# Why are women ''crazy'' about weddings?



## Cracker Jack

Lest I be accused of being sexist, I would like to hear from our female foreros married and unmarried and guys too.  Your responses would be enlightening to me.  I always wondered why women are especially delighted about the thought of getting married, marching through the aisle and wearing wedding gowns, exchanging ''I do's,'' tossing wedding bouquets, etc.  

It seems to me that the hustle and bustle associated with a forthcoming wedding, and the events surrounding it drive brides-to-be crazy.  In spite of the rigors (or is there any???) associated with wedding preparations, women are just ecstatic.

Another thing, the gals who snatches the bouquet is just as thrilled to no end.  Thank you in advance.


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## ElaineG

I really don't know.  The thought of wearing an awkward white dress, having my picture taken 8,000X, having to plan an enormous expensive party for 300 of my "closest" friends and relatives, having my entire assortment of lunatic relatives under one roof, etc. etc. has always filled me with nothing but dread, which is one reason why Mr. Panda and I co-exist happily without official sanction of law or God.  If we ever choose to change that, it will be in secret either at City Hall or on a tropical island.

I have despised every one of my outings as a bridesmaid.  I believe the American wedding industry is an insidious capitalist plot to destroy the happiness of women (well, not really, but...).  

Maybe I'm not really female.

I don't know that women in general are really so ecstatic about weddings -- it usually seems to be a source of a lot of stress, competitive urges, frenetic dieting etc. etc.  And most of my friends say that the whole thing goes by in a blur.


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## badgrammar

I once had that dream too, I think it comes from fairy-tales and Barbies and being the beautiful queen of the day.

Got married, had a big, if funky, wedding.  Hated it, it was really such a drag, the whole frikkin' family, couldn't even sneak away to smoke with my girlfriends.  Boring, tedious and highly stressful.  Not one ounce of pleasure , to tell the truth.  Someone sold me a dream about a big white wedding, but I wanted my money back!  I had been duped!  It sucked!

So the second (and last) time around, just the two of us flew off to New Orleans, stayed in a fancy hotel, went to the town hall where the secretary was our witness and some other guy was kind enough to take pictures.  Margharitas poolside, eating étouffé and listening to some good music followed.  Much better that way.


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## Cereth

Hola Cracker JacK!

My point of view, and what i list below are only examples, they don´t intent to represent the reality of any forera:

Well...let´s say that since we are babies this freaking idea of the super prince charming rescuing the damsel in distress is seen in almost all the fairy tales that mothers tell us at night, so we start to imagine that scene as pleasant because we relate that moment (fantasy) and link it with a current pleasant moment (the company of our mother or another beloved one), also tv shows and society enhance how beautiful princess are, how delicate, charming and special are princesses...but well..we grow up and discover all that is a lie, that not all men are princes, that rock music and sex are more pleasant than the cloudy kingdom, etc etc....

but it doesn´t matter how many good or bad experiences the woman have had at the end when she thinks she has found the good one (man) and that man results to be charming and willing to pay for a wedding...well then she feels such day is the "date" , her date for shining as the most beautiful of the stars, such day all the people will gather for her and celebrate her and give her gifts and blessings ..for her, for her, only for her....that day she is the super star...you know what I mean? That day the prince will marry her and no other female guest will look better than her (is the rule) her dress will be the most spectacular for sure ,as well as her make up, shoes....she is the center of the world...

hahahaha is this shallow, fool or meaningless?? ...maybe....but it also a human celebration that has deep fingerprints not only in society but in woman´s brain a mark left by her mother, grandmother, and foremothers...an evolution? mark indeed....
Although this way of seeing marriage and weedings is changing as you well know, because we are discovering that being Queens for a day and beggars for the rest for our lives is not a fair deal.... we are starting to say is it worthy??...mmmm
but hey princess thing stills being tempting hahahaha.....
for further info read about: Aprendizaje vicario -social learning theory- & condicionamiento operante -Operant conditioning- of Albert Bandura and B.F Skinner.


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## juliet1982

Hi! I don`t have the faintest idea why women are so crazy about getting married in a church and wearing those silly white dresses. I hope not to be asked to get married because I don't feel comfortable when I got in churches, at all! What is more, I think that is quite hipocritycal to wear white dresses, taking into account that the white dress represents "purity", I wonder how many women are virgin when they got married!!!!! . Do you know what I would do with all that money that I would save thanks not getting married and not throwing a party? I would travel around Europe several weeks with my boyfriend!!!! Cheers! Juliet 

P.S. As English is not my mother tongue, corrections will be appreciated!!!


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## emma42

juliet1982 said:


> Hi! I don`t have the faintest idea why women are so crazy about getting married in a church and wearing those silly white dresses. I hope not to be asked to get married because I don't feel comfortable when I *go into/am in *churches, at all! What is more, I think that is quite *hypocritical *to wear white dresses, taking into account that the white dress represents "purity", I wonder how many women are *virgins *when they *get *married!!!!! . Do you know what I would do with all that money that I would save thanks not getting married and not throwing a party? I would travel around Europe *for *several weeks with my boyfriend!!!! Cheers! Juliet
> 
> P.S. As English is not my mother tongue, corrections will be appreciated!!!


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## juliet1982

Thank you Emma, your corrections are very useful to  me!!! Best wishes. Juliet.


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## elroy

A few more corrections:


> Hi! I don't have the faintest idea why women are so crazy about getting married in a church and wearing those silly white dresses. I hope not to be asked to get married because I don't feel comfortable when I *go into/am in *churches, not at all! What is more, I think that it is quite *hypocritical *to wear white dresses, taking into account that the white dress represents "purity." I wonder how many women are *virgins *when they *get *married!!!!!  Do you know what I would do with all that money that I would save thanks to not getting married and not throwing a party? I would travel around Europe *for *several weeks with my boyfriend!!!! Cheers! Juliet
> 
> P.S. As English is not my mother tongue, corrections will be appreciated!!!


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## emma42

Ah, yes, thanks Elroy, although I don't think the "not" is necessary before " at all".


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## elroy

It was more of a stylistic improvement than anything else.  Without the "not," I think the "after all" is too far away from "comfortable."  But anyway, this is the CD forum; I'm happy to continue this discussion by PM if you wish.


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## .   1

Not all women are drawn to the pomp and pagentry.  When I popped to question to the prospective Mrs. .,, and was accepted we decided to elope and were married in a park in the country with seven friends present.  One of the friends performed the service and then we trooped off to the local RSL for a feed.  Total cost was less than a grand and we kept the suit and dress for formal occasions.

.,,


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## Etcetera

ElaineG said:


> I really don't know. The thought of wearing an awkward white dress, having my picture taken 8,000X, having to plan an enormous expensive party for 300 of my "closest" friends and relatives, having my entire assortment of lunatic relatives under one roof, etc. etc. has always filled me with nothing but dread.


I totally agree! 
The very question "Oh Anna, you're such a big girl now! And when can we all come together for your wedding?" makes me feel like Scrat the Squirrel when she falls in the water and finds herself surrounded by the Piranhas. I can't imagine myself wearing that white dress and walking along the street with people staring at me. 
I don't believe that official marriage is what makes feelings stronger and the woman happier. But I would like to be married in church, most probably in a Catholic church. And surely I wouldn't invite _all _my relatives and friends! 

Mind you, it was only my opinion. Most Russian girls won't agree with me.


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## zaigucis

Etcetera said:


> I don't believe that official marriage is what makes feelings stronger and the woman happier.


 
I agree. 
I dont want to be married at all  I have been to 6 weddings and only 2 was in church. Other was in "Zaks" (I dont know how to translate). 
2 was very small. 
But I like to go to wedding party. We have lot of wedding traditions in Latvia, and we usually play lot of games. It is very interesting , when 3-4 generations spend time together and have fun.


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## cyanista

zaigucis said:


> I agree.
> I dont want to be married at all  I have been to 6 weddings and only 2 was in church. Other was in "Zaks" (I dont know how to translate).



ZAGS is the abbreviation for the Civil Registry Office (in Russian ЗАГС, отдел *з*аписей *а*ктов *г*ражданского *с*остояния) that originated in Soviet times and is still used in many republics of the ex-USSR.


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## Violet Green

ElaineG said:


> *I have despised every one of my outings as a bridesmaid. I believe the American wedding industry is an insidious capitalist plot to destroy the happiness of women (well, not really, but...). *
> 
> *Maybe I'm not really female.*




Ladies, you just made me laugh my head off. 

Thanks, ElaineG, Badgrammar and others - I'm happy to join the no-wedding gang. 
(Incidentally, for every woman who gets married there is also a man who gets married - so maybe they also feel duped and cheated, but are busy taking it stoically)


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## Bilma

I am Mexican and I do not believe in the wedding industry either. I am married and I chose not to have a wedding, for some unknown reason it was never my "dream". Of course, this is not the norm for Mexican women.

Something I have always found funny is pregnant women getting married, big weddings with the "white" dress and a big belly! Then it is said the baby was premature!.


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## Poetic Device

For me there were two engagements:  My high school sweetheart and my husband.

When I was going to marry my high school sweetheart there was a lot to do with the "queen for a day" feeling.  It was also the fact that there was a huge event to plan and with some thing that big that is only SUPPOSED to happen once in a lifetime I wanted it to be perfect.  Unfortunately, no, thank GOD he and I never even got past saving $800 for it.  (But that's another story, and I digress.)

With my engagement/wedding to my husband, I still had giddiness but not as much (personal thing).  Now I knew what had to be done and eventhoughI was still happy with going all over the place with him in order to get everything, I was more focused and whatnot. 

I guess the main reason why women get so giddy is because this is a once in a lifetime event that is catered to thier taste and needs.  Not only that, but they know that that if this is not the first it will be the last time something will be all about them.


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## Poetic Device

Bilma said:


> Something I have always found funny is pregnant women getting married, big weddings with the "white" dress and a big belly! Then it is said the baby was premature!.


I have to agree with you on this one.  THat's kinda messed.


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## zaigucis

cyanista said:


> ZAGS is the abbreviation for the Civil Registry Office (in Russian ЗАГС, отдел *з*аписей *а*ктов *г*ражданского *с*остояния) that originated in Soviet times and is still used in many republics of the ex-USSR.


 
Yes, it is true. I just didnt know how to explain. Thanks


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## maxiogee

Violet Green said:


> for every woman who gets married there is also a man who gets married



Not necessarily - Women tend to marry more than men. More women seem to engage in serial matrimony. 
For Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor and others, there were more husbands than there were wives


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## Etcetera

Bilma said:


> Something I have always found funny is pregnant women getting married, big weddings with the "white" dress and a big belly! Then it is said the baby was premature!.


I find it really odd when a pregnant bride wears *white *dress. Traditionally, brides wear white as a symbol of their purity and virginity.


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## Violet Green

But Maxiogee, as far as I know, everytime Liz Taylor got married, it was to a man?


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## GenJen54

Moderator Note: I'd like to request we get the thread back on topic:


> I always wondered why [or why not] women are especially delighted about the thought of getting married, marching through the aisle and wearing wedding gowns, exchanging ''I do's,'' tossing wedding bouquets, etc.


 
Words in red are my addition. 

This thread seems to be delving a bit too close to chat, and not close enough to serious discussion on why - culturally - women get caught up in the whole "marriage" thing.


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## Violet Green

I always wondered why [or why not] 
Hi,
The words you added in red, Genjen54, are very useful... Maybe we got off theme because we disagreed with the assumption that
"women are especially delighted about the thought of getting married"


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## TrentinaNE

It seems fairly simple to me.  Most young girls are told fairy-tales about princesses, who seem to have a charmed life.  Being a bride (long dress with train, "ladies in waiting," showered with gifts, the center of attention, overall pageantry and hoopla) is the closest most females will get to that fairytale image.


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## maxiogee

maxiogee said:


> Not necessarily - Women tend to marry more than men. More women seem to engage in serial matrimony.
> For Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor and others, there were more husbands than there were wives





Violet Green said:


> But Maxiogee, as far as I know, everytime Liz Taylor got married, it was to a man?



There was one woman and one man at each of the weddings, certainly, but it was one woman / eight marriages / seven men (R Burton was a repeat offender). You said…


Violet Green said:


> for every woman who gets married there is also a man who gets married


… I just pointed put that it isn't always a 1:1 ratio. She was 1:7, Zsa Zsa Gabor was 1:8


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## TrentinaNE

Until someone has statistics comparing the percentages of men and women who have ever married, anecdotes will get us nowhere.  After all, Henry Fonda and Clark Gable each married 5 times, and Johnny Carson married 4 times.  I wouldn't look to movie stars as representative of things marital anyway.


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## Poetic Device

Why do women get married?  This is a fun article for that:
http://www.abcmarriedwomen.com/why_do_women_get_married.html

I tried to get something statistically, however my search was in vain.  Sorry.


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## Cereth

Many have said why they don´t want to get married, but are not answering to the original question...

the topic is not: what do you prefer getting or not getting married?


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## GenJen54

Cereth said:


> Many have said why they don´t want to get married, but are not answering the original question...
> 
> the topic is not what do you prefer getting or not getting married?


 
Thank you, Cereth.  

Once again, I need to ask people to please stick to the topic.  This is not a thread about sharing personal anecdotes only.  If there are specific reasons in your culture as to why women in society prefer / do not prefer marriage, please feel free to discuss. 

Thank you.


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## ireney

I personally don't feel the necessity to get married to my loved one. Since however he wants us to get married and he's reasonable enough to just want to be married in a city hall with barely any witnesses I don't mind (see? reversed "roles).

I am however  a minority. I mean that most of my girl-friends  look at me as if I have grown an extra head complete with antennae, green warts and 5 eyes.

Why? I can only make assumptions on the matter since I personally don't share this sentiment.

a) You are expected to marry and to want to be married and to anticipate getting married. You are expected to do so from the word go or, to be more precise, from the "congratulations it's a girl".

b) you hear at what a bride goes through but you don't see it. You see only what can be described as "glamour". Nice big dress, everybody's attention on the bride, someone to do the make up for you, someone else to do your hair etc. It looks as something enviable and people tend not to listen to others telling them not to put their hand on the hot stove.

c)you get pestered by every single family member and friend. In my case I am happy to say that I won't have any problem from my father and mother (the only ones whose objections would cause me any grief although I wouldn't capitulate anyway); I hear however that my future mother-in-law her daughter-in-law (none of who has even met me) plan a nice big Catholic wedding (not taking into consideration that i. we are going to refuse ii. we are both atheists iii. I am baptised as an Orthodox and what if I wanted a nice big Orthodox wedding?). And that's us being lucky mind you.

d) You stop being a Miss and you become a Mrs. In fact in Greek the words for Miss and Mrs actually mean the same (the one for Miss being in the diminutive form though) BUT the word for Mrs and Mr come from the same root and it sort of sticks to girls mind that being a Mrs is vastly superior to being a Miss.


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## TrentinaNE

GenJen54 said:


> Thank you, Cereth.
> 
> Once again, I need to ask people to please stick to the topic. This is not a thread about sharing personal anecdotes only. If there are specific reasons in your culture as to why women in society prefer / do not prefer marriage, please feel free to discuss.
> 
> Thank you.


I thought the topic was weddings, not marriage.  The two are not synonymous.   

Elisabetta


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## Span_glish

In Guatemala, usually the celebration depends on the financial situation of the families.  In the past, the groom and/or his family used to pay for the engagement ring, the "white" wedding dress and the honeymoon.  While the bride's family used to take care of the ceremony and reception expenses.
I believe that's different now, at least it was when I got married.  We both shared the expenses and had a nice, simple wedding.  I must add that a lot of our friends sponsored some of the expenses, such as food, drinks, pictures, etc.  It was not only a great help but it also made it more special for us.
We did things a little different because of the difference in our religions, and we also kind of "personalized" some of the rituals.  Needless to say, some of my relatives were not very happy because it was not the "traditional" wedding.  I personally don't understand why there have to be standards and requirements to be met for such a personal event.
If I did it again, I would just set up a small gathering and have a longer honeymoon.


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## AcrophobicPixie

My mother has been planning my wedding to some imaginary boyfriend for the past 3 years or so. Since I lived in the Philadelphia area, she has got it in her head that I have to have a huge mummer wedding. She wants the string band I was in to play, and walk me down the aisle, so I don't have to worry about which one of my dad's (biological and step) will do the job. I also must give at least a year's warning, so a cookie table can be started. (My mom, sisters, and other random family members will be baking cookies for the entire year, freeze them, and then lay them out on a huge banquet table for the reception. It should be enough to last through the entire party, and have leftovers for myself and the groom to be to live off of for a month )
And the bouquet/garter tossing? I don't know why the guys get excited, since most guys I know complain that marriage sucks, but whoever catches the aforesaid item is supposed to be the next to get married out of that group, typically within six months to a year. I caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, and I haven't even dated anyone, so that can't be true.


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## maxiogee

Cracker Jack said:


> Lest I be accused of being sexist, I would like to hear from our female foreros married and unmarried and guys too.  Your responses would be enlightening to me.  I always wondered why women are especially delighted about the thought of getting married, marching through the aisle and wearing wedding gowns, exchanging ''I do's,'' tossing wedding bouquets, etc.



Have you seen any weddings up close - seen the whole works, the preparations, the choosing and the buying of the wedding dress, the arrangements for the service and for the reception?

I find it hard to believe that anyone who has seen all this, and lives in a society where these things are an important part of the wedding process, would feel the need to ask the question posed here.

The wedding-day, and to a lesser extent the weeks of preparation for it, is all about the bride. She is the focus of attention for so many people, and on the day itself everything revolves around her. What person - male or female - could live in a western, or a westernised, society and not want to be the focus of attention for once.

Most people don't get to 'shine' in life in a way which is noticed by others. We have our petty moments - passing examinations, getting our first job, buying our first home, and other personal highlights - but these things pass by our neighbours unnoticed and unremarked. A wedding is not one of these events - the neighbours all know, our friends are all involved, our remote families (cousins we may never see again) are invited and involved and looking totally at the woman.

Who wouldn't want that?

In the overall scheme of things a wedding is not really all that important, but we have made it so. We attach huge importance to it for those taking part. Many of society's rites of passage are performed en masse with our peers, but this is an event we undertake at our own behest, and in our own time. We all feel the need occasionally, or sometimes more so, to be 'important' for a while. It validates us.


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## Cracker Jack

Thank you very much for your replies.  I have seen from different perspectives and that I have come to conclude that those who are really dazed by the prospect on marching down the aisle wearing an immaculate white gown are far-outnumbered by those who think otherwise.  I have also seen that single women who are planning to marry in the near future are not at all that enthusiastic.

I am glad that women nowadays ahun away from the pomp and glamor that were usually associated with weddings.  I for one personally think that it does not seem wise to spend so much on an occasion and be left wanting later, financially, that is.  Elizabeth Taylor et al have the means so probably they can afford to marry more than once.


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