# white dress on a wedding



## murena

Hello

Does anyone know why is it an offence if a female guest wears a white dress at a wedding?

I heard yesterday about a bride who stopped talking to a good friend because she wore a white dress on her wedding. Is it really that unpolite to wear like that? What is the meaning that the bride makes of it?

Thanks


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## GenJen54

I'm not sure about in other countries, because not all countries have the "tradition" of a bride wearing a white dress.

In some places, it is considered uncouth for a guest to wear white because it's seen as an attempt to upstage the bride herself.  The bride in white stands out from all of her guests.  She's to be the only one, since she and the groom are the stars of the show.


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## ILT

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> I'm not sure about in other countries, because not all countries have the "tradition" of a bride wearing a white dress.
> 
> In some places, it is considered uncouth for a guest to wear white because it's seen as an attempt to upstage the bride herself. The bride in white stands out from all of her guests. She's to be the only one, since she and the groom are the stars of the show.


Same thing in México, the bride is supposed to be the center of attention. Picture this: you are at a wedding reception, 600 people attending, you look around and find a white dress, you know you've found the bride. Anybody else wearing white (unless it was a specific request of the bride and groom) is seen as trying to outstage her.


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## Etcetera

In Russia, there's the same tradition, the bride should appear in white. 
But if the bride or her groom has children, girls can wear white as well.


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## Keikikoka

Flower girls often wear white at weddings. It is assumed that they will not be confused for the bride


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## GenJen54

> In Russia, there's the same tradition, the bride should appear in white.  But if the bride or her groom has children, girls can wear white as well.


Hi etcetera.  What about the wedding _*guests?*_  Is it considered rude for a wedding guest to wear the same color as the bride?


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## ILT

Here the flowergirls wear the same color as the maids of honor, or sometimes a white dress (sometimes similar to that of the bride), if the girl is really close to the bride, let's say a very dear niece or goddaughter.


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## murena

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> She's to be the only one, since she and the groom are the stars of the show.


 
If that is the logic, then why is not a problem for male guests to wear same color as the groom?

I really do not get why the bride feels threatened by the same color in other guests. I think it would be very unlikely that someone would think that someone else is the bride just becuase the color of the dress. First, because normally the guests know who the bride is, and if not, they have seen her in the ceremony. 

I just do not get it, specially the point of the bride feeling offended for it.


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## Etcetera

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> Hi etcetera. What about the wedding _*guests?*_ Is it considered rude for a wedding guest to wear the same color as the bride?


Frankly, I don't know much about wedding traditions, but I've never seen any wedding _guest_ in white. 

As for the reason why the bride should wear white - to my knowledge, that's because white is considered a 'pure' colour, symbolising the bride's innocence.


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## ILT

Well, there is no problem for the groom having guests wear the same color as his because usually a boy's nature is not to worry about things like that. Also, there is the ideal wedding most little girls dream about (not usual with guys), and girls always picture themselves as the "stars of the show". It is a big deal when somebody else tries to steal the spotlight from a lady, believe me, be it her wedding, her birthday or any kind of special celebration for her, but especially her wedding. It is supposed to be the most special day in her life, and she wants to make sure she is the only one being paid attention to. 

A different thing is when the bride and groom themselves ask everybody to wear white (in fashion lately in México), sometimes as a "good vibes" thing, sometimes as a "karma" thing, sometimes because they like it.


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## Etcetera

There's also not too much colours that a man can wear on formal occasions, is it?


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## ILT

Etcetera said:
			
		

> There's also not too much colours that a man can wear on formal occasions, is it?


You have a very good point there  What do men wear to a formal gathering? Black, navy blue, dark gray, maybe brown and that's it!


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## Dindin

Hi everybody! I've just joined the forums and also recently got married ;-).
I would agree with most of you - usually the bride is the only one wearing white gown/dress and may be flowergirls too. We (in our country) say that it's the bride's (and groom's) DAY and she(they) should be center of attention.


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## danielfranco

Now then, in this here modern society of ours, the flower girl might be wearing a dress very similar to the bride because she might be the bride's *daughter*. No biggie, right?
Anyway, I didn't know no one else is supposed to wear white except the bride. I'll keep it in mind for the next wedding I'll be force-marched to attend. (Me no likee weddings, except for the free booze... Sorry  )


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## Mmart

In Spain only the bride is to wear white. Any guest dressed in that colour is considered rude.

For boys, only black and dark grey, no matter if they dress the same as the gloom groom.  Always liked this one-letter difference in writing and the meaning change.


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## maxiogee

The guests in Ireland are not only expected not to wear white, but they should not dress too showily either. Remember all that to-do when Liz Hurley showed up 'revealing' her diamanté knickers at Lili Maltese's wedding - you don't do that.
This is why the guys all dress, usually, sedately and relatively plainly - it's the best dress the woman is likely to wear in her life and you don't upstage it. The groom's clothing is inconsequential - who ever remembers (even a month later) what he wore?


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## GenJen54

maxiogee said:
			
		

> The groom's clothing is inconsequential - who ever remembers (even a month later) what he wore?


Ha! You've got a good point there. Usually, the groom and his groomsmen are all in a dark suit color, or tux. The brides' attendants are in a complimentary color (in my wedding it was a raspberry pink). My flower girls (who were six and eight) wore white.

As for guests, I agree. You want to dress tastefully and in keeping with the formality of the wedding, but never, ever wear the same color as the bride. 

As for the question of whether a bride SHOULD be offended by this? Who's to say. It's one of those unwritten rules of decorum. Some women would take this more seriously than others. I had some people at my wedding dress much more casually than I thought appropriate. They weren't in jeans by any means, but I felt they didn't make much effort on "my" day. I certainly didn't let it bug me so much that I stopped speaking to them.  On the flip side of that, there were a few guests who I fully expected to "dress down," and they showed up in a suit and a dress.  I was not only flattered the would make the effort, but very impressed, as I had never seen them in anything but jeans and/or shorts.


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## cuchuflete

While everyone is being so very serious in accepting that the feelings of the bride on "her" day are paramount, we need a good politically kerrect femenist to debunk all of this nonsense, and point out that these customs used to come with others.
What ever happened to dowries?  

How about "Love, honor and OBEY"?

It's curious that as we grow more enlightened about some aspects of splicing, and discard them, we hold on to others that are really, at root, representative of the same old thinking.  

What are the rules of etiquette for second marriages?  If I recall, from my distant youth, the bride was not supposed to wear white at her second, third, .......*x*th wedding ceremony, on the presumption that she was no longer a virgin.  Does that give other women the right to wear white to the event?


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## Dindin

In our country in the recent years some brides wear gowns in other than white colour - baby pink or champagne (excuse the misspell) is very popular.. I wore white dress.


"What are the rules of etiquette for second marriages? If I recall, from my distant youth, the bride was not supposed to wear white at her second, third, .......*x*th wedding ceremony, on the presumption that she was no longer a virgin. Does that give other women the right to wear white to the event?[/quote]"

For second/third weddings brides wear what they preffer (no written regulations), but usually a smart dress (modest one) or two pieces outfit, not really a gown..


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## french4beth

Wedding gowns in the US can be white or similar shades - eggshell, ecru, ivory (more info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_dress).

Traditionally, women didn't wear white for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. marriage - it was even frowned upon to wear a wedding dress (even in ivory or beige) back in the day; lots of women would wear a formal suit or dress instead. 

Men have several options - if it's a daytime wedding (here in the US), traditionally men wear _morning dress_ (see example http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morning_dress) in black or gray; for evenings, a tuxedo. Generally, unless you want to look like Napeleon Dynamite, you should stick to black (perhaps with a vest and/or tie in a subdued color or a subtle pattern).

These days, anything goes - many women wear black to weddings, even during the day - I found black to be too funereal for a wedding. I think it's rude to dress too showily (too much cleavage, dress that's too short) as the person is obviously trying too hard to draw attention to herself/himself on what should be a day that is all about the newlyweds.

What about the pronouncement at the end of a ceremony of "I now pronounce you man and wife" - hello, shouldn't it be "husband and wife"? Some traditions are best left behind! Removing the bride's garter belt is a horrible tradition (my ex-husband removed mine with his teeth, much to everyone's amusement, and to my horror). And the whole 'tossing of the bridal bouquet' can lead to brawls, from what I've seen on tv videos.


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## Vanda

I take from everybody's comments that is rude wearing all in white in weddings everywhere. Same here. The bride doesn't want to share her _star day_ with no one.


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## maxiogee

cuchuflete said:
			
		

> What are the rules of etiquette for second marriages?  If I recall, from my distant youth, the bride was not supposed to wear white at her second, third, .......*x*th wedding ceremony, on the presumption that she was no longer a virgin.



Well, if we're going on "assumptions" — I suppose we can assume that in the vows of a second, third or xth, neither party would be so tactless as to ask a (non-bereaved) partner to promise "until death do us part" - yet again


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## pickypuck

Mmart said:
			
		

> For boys, only black and dark grey


 
Here men go with many more colours than those. My suits are neither black nor dark grey. I hardly ever see guys wearing black suits... you risk being mistaken for a waiter  

¡Olé!


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## Brioche

french4beth said:
			
		

> Traditionally, women didn't wear white for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. marriage - it was even frowned upon to wear a wedding dress (even in ivory or beige) back in the day; lots of women would wear a formal suit or dress instead.
> 
> .


 
White wedding dresses, or in fact, a wedding dress, is a very recent "tradition".  
In the not very distant past, even the wealthy could not afford to wear a dress only once. Brides wore their best dress, and wore it again and again after the wedding. 
Queen Victoria remodeled hers, and wore it again. She wore the lace overskirt over a black silk gown at celebrations for her Diamond Jubilee, some 57 years later.

In similar fashion, the groom's wedding suit was his best suit, often his only suit, and it remained his "Sunday suit", for a long time afterwards.


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## panjabigator

In Indian culture, white is actually the color of mourning.  Wedding dresses are ridiculously ornate and beautiful, and in this case, upstage the bride would be looking better than she does on that day.  I think in most cultures, the wedding is seen as more of the brides day than anything...you never hear about upstaging the groom!


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## Etcetera

panjabigator said:
			
		

> I think in most cultures, the wedding is seen as more of the brides day than anything...you never hear about upstaging the groom!


Exactly! Who's been mourning here about men suppressing women?


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## Fedora

I love translating said:
			
		

> A different thing is when the bride and groom themselves ask everybody to wear white (in fashion lately in México), sometimes as a "good vibes" thing, sometimes as a "karma" thing, sometimes because they like it.



In this scenario would the bride and groom also wear white or would they wear an entirely different color?


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## ILT

Fedora said:
			
		

> In this scenario would the bride and groom also wear white or would they wear an entirely different color?


 Usually they wear white too. Check the pictures in pages 2 and 3 here.


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## Fedora

panjabigator said:
			
		

> In Indian culture, white is actually the color of mourning.  Wedding dresses are ridiculously ornate and beautiful, and in this case, upstage the bride would be looking better than she does on that day.



Indian brides usually wear red, right? Traditional Hindu wedding. 

I think Vietnamese brides also traditionally wear red. 

So I guess in this case it would be bad if a guest were to show up in red


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## ILT

I think the rule is to wear a dress that will definitely not outstage the bride.


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## Fedora

I love translating said:
			
		

> Usually they wear white too. Check the pictures in pages 2 and 3 here.



Thanks! That would be a fun wedding


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## panjabigator

Hindu wedding
Sikh Wedding
Muslim Wedding


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## Bettie

Once I did that and for one of my best friends' wedding, I, for sure, wasn't trying to steal her thunder, and she didn't seem offended and nobody took me for the bride, but after knowing that it's rude I felt bad and I still do!!!


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## a_catarina

In portuguese weddings guests are not supposed to wear white (because it will take the potlight away from the bride) or balck (because it will show disaprovall and it is the color you wear to funerals). I think that showy dresses should be avoided and ,I heard this one today, guests should wear simple hairstyles. The bride shoud wear her hair up, and the guests should wear it dowr, or in a simple style.


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