# a man does not use his tongue to stir honey



## Manaca

I can’t speak Dutch, and would like to know if an expression I found in a novel in English about _The Anatomy Lesson _is an idiomatic expression in *Dutch*. If so, what is its meaning?



> I tried to prevent him, pleading, "But, Father, I will miss you if you leave." He only raised an eyebrow and told me _a __m__a__n d__oes not __us__e __h__is to__n__gue __to stir honey_.


 [The Anatomy Lesson, by Nina Siegal]

In order to follow an army, a boy’s father is leaving his teenager son alone, at home.  It seems to me that the father is telling the son not to expect to raise “sweet feelings” by pleading. Have I understood the phrase correctly?

Thank you for any help.


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## ThomasK

In Flemish dialects you can hear about 'stroop [sirup] aan de baard smeren' (smear syrup to someone's beard [c.q. chin]?), which is flattery. I wondered whether there could be resemblance: honey and syrup contain sugar... But this more like manipulating or blackmailing, I suppose...


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## Manaca

ThomasK said:


> In Flemish dialects you can hear about 'stroop [sirup] aan de baard smeren' (smear syrup to someone's beard [c.q. chin]?), which is flattery. I wondered whether there could be resemblance: honey and syrup contain sugar...



I've also found that "to stir honey" is considered a hard or even impossible task. Maybe the father is telling his son that a man does not waste his time on impossible tasks - i.e. I'm leaving you anyway, no matter what you say. Don't waste your sweet words on me.

Thank you for your suggestion.


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## Peterdg

But I don't understand why you think it might come from Dutch


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## Manaca

It's a fictional account of the youth of the guy who appears as the dead body in Rembrandt's Anatomy Lesson. The novel is written in English, but the expression is not an idiom in English. In the English only forum, it was suggested it might be Dutch. So here I am. Guess I'll interpret it as "don't waste sweet words on me".


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## Peterdg

Well, it's not an idiom in Dutch either (at least, I have never heard/read it before).


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## ThomasK

As a matter of fact, we probably say: _de honing slaan_, to  beat the honey, rather than to stir.


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