# Remembering forer@s and moderators



## Bonjules

In another thread on this forum, a few weeks ago I deplored the fact that there is no way to contact a banned member if for some reason you would
like to continue the relationship outside WR.

In a way similar is the situation when a member passes away; in most cases there are no more posts without anybody knowing why (unless the forer@ knew they might die and prepared some or all of us - this seems to be rare).
With some of them and also with moderators some of us might want to express our gratitude for their work or for having shared a glimpse of their life and thought, give some kind of acknowledgement.
I imagine that in the case of moderators their fellow mods would in most cases know some of the circumstances (except for accidents or sudden death).

I wonder if it would not be possible to incorporate a spot/file in the software where we could express ourselves in that regard if we had the desire to do so.


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## merquiades

Bonjules
In the celebrations sub-forum underneath the forum cultural discussions, there are often threads informing of deaths and other important events.  If you would like to honor someone there is the place to do it.
People in the forum, including mods, sometimes disappear and you never hear of them again.  Some even after writing thousands of messages.  It's impossible to know why.  Sometimes I don't notice it until much later, and then I wonder why they left.  If you are curious to stay in touch you can write a private message to them.  They will get a notice sent to them at the private email address they use here, and whether or not they are active they will know you are interested.  I did this once and the person returned temporarily to the forum.  Now he is gone again.
Anyway you have two options there.  There is no other way to know really.


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## cherine

That's a good thought, Bonjules, especially these days. But I don't know if it's something that can be added to the forum's software, and it's not even recommended to share one's personal info online.
The only alternative is for people who know one another through the forum and are in touch through private messaging. If they care enough about keeping in touch, maybe they should exchange their emails or phone numbers or emergency contacts (someone to call when they stop showing up or answering messages). This way, when someone doesn't show up for a long time, we can have more than one way to check up on them.


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## Bonjules

cherine said:


> That's a good thought, Bonjules, especially these days. But I don't know if it's something that can be added to the forum's software, and it's not even recommended to share one's personal info online.
> The only alternative is for people who know one another through the forum and are in touch through private messaging. If they care enough about keeping in touch, maybe they should exchange their emails or phone numbers or emergency contacts (someone to call when they stop showing up or answering messages). This way, when someone doesn't show up for a long time, we can have more than one way to check up on them.


Hi Cherine, thanks for getting back.
The problem is that one normally wouldn't suggest email or any other contact (in fact, it would be a little odd) as long as there are PM's. Unless you knew they were ill or about to leave WR for another reason (or were in danger of getting banned) why would you?
I understand that the mods can't investigate why someone disappears. But I think they could consider 2 options:
1. In the case of a mod passing away and they knew about it  they could let us know - if it was ok with the person- (in the 'Celebrations' sub-thread
like merquiades suggested)
2. if someone gets banned to give them a chance to either let us know beforehand or pass contact info to us upon request if the banned
member had agreed to it.
I don't think personal information would be compromised in either case.


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## cherine

Bonjules said:


> 1. In the case of a mod passing away and they knew about it  they could let us know - if it was ok with the person- (in the 'Celebrations' sub-thread like merquiades suggested)


If we learn about such a think (and I sincerely hope I never need to go through such an experience) I think it can be announced in that forum, yes. Mod or non-mod.


> 2. if someone gets banned to give them a chance to either let us know beforehand or pass contact info to us upon request if the banned member had agreed to it.


People don't get banned suddenly (except for spammers and trolls of course). Long-time members who get banned are banned after having received several reminders of the rules from the moderators, then a couple of official warnings. So there's enough time for such persons to notify their friends that they may get banned one day, and to give their contacts outside the forum (emails or account on any of the numerous social media websites/apps, or even their phone numbers if they so wish).

Please note that this is just my personal opinion. I'm not speaking here on behalf of the mod team or the forum.


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## Bonjules

merquiades said:


> Bonjules
> In the celebrations sub-forum underneath the forum cultural discussions, there are often threads informing of deaths and other important events.  If you would like to honor someone there is the place to do it.
> People in the forum, including mods, sometimes disappear and you never hear of them again.  Some even after writing thousands of messages.  It's impossible to know why.  Sometimes I don't notice it until much later, and then I wonder why they left.  If you are curious to stay in touch you can write a private message to them.  They will get a notice sent to them at the private email address they use here, and whether or not they are active they will know you are interested.  I did this once and the person returned temporarily to the forum.  Now he is gone again.
> Anyway you have two options there.  There is no other way to know really.


thanks merq!
I found 'Celebrations' - it is not used that often but people honored TimLA a few years ago.
The problem I think is as I pointed out to cherine that you just don't know, just  like you don't normally know before someone gets banned (as cherine points out the offending member usually knows)
As long as there are PM's, why would you think of asking for or suggesting email? If you send a PM to a dead member will somebody tell you? Probably not; I don't think the system is set up for that situation. I don't know what if anything happens in the account of a deceased member. That means if you don't hear back you still don't know.
So unless it is a moderator and the other mods know about it seems there is little that can be done (unless someone has 'inside information')
Just one of those frustrating things.


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## merquiades

Bonjules said:


> thanks merq!
> I found 'Celebrations' - it is not used that often but people honored TimLA a few years ago.


 A few others too.  A lot of Italian members use it too.


> The problem I think is as I pointed out to cherine that you just don't know, just  like you don't normally know before someone gets banned (as cherine points out the offending member usually knows)


  If someone who is about to get banned doesn't tell you, they don't care very much...


> As long as there are PM's, why would you think of asking for or suggesting email? If you send a PM to a dead member will somebody tell you? Probably not; I don't think the system is set up for that situation. I don't know what if anything happens in the account of a deceased member. That means if you don't hear back you still don't know.
> So unless it is a moderator and the other mods know about it seems there is little that can be done (unless someone has 'inside information')
> Just one of those frustrating things.


  The only thing certain is if someone who has vanished doesn't answer your message, if they are not deceased they don't want to answer you or come back to the forum.  If that's the case it's better not to be bothered.  There are people who continue to follow the forum, but don't post anymore too.  I'd suggest writing to someone you care for.  At least once.  Or you can also be proactive and ask for contact details from your favorite foreros before they have a chance to disappear or offer them yours.  Maybe they'll be receptive.
I don't think moderators keep tabs on member here or even pay attention to them unless they are violating rules.


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## velisarius

I agree with Merquiades.

I've already exchanged email addresses with a few members here that I would like to keep in touch with if ever WRF suddenly ceased to exist.


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## Bonjules

merquiades said:


> If someone who is about to get banned doesn't tell you, they don't care very much...
> 
> The only thing certain is if someone who has vanished doesn't answer your message, if they are not deceased they don't want to answer you or come back to the forum.  If that's the case it's better not to be bothered.


The latter statement is true, I agree.  (you still don't know if they are dead and one shouldn't eulogize people who might still be alive)

The former statement I do not think is overall a fair assessment. The great majority of our contacts here are casual; occasionally a more intense interest may arise (it also would have to be mutually equally intense, which is not necessarily a given) in which case your statement would be true. However there are still many where you would later say 'Too bad I lost that person; they seemed interesting, a potential friendship...
It is also not realistic to assume the person about to be banned is very likely in a state to calmly go through their contacts to see who they might want to notify, especially if they are upset and trying to win a reprieve or whatever.


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## cherine

merquiades said:


> I don't think moderators keep tabs on member here or even pay attention to them unless they are violating rules.


I agree with all your post, Merquiades, but this part is harsh. We do pay attention to members who don't violate the rules, and many of us have friends among forum members and we miss them when they leave the forum or take time away from it. I'm sure some of the moderators already have contacts with forum members outside the forum, even meeting in real life. One doesn't need to be obnoxious or trouble-maker to be noticed. 


Bonjules said:


> The great majority of our contacts here are casual; occasionally a more intense interest may arise (it also would have to be mutually equally intense, which is not necessarily a given)


Casual contacts are not people you would really care if they stop showing. But people who have a stronger bond would surely, and easily, exchange contact, especially to be able to send each other faster message via apps like Whatsapp, Facebook or Twitter...etc where you don't have to wait for them to log in to the forum to receive your message and reply to it.


> It is also not realistic to assume the person about to be banned is very likely in a state to calmly go through their contacts to see who they might want to notify


Oh you would be surprised.   A few of them actually do.


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## MrMuselk

cherine said:


> I agree with all your post, Merquiades, but this part is harsh. We do pay attention to members who don't violate the rules, and many of us have friends among forum members and we miss them when they leave the forum or take time away from it. I'm sure some of the moderators already have contacts with forum members outside the forum, even meeting in real life. One doesn't need to be obnoxious or trouble-maker to be noticed.


Quite true. I recently read the thread about TimLA’s death, which was back in 2016, and someone said he had met him outside the forum, at a party in Los Angeles, and talked with him for a while, and kept in touch with him. So yes, it isn’t always casual contact.


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## AndrasBP

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but do you know anything about member eno2?
He used to be a prolific poster in the forums but he hasn't been "seen" since December 13th.


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## Bonjules

AndrasBP said:


> I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but do you know anything about member eno2?
> He used to be a prolific poster in the forums but he hasn't been "seen" since December 13th.


Did you try sending him a pm?


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## MrMuselk

Even if a PM has been sent in all this time, he hasn’t even logged in since the 13th. I’m beginning to become worried about him.


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## merquiades

cherine said:


> I agree with all your post, Merquiades, but this part is harsh. We do pay attention to members who don't violate the rules, and many of us have friends among forum members and we miss them when they leave the forum or take time away from it. I'm sure some of the moderators already have contacts with forum members outside the forum, even meeting in real life. One doesn't need to be obnoxious or trouble-maker to be noticed.


This was not meant to be a critique of moderators.  They can become friends with foreros or maintain their distance if they choose.  It's totally their decision.  What I did mean was they have enough work scanning the threads for violations of rules they can't notice if someone has vanished for no reason at all.

A message is sent directly to a member's private email.  He doesn't necessarily have to log in to read a message.


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## Perseas

merquiades said:


> A message is sent directly to a member's private email.


I think you have to select this option first.


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## AndrasBP

Bonjules said:


> Did you try sending him a pm?


Yes, I did send him a message after posting here, but he hasn't replied (yet).


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## Olaszinhok

AndrasBP said:


> I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but do you know anything about member eno2?


I was worried about him too… He was a very active member.


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