# play hard to get



## esperansa

Hi.
Play hard to get means to pretend that you are less interested in someone than you really are as a way of making them more interested in you, especially at the start of a romantic relationship. Please note the Cambridge dictionary says nothing about being shy or coy in this context.

How to express the phrase in Russian? 
The example.
Why won't you call him back? Are you playing hard to get?


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## esperansa

my try: прикидываться равнодушным


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## Sobakus

Можно ещё «быть/прикидываться недоступным/недотрогой», «строить/играть в недотрогу/недоступного», «дразнить недоступностью».


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## Vadim K

притворяться безразличным


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## esperansa

Thanks for the replies.


Sobakus said:


> Можно ещё «быть/прикидываться недоступным/недотрогой», «строить/играть в недотрогу/недоступного», «дразнить недоступностью».



These phrases in Russian refer only to females.
I can't imagine a man saying, "Я прикинулся недотрогой и не поднимал трубку, когда она звонила" or "Я дразнил её своей недоступностью".
The English phrase "play hard to get" can be used by either gender without sounding weird.


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## Sobakus

esperansa said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> 
> These phrases in Russian refer only to females.
> I can't imagine a man saying, "Я прикинулся недотрогой и не поднимал трубку, когда она звонила" or "Я дразнил её своей недоступностью".
> The English phrase "play hard to get" can be used by either gender without sounding weird.


I don't think you can disentangle language from culture in this case: males and females tend to have different tactics when it comes to relationships, with the former more likely to be reserved (_равнодушный_) and the latter – playful (_дразнить, недотрога_). You didn't mention that you were looking for a gender-neutral expression; if so, I don't think there is one in Russian.


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## esperansa

Sobakus said:


> I don't think you can disentangle language from culture in this case: males and females tend to have different tactics when it comes to relationships, with the former more likely to be reserved (_равнодушный_) and the latter – playful (_дразнить, недотрога_). You didn't mention that you were looking for a gender-neutral expression; if so, I don't think there is one in Russian.



How so? I thought there was a gender-neutral expression in Russian _i.e. прикидываться равнодушн*ым*/безразличн_*ой. *
Does the English phrase imply that a person pretends to be shy or modest when it comes to the opposite sex?
With all respect, I don't agree that a female always pretends to be shy around a male unless she is infantile or 20 year old.


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## Sobakus

esperansa said:


> How so? I thought there was a gender-neutral expression in Russian _i.e. прикидываться равнодушн*ым*/безразличн_*ой. *
> Does the English phrase imply that a person pretends to be shy or modest when it comes to the opposite sex?
> With all respect, I don't agree that a female always pretends to be shy around a male unless she is infantile or 20 year old.


The English expression doesn't specify the way in which the person is playing hard to get. It may be indifference, it may be coyness, or sending mixed messages, or outright flirting while saying that you don't want a relationship. It may be all or (usually) some combination of those.


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## esperansa

Sobakus said:


> The English expression doesn't specify the way in which the person is playing hard to get. It may be indifference, it may be coyness, or sending mixed messages, or outright flirting while saying that you don't want a relationship. It may be all or (usually) some combination of those.


Okay. I got your point of view.  It may be a combination of various tricks. 
I was not sure of the meaning of "недотрога" in this context. 
Maybe you mean that a person (_недотрога_) is hard to get, but is not touchy & shy.


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## Loafer

esperansa said:


> my try: прикидываться равнодушным



Или: пытаешься разжечь страсть, демонстрируя равнодушие.


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## Sobakus

esperansa said:


> Okay. I got your point of view.  It may be a combination of various tricks.
> I was not sure of the meaning of "недотрога" in this context.
> Maybe you mean that a person (_недотрога_) is hard to get, but is not touchy & shy.


This word undoubtedly has a negative, reproaching or teasing tinge and is quite a bit childish, so it would be a suitable translation whenever the English phrase is negative as well, but not in other cases.

The most neutral I can think of is simply _играть с кем-л_: «Не видишь разве, он(а) с тобой просто играет». Still, it's not a 1:1 match as it doesn't have this connotation of passive evasiveness that the English phrase has, quite the opposite. Due to societal factors both expressions find more frequent use when describing women rather than men.


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## Rosett

esperansa said:


> Why won't you call him back? Are you playing hard to get?


"Почему ты не хочешь ему позвонить? *Строишь/корчишь из себя труднодоступную*?"

vk.com/wall-41742779_9000
7 нояб. 2013 г. - _*Строишь из себя труднодоступную*_, зачем? Мы больше, чем друзья, но ты не желаешь, чтобы мы встречались, так чего же ты хочешь?

Черный Лед. Глава...
_*Строишь из себя — труднодоступную*_. Мне это нравится. — Он приблизился ко мне, целуя коротко, больно покусывая своим ртом. Моё сердце билось ...

twilightrussia.ru › Фанфикшн › Наши переводы
К тому же я совершенно очевидно привлекаю тебя, просто ты _*строишь из себя труднодоступную*_, - с усмешкой добавил он, откидываясь на стуле.

*девушки красивее вас. что делать? *
www.woman.ru/psycho/friendship/thread/4426916/
14 мая 2014 г. - Перестать _*корчить из себя*_ "красавицу" И откуда такое самомнение? ... Зачем тратить время, деньги и что-то еще на "_*труднодоступную*_" ...

*Турецкая любовь*
turkey-info.ru/forum/tureckaya-lubov/pro-nas-pro-nih-t896578-100.html
29 февр. 2008 г. - но тем не менее они точно предпочтут _*труднодоступную*_ девушку.а ... мне мужик, перед которым я буду _*корчить из себя*_ девственницу?


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## esperansa

Thanks for the answers and the analysis of some options. 

Rosett, good examples! I think it is a suitable translation relating to female behaviour. 

Cтроить из себя труднодоступную


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## esperansa

I found an explanation in the Oxford dictionary. Perhaps it can be of some interest for you.

Play hard to get (informal) - deliberately adopt an aloof or uninterested attitude, typically in order to make oneself more attractive or interesting.


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## Rosett

esperansa said:


> I think it is a suitable translation relating to female behaviour.
> 
> Cтроить из себя труднодоступную


Unsurprisingly, male individuals playing hard to get are even more popular among their female counterparts:

*Соблазнение в НК... - Пионерский лагерь - ...*
www.pickupforum.ru › ...
Site mobile - 3 mai 2007 - PS Строить из себя недоступного конечно иногда прельщает и такие нравятся многим девушкам, ...

www.litmir.co › ...
Начинай уже встречаться с другими! Пришла твоя очередь строить из себя недоступного. А может, найдешь кого ...

Ответы@Mail.Ru › question
Site mobile - ... никак не поймет.. что все дороги в конце-концов ведут... к женщине... зачем строить из себя недоступного?

*Почему девушки не знакомятся первыми с мужиками ... - RPI.su*
www.rpi.su › ...
Довольно молода и симпатична, но тут мне пришлось строить из себя недоступного и вообще ...


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## esperansa

Rosett said:


> Unsurprisingly, male individuals playing hard to get are even more popular among their female counterparts:
> 
> *Соблазнение в НК... - Пионерский лагерь - ...*
> www.pickupforum.ru › ...
> Site mobile - 3 mai 2007 - PS Строить из себя недоступного конечно иногда прельщает и такие нравятся многим девушкам, ...


Oh I see, it works for men too. Still, it sounds funny.


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## Ben Jamin

esperansa said:


> «быть/прикидываться недоступным/недотрогой», «строить/играть в недотрогу/недоступного», «дразнить недоступностью»
> These phrases in Russian refer only to females.


Do they, really? If I'm not mistaken "недоступным" and "недоступного" refer to males. Anybody correct me?


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## Sobakus

Ben Jamin said:


> Do they, really? If I'm not mistaken "недоступным" and "недоступного" refer to males. Anybody correct me?


Grammatically, _недотрога_ too is common gender. *Esperansa*'s objection has to do with social stereotypes and not with grammar.


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## tacirus

I didn`t get if you mean a male or female, but if a male, the only convenient variants are: "прикинуться/притвориться равнодушным/незаинтересованным." And I like more "притвориться равнодушным" - as it is less colloquial.


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## Enquiring Mind

> I like more "притвориться равнодушным" - as it is less colloquial.


 The point is that "to play hard to get" *is *colloquial in English, so a colloquial equivalent in Russian is preferable. The OP's sample sentence is clearly from a conversation.


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## RhoKappa

How does a more literal translation sound?  For example, Yuri tries hard to win Tanya, but Tanya resists.  Yuri directly asks her, "Are you playing hard to get?"  Does "Ты играешь трудно взять?" make any sense?


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## Sobakus

RhoKappa said:


> How does a more literal translation sound?  For example, Yuri tries hard to win Tanya, but Tanya resists.  Yuri directly asks her, "Are you playing hard to get?"  Does "Ты играешь трудно взять?" make any sense?


[...] Mod note: let's be nice!
if we back-translate your sentence literally, we get: "Are you playing in a difficult manner "to get"?" The English "hard-to-get" is an adjectival phrase modifying an omitted noun such as "person". In your sentence, you replace the adjectival phrase with an adverb, which modifies the verb to produce "play in a difficult manner", while making the object of the verb an infinitive, which is impossible in both English and Russian ("играть роль/играть взять", "to play a role/to play to get"). I can imagine those grammatical intricacies to not be readily evident to an average English speaker, but attempting to translate into a very grammatically different language without understanding the grammatical structure of your native language is bound to fail every time.

To answer your question, «играть труднодоступного» is as close grammatically and semantically as you can get.


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## Vadim K

RhoKappa said:


> How does a more literal translation sound?  For example, Yuri tries hard to win Tanya, but Tanya resists.  Yuri directly asks her, "Are you playing hard to get?"  Does "Ты играешь трудно взять?" make any sense?



Please note that the English verb "get" should only be translated as the Russian verb "взять" in limited cases. This verb should be more often translated as "получить". Sure there are plenty of other Russian verbs which should be translated as "get" depending on the situation.


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