# Aussies (and others): Opening gifts



## badgrammar

Recently we had a big birthday/anniversary bash at our house, and some of the guests brought gifts.  After dinner, we opened them, in front of all the guests, which is standard party protocol in this neck of the woods, and also back home in the US.

Then yesterday I heard echoes that the one and only Aussie guest was shocked and bewildered that we would open the gifts - IN FRONT of everyone at the party.  Mind you, he wasn't offended or anything, he just couldn't believe we'd do that.  He told another friend that in Australia, they'd take all the gifts into a bedroom or other secluded place to open them, or wait 'till the party was over to do it.

Actually, I can see the logic behind it: Some gifts are more or less costly, elaborate, personal...  and some people do not bring a gift - so it would avoid any potential embarassment/discomfort.

But I'm hoping some kind Aussie can explain this custom to me (affirming if indeed it is a custom, or just one man's way of doing things)?

Also, I want to know how the situation is handled in other cultures.  Do grown-ups open their presents in front of guests at a party, or do so in private?  What about kids?  Would you be shocked to see gift-opening at a party in your culture?

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to satisfy my curiosity!


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## diegodbs

> Also, I want to know how the situation is handled in other cultures. Do grown-ups open their presents in front of guests at a party, or do so in private? What about kids? Would you be shocked to see gift-opening at a party in your culture?


 
We open presents in front of our guests or in front of the people who brought them. It would be considered rude not to do it, as if you didn't care about the gift or the person who bought it. I would also be kind of shocked if someone left the gift unopened on a table. We are not used to it.


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## Tylerbrain

In Spain gifts are usually opened in front of the guests. I guess it is like this (in Spain and wherever) because everyone having brought a gift is looking forward to see the other one's expression... (which is supposed to be happy!). On the other hand, I've heard of other countries/ cultures where gift-opening has different rules. I didn't know Australia was one of them. Yes this is a curious question


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## danielfranco

Back in Mexico I only remember children's birthdays, so of course the moment anyone handed you a present you tore into it immediately, if not sooner. Over here in the States it's also considered good manners to open your gifts the moment they give them to you and make some kind comment about it, or even wear it, if it's not underwear...


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## Brioche

Funny sort of Australian!

As far as I am concerned, it's completely normal behaviour in Australia to open the presents in front of the guests. This is exactly what you would expect. 

Among some recently arrived Asian immigrants to Australia it is not the custom to open gifts. 
Asia, to Australians, means East and South-East Asia. Asians in Australia are predominantly Chinese, Vietnamese, Malaysians (mostly ethnic Chinese) and Philipinos.


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## badgrammar

Hmmm, so maybe it's a regional thing in Australia, or he is simply an odd bird...

Thanks for all the replies so far, I'd like to know more...!


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## natasha2000

badgrammar said:
			
		

> Hmmm, so maybe it's a regional thing in Australia, or he is simply an odd bird...
> 
> Thanks for all the replies so far, I'd like to know more...!


 
Hi, Badgrammar...

In Serbia, it would be considered very unpolite NOT to open the present in front of the one who gave it to you. Usually, as people come to party, they enter, congratulate (whatever it is the ocasion) and give a present. You are expected to open it immediately, because if not, they will think you don't give a damn about their presents... The important thing is to open it in front of the person who gave it to you, not in front of everybody (although if the situation is like that you have people around you, it doesn't matter). What I want to say, there is no need that everyone must see the presents of other people. 

As a matter of fact, earlier, and *in the country*, at *big country weddings*, it was a custom to read on the microphone the names of guests and gifts they made. Nowadays it is considered as ridiculous and as a VERY BAD taste and VERY unpolite. Imagine, all guests there, and there it goes bride's or groom's father, with the micro, starting to read all 300 or 400 names of guests, and what each of them brought: Peter Brown: a washing machine, Jenny Simit and family: fridge!, John Jonson: a blender and an iron, Brown brand!!!...etc... Nowadays it is impossible and extraordinary ridiculous!

There are exceptions on weddings (nowadays), where usually people come to restaurant, and there are usually many guests, so, presents are put aside and opened a day after, when everything goes back to normal...


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## Etcetera

natasha2000 said:
			
		

> In Serbia, it would be considered very unpolite NOT to open the present in front of the one who gave it to you. Usually, as people come to party, they enter, congratulate (whatever it is the ocasion) and give a present. You are expected to open it immediately, because if not, they will think you don't give a damn about their presents... The important thing is to open it in front of the person who gave it to you, not in front of everybody (although if the situation is like that you have people around you, it doesn't matter). What I want to say, there is no need that everyone must see the presents of other people.


Exactly the same in Russia. 
BTW, we've discussed this topic in our psycholinguistics class, and we also discussed the situation when a person comes to another person's home and brings a bottle of wine, a cake, or something like that with him. In Russia, the host should thank his guest, lay the cake (or anything that the guest brought with him) on the table, and offer his guest to eat it together. That's absolutely normal. So a Russian would be shocked to see that his German friend, for instance, just thank him and put the bottle of wine away into the cupboard!


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## natasha2000

Etcetera said:
			
		

> Exactly the same in Russia.
> BTW, we've discussed this topic in our psycholinguistics class, and we also discussed the situation when a person comes to another person's home and brings a bottle of wine, a cake, or something like that with him. In Russia, the host should thank his guest, lay the cake (or anything that the guest brought with him) on the table, and offer his guest to eat it together. That's absolutely normal. So a Russian would be shocked to see that his German friend, for instance, just thank him and put the bottle of wine away into the cupboard!


 
It is so obvious we belong to one Slavic culture.... Same here....

Whatever is brought is expected (and it is brought with that purpose) to be eaten or drank at that moment, to SHARE it.


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## emma42

I know someone who brought a bottle of wine to a party, then drank vodka all evening, then took the bottle of wine home!  Now _that_ is rude.  In fact, it's so rude, it's really funny.


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## Etcetera

Emma. Such a behaviour is downright rude, and if anyone would behave in such a way in Russia, they would hardly receive an invitation to another party.


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## emma42

I know!  I would never invite her to a party myself.  It's almost unbelievable, isn't it?!


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## natasha2000

emma42 said:
			
		

> I know someone who brought a bottle of wine to a party, then drank vodka all evening, then took the bottle of wine home! Now _that_ is rude. In fact, it's so rude, it's really funny.


 
Well, Emma, I saw some "specimens" like that, too... 
Then I also remember seeing people of certain nations (always the same, mind you!) ordering a bottle of wine, then drinking it a half, then marking the level of the wine that was left, giving it back to the waiter to keep it until the day after, when they came to finish what they started the day before ....


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## emma42

Oh Natasha!  

We also usually open presents in front of people, except Christmas presents.  Some people open them there and then and others save them until Christmas day, when the giver may not be there.  I think this seems to be acceptable - it may depend on the two people involved.  I actually don't like people opening presents in front of me unless I am absolutely sure they will like it!  I don't want them to  be embarrassed by having to say "Oh, how lovely!" if they hate it!  If I buy, say, an item of clothing for my sister (who needs to be shown how to dress!) I will always keep the receipt and tell her to change it if she doesn't like it.  She often does!  I am not offended at all  by this because I want her to have something she likes.  But that is my sister and we are close.


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## natasha2000

emma42 said:
			
		

> Oh Natasha!
> 
> We also usually open presents in front of people, except Christmas presents. Some people open them there and then and others save them until Christmas day, when the giver may not be there. I think this seems to be acceptable - it may depend on the two people involved. I actually don't like people opening presents in front of me unless I am absolutely sure they will like it! I don't want them to be embarrassed by having to say "Oh, how lovely!" if they hate it! If I buy, say, an item of clothing for my sister (who needs to be shown how to dress!) I will always keep the receipt and tell her to change it if she doesn't like it. She often does! I am not offended at all by this because I want her to have something she likes. But that is my sister and we are close.


 
Well, for some special ocasions, like Christmas, when there is a rule when the presents are opened, it might happen that someone wants to follow the rule and leave presents under the Christmas tree until the Christmas morning and then open them... Like in American movies...

And about the receipt... Yes, we do this too, if there is enough confidence and friendship between the two persons, for example, family members or good friends... It is stupid to spend money on something that the other person would not use, so if they don't like it, they can change it... The important thing is a detail of remembering the special day, not the present itself or money you spent...


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## Etcetera

emma42 said:
			
		

> I know! I would never invite her to a party myself. It's almost unbelievable, isn't it?!


Why, that's most reasonable!


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## GenJen54

I think the ONLY time in the U.S. when presents are not opened in front of guests is when they are brought to weddings or receptions.

In that circumstance, guests generally know that the bride and groom are not expected to open the gifts in front of them, since they are so busy during this time. 

In cases where the bride and groom leave on their Honeymoon directly after the reception is over, the presents are carted to either parents' home and opened upon the couple's return.


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## emma1968

Beginning by saying that I strongly hate this ritual about giving and receiving  gifts as nowadays it has become a competition to the most precious gift received and brought, more than a pleasure   but  I know that is another story, so aside that, I can tell that in my neck of the wood too it's considered absolutely unpolite not to open the gifts in front of the one who brought them to you.


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## maxiogee

Here in Ireland I have never seen anyone open gifts in front of guests.
I have heard of it being done with wedding presents, where people are invited to the house before or after the wedding and the assorted gifts are on very prominent display. It strikes me as the height of bad taste. But then I'm just a thick Paddy!


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## emma42

Who's calling my mate a thick paddy?

I must agree that I think displays of presents are in bad taste. It just smacks of consumerism to me - "Look at all our *things*!". Wedding lists are also the most appalling entities.

However, I think, in the "old days" when everyone in the community had the same, the present thing was a different animal. Newly-weds actually _needed _towels and sheets and pots and pans, and a display then would be to show that they had what they needed. I am talking about the "old days" in relation to my country and the working class.


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## badgrammar

maxiogee said:
			
		

> Here in Ireland I have never seen anyone open gifts in front of guests.
> I have heard of it being done with wedding presents, where people are invited to the house before or after the wedding and the assorted gifts are on very prominent display. It strikes me as the height of bad taste. But then I'm just a thick Paddy!




Aha!  Our first dissentor (sp?  )..

He did have red hair and freckles, the Aussie!  So you're saying inIreland, it would be a faux pas to open the gifts in front of the guests?


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## natasha2000

badgrammar said:
			
		

> Aha! Our first dissentor (sp?  )..
> 
> He did have red hair and freckles, the Aussie! So you're saying inIreland, it would be a faux pas to open the gifts in front of the guests?


 
so in the end, your Aussie will be an Irish... 

I find the wedding lists extremly bad taste... Although I must admit it is very practical in order not to get three irons, five toasters and four TVs, but somehow I am incapable of telling people what I want for present... I would rather die of embarrassment if I had to do it...

And this what you call "display" of gifts looks exactly the same as an old peasant custom from Serbia I described... 

It is funny how so different cultures have things in common....


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## Mariaguadalupe

We also open presents at the moment they are given to us here in México, unless, its in a big party where it would be impractical to open them when you are busy as a host/hostess.  Then you would wait until only a few guests or family are left, and then proceed to open them.

My mother is of the old school, always very gracious and polite to everyone.  She had invited some friends to dinner and an out of town friend came in ahead of the rest of the guests.  She came bearing a wonderful gift for my mom.  My mom opened her gift immediately, fussed over it and told us to take it to her room.  That was wise of her, since her friend would have felt extremely put on the spot when the other guests arrived.  The first couple that arrived immediately afterward were also close friends to this woman and _she hadn't brought them anyhting_.  She did say later she was relieved my mom had sent her present to her room since she hadn't thought about bringing a present for her other friend.


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## aragorn

as only the second aussie to respond may i offer my two bobs worth
my concept of gift giving is that the receipt of the gift should mirror the giving in that a gift given in private is to be opened privately and i would consider that the public opening of a private gift to be the height of bad manners and potentially dangerous as the gift often reflects a personal opinion of the giver relative to the receiver
conversely
a private opening of a gift given in company is seen to be greedy and demeaning or dismissive of the giver
strider
there are none so strange as folk


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## lizzeymac

Mariaguadalupe said:
			
		

> ...
> My mother is of the old school, always very gracious and polite to everyone.  She had invited some friends to dinner and an out of town friend came in ahead of the rest of the guests.  She came bearing a wonderful gift for my mom.  My mom opened her gift immediately, fussed over it and told us to take it to her room.  That was wise of her, since her friend would have felt extremely put on the spot when the other guests arrived.  The first couple that arrived immediately afterward were also close friends to this woman and _she hadn't brought them anyhting_.  She did say later she was relieved my mom had sent her present to her room since she hadn't thought about bringing a present for her other friend.



We have something like this.  We have a particular type of gift - a hostess or host gift - that you usually don't usually open in front of all the guests.  
If a friend throws a party, especially if they cook a dinner for you, or if it is the first time you have been invivted to their home, you may bring a hostess gift. 
You give the gift to the hostess as you arrive, quietly, as a "thank you" for the gift of the party she created. 
It would be considered unkind & rude if you gave your gift in front of other guests who couldn't or didn't bring a gift - it is not a contest.
The hostess usually puts it aside, as Mariaguadalupe describes.
It should _not_ be terribly fancy, it can be personal or funny. It's usually something you know they like - their favorite flowers, candy, wine, croissants or bread from their favorite bakery, a book - homemade presents are nice as well.  If you bring flowers they are supposed to be in a vase with water, the gift should not require the hostess to take care of it, she (he) has done enough work throwing the party.  If you bring food or wine, it is not necessarily meant for the party, it is for the hostess to enjoy personally.  The hostess may choose to share but no one would expect it.  
I suppose not everyone writes thank you notes anymore, a hostess gift is a thank you.
There is a old saying that it is bad luck (& rude) to go to someone's home "empty-handed."


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## Capricious

As the third Aussie to respond, I have to say I've never really thought about it but its true generally you *don't *open presents in front of the guests. Although if its family it's usually alright (ie Christmas, Easter, birthdays and the such). For example when I was little and had those birthday parties in the backyard and what not, you'd never unwrap the presents in front of your friends. Mum would always take the presents into the bedroom or something. Even now, you don't generally open presents until after everyone has gone. As Aragorn said gifts are usually personal between the giver and the receivee and its generally perceived as greedy to open gifts in public. Another thing also if you are opening presents in public its quite rude if you open the present before the card or ignore the card altogether. The whole 'present' issue might be regional though as someone said.


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## badgrammar

Very interesting, so it would seem that atleast one Aussie shares this view, and now I do wonder if it is a regional thing, because this fellow lives a few km outside of Melbourne.  I think Capricious is the first of all the posters to say that from what he remembers, even gifts at children's parties were put aside to be opened later.  I do find it really surprising, it might be a fairly rare regional custom.  
Thanks again for all your replies!


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## Brioche

I asked my 21 year old daughter what happens among her friends.

She says that at big parties, the presents are generally not opened, but at small parties they are more likely to be opened.

At baby-showers and similar parties, the presents are always opened.

If a present is given to a friend in a one-on-one situation, then the present is opened immediately.

However, her Chinese friends never open gifts.


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## Sofia29

natasha2000 said:
			
		

> In Serbia, it would be considered very unpolite NOT to open the present in front of the one who gave it to you. Usually, as people come to party, they enter, congratulate (whatever it is the ocasion) and give a present. You are expected to open it immediately, because if not, they will think you don't give a damn about their presents... The important thing is to open it in front of the person who gave it to you, not in front of everybody (although if the situation is like that you have people around you, it doesn't matter). What I want to say, there is no need that everyone must see the presents of other people.


 
Same here.


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## charlie2

Brioche said:
			
		

> [...]
> However, her Chinese friends never open gifts.


I never do. If the person giving the gift is close and I am really excited about it, I ask for permission and it is always given.
If I am giving the gift, (I have never thought about this until writing this post), I never expect the recipient to open it in my presence.
There are times, however, when the recipient is really close and when I think I have really got him/her something fantastic, I invite him/her to open it as I give him/her the present. (Sometimes, I am a risk taker. )
For the lucky money that we receive in red packets during the Chinese New Year, the rule is you take it and are not to open it until the person has left. There is no question of seeking permission.


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