# Private messages: language questions



## Loob

Since - pretty much - day 1 in the forums, I've been receiving Private Messages asking me to comment on language issues relating to the forums I normally frequent. 

I usually reply that their question is better addressed in the forums, where they will get a wider range of answers; and (if appropriate) that in any event I would want to abide by the forum rules.

I've seen that at least one other forero's profile includes the warning "don't PM me about language issues: I won't even reply".

How do other foreros deal with this?

Loob


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## elroy

As a general rule, I send people like that to the forums, and I encourage all of you to do the same.


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## TrentinaNE

Loob said:


> I've seen that at least one other forero's profile includes the warning "don't PM me about language issues: I won't even reply".


Simply not replying -- without this disclaimer -- is also an option.  

Elisabetta


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## Nunty

I don't reply unless it's someone I already know from the forums. Then, if they have a special request and I have the time and inclination, I help. If not I send a short note thanking them for the compliment and explaining I don't have the time available to help them. I guess I'm kind of a patsy, actually.


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## badgrammar

Well, I'd say I do like Nun-T, I don't reply to PMs asking me language questions that could just as well be treated on the board, unless I recognize the person's monicker (and like them  ).  I used to reply, but hey!  It got old. 

The only times I would and have done so is when the person has a special request that for whatever reason, I am up to helping with.  And that, my friends, is because I have sollicited other (almost unknown) members of the board with my special requests, too !


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## Etcetera

I once helped a woman who needed to translate something into Russian - I understood that it was very important and urgent; I had some time, so I didn't see any point in recommending her to ask her question in the forums. 
But normally I advise people to go and post their question in the Slavic Languages forum. If I don't like the tone of the PM (it's not very polite or anything), I simply don't answer.


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## Nunty

Etcetera said:


> I once helped a woman who needed to translate something into Russian - I understood that it was very important and urgent; I had some time, so I didn't see any point in recommending her to ask her question in the forums.
> But normally I advise people to go and post their question in the Slavic Languages forum. If I don't like the tone of the PM (it's not very polite or anything), I simply don't answer.


Oh right, I didn't add that, but I do the same thing. Someone recently sent me a longish proofreading request (indicating that it should be done right away) and didn't even use the word please. I consider that I demonstrated admirable forbearance by simply not answering.


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## zazap

Loob said:


> Since - pretty much - day 1 in the forums, I've been receiving Private Messages asking me to comment on language issues relating to the forums I normally frequent.


Really?
I wasn't aware of this practice, as this has never happened to me.  I did receive an email a couple of days ago though asking me to translate something.  I thought it was weird because I didn't know the person.  I don't think it was proofreading or anything, and her/his request could have perfectly been posted in the forums.  I wonder why people do that, as the forums usually provide fast answers.

  I didn't reply...


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## TraductoraPobleSec

Have a look at this thread: it might be of your interest http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=487404

I've been sent private messages almost since day one by people I don't even come across regularly. I don't reply, this is my choice. I believe it's a very cheeky attitude to ask people do work for you, especially translations: we translators have to survive, haven't we? I need to pay my mortgage, my grocery shopping... I cannot afford to work for free... I guess you agree with me!

Have a good evening all


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## Etcetera

zazap said:


> I wonder why people do that, as the forums usually provide fast answers.


They may be afraid that their question would be considered off-topic. Or they may want to get an answer really fast, so they looks through the list of members who are online at the moment and choose the one they know to be a native speaker of the language needed.


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## Argónida

A mí nunca me ha pasado. Se debe haber dado cuenta todo el mundo de que no sé gran cosa


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## zazap

Argónida said:


> A mí nunca me ha pasado. Se debe haber dado cuenta todo el mundo de que no sé gran cosa


Pues ya ves, estaba pensando lo mismo... ¡No saber mucho tendrá sus ventajas!


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## jonquiliser

Also never happened to me - only some time did someone write me to ask whether I could answer a thread they had opened, as they had got few or unsatisfactory answers at the time. And fair enough, I don't mind those requests. I have also made similar requests to others. All up to each and everyone whether or not to answer. 



> A mí nunca me ha pasado. Se debe haber dado cuenta todo el mundo de que no sé gran cosa



zazap y aragónida, me parece que este es mi caso también


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## TraductoraPobleSec

Argónida, Zazap y Jonquiliser:

No os desmerezcáis de este modo... Personalmente siempre disfruto con vuestras aportaciones  ¡En serio!

Como profesional de la traducción sigo opinando que las solicitudes de traducciones no deberían aceptarse: de lo contrario, esto será el comienzo del fin del sector. En alguna ocasión he recibido a través de PM textos bastante largos...

En fin... Have a great week end all!


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## Whodunit

It depends. 

I sometimes get such threads in which people ask me to translate this or that from German into English or vice versa, because they fear to be laughed at in the forums. If the person has 0, 1 or hardly more posts, I don't reply, because they just use me as a free translator with a better quality than an automatic translator you can find all over the Internet. If the person has already 500 posts (but I haven't come across himself) asking me what this text says, I'm willing to occupy myself a bit with the text. It's the same with proofreading: A short paragraph I would proofread even for someone I don't know (if he asks me kindly, of course!), and if I have some time when I can't do better things because of certain circumstances ...

Normally, I point the foreros to the forums; sometimes they post their question there, sometimes they don't. If they do, I know that they are (at least a bit) interested in the language. If they don't, I feel to have done the right thing and not responded to their request.



jonquiliser said:


> only some time did someone write me to ask whether I could answer a thread they had opened, as they had got few or unsatisfactory answers at the time. And fair enough, I don't mind those requests. I have also made similar requests to others. All up to each and everyone whether or not to answer.


 
Yes, that's by all means all right. And if I know that I can't answer his question, I will explain it to him/her via PM.


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## Thomas1

The thing is that it is sometimes impossible to post on a forum what we want to as the rules stipulate otherwise. What if someone writes an essay, they learn a language on their own and don't have anyone who could proofread their work. This someone can see no mistakes in the essay so cannot ask specific questions regarding their work. Then again, this person may not be sure whether they have made mistakes or not. There are also other reasons for which someone don't want to submit their request on a forum, like for instance the message's content is too personal and they don't want it to be revealed. I've got a few messages like these ones and saw nothing wrong in helping others, provided the PM wasn't rude, and the text wasn't too long. I was even more eager to help such people when I saw their interest in the language--I must admit it was a kind of a pleasure then since they spurred me to thinking. 


Tom


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## Silvia B

It happened to me also quite a few times.
Nice to see I wasn't the only one 

At the beginning I didn't know how to behave, because I felt I wasn't good enough to teach someone. 
I never close a PM without answering, I feel it is really rude.
It depends on how the question is posed:
if it is a general request which could be post in the forum, I give a short answer with an explanation and then ask the person to start a new thread.
On the other hand, if someone is asking me a favour for a specific reason, and this person seems to be kind and nice  I am glad to help.

After all, I may need something one day as well...
And it is always good to be nice to other people. We are here for this reason actually. To help and be helped. 

Always remembering to respect one another.

And, hey! It can be a way to know a member better and maybe create a little friendship! Like I did with someone. Great exchange.


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## panjabigator

It seems like you all are being blasted with PMs quite regularly!  I have received such requests only a handful of times, and I usually do them because there isn't that much request for Panjabi in general, so I jump at the opportunity.  That said, I prefer that a thread be opened so interest may increase and so that other opinions may be added. 

I always reply to PMs though...it would be rude not to.  But I guess if someone is kind of demanding in a PM, and when you get several a day and you're already busy enough...


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## Etcetera

I don't see anything wrong in not answering a message you don't like. For example, if someone sends you a message just for chat, it's absolutely OK not to answer, in my opinion. 
And if the message shows its sender's lack of manners, it's perfectly OK to ignore such a message, too.


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## Silvia B

Etcetera said:


> I don't see anything wrong in not answering a message you don't like. For example, if someone sends you a message just for chat, it's absolutely OK not to answer, in my opinion.
> And if the message shows its sender's lack of manners, it's perfectly OK to ignore such a message, too.



well, if the sender is impolite then I would of course not answer!!!
and if it is to chat there must be a reason. Fx, I would like to chat with you or send you e-mail because you come from that country and I am interested in that place, or because I know you work as "i don't know what" and I think it is great, or something else.

What I mean is: when someone is kind while asking, he can ask and he will get a reply. Otherwise I may reply once and then stop considering those PMs


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## Etcetera

Silvia B said:


> What I mean is: when someone is kind while asking, he can ask and he will get a reply. Otherwise I may reply once and then stop considering those PMs


Yes, exactly. 
And there's also such nice thing as Ignore List.


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## AngelEyes

The only rude member who PM'd me ended up also writing me a very nice apology.

My policy is to answer every PM I ever receive. And I have never said no to anybody who's written to me and asked for help.

Everybody I've ever helped has always been unfailingly polite and nice to me, so it always comes back for the good. And I've actually received quite a few PM's that were very complimentary, and I never did a thing for them.

I feel that if someone comes to me, it's in my best interest to give whatever help they ask for and I feel I'm able to give. I've asked a person on this board for help by PM on English grammar and punctuation and he's very generously helped me.

There are also several others who have aided me in ways I can never repay them. That's why I never say no to anyone who comes to me.

If someone seems down or their post sounds like they need a boost, I will write and give them words of encouragement. 

Also, if someone needs to be corrected or they need clarification on something I've written, sometimes I'll do it by PM, so as not to embarrass them in front of everybody.

My feeling is that when you say no, you stop the flow of goodness in the world. Why would I want to do that if it's my choice to make?



*AngelEyes*


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## PhilFrEn

In my opinion, a PM is what it is, a Private Message. It is up to you to answer or not, that's your business!

It if feel like helping someone, you take your time to do it. If you're bored because the queries are more and more, and the guy sends you his 34 messages of the day, don't answer, that's that easy I think.


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## johnL

Silvia B said:


> And, hey! It can be a way to know a member better and maybe create a little friendship! Like I did with someone. Great exchange.


Yes, indeed, Silvia! Eight months ago, I sent a PM to someone who helped me with a question on the forum. She lives in France, I live in the US. Last month, she came to the US to visit me! Wow!


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## Loob

It's happening more and more.  And it's driving me mad!  I feel guilty when I don't answer, but I suspect that's the only solution.

Aaaaaargh!


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## TimLA

Loob said:


> It's happening more and more. And it's driving me mad! I feel guilty when I don't answer, but I suspect that's the only solution.
> 
> Aaaaaargh!


 
Free yourself! Leave the guilt behind you!
Your "obligation" is to the forum not to PM's.
Bah! Humbug!

(Posting this information probably encouraged a few more...)


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## Loob

Thanks, Tim! And thanks to everyone who answered the original post three years ago. Lots of wise words.

Perhaps I'll get one of those "positive thinking" CDs to help me live with the guilt....


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## AngelEyes

Loob,

I _know_ you don't say no all the time. 

How do you feel when you _do_ reply/help/inform?

To me, guilt expends more energy in the body than just "going ahead and getting it done."

I totally agree this subject is for each individual to decide, but I don't understand the reaction of not going with the flow of the universe.

I'm not talking about becoming a doormat. I mean sending out positiive energy, knowing none of it will be wasted.


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## TimLA

I'm sure Loob will chime in, but I'll give my perspective.
I used to try to help all that asked, but then, someone contacted me and asked for help, nicely, and they had been nice on the forum I hang around, so I said "yes".
Well, 62 pages later (count 'em - *sixty two*) I learned my lesson.
I had given my word, so I did the best I could.
I'll occasionally help now, but rarely.
Go to the WR dictionary and look-up the word "stupid" or "gullible" or "doormat" - you'll see my avatar.


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## AngelEyes

I helped this French filmmaker a few years ago. It was fascinating. I got to see streets in France on my screen I never would have seen. I was able to see how the creative French mind works. I learned stuff that was great.

What did I get in return? Invaluable help from other French members here. Maybe not from him, but it still returned. Nothing I did was wasted. When you open the door of your brain and share, your whole body responds.

Tim, surely you learned something from those 62 pages. Even if you think you didn't, you did something nice. That kind of karma will surely bounce back to you. If you think about it, I bet something good came your way after that incident. All you remember is feeling manipulated and used. Change your perspective because it sounds like you're just naturally giving. You might as well do it with joy.


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## Loob

AngelEyes, I think there are a couple of different issues here...

I'm happy to look at questions/texts from people I know, or questions which follow up threads I've participated in.  What I'm talking about here is out-of-the-blue requests (usually for proofreading) from people I don't know - often people with zero posts in the forums. My reaction to such requests is nearly always "no, I don't want to do this". I don't feel obliged to help, any more than I feel obliged to answer every single question posed in English Only.  

I don't have a problem with feeling that I don't want to help.  What gets me is feeling that I have to reply in order to explain why I'm not going to help. It's a bit like feeling that you have to apologise to the thread-starter for every thread you don't participate in.

I'm grateful to those who've told me, both in the thread and in PMs, that they don't feel guilty not replying. My problem is that like Karine (merci, Karine!) I was brought up to reply to letters. Perhaps I just need to tweak my attitude.  As the _sane and well-balanced_ Hamlet said, "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so"....


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## AngelEyes

So this is about feeling guilty just for one thing: not letting people know you don't want to help them - which causes no guilt at all???

Urrrr...okay.

I did state earlier I'm fine with whatever members want to do - I mean, that's their business. I'm not the PM POLICE or anything.


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## Cagey

Loob said:


> [....] My problem is that like Karine (merci, Karine!) I was brought up to reply to letters. Perhaps I just need to tweak my attitude.  As the _sane and well-balanced_ Hamlet said, "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so"....


 Maybe you need a kindly worded note that you can copy and paste as a reply.  You could explain, as you do in the first post in the thread, that you prefer to contribute to the public forum.  When you copy it, you can add comments specific to the person's request if you are moved to. Otherwise you should feel comfortable that you have done the right thing by telling them that you are not available so they can do something else ~ preferably post in the forum.


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## Nanon

Loob said:


> I don't have a problem with feeling that I don't want to help.  What gets me is feeling that I have to reply in order to explain why I'm not going to help. <...>
> 
> I'm grateful to those who've told me, both in the thread and in PMs, that they don't feel guilty not replying. My problem is that like Karine (merci, Karine!) I was brought up to reply to letters.


Same here . It's hard not to feel guilty when a poor soul asks for help. And I do have a "super-ego" problem: "help thy neighbour according to  thy power", "you should reply to all letters (or e-mail), and return all  phone calls". I feel afraid  some people will think that I don't want to waste my precious time answering private requests .

However I do believe that I contribute more giving answers that everybody can see and use (although I won't win a prize for humility with this comment ), i.e. that public forum work is much more useful and helpful to a greater number of people.


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## Nunty

I just scrolled up and found my earlier posts in this thread. I find that my habits have not changed:
* If it's someone I know from the forum and I have the time to answer and think I can do a decent job, I do it.
* If I don't have the time or if it is specialized and outside my expertise, I send a polite note thanking them for thinking of me and referring them to the forums.
* If it's a cold call (random PM), I send a brief reply about the purpose of the forums being public discussion and I sign it as a moderator.
* If it's a cold call and rude, I don't reply.


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## Vanda

Nunty said:


> I just scrolled up and found my earlier posts in this thread. I find that my habits have not changed:
> * If it's someone I know from the forum and I have the time to answer and think I can do a decent job, I do it.
> * If I don't have the time or if it is specialized and outside my expertise, I send a polite note thanking them for thinking of me and referring them to the forums.
> * If it's a cold call (random PM), I send a brief reply about the purpose of the forums being public discussion and I sign it as a moderator.
> * If it's a cold call and rude, I don't reply.



Same here. Couldn't say it better, just adding another one.
The ZERO posts forero that sends a PM asking for personal help. If I have time I'll redirect him to the forum or reply if the question is very personal, most of the times I don't reply to it.


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