# Knock-Knock Jokes!



## Masood

_Por curiosidad pura..._
¿Tenéis _'knock-knock jokes'_ en español?! 
Cuando cuentas un chiste de 'knock-knock' la remate del chiste siempre es un juego de palabras.
La chiste siempre lleva la siguiente formato:

A:Knock-knock
B:Who's there?
A:Juan
B:Juan who?
A:'Juan' (when) are you going to answer the door?

Me encantaría oír unas, si existen en español. I suppose it's a good way to learn multiple definitions of words, too!

Cheers!


----------



## cuchuflete

Masood said:
			
		

> _Por curiosidad pura..._
> ¿Tenéis _'knock-knock jokes'_ en español?!
> Cuando cuentas un chiste de 'knock-knock' la remate del chiste siempre es un juego de palabras.
> La chiste siempre lleva la siguiente formato:
> 
> A:Knock-knock
> B:Who's there?
> A:Juan
> B:Juan who?
> A:'Juan' (when) are you going to answer the door?
> 
> Me encantaría oír unas, si existen en español. I suppose it's a good way to learn multiple definitions of words, too!
> 
> Cheers!



Masood, while we anxiously await the Spanish jokes, I'll offer a couple in English.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?!

Knock-knock
Who's there? 
Dishes
Dishes who? 
Dishes the stupidest knock-knock joke ever! 

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris closed, that's why I'm knocking.


----------



## Masood

Ouch! Some groaners there, but I do like the 'Doris' one.


----------



## Maeron

P1: Knock-knock. 
P2: Who's there?
P1. Amos.
P2: Amos who?
P1: A mosquito bit me.

P1: Knock-knock. 
P2: Who's there?
P1. Andy.
P2: Andy who?
P1: And he bit me again.

(This one worked even better in the heyday of the comedy duo "Amos & Andy" when everyone would have understood the reference, but it's still funny these days.)

- - - - - - -
And then there are the non-standard knock-knock jokes that derive their humour from breaking the pattern instead of from word plays. Here are 2 of this type:

Q: How does a control freak tell a knock-knock joke?
A: "Knock-knock. Now you say 'Who's there?'"

P1: Knock-knock.
P2: Who's there?
P1: Mickey Mouse's underwear!!!!

(If you don't find this last one funny, try it with a 3 or 4-year-old who's just learned to enjoy standard knock-knock jokes.)


----------



## belén

Masood said:
			
		

> _Por curiosidad pura..._
> ¿Tenéis _'knock-knock jokes'_ en español?!
> Cuando cuentas un chiste de 'knock-knock' *el * remate del chiste siempre es un juego de palabras.
> *El* chiste siempre lleva *el * siguiente formato:
> 
> 
> 
> Me encantaría oír *algunos*, si existen en español. I suppose it's a good way to learn multiple definitions of words, too!
> 
> Cheers!



Masood, I am sorry I don't know any knock knock (or in Spanish "toc toc") jokes, but it reminded me of another joke format; Se abre el telón

Se abre el telón y vemos a la princesa Letizia (la esposa del Príncipe Felipe de España) regalándole un libro a su esposo.
Se cierra el telón. 
¿Cómo se titula la serie de TV?

EL PRINCIPE DEBE LEER
(El Príncipe de Bel Air = The Fresh Prince of Bel Air as it was translated in Spanish)


----------



## Tormenta

cuchufléte said:
			
		

> Masood, while we anxiously await the Spanish jokes, I'll offer a couple in English.
> 
> 
> Knock knock.
> Who's there?
> Banana.
> Banana who?
> Knock knock.
> Who's there?
> Banana.
> Banana who?
> Knock knock.
> Who's there?
> Banana.
> Banana who?
> Knock knock
> Who's there?
> Orange.
> Orange who?
> Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?!
> 
> Knock-knock
> Who's there?
> Dishes
> Dishes who?
> Dishes the stupidest knock-knock joke ever!
> 
> Knock-knock
> Who's there?
> Doris
> Doris who?
> Doris closed, that's why I'm knocking.





AUCH!!!!!!!    

Tormenta


----------



## weird

Se abre el telón y se ve a una vaca leyendo una carta 
¿cómo se llama la película?

LA CARTA DE LA TORA   (TORO, EL MACHO DE LA VACA - POR ESO SE PONE TORA)

LA CARTA DELATORA


----------



## Maeron

A related joke format is Spanish (no equivalent in English, is there?) is "_tres actos_".

Primer acto: Entra Piolín [_Tweety Bird_]
Secunda acto: Entran Piolín y Silvestre.
Tercer acto: Entra Silvestre.

¿Cómo se llama la obra?
Silvestre 'stá _alone_.

Here are some more: http://www.ciudad.com.ar/ar/portales/chicos/nota/0,1437,33573,00.asp


----------



## belén

Se abre el telón y se ve a una mujer corriendo corriendo hacia la peluquería pero cuando llega, la peluquería justo acaba de cerrar.

¿Cómo se titula la película?

Ah!Te rizas como puedas 
ATERRIZA COMO PUEDAS 
(That's the title they gave in Spain to the film "Airplane")


----------



## belén

Y dos de Disney

Se abre el telón y se ve a una chica con los pechos muy separados. 
¿Cómo se titula la película?

POCO JUNTAS

Se abre el telón y se ve a una chica con los pechos muy juntos.
¿Cómo se titula la película?
AL LADIN


----------



## weird

Se abre el telón y se ve una ristra de chorizos a lo lejos ¿como se llama la película?

CHORIZONTES LEJANOS
(Horizontes lejanos)


----------



## zebedee

Se abre el telón y se ve una mujer con el dedo metido en un enchufe y los pelos de punta. ¿Cómo se llama la película?

El amperio contra Paca
(El Imperio Contraataca - The Empire Strikes Back)

Knock knock
Who's there?
A little old lady
A little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel.

What about that other equally wonderful line of jokes: "What do you call a man with...?"


What do you call a man with a seagull on his shoulder?
Cliff

What do you call a legless armless man in the water?
Bob

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas

What do you call a man buried 10 feet under the ground?
Pete


----------



## DeMaty

¿Cuántas piedras hay en el mundo entero?
Cincuenta (sin cuenta)


----------



## belén

-¿Usted no nada nada?
-Es que no traje traje


----------



## garryknight

zebedee said:
			
		

> What about that other equally wonderful line of jokes: "What do you call a man with...?"


 OK, if we're doing the silly ones, what about the "What do you get if you cross..." jokes?

 Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
 A: Elephino.
 (Say it out loud...)


----------



## sastrem92

Todos buenisimos, sin excepcion.

Uno de propina:
Por que a Tintin (pronunciado Ten-ten) no se la llama Twenty?


----------



## sastrem92

Perdon,   no se le llama Twenty?


----------



## beri

P1: Knock-knock. 
P2: Who's there?
P1. Isabel.
P2: Isabel who?
P1: Is a bell necessary on your bike?


NB: in French there are loooooooooooots of those!! true it's much easier to make them in French.
they're called "les Monsieur et Madame"


----------



## patriv

Qué divertidos!!!

Que yo sepa en español no hay chistes del tipo "knock-knock"´, pero los de "se abre el telón" son graciosillos.

Os paso uno, me lo ha recordado garryknight con sus "what do you get if you cross"...

Va un hombre por la selva y se encuentra con un extraño animal. El hombre pregunta "¿Qué eres? y el animal responde: "Una cebra". El hombre, extrañado, le pregunta: "¿Por qué eres así?, y la cebra responde: "porque mi madre era una burra blanca y mi padre un burro negro". "¡Qué interesante!", exlama el hombre sorprendido, y sigue su camino. 

Al cabo de un rato se encuentra con otro animal al que pregunta "?Qué eres?". "Soy un perro lobo", responde el animal. "Y ¿cómo puede ser eso?", dice el hombre. "Porque mi padre era un lobo y mi madre un perro", razona el animal. El hombre, sorprendido pero satisfecho con la explicación, sigue su camino.

Cuando llevaba ya varios kilómetros andando, el hombre se encuentra con otro extraño animal. Vuelve a preguntar"¿Qué eres?". El animal le mira y responde: "Soy un oso hormiguero", a lo que el hombre exclama entre risas "¡¡Anda ya!!".

 ¡¡Espero que os haya gustado!!


----------



## Lala

1º Acto:  Una mujer gorda con un revólver
2º Acto:  Una mujer gorda con una escopeta
3º Acto:  Una mujer gorda con un cuhillo

¿Como se llama la obra?   SE ARMÓ LA GORDA   (o sea, se armó la pelea, se produjo un desastre, etc)

Hay cientos de chistes de "la obra" en Spanish....  Culturalmente hablando, creo que serían el equivalente de los "knock-knock jokes"


----------



## Maeron

Lala said:
			
		

> Hay cientos de chistes de "la obra" en Spanish....  Culturalmente hablando, creo que serían el equivalente de los "knock-knock jokes"



Estoy de acuerdo, son muy parecidos los juegos de palabra y juegos fonéticos entre los chistes de "la obra" y los "_knock-knock_".


----------



## lauranazario

Lala said:
			
		

> Hay cientos de chistes de "la obra" en Spanish....  Culturalmente hablando, creo que serían el equivalente de los "knock-knock jokes"



Completamente de acuerdo... y permítanme aportar uno (un poco subido de tono). No apto para tímidos....

Abre el telón y vemos a Elizabeth Taylor. Baja el telón.
Sube el telón y vemos a Richard Burton. Baja el telón.
Sube el telón y vemos a Elizabeth Taylor teniendo sexo con su esposo (para aquel entonces) Richard Burton. Baja el telón.
Sube el telón y vemos a Richard Burton solo en la cama, abanicando sus genitales.
Baja el telón. ¿Cómo se llama la obra?

Los polvos de _Elizabeth Arden_.
(humor cosmético)


----------



## zebedee

garryknight said:
			
		

> OK, if we're doing the silly ones, what about the "What do you get if you cross..." jokes?
> 
> Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
> A: Elephino.
> (Say it out loud...)



A couple more silly ones:

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

What's pink and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry.


----------



## garryknight

zebedee said:
			
		

> A couple more silly ones:


 Ouch!  

 Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
 A: No idea.


----------



## zebedee

garryknight said:
			
		

> Ouch!
> 
> Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
> A: No idea.



Q:And what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no idea.

Boom! Boom!


----------



## cuchuflete

zebedee said:
			
		

> Se abre el telón y se ve una mujer con el dedo metido en un enchufe y los pelos de punta. ¿Cómo se llama la película?
> 
> El amperio contra Paca
> (El Imperio Contraataca - The Empire Strikes Back)
> 
> Knock knock
> Who's there?
> A little old lady
> A little old lady who?
> I didn't know you could yodel.
> 
> What about that other equally wonderful line of jokes: "What do you call a man with...?"
> 
> 
> What do you call a man with a seagull on his shoulder?
> Cliff
> 
> What do you call a legless armless man in the water?
> Bob
> 
> What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
> Doug
> 
> What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
> Douglas
> 
> What do you call a man buried 10 feet under the ground?
> Pete



We could get un-PC and tacky/cursi with some of these:
What do you call a girl with one leg in the doorway?
Eileen

What do you call a legless/armless man in front of the door?
Matt

What do you call a legless/armless man in the hot tub?
Stu

Now behave, Children, or I'll tell you some more.

Cuchu


----------



## el_novato

Primer acto:  Aparece un automóvil
Segundo acto: Una portería.
Terce acto:  El automóvil dentro de la portería.

¿Cómo se llama la obra?.   Autogol.


----------



## Carmencita

- What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
- I don't know and I don't care


----------



## Carmencita

- What is the difference between ignorance and indifference?
- I don't know and I don't care


----------



## Magg

I think I've got a knock-knock joke in Spanish, but I need to use a swear word. Here it is:

Un hombre va a casa de un adivino:

Hombre: Toc toc!
Adivino: ¿Quién es?
Hombre: ¡Pues vaya mierda de adivino!

¡Qué malo!!!!


----------



## niña

ay..my tummy hurts..it's a good one Magg! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





San Pedro está en el cielo y llaman a la puetra: 
Toc, toc, toc. 
-¿Quién es? 
-San Miguel 
- Pues déjeme dos cajas 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




--------------------------------------

Toc, toc 
- ¿Quién es?’ 
- Brela
- ¿Brela quién?
- Brela puerta y lo verás   

--------------------------------------

Toc,toc
- ¿Quién es?
- Soy yo.
Abrió la puerta, y efectivamente era él   

---------------------------------------


----------



## Carmencita

. What is the difference between a jailer and a jeweller??
The jailer watches cells and the jeweller... sells watches! ;P


----------



## Graziella

Hi everybody, when it comes to jokes, I can not be absent

Help Wanted- A local business was looking for office help.  They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED".  Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.  We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." 

A short time afterwards, a golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.  He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.  The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. 
However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.  Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. 

The manager said, "I can't hire you.  The sign says you have to be able to type." 

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.  He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. 

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." 

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.  The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.  By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded!  He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities.  However, I *still* can't give you the job." 

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. 

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." 

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

Greetings!


----------



## Stefboy

- yo tengo una novia campeona de natación !
- ah sí ?
- sí... nada delante, nada detrás !


----------



## Stefboy

- yo tengo un novio que es mago !
- no me digas !
- sí... echa un polvo y desaparece !


----------



## Graziella

A man saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with the word "Guess" on it. So, he asked her "Implants"?
She hit him as a reply.


----------



## Celeste

From my 11 years old son:
- En que se parece una vaca a una esfera?!
(leer rapidito)
- En que la vaca te da la leche; de la leche se saca el queso; el queso no te da nada; el que no nada es bruto, Bruto mato a César; Cesar nació en Roma, Roma esta en Italia, Italia esta en el mundo
Y el mundo se parece a una esfera!
C.


----------



## cuchuflete

hablando de la vaca.......I've told this one before, but the groans of agony it elicits are too good to pass up.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a cow that has had an abortion?

De-calfinated.


----------



## Graziella

Hey, hey Dear Moderator,
Please enlight me! Which is the meaning of 
**but the groans of agony it elicits**
Thanks in advance!


----------



## gotitadeleche

Graziella said:
			
		

> Hey, hey Dear Moderator,
> Please enlight me! Which is the meaning of
> **but the groans of agony it elicits**
> Thanks in advance!



Cuchu means that his joke is the kind that brings out or evokes groans instead of (or in addition to) laughter because they are kind of corny. You know, those kind of jokes that make people groan but you keep telling them anyway because, in spite of being corny, there is still something humorous about them.


----------



## Graziella

Very kind of you Gotita.
Best regards!


----------



## Carmencita

- Why were the early days called the dark Ages?
- because there were so many knights


----------



## Carmencita

- Why can't the skeleton go to dance?
- Because he has no body to go with


----------



## Carmencita

- What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
- An elephant can have fleas but fleas can't have elephants


----------



## cuchuflete

Graziella said:
			
		

> Hey, hey Dear Moderator,
> Please enlight me! Which is the meaning of
> **but the groans of agony it elicits**
> Thanks in advance!


Graziella,

Thanks to Gotita, you already know the answer, but...
gemidos doloridos, o atroces gemidos...que provoca.

Abrazos,
Cuchu

What's going on here? When I posted the joke, I was just a plain Forero.
Do people get promoted in this joint for telling bad jokes?


----------



## Graziella

Thank you Cuchuflete,
You don't have to pretend, we all know how good Moderator you are!
But I'm still curious, about your amazing knowledge of Spanish and about Argentina.
Anyway, you don't have to confess anything, afterall I'm just "rank and file" one.
And let me tell you that the first time I talked to you, I thought that you were a woman.
Then I read your profile and felt ashamed. Fortunately, there were no evidence in my posts about your genre. 
Greetings.


----------



## Latino

cual es el pez que usa corvata? el pezcuezo
cual es el pez mas inteligente? la trucha ( trucha slang word for inteligente o listo Mex)
cual es el pez que avienta leche? el pez on
adivinanza
''todos saben esta'' lana sube lana vaja? la navaja,
lana sube lana vaja? un borrego en el elevador,
cuantos chinos hay en china? 
ninguno per que todos son lacios,
cuanto es la mitad de uno? 
el ombligo,
te meto lo duro en lo blando y quedan las bolas colgando?
el arete,
entra duro sale blando y babeando?
el chicle,
entra duro sale blando y con los pelos estilando?
el elote,
entraduro sale blando y chorreando(tirando) leche?
un bolillo en una taza de leche lla saben meten el bolillo o birote(its like the french bread from usa so i guess like french bread but smaller) en la taza de leche y lo sacas chorriando leche,
negro largo y peludo para tu cul* ?
el caballo,
espero que les entiendan se que alguno tal vez no entienda pero son chistes Mexicanos.  







Disculpen la mala ortografia.


----------



## Marc1

Es San Pedro que está en el cielo y llaman a la puetra: 
Toc, toc, toc. 
-Quien es? 
-San Miguel 
-Dejeme dos cajas !



Un hombre va a visitar a un adivino:
-Toc,toc.
-Quien es?
-Pues vaya mierda de adivino, ( y se va)


----------



## Maeron

El director general de un banco se preocupa por un joven director estrella, que después de un periodo de trabajar junto a él, sin parar nunca ni a almorzar, empieza a ausentarse al mediodía. Entonces el director general del banco llama al detective privado del banco y le dice: - "Siga a López un día entero, no vaya a ser que ande en algo raro."
El detective cumple con el cometido; vuelve e informa:
- "López sale normalmente al mediodía, coje su coche, va a su casa a almorzar, luego le hace amor a su mujer, se fuma uno de sus excelentes cigarros y vuelve a trabajar."
Responde el director:
- "Ah, bueno, menos mal, no hay nada malo en todo eso."
Pero el detective pregunta:
- "¿Puedo tutearlo, señor?"
Sorprendido el director responde:
- "¡Sí, cómo no!"
El detective dice:
- "Te repito, López sale normalmente al mediodía, coje tu coche, va a tu casa a almorzar, luego le hace amor a tu mujer, se fuma uno de tus excelentes cigarros y vuelve a trabajar. ¿Qué tal?"


----------



## Carmencita

- Toc toc
- Quién es?
- La Oportunidad
- Mentira. la Oportunidad nunca llama 2 veces


----------



## cuchuflete

Graziella said:
			
		

> Thank you Cuchuflete,
> You don't have to pretend, we all know how good Moderator you are!
> But I'm still curious, about your amazing knowledge of Spanish and about Argentina.
> Anyway, you don't have to confess anything, afterall I'm just "rank and file" one.
> And let me tell you that the first time I talked to you, I thought that you were a woman.
> Then I read your profile and felt ashamed. Fortunately, there were no evidence in my posts about your genre.
> Greetings.



Graziella,

I hardly know how to begin to respond to this stream of compliments and other remarks.
Thank you for the vastly overstated judgement about my abilities with your language.  I make constant use of the WordReference and [don't tell MKellogg!] other dictionaries.  I continue to make loads of embarassing mistakes in Spanish, but the other foreros are kind enough to correct me, and so I learn a little each day.   

I had the pleasure, though it was bittersweet, given the times, of spending a couple of weeks in your country in 1977.  I was working as a management consultant in the financial industries, and the client sent me to Brasil and Argentina to do market evaluations.  Those I worked with included some remarkable people, Argentines of every conceivable background...and they were good teachers of language and culture.  One very special man and his wife befriended me, and we used to go to El teatro Colón for symphony concerts frequently.  What a joy!  In my free time I walked for hours, looking and listening, and absorbing the wonders of Buenos Aires.  The special music of your way of speaking--part Spanish, part Italian, and your own fantastic
intonation--are engraved in my brain.  

I'm curious.  What made you think I was a woman?  Is it because I like to cook, grow flowers, and such?  These are not the sole property of you ladies!

Bueno pues, estamos en un hilo supuestamente dedicado a los chistes, así que te regalo uno de Argentinos--

Estan Canigia y Batistuta discutiendo:
Batistuta: - Yo soy el mejor jugador del fútbol enviando por dios a la tierra
Canigia: - Pero che estas herrado pive yo soy el enviado de dios para jugar como el mejor sobre la tierra.
Después de horas de discusión deciden preguntarle a Maradona.
Batistuta: - ¿Che Diego quién crees tu que es el mejor jugador de fútbol enviado por Dios a la tierra?
Maradona: - He pibe yo no te puedo responder eso che.
Canigia y Batistuta: - ¿Che y por que ha?
Maradona: - Pues por que, que yo sepa no he enviado a nadie, che. - 

¿Aguantas otro?
Un avión de las aerolíneas argentinas se acerca al aeropuerto de
Copenhague (Dinamarca). El capitan recibe las instrucciones de la torre y se
prepara para aterizar. Mira la pista y dice al copiloto:
- Che pibe, esta pista está bien corta. Cuando aterrizamos, pon todo el freno.
- Ay ay, mi capitán!
Se acercan más, y el capitán se queda mirando la pista:
- Qué pista corta de mierda! Al aterrizar, frena y baja los flaps al máximo!"
- Roger, mi jefe!
El capitán sigue mirando la pista. Está sudando de pura preocupación.
- Che, no puede creer esta pista! Dame todo el freno, flaps al máximo y tírame un paracaidas por la
puerta de atrás!
- Con todo gusto, capitán.
El avión aterriza como una piedra tirada en la arena, y se para apenas enfrente del pasto. El piloto
se seca el frente y dice:
- ¡Che, boludo, qué quilombo, una pista tan corta! ¡Debe ser la pista más corta del mundo!"
El copiloto vuelve la cabeza de un lado a otro y dice:
- Sí che, ... pero mira que ancha es!" 


un abrazo,
Cuchu


----------



## lauranazario

cuchufléte said:
			
		

> I'm curious.  What made you think I was a woman?  Is it because I like to cook, grow flowers, and such?  These are not the sole property of you ladies!



Hear, hear... out of the mouth of an Enlightened Man!!!

Un abrazo,
L.


----------



## Graziella

Hi Moderator,
Your post is as poetic as that from Badger!
I'm glad to know you spent some time in this city. And that you were invited to some Lyrical concerts in the Colon Theatre. By the way, last Sunday evening I enjoyed there "Death in Venice", Opera from Britten.
As per football, I hate it. However, as I was honoured with a joke on that subject from you, I read it, but my reaction was too indifferent.
The flower made me feel that you were a woman .  So far, I have not known so much men worried about garden, so I'm pleased to meet one.
Last, let me tell you that I have not spot mistakes in your Spanish. Congrats!
I intend to enjoy another Opera very soon, "Don Quixote" (is that the correct spelling?) 
Hug from Buenos Aires.   And, Please let me know about my mistakes


----------



## cuchuflete

Graziella said:
			
		

> Hi Moderator,
> Your post is as poetic as that from Badger!
> I'm glad to know you spent some time in this city. And that you were invited to some Lyrical concerts in the Colon Theatre. By the way, last Sunday evening I enjoyed there "Death in Venice", Opera from Britten.
> As per football, I hate it. However, as I was honoured with a joke on that subject from you, I read it, but my reaction was too indifferent.
> The flower made me feel that you were a woman .  So far, I have not known so much men worried about garden, so I'm pleased to meet one.
> Last, let me tell you that I have not spot mistakes in your Spanish. Congrats!
> I intend to enjoy another Opera very soon, "Don Quixote" (is that the correct spelling?)
> Hug from Buenos Aires.   And, Please let me know about my mistakes


  Graziella, Please don't call me Moderator, or I shall have to resign the job and get a new apodo,

How can you hate football?  It's fun to play--I still do sometimes, even in my dotage--and as much fun to watch and argue about as watching paint dry.
Your mistakes in English are few..."I have not spot*ted* mistakes"
"Opera from*by* Britten."
"so much *many* men...worried about garden *interested in gardening*"

Now, because all of my other Latin American friends have told me that Porteños do not make mistakes, ever, these are just imaginary corrections!

Un saludo,
cuchu


----------



## Graziella

Thanks. Como verás soy la excepción que confirma la regla!!!  I don't know how to say that in English 
Take care.


----------



## rainy7

Graziella:

"You are the exception that proves the rule"


----------



## Graziella

And you are veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy kindddddddddddddddd!!!


----------



## Artrella

CHE Cuchufléte, qué bueno está el de Maradona!!!!! Te felicito pibe!!!!!

Art


----------



## Graziella

Hey Cuchu,

I'm doing a copy paste not to do mistakes again 

 Modern proverbs


If you're too open minded, your brains will fall  out.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church  doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
garage makes you a  mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural  stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad  memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between  two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.

My idea of  housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

 It is easier to get forgiveness  than permission.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite  government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably  need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your  way again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of  cheques.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so  good.

Eat well, stay fit -- die anyway.

No husband has ever been  shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a biscuit in each  hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the  waist
change  places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than  coming.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

 Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you  make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet,  they move the ends.

Thou shalt not weigh more than the  refrigerator.

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door  is when I'm  in
the  bathroom.

Blessed are they who can laugh at  themselves for they shall never cease  to be  amused.


----------



## garryknight

Graziella said:
			
		

> Blessed are they who can laugh at  themselves for they shall never cease  to be  amused.


 I like this one. For a while I was collecting 'bumper stickers': those tag-lines people put at the end of their signatures in Usenet newsgroups. I put them on one of my websites. If you'd like a laugh (or more practice in understanding the humour of English-speaking Usenet posters, look here.


----------



## Graziella

Garry,
That's my favourite too. I had a glance (mistakes???) at those you sent to me.
I enjoyed that too. Best wishes. I'm in a hurry... See you


----------



## cuchuflete

garryknight said:
			
		

> I like this one. For a while I was collecting 'bumper stickers': those tag-lines people put at the end of their signatures in Usenet newsgroups. I put them on one of my websites. If you'd like a laugh (or more practice in understanding the humour of English-speaking Usenet posters, look here.


Thanks Garry, those bumper stickers are a hoot.  Here's one to go with them:

I received an e-mail from a friend, and political adversary, just before the recent US elections.  I took it seriously, at first.

"In these challanging times all of us need to unite to confront the threats that confront us.

Therefore, though it will come as a surprise to many of you, I suggest that we all unite in support of a single candidate who can lead us.  My thinking is that it should be Hilary Clinton.

All Democrats are asked to put bumper stickers on the back of their cars saying,  "Run Hilary Run!"

All Republicans are invited to put the very same bumper stickers on their
front bumpers."

saludos,
Cuchu


----------



## garryknight

cuchufléte said:
			
		

> "Run Hilary Run!"


 Wonderful!  However, I would have thought they'd be 'fender stickers' in the States. Or does 'bumper' mean something else your side of El Charco?


----------



## zebedee

Graziella said:
			
		

> Modern proverbs
> 
> 
> If you're too open minded, your brains will fall  out.
> Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
> 
> Going to church  doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
> garage makes you a  mechanic.
> 
> Artificial intelligence is no match for natural  stupidity.
> 
> A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad  memory.
> 
> A closed mouth gathers no feet.
> 
> If you must choose between  two evils, pick the one you've never tried
> before.
> 
> My idea of  housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
> 
> It is easier to get forgiveness  than permission.
> 
> For every action, there is an equal and opposite  government program.
> 
> If you look like your passport picture, you probably  need the trip.
> 
> Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your  way again.
> 
> Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of  cheques.
> 
> A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so  good.
> 
> Eat well, stay fit -- die anyway.
> 
> No husband has ever been  shot while doing the dishes.
> 
> A balanced diet is a biscuit in each  hand.
> 
> Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the  waist
> change  places.
> 
> Opportunities always look bigger going than  coming.
> 
> Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
> 
> There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
> 
> Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
> when you  make it again.
> 
> By the time you can make ends meet,  they move the ends.
> 
> Thou shalt not weigh more than the  refrigerator.
> 
> I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door  is when I'm  in
> the  bathroom.
> 
> Blessed are they who can laugh at  themselves for they shall never cease  to be  amused.



Excellent, Graziella! I laughed out loud at nearly all of them.


----------

