# Confusion on Context



## Susan02

Hi All,

I appreciate your help in advance. I have been corresponding with a man in Brazil for a few months now, and he always signs off with "Te adoro" and a handful of times he has said "Você mora no meu coração." Do male-female friends typically say these things to each other? Is there a way to figure this out without asking him directly (ha ha)? I just want to make sure that I am not reading too much into this, and Google Translate often fails (and obviously does not take context into consideration).

Obrigada!


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## Joca

It is not very common, but it is not totally strange, either. It actually depends on his age. Younger people (under 30) tend to use these expressions more often without implying they are in love with you or they have sexual feelings for you. They are just being affectionate. It's rather fashionable, you know. It also depends on his personality. A more introverted type would be a lot more cautious with these expressions.


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## Susan02

Joca said:


> It is not very common, but it is not totally strange, either. It actually depends on his age. Younger people (under 30) tend to use these expressions more often without implying they are in love with you or they have sexual feelings for you. They are just being affectionate. It's rather fashionable, you know. It also depends on his personality. A more introverted type would be a lot more cautious with these expressions.



Joca, thank you. He is in his late 30s. The introvert/extrovert idea is unknown at this point, but the words seem to come easily to him. As someone from the U.S., I am not used to affection that is so easily expressed!


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## Vanda

Te  adoro, você mora no meu coração, etc are surely commom, mainly among youngers. Men around 30 or 40 would say that when they are in
love. And man of any age depending on their personality. Or any man who wants to attract a woman. 
Edit. Reading your post I'd like to add: Brazilians demand words of love and all the package.


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## Susan02

Vanda said:


> Te  adoro, você mora no meu coração, etc are surely commom, mainly among youngers. Men around 30 or 40 would say that when they are in
> love. And man of any age depending on their personality. Or any man who wants to attract a woman.
> Edit. Reading your post I'd like to add: Brazilians demand words of love and all the package.



Thank you, Vanda! Would you mind expanding on your edit?


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## Vanda

We are the kind of people who like and are used to be  affective. Sort of Italians.... an example' my cousin's daughter broke up with a Swiss man because he was "cold" and married a Portuguese man handsome but not so handsome and rich like the Swiss one but was /is a very affective guy used to express his affection to her. They are around 30, both of them.


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## Joca

Vanda said:


> We are the kind of people who like and are used to be  affective. ...



That's true, in part. Southern Brazilians are usually more reserved and don't show their emotions very easily. Susan, where is your Brazilian friend from? I mean from what part of Brazil?


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## patriota

Please also take in consideration that there are all kinds of people and different cultures in the country. Brazil is as big as the contiguous United States, and also has a very large and diverse population. Some people may find it normal to talk like that to friends (but they'll make it clear that they are just being friendly or dramatic), while others may be creeped out. The only way for you to be sure of his intentions is to ask him.

Regardless of his background, you need to set clear boundaries to make it clear that you don't feel comfortable getting "love messages" from a friend. Don't repeat those words back to him. Talk to him as you'd talk to an American friend. 

You can say, "Você também é um amigo muito legal para mim!", "You're a good friend for me too!".


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## Vanda

Ahhh... friend?!!! Not boyfriend ?!!! I missed the detail.


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## Joca

patriota said:


> ... The only way for you to be sure of his intentions is to ask him.
> 
> Regardless of his background, you need to set clear boundaries to make it clear that you don't feel comfortable getting "love messages" from a friend. Don't repeat those words back to him. Talk to him as you'd talk to an American friend. ...



Patriota, can we be sure that his are indeed 'love messages'? Maybe, maybe not. We don't know the whole context of their relationship. I for one am of the opinion that he is using these words (adorar, morar no meu coração) rather loosely, you know. It is probably his way of ending his messages affectionately or according to the current pattern among the trendy. If Susan asks him what this is all about or tell him that she feels uncomfortable reading these expressions, he may feel offended or worst think that she is uptight. I think Susan would do better not to worry too much about it, unless he begins to clearly state that he has feelings for her of whatever nature. I mean these very words he is using are quite devoid of real meaning these days. They are being overused and have thus lost their power, if anything. (But I may be wrong, of course... )


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## guihenning

I'm twenty and I think the '_te adoro_' expression is cheesy and horrible. Actually, contrary to what Vanda and Joca said, I think such expressions suit well people over 30 years of age. But that's the detail, the 'problem' lives in 'você mora no meu coração', which I see as quite romantic, but it can also be friendly… Anyways, we can only be sure of that if you ask him…


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## patriota

Joca said:


> Patriota, can we be sure that his are indeed 'love messages'? Maybe, maybe not.


That's my point, and I prefer to believe that a man in his late 30s is mature enough to understand that  a foreigner may not be familiar with his way of speaking, instead of being offended because of an innocent question over ambiguous words.


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## machadinho

guihenning said:


> I'm twenty and I think the '_te adoro_' expression is cheesy and horrible. Actually, contrary to what Vanda and Joca said, I think such expressions suit well people over 30 years of age. But that's the detail, the 'problem' lives in 'você mora no meu coração', which I see as quite romantic, but it can also be friendly… Anyways, we can only be sure of that if you ask him…


It's just as cheesy. Tacky, actually. I wouldn't say it to any of my girlfriends and wives.


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## Joca

patriota said:


> That's my point, and I prefer to believe that a man in his late 30s is mature enough to understand that  a foreigner may not be familiar with his way of speaking, instead of being offended because of an innocent question over ambiguous words.



Okay, I see your point, although a man in his late thirties may not be necessarily mature enough and - what do I know? - may have little experience with foreigners. I gather that he doesn't even know English well enough to write his messages to Susan. But yes, on second thought, she may ask him (perhaps in a very casual way) what he really means with those expressions. Yes, give him a chance of elaborating on his way of expressing himself.


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## Joca

machadinho said:


> It's just as cheesy. Tacky, actually. I wouldn't say it to none of my girlfriends and wives.



I agree: it's bad taste, but what can we do about it? I especially hate it, if I may speak so, when they try to shape a heart with their hands to express their feelings for you!


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## machadinho

Joca, you're not suggesting that my wives are shaping a heart with their hands and expressing feelings for you, are you?


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## Joca

No, of course not.  I meant it in very general terms. Anyway, I just sent a PM about this issue. You do have *wives*?


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## machadinho

Why? I do. What's wrong with having more than one wife? I can afford to.


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## Joca

Oh, no, I don't find it wrong, I mean, not morally wrong, but as far as I know it's illegal in this country. I'm afraid feminists will hate me, but I think it's more becoming for a man to have wives than lovers! I know, I know, this is totally off-topic, and Vanda is entitled to scold us or close the thread, but I'm amazed to hear you can afford to have wives! Since you are an inhabitant of Minas Gerais, I can only guess you have found a gold mine! LOL


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## Susan02

Vanda said:


> We are the kind of people who like and are used to be  affective. Sort of Italians.... an example' my cousin's daughter broke up with a Swiss man because he was "cold" and married a Portuguese man handsome but not so handsome and rich like the Swiss one but was /is a very affective guy used to express his affection to her. They are around 30, both of them.



Vanda, I understand. Thank you!


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## machadinho

Illegal? Are there laws in Brazil? I didn't know that!


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## Susan02

Joca said:


> That's true, in part. Southern Brazilians are usually more reserved and don't show their emotions very easily. Susan, where is your Brazilian friend from? I mean from what part of Brazil?



Joca, he lives in southeastern Brazil, population of around 50.000 inhabitants


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## machadinho

Susan, this is the naked truth. He's being corny in trying to be affectionate. Not only that. He seems to want you to know he's not foreclosing on a possible relationship with you. But he's not wooing you yet. He seems to be suggesting you belong to friends he would have a love affair with. So, if you're interested, go for it. Just remember he's not wooing you at this point.

I wouldn't say what he's saying to you to any friend I had no intention of dating. But now he's just *flirting* with you. And this is cool.


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## Vanda

I agree with Joca lá no alto...Ôxe, mas acho que estamos levando longe demais o  que era apenas o entendimento de duas expressões...né?
Já estamos caindo no terreno das opiniões pessoais e 'consultório da mãe diná'. Acho que podemos encerrar o fio por aqui, concordam? A autora já tem pano pra manga para se confundir.


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## machadinho

Vanda said:


> I agree with Joca lá no alto...Ôxe, mas acho que estamos levando longe demais o  que era apenas o entendimento de duas expressões...né?


Falar de língua sem falar do mundo. Explicar o que quer dizer "você mora no meu coração" sem falar de práticas concretas de flerte, sem falar do mundo, da realidade ... okay, Vanda!


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## Vanda

Mas já estamos falando de esposas, de baranguice, do sexo dos anjos... Falar nisso, também concordo com seu penúltimo post. Acho que você 'envelopou' muito bem a ideia, portanto podemos colocar a ''carta no correio''.


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## Susan02

Joca said:


> I agree: it's bad taste, but what can we do about it? I especially hate it, if I may speak so, when they try to shape a heart with their hands to express their feelings for you!



Now THAT'S cheesy!



machadinho said:


> Susan, this is the naked truth. He's being corny in trying to be affectionate. Not only that. He seems to want you to know he's not foreclosing on a possible relationship with you. But he's not wooing you yet. He seems to be suggesting you belong to friends he would have a love affair with. So, if you're interested, go for it. Just remember he's not wooing you at this point.
> 
> I wouldn't say what he's saying to you to any friend I had no intention of dating. But now he's just *flirting* with you. And this is cool.



Machadinho, thanks for your candor, and I totally get it. I have my own life here in the U.S., and he has his life there. I am not expecting (nor really wanting) a serious relationship with him. So I'm not expecting any wooing to be happening, just perhaps flirting (which is fun, although albeit a little cheesy). He has admitted to many infidelities while being in previous serious relationships, and he is probably in one now! Other comments he has made include "I think about you all the time," "I wonder what it's like to be near you, your company must be wonderful," and "You need to come to Brasil soon."  I just didn't know the real meaning behind "te adoro" and how I should respond. I do consider him a friend, and am a attracted to him, but given our situations, I doubt anything will come of it. Thanks!



Vanda said:


> Mas já estamos falando de esposas, de baranguice, do sexo dos anjos... Falar nisso, também concordo com seu penúltimo post. Acho que você 'envelopou' muito bem a ideia, portanto podemos colocar a ''carta no correio''.



Que pena, eu estava realmente gostando as respostas!


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## machadinho

Fun. You found the word. It's fun. Make him say even more cheesy things to see how far he can go. And keep we us posted!


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## Susan02

machadinho said:


> Fun. You found the word. It's fun. Make him say even more cheesy things to see how far he can go. And keep we us posted!



Haha, sim, eu vou fazer isso - obrigada!


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## Vanda

Também estava Susan, mas in any other forum here at WR mods would have deleted and locked it in the 3rd post... so... after many opinions, and so on, time to wrap the topic. Now it is wayyyyyyyy out of WR's scope!
E eu nem percebi que comecei numa língua e continuei em outra!


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## Susan02

Vanda said:


> Também estava Susan, mas in any other forum here at WR mods would have deleted and locked it in the 3rd post... so... after many opinions, and so on, time to wrap the topic. Now it is wayyyyyyyy out of WR's scope!
> E eu nem percebi que comecei numa língua e continuei em outra!



Não problema, Vanda; eu entendo. Obrigada pela sua ajuda!


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## patriota

Susan02 said:


> He has admitted to many infidelities while being in previous serious relationships, and he is probably in one now!


We rest our case. This was extremely relevant and makes your original question fairly self-explanatory. But remember: not all Brazilians are like that, and there's nothing about being born or raised in the 5th largest country in the world that automatically makes a man like that.


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## Susan02

patriota said:


> We rest our case. This was extremely relevant and makes your original question fairly self-explanatory. But remember: not all Brazilians are like that, and there's nothing about being born or raised in the 5th largest country in the world that automatically makes a man like that.



I appreciate that, Patriota. That's why we will only stay friends, as I could not condone that behavior. Thanks!


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## machadinho

C'mon ...


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## Susan02

machadinho said:


> C'mon ...



...says the man with multiple wives. As long as they are aware of each other, I suppose! Ha ha!


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## guihenning

machadinho said:


> It's just as cheesy. Tacky, actually. I wouldn't say it to any of my girlfriends and wives.


Horrível. Parece aqueles _scraps _em .gif na época do Orkut. E no _parlato _soa igualmente cafona, se não mais.
Mas também é justamente por isso que eu acho que tem uma roupagem mais adequada a quem tenha mais de trinta anos. Eu e a minha 'galera' não ousamos usar. É tipo 'bacana': há uns meses, antes de a palavra estar de volta em voga, se eu a ouvisse era certeza de que quem a tivesse falado era, no mínimo, quarentão.


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## machadinho

Nada a ver, G.H. Tenho mais de trinta e preferia morrer antes de falar isso.


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## Susan02

Ok, eu entendi. Muito brega. Então, o que "deve" um brasileiro dizer a uma mulher se ele está interessado? E eu deveria dizer "te amo" para mandá-lo correndo para as montanhas?


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## guihenning

Sim, 'eu te amo' assusta bastante. Mas pelo fato de ser estrangeira, ele provavelmente a perdoaria sob a escusa de que estrangeiros não devem saber o 'peso' dum 'eu te amo'. Talvez, talvez… Mas se quiser assustá-lo, essa seria uma boa opção.


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## Susan02

guihenning said:


> Sim, 'eu te amo' assusta bastante. Mas pelo fato de ser estrangeira, ele provavelmente a perdoaria sob a escusa de que estrangeiros não devem saber o 'peso' dum 'eu te amo'. Talvez, talvez… Mas se quiser assustá-lo, essa seria uma boa opção.



Eu acho que ele sabe que eu sei o peso de "te amo", de modo que seria trabalho. No entanto, eu não estou certo de que ele sabe como "te adoro" se traduz em Inglês -. "Eu te amo", que é durante um bate-papo de vídeo, ele disse "eu te amo" em Inglês. Eu não sabia como responder!


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## machadinho

Susan02 said:


> Ok, eu entendi. Muito brega. Então, o que "deve" um brasileiro dizer a uma mulher se ele está interessado? E eu deveria dizer "te amo" para mandá-lo correndo para as montanhas?


O que quer dizer "mandar correndo para as montanhas"? Assustá-lo para encerrar o assunto para sempre?


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## Susan02

machadinho said:


> O que quer dizer "mandar correndo para as montanhas"? Assustá-lo para encerrar o assunto para sempre?



Isso foi em tom de brincadeira. Se eu cansar dos comentários "piegas" e insinceros, então talvez. Ele é um pouco de um amigo, no entanto. Ele ouve os meus problemas e eu ouvi-lo falar sobre seus problemas de vida. Então, talvez eu vou continuar a amizade. Eu só comecei a esta discussão, porque eu não tinha certeza de como eu deveria responder aos seus comentários (não sabia se essas palavras eram comuns entre os amigos).


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## machadinho

Se for para aterrorizar: fale em divórcio, mudar-se para o Brasil e ter filhos com ele no Brasil.


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## Susan02

machadinho said:


> Se for para aterrorizar: fale em divórcio, mudar-se para o Brasil e ter filhos com ele no Brasil.



Oh, isso realmente me fez rir!


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## Vanda

Gente, tá tudo muito divertido, já ri um bocado, mas vou trancar este fio um ''cadinho'', ok?


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