# rather be single than settle



## rahshoe

¿Cómo se dice "I'd rather be single than settle"? 
¿Es correcto de decir:  "Prefiero estar soltera que mal acompañada"?


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## Argieman

There's a common phrase in Spanish, "Más vale solo/a que mal acompañado/a", and is used to mean that you prefer to be alone than to be with a certain person.
 For instance, "A Juan prefiero ni verlo. Más vale solo que mal acompañado".
Something like that, but I don't know if this meaning is what you're looking for.


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## donbeto

rahshoe said:


> Como se dice "I'd rather be single than settle" Es correcto de decir:  "Prefiero estar soltera que *mal acompañado" *?



Two words.


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## William Stein

Argieman said:


> There´s a common phrase in spansish, "más vale solo/a que mal acompañado/a", and is used to mean that you prefer to be alone than to be with a certain person. For intance, "A Juan prefiero ni verlo. Más vale solo que mal acompañado"
> Something like that, but I don´t know if this meaning is what you´re looking for.



No necesariamente mal acompañada, significa que quiere ser libre para acostarse con muchas chicas. "Quiero ser salvaje, no domesticado" (del reino animal pero talvez funcione)


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## Bevj

I think that 'Mejor solo que mal acompañado' means 'Better alone than in bad company'.
This isn't a good translation of 'I'd rather be single than settle' which is more like 'Mejor soltero que en una relación estable.'


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## aztlaniano

El concepto no es "mal acompañada" sino casarte (o emparejarse) con alguien que es aceptable pero que no te entusiasma enormemente.


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## MarlyK

aztlaniano said:


> El concepto no es "malacompañada" sino casarte (o emparejarse) con alguien que es aceptable pero que no te entusiasma enormemente.



Exacto. To settle en este sentido sería conformarse con una relación mediocre o conformarse con cualquiera con tal de no seguir soltero.


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## Nomenclature

Necesitamos saber si <settle> significa "settle down, in a steady relationship" or significa "concede, take less than what you deserve".


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## William Stein

MarlyK said:


> Exacto. To settle en este sentido sería conformarse con una relación mediocre o conformarse con cualquiera con tal de no seguir soltero.



No entiendo de donde viene esta idea de "casarte con alguien que es aceptable" o "conformarse con calquiera". El motivo para no casarse (entre los hombres por lo menos) es generalmente para poder hacer el amor con varias mujeres. De todos modos, el motivo no es claro del dicho, lo que significa literalmente es "Prefiero quedar soltero en vez de casarme", no dice nada del motivo.


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## MarlyK

William Stein said:


> No entiendo de donde viene esta idea de "casarte con alguien que es aceptable" o "conformarse con calquiera". El motivo para no casarse (entre los hombres por lo menos) es generalmente para poder hacer el amor con varias mujeres. De todos modos, el motivo no es claro del dicho, lo que significa literalmente es "Prefiero quedar soltero en vez de casarme", no dice nada del motivo.



I couldn't disagree with you more. Here are a few articles that use the phrase in that context; some might even explain the concept that seems so foreign to you:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201404/4-reasons-not-settle-in-relationship

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advi...s-youre-settling-for-second-best/#.VJtYeMoAIA

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/17/settling-relationship_n_4777120.html


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## William Stein

MarlyK said:


> I couldn't disagree with you more. Here are a few articles that use the phrase in that context; some might even explain the concept that seems so foreign to you:
> 
> http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201404/4-reasons-not-settle-in-relationship
> 
> http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advi...s-youre-settling-for-second-best/#.VJtYeMoAIA
> 
> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/17/settling-relationship_n_4777120.html



It's just a puritanical way of saying the same thing. I think it's actually much worse to hypocritically date somebody you're not really interested in while waiting for somebody who's really "worthy" than to enjoy open promiscuity. The mere fact that the woman is "waiting for Mr Right" implies a complete lack of fidelity anyway.


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## MarlyK

William Stein said:


> It's just a puritanical way of saying the same thing. I think it's actually much worse to hypocritically date somebody you're not really interested in while waiting for somebody who's really "worthy" than to enjoy open promiscuity.



Well, that's your opinion and you're certainly entitled to it, but the pertinent issue is the meaning of the word "settle", which I'm fairly certain is "conformarse". We'll just have to wait until rahshoe comes back and clarifies that, though.


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## Lurrezko

La verdad es que lo habría entendido como Bevj (#5): _prefiero estar soltero que sentar cabeza_, pero si la connotación es la que decís supongo que funcionaría _prefiero estar soltero que sentar cabeza/conformarme/emparejarme con cualquiera.
_
Un saludo


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## William Stein

Lurrezko said:


> La verdad es que lo habría entendido como Bevj (#5): _prefiero estar soltero que sentar cabeza_, pero si la connotación es la que decís supongo que funcionaría _prefiero estar soltero que sentar cabeza/conformarme/emparejarme con cualquiera.
> _
> Un saludo



"Settle" is much more likely to mean "settle down", which is directly opposed to "remain single", than "settle for something less", which takes a big leap of the imagination (note that the definition says nothing about being dissatisfied with one's present partner(s):

Verb phrases30.*settle down,*

to become established in some routine, especially upon marrying,after a period of independence or indecision.

Incidentally, "settle down" is used in its full form in that Psychology Today article: 
It's no wonder that people feel rushed to settle down before they are ready, or before they find the right match.


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## aztlaniano

MarlyK said:


> Exacto. To settle en este sentido sería conformarse con una relación mediocre o conformarse con cualquiera con tal de no seguir soltero.


"To settle" no es lo mismo que "to settle down".
Un caso típico sería una mujer de 30 y muchos años con ansías de tener hijos antes de que se le haga tarde, aunque no ha encontrado al hombre de sus sueños y tiene que conformarse con algún hombre que no le hace tanta ilusión pero que está dispuesto a formar familia con ella.

Está explicado aquí:
http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-signs-shes-settling-for-you.html


"Settling" más generalmente:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jan/05/oliver-burkeman-settling


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## William Stein

I admit I wasn't familiar with that particularly distasteful piece of new psycho-babble, but I guess it's a combination of "settle down" + "settle for [less than I am worth]", which explains why "settle" is used by itself (which woulld normally sound bizarre in either case). 

In that case the OP's original suggestion conveys the idea pretty well (without the spelling mistakes).


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## aztlaniano

William Stein said:


> ... distasteful piece of new psycho-babble, ...
> In that case the OP's original suggestion conveys the idea pretty well (without the spelling mistakes).


Watch American sit-coms.
Re: "mal acompañado" -- someone who "settles" doesn't not necessarily have a_ bad_ partner or job, or whatever, just one that is not the best.


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## William Stein

aztlaniano said:


> Watch American sit-coms.
> Re: "mal acompañado" -- someone who "settles" doesn't not necessarily have a_ bad_ partner or job, or whatever, just one that is not the best.



That's true but it's okay as a sort of comic exaggeration. After all, there's not much difference between "mal" y "no bastante bien".


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## donbeto

Nomenclature said:


> Necesitamos saber si <settle> significa "settle down, in a steady relationship" or significa "concede, take less than what you deserve".



Creo que si alguien hubiera contestado esta pregunta antes, habría ahorrado mucho tiempo.

Para mi al menos, es claro. Si hubiera significado la primera, se habría dicho "settle down". Sin "down", quiere decir "settle for", o sea "settle for (alguien menos preferida)". Lo interpreto así porque se puede decir "Better to be alone than settle down", pero no "Better to be alone than settle for". La falta de "down" a mí me implica la inclusión de "for".

En concreto, la cuestión palpitante es lo que quiere decir "settle" ; settle _down _or settle _for_.


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## William Stein

donbeto said:


> Creo que si alguien hubiera contestado esta pregunta antes, habría ahorrado mucho tiempo.
> 
> Para mi al menos, es claro. Si hubiera significado la primera, se habría dicho "settle down". Sin "down", quiere decir "settle for", o sea "settle for (alguien menos preferida)"
> 
> En concreto, la cuestión palpitante es lo que quiere decir "settle" ; settle _down _or settle _for_.



I don't agree that it means one or the other. If it did they would simply say "settle down' OR "settle for". "Settle" is never used by itself to mean either one. Here it must be a deliberate play on words. They omit both "for" and "down" in order to imply a combination of "settle down" AND "settle for": I won't settle *down *with anybody who I won't settle *for *as worthy of the great and powerful me.


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## Argieman

William Stein said:


> No necesariamente mal acompañada, significa que quiere ser libre para acostarse con muchas chicas. "Quiero ser salvaje, no domesticado" (del reino animal pero talvez funcione)


Ah, claro! Está bueno


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## Argieman

donbeto said:


> Two words.


Es "Prefiero estar soltera que mal acompañad*a*", ya que es una mujer. Y sí, es correcto y se usa bastante


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## aztlaniano

William Stein said:


> "settle down' OR "settle for". "Settle" is never used by itself to mean either one.


No, no, no. As Donbeto explained (#19) if the meaning had been "settle down", the "down" would have been included. When someone, in 2014, says "I don't want to settle", full stop, and assuming there is no law suit pending, it means "I don't want to settle for just any old husband/job/car etc.
Documentación musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0hk94WFP44


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## Bevj

aztlaniano said:


> When someone, in 2014, says "I don't want to settle", full stop, and assuming there is no law suit pending, it means "I don't want to settle for just any old husband/job/car etc.


This must be an AE thing because I'm afraid that for me, 'I don't want to settle' doesn't have the meaning you suggest _unless_ it is followed by '....*for *XXXX.'

And I also disagree that the phrase in question has anything to do with promiscuity (acostarse con muchas chicas) as suggested by William.

But returning to the original question - I think that 'I'd rather be single than settle' is of itself ambiguous in meaning and we can find more than one possible interpretation of it.


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## William Stein

Argieman said:


> Ah, claro! Está bueno



Bueno, cambié de opinión, dije que no lo conocía antes (I was blissfully ignorant of the horrible expression)


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## William Stein

Bevj said:


> This must be an AE thing because I'm afraid that for me, 'I don't want to settle' doesn't have the meaning you suggest _unless_ it is followed by '....*for *XXXX.'



It's not an AE thing, "I don't want to settle" doesn't mean anything unless it's a play on words: settle for +  settle down.



Bevj said:


> TAnd I also disagree that the phrase in question has anything to do with promiscuity (acostarse con muchas chicas) as suggested by William.



Once again, I changed my mind when I checked the links and saw what the horrible thing is supposed to mean: settle down + settle for


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## William Stein

aztlaniano said:


> No, no, no. As Donbeto explained (#19) if the meaning had been "settle down", the "down" would have been included. When someone, in 2014, says "I don't want to settle", full stop, and assuming there is no law suit pending, it means "I don't want to settle for just any old husband/job/car etc.
> Documentación musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0hk94WFP44



You might as well say, well  if "settle for" had been meant, "settle for" would have been included. In all 3 links I was sent initially, it's about women not wanting to accept settling down with an unworthy husband. Perhaps through further mutations of the virus it has now come to replace "settle for less" in general in some quarters but I would never use it that way and it doesn't seem like any kind of universal meaning.
Another point is that in the OP's question, "I would rather be single than settle", "settle" is clearly opposed to being "single", which is the opposite of "settling down" (with the added meaning of "settling for less")


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## donbeto

William Stein said:


> You might as well say, well  if "settle for" had been meant, "settle for" would have been included.



Not really. The point is that settle by itself means settle for. Without the _down_, it means _settle for_. I've never seen it any other way.



William Stein said:


> In all 3  links I was sent initially, it's about women not wanting to accept  settling down with an unworthy husband.



Exactly, they are settling _for less._ Are you making my case now? 



William Stein said:


> Another point is that in the OP's question, "I would rather be single  than settle", "settle" is clearly opposed to being "single", which is  the opposite of "settling down" (with the added meaning of "settling for  less")



How about another expression then. " I would rather be unemployed than settle."  Would you agree that settle here means settle for (be content with) the wrong job? It doesn't mean settle _down _(with the wrong job).


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## William Stein

donbeto said:


> Not really. The point is that settle by itself means settle for. Without the _down_, it means _settle for_. I've never seen it any other way..



That's your point but I disagree. I've been speaking and listening to English my whole life and not once I have ever seen it or used it with the meaning to "settle for" before this thread. Look in the dictionary: "settle' by itself has lots of very common meanings and not one of them is defined as "settle for" (you may find that meaning in the "Urban Dictionary" of slang but it's just a recent fad, not the accepted meaning.) Would you actually write "I refuse to settle" meaning "I refuse to settle for less" in any kind of serious publication?





donbeto said:


> Exactly, they are settling _for less._ Are you making my case now?



No, you are refusing to acknowledge that they are *settling down and settling for less.


*


donbeto said:


> How about another expression then. " I would rather be unemployed than settle."  Would you agree that settle here means settle for (be content with) the wrong job? It doesn't mean settle _down _(with the wrong job).



Personally, I have never heard anybody say that and before you cite a million Google hits look at the dates: it's just a recent fad, and as I said, it must be a mutation of the "settle down/settle for" virus.


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## Argieman

William Stein said:


> Bueno, cambié de opinión, dije que no lo conocía antes (I was blissfully ignorant of the horrible expression)


Don´t worry, Im learning a lot from the discussion. Besides, el "está bueno" was somewhat ironic, it included the full-time shagging


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## rahshoe

Nomenclature said:


> Necesitamos saber si <settle> significa "settle down, in a steady relationship" or significa "concede, take less than what you deserve".


 Significa  "less than what you deserve" o mas específicamente "less than what you want"


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## rahshoe

Yep, it's a variant on "to settle for less" I wouldn't say it's a recent fad, I'm nearly 42 and a native English speaker and this is a phrase that I have said and have heard said by many women

It does not mean to settle down. It means that I would rather be single that to be with a person I don't really like just to avoid being single


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## rahshoe

Nomenclature said:


> Necesitamos saber si <settle> significa "settle down, in a steady relationship" or significa "concede, take less than what you deserve".




less than what you deserve or desire


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## William Stein

rahshoe said:


> Yep, it's a variant on "to settle for less" I wouldn't say it's a recent fad, I'm nearly 42 and a native English speaker and this is a phrase that I have said and have heard said by many women
> 
> It does not mean to settle down. It means that I would rather be single that to be with a person I don't really like just to avoid being single



I don't want to open this rather distasteful can of worms again but in the case of 'I would ather be single than settle" it's absolutely absurd to claim that it has nothing to do with settling down. Okay it also has the (substandard and mysteriously absent from any dictionary except the Urban Dictionary of slang) meaning of "to settle for less" but on a bi-lingual website for people learning English I think the important point is that it's a stupid expression that should never be used in writing in any serious publication.
You say you are 42 and have heard it said by several women: How does that prove that it is not a recent fad?


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## rahshoe

William Stein said:


> I don't want to open this rather distasteful can of worms again but in the case of 'I would ather be single than settle" it's absolutely absurd to claim that it has nothing to do with settling down. Okay it also has the (substandard and mysteriously absent from any dictionary except the Urban Dictionary of slang) meaning of "to settle for less" but on a bi-lingual website for people learning English I think the important point is that it's a stupid expression that should never be used in writing in any serious publication.
> You say you are 42 and have heard it said by several women: How does that prove that it is not a recent fad?


 
it's not about settling down it can also be used when talking about accepting a job that is not what you want or buying a house that is not what you want.  

You're right that it should not be used in a serious publication, that was not my intent.  It was just something I was talking about with my girlfriends.  

I guess I think my age doesn't make it a fad because I have heard that saying since I was a teenager 30 years ago, I think of fads as something  more recent than that.  But hey to each their own. 

Thank you everyone for your help


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## William Stein

rahshoe said:


> it's not about settling down it can also be used when talking about accepting a job that is not what you want or buying a house that is not what you want.
> 
> You're right that it should not be used in a serious publication, that was not my intent.  It was just something I was talking about with my girlfriends about.
> 
> I guess I think my age doesn't make it a fad because I have heard that saying since I was a teenager 30 years ago, I think of fads as something  more recent than that.  But hey to each their own.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your help



Well it hasn't been around long enough or with frequent enough use to make it into any dictionaries (and I sincerely hope it never will), which is what I call a fad from the linguistic standpoint.


I never said it only means "settle down" I said that was part of the meaning together with the other in the expression "Rather than be single than settle" and then the virus spread to "purer forms" (if you want to call them that) in which "to settle" is used as synonym for "to settle for less" but that's etymological speculation on a worthless term and I don't want to relive the trauma


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## Bonjules

Hola 
I think it is very easy to overinterpret short sayings, here almost like a 'dicho'.
I agree that the statement has - on the face of it- nothing to do with promiscuity. 
While the fact that 'settle' stands alone here leaves a little doubt as to its interpretation, from the first part if the phrase it must be strongly suspected that 'settle' in the sense of 'possibly not getting the best option' is meant.
another consideration is that it would have been easy to add 'down' it the author wanted to say that, whereas 'settle for...'would have required a whole line od words which he wanted to avoid.
While not overly common, I have heard 'settle in that sense various times


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## MarlyK

William Stein said:


> I don't want to open this rather distasteful can of worms again but in the case of 'I would ather be single than settle" it's absolutely absurd to claim that it has nothing to do with settling down. Okay it also has the (substandard and mysteriously absent from any dictionary except the Urban Dictionary of slang) meaning of "to settle for less" but on a bi-lingual website for people learning English I think the important point is that it's a stupid expression that should never be used in writing in any serious publication.
> You say you are 42 and have heard it said by several women: How does that prove that it is not a recent fad?



It's not absent from any dictionary, as you claim. At least it appears online in the following dictionary:

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/settle (Under Definition 1.3)

In any event, this forum serves to clarify doubts regarding all types of language questions, be they hoity-toity formal or street slang, so the question of whether or not a meaning is a "fad" or not isn't relevant. Languages are always changing and something what may have been a fad at one point in history may in the end become an accepted meaning. Only time will tell. 

Regardless, people post here because they want to know what a word means, period. We are not the RAE. There has been ample evidence that the phrase in question can be understood in many different ways; whether we find those meanings offensive or not is beside the point.  Anyway, one of the reasons I read and post here is precisely because it can be so much fun to learn.


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## William Stein

MarlyK said:


> It's not absent from any dictionary, as you claim. At least it appears online in the following dictionary:
> 
> http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/settle (Under Definition 1.3)
> 
> In any event, this forum serves to clarify doubts regarding all types of language questions, be they hoity-toity formal or street slang, so the question of whether or not a meaning is a "fad" or not isn't relevant. Languages are always changing and something what may have been a fad at one point in history may in the end become an accepted meaning. Only time will tell.
> 
> Regardless, people post here because they want to know what a word means, period. We are not the RAE. There has been ample evidence that the phrase in question can be understood in many different ways; whether we find those meanings offensive or not is beside the point.  Anyway, one of the reasons I read and post here is precisely because it can be so much fun to learn.



Absolutely wrong, that's my whole point, the correct form is "settled for"!:
13. [NO OBJECT] (*settle for*) Accept or agree to (something that one considers to be less thansatisfactory):_it was too cold for champagne so they settled for a cup of tea_
You say it isn't relevant whether or not a word is just a fad, but there again you're dead wrong because it's extremely important for foreigners to know when and where they can use a word, and if it is not in any dictionary and is unknown to a large percentage of native speakers (including all non-US English speakers, as far as I can tell from the comments), then they should definitely think twice before using it.


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## MarlyK

Whether or not a word is correct usually comes out in the discussion. Someone usually makes sure to point that out, as well as whether something is slang, etc. Please don't forget that people come here to post about words they hear in many different places and they often just want to know what the meaning is, not just whether it's grammatical or accepted. Nowadays in the U.S. the word settle is often used by itself just in the way me and others have posted. Who cares who is right or wrong anyway? The entire conversation has shown that the original phrase is ambiguous unless we're given more context.


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## William Stein

MarlyK said:


> Whether or not a word is correct usually comes out in the discussion. Someone usually makes sure to point that out, as well as whether something is slang, etc. Please don't forget that people come here to post about words they here in many different places and they often just want to know what the meaning is, not just whether it's grammatical or accepted. Nowadays in the U.S. the word settle is often used by itself just in the way me and others have posted. Who cares who is right or wrong anyway? The entire conversation has shown that the original phrase is ambiguous unless we're given more context.



I think it's fine to explain what it's supposed to mean and to identify it (as one would identify a venomous snake, for example), but I think it should be made clear to foreigners that it should be avoided. I used to teach English and students would often throw in some completely inappropriate slang in the middle of an essay, and it's completely ridiculous. This is even worse because the chances are you wouldn't even be understood outside a limited group.


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## Translostlation

"Más vale vestir santos que desvestir borrachos"


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## William Stein

Translostlation said:


> "Más vale vestir santos que desvestir borrachos"



Que poesía más sublime! Se puede saber lo quiere decir?


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## Lurrezko

William Stein said:


> Que poesía más sublime! Se puede saber lo quiere decir?



_Quedarse para vestir santos_ es un modismo popular que significa quedarse soltero/soltera. A veces, cuando a una mujer le soltaban esa frase, que por lo demás siempre es algo humillante o desdeñosa, respondía eso:
_
¡Más vale vestir santos que desvestir borrachos!_

Viene a ser el (controvertido) tema del hilo, pero en versión española castiza.

Un saludo


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## aztlaniano

William Stein said:


> Que poesía más sublime! Se puede saber lo quiere decir?


Better to be an old maid than to be married to a drunkard.

Edit -
Lurrezko beat me to it.


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## William Stein

aztlaniano said:


> Better to be an old maid than to be married to a drunkard.
> 
> Edit -
> Lurrezko beat me to it.



I see, that's a good translation, thanks.


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## Bonjules

Better late than sorry

Or, obviously even more to the point:

Better single than sorry.


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## Argieman

William Stein said:


> I see, that's a good translation, thanks.


 "se quedó para vestir santos" es una frase muy antigua, de cuando las damas solteras se encargaban de vestir a la persona (familiar, vecino, etc) muerta. Cuando la dama soltera llegaba a una cierta edad, se le decía "solterona"


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