ fujin desu, which means "This is [Name]"*_

 Your expression is perfect, when you're introducing other person's wife.
こちら, この方, and (name)夫人　are 尊敬語s　（or at least 丁寧語）, which should be used to other person's wife.

So, この方が私の夫人です　is wrong.

You have to use 謙譲語, when you refer to yourself, or your family.
You have to use 謙譲語, when you introduce your wife.
妻　is a 謙譲語.
カミサン　is not a 謙譲語, so it is informal expression.

Do you know the difference of 尊敬語　and 謙譲語？


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## Lupen The Third

こんばんはWishfullさん。

「尊敬語と 謙譲語」って聞いたことがあります。

But I didn't know that "Kochira" and "Kono kata" are used for the reasons you said...

Let's see : 
If I recieve a book from my Professor, I have to use 謙譲語 :
先生から本をいただきました。Am I Right?

But If I have to give a book to my Professor I have to use 尊敬語 :
先生に本をさしあげる, isn't it?

If you meant this with 謙譲語 and 尊敬語, I can say that I have an idea about them...
But maybe I am wrong and I have not yet understood the difference between 謙譲語 and 尊敬語

matane!


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## Derselbe

Basically: Japan is a group oriented society. You always have to distinguish between your own group and the rest of the word. 
If you are talking about your own group, you had better talk them down at any cost 
Well, at least you *must never* praise your own group or talk about them in honorific language. For that reason you must not use honorific language when you are talking about your own wife. 
Your own wife is 妻 other people's wifes are 奥さん. You don't even have to say 私の. When you say 妻 everybody knows that you are refering to your own wife.
And that rule applies to every part of the Japanese society and therefore language. 

If you talk about your own group (wife, children, relatives, friends) you must use humble words and you must never praise them or say that they are smart or something. And you must never use honorific language to refer to your own group.

If you talk about people outside your own group you use honorific language in formal situations.

You really want to be carefull about this. Just one example. Even if their children just  have graduated the best high school in Japan with the best results in the last 15 years, parents will never say that their own children are smart or hard workers out loud in front of other people. They will say that their children just had been lucky or something. 

PS: There is a proverb foreigners use to describe this phenomenon: 
_The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. And you don't want to be that nail._
I don't know how Japanese people think about this proverb. Would be happy to hear some native's opinions on this 

Goodnight everyone.


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## Lupen The Third

It's ok! I knew something about honorific language and humble language, but I never realized why they were so important. And the distinction  between my own group and the rest of the world is a topic new to me, really.

Now I know that I must never praise my own group and I have always to use humble words, language. But should I use humble language also to my father, mother or grandparents? Aren't they "treated" with 尊敬語?
(Ex)I must speak to them as I always do with my brother, friends and childred?

According to the things said, if I had to introduce my brother (謙譲語) I will say:

兄の［Name］です.

Where 兄 is an humble word, right?

Wow...I think that I have to study some new humble words and verbs because they are more important than I thought.

Ok, that's all for me this morning!
I'll be back soon,

よろしくお願いします


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## lrosa

Lupen The Third said:


> If I recieve a book from my Professor, I have to use 謙譲語 :
> 先生から本をいただきました。Am I Right?
> 
> But If I have to give a book to my Professor I have to use 尊敬語 :
> 先生に本をさしあげる, isn't it?



Actually, these are both instances of 謙譲語, because in both of these sentences, the subject is 私. If you wanted to say that the Professor _gave_ you the book, you would use 尊敬語: 先生が本を*くださいました*。


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## Derselbe

Lupen The Third said:


> Now I know that I must never praise my own group and I have always to use humble words, language. But should I use humble language also to my father, mother or grandparents? Aren't they "treated" with 尊敬語?



Hi!

Who belongs to your group is a question depending on the specific situation.

If you are in a conversation with your teacher *your parents belong to your group* and he is the other group. So you will use the humble expressions 母（はは） and 父（ちち） when you talk *about *them with people *outside *your family.

If you are talking *to *your parents your group is just yourself and *your parents belong to the other group*. In this situation you will adress your parents with お母さん　and お父さん.

Also, there is nothing wrong about praising your own children as long as you don't do it in front of other people who don't belong to your family.
Example situation:
Boy comes home from school with a good grade. As a father you will say "_Well done big boy! I'm proud of you!_" or something nice *to *your son. 
But then you walk outside the house and are asked by your neighboor "Hey, how was your son's exam?" In this situation you will say "_Oh... not that good. As usual he had major parts wrong..._" *about *your son *to* another person. 

So yes. If you are asked for the name of your elder brother in a job interview or a similar situation you will use 兄 to talk *about *him. But you will probably use お兄さん when you talk *to *him.

Edit
I have a question too:
What's the difference between 尊敬語 and 敬語?


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## Wishfull

derselbe said:


> what's the difference between 尊敬語 and 敬語?


敬語＝尊敬語＋謙譲語＋丁寧語


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## Derselbe

wishfull said:


> 敬語＝尊敬語＋謙譲語＋丁寧語



つまり「尊敬語」は「敬語」より詳しい言葉ですね。私は相変わらず雑に勉強したかもしれません。

他には私のおっしゃった事は合っていますか。宜しければ訂正してください。

よろしくお願いします


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## kaito

Derselbe said:


> 私のおっしゃった事は合っていますか。


I believe you explained it correctly but used it wrong.
おっしゃった -> 申した


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## Wishfull

kaito said:


> i believe you explained it correctly but used it wrong.
> おっしゃった -> 申した


おっしゃった→申した→申し上げた


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## Derselbe

（笑）
有り得ないと感じですね。説明できるより自分で使えるの方が大切なのに


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## babel2000

So when or how do you use 家内?

よろしくお願いします。


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## Wishfull

babel2000 said:


> So when or how do you use 家内?
> 
> よろしくお願いします。




Hi.
Good point!

家内　can be used for the substitite of 妻.
It is 謙譲語.

家内の（name)です　is very good introducing Japanese.
I might think it is even better than 妻の（name)です。

嫁（よめ）　is the same category word with 妻、家内.
It is 謙譲語. 
But 嫁　might mean both "my wife" and "my son's wife".

・・・・・・・・・・・・・
うちのかみさんの（name)です。
うちのよめさんの（name)です。
are informal, casual introduction. Grammatically they might be wrong, because ~さんof かみさん　and よめさん is 丁寧語. 丁寧語　is not thought as humble words.


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## lrosa

I also heard, in an even more casual situation, うちの奥さん...


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## Wishfull

lrosa said:


> I also heard, in an even more casual situation, うちの奥さん...



Yes. You're right!
うちの奥さん, うちのよめさん, うちのかみさん　are the same category words.
They are for casual situation and うちの奥さん　might be the most standard word.

If you refer to other person's wife, 奥さん　is the most polite and official word than よめさん、かみさん.


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