# I'd rather not share. - share vs. say / tell -  BrE vs. AmE



## zaffy

I'd rather not share vs. I'd rather not say /tell you.

I was told by an AE speaker "I'd rather not share" was a natural response when we don't want to share some information with someone else. Now, could you share your thoughts about these questions I've got?

1. I was wondering if it's used in BE too?
2. Can it be used in any context? Even a trivial one? I came across a girl asking another girl how many candies she's eaten on that day and she replied "I'd rather not share."





3. Does "I'd rather not say." or "I'd rather not tell you." work equally natural?

A: How many of these candies have you eaten today?
B: I'd rather not share.
B: I'd rather not tell you.
B: I'd rather not say.

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: Oh, I'd rather not share.
B: Oh, I'd rather not tell you.
B: Oh, I'd rather not say.


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## PaulQ

zaffy said:


> I was told by an AE speaker "I'd rather not share" was a natural response when we don't want to share some information with someone else.
> 
> 1. I was wondering if it's used in BE too?


We understand it, but rarely use it : it sounds very/too American.



> 3. Does "I'd rather not say." or "I'd rather not tell you." work equally natural?


In BE:
A: How many of these candies sweets have you eaten today?
B: I'd rather not share. 
B: I'd rather not tell you.
B: I'd rather not say.

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: Oh, I'd rather not share.
B: Oh, I'd rather not tell you.
B: Oh, I'd rather not say.


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## zaffy

PaulQ said:


> We understand it, but rarely use it : it sounds very/too American.


And what if we add "information". Does is it still sound American?

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: Oh, I'd rather not share that information. Hope you understand.


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## heypresto

It's not wrong, but not at all idiomatic:

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: Oh, I'd rather not share that information *say*. Hope you understand.


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## zaffy

And could AE speakers say if they have any preference beteen these two? 

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: I'd rather not *share*.
B: I'd rather not *say*.


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## Roxxxannne

I'm old enough to prefer "I'd rather not say" and "I'd rather not tell you."  "Sharing" in the sense of telling people something is an idiom that has become widespread in the US in the last 20 or 30 years.  

Your AE speaker's "I'd rather not share" is a perfectly natural thing for that person to say, but it's definitely not the only natural AE response.


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## ewie

zaffy said:


> A: How many of these [sweets] have you eaten today?
> B: I'd rather not share.
> B: I'd rather not tell you.
> B: I'd rather not say.


Also in BrE:
B: _Not telling_. (especially popular with the kiddies)

I completely agree with Mr Q: this use of _share_ still sounds teeth-gratingly extremely American here.


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## DonnyB

That modern over-use of the word "share" to mean _tell you something _really grates on me something rotten. I wouldn't ever use it.


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## ewie

Would you believe it? ~ I just this minute came across it in an American short story:


> Mrs. Cotten folded her hands on top of her desk. "What do you know about hers?"
> "Very little, so far, she refuses to talk about it," Marie replied.
> "That's not uncommon in children her age. She'll likely be more inclined to share once she's had her Debut Party in a few years."


(It's not worth the effort of explaining what's going on.)


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## zaffy

DonnyB said:


> That modern over-use of the word "share" to mean _tell you something _really grates on me something rotten. I wouldn't ever use it.


I just looked it up in Cambridge. Is this the usage we're talking about in this thread? Don't you like these examples either?


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## heypresto

I'm not convinced that you can share your _worries_, but the others are fine.


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## kentix

I can see it for this one.

A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
B: I'd rather not share.

But not for this one.

A: How many of these candies have you eaten today?
B: I'd rather not share.

That's too frivolous.

I would say, "I'd rather not say."


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## ewie

zaffy said:


> I just looked it up in Cambridge. Is this the usage we're talking about in this thread? Don't you like these examples either?


Same answer as Heypresto in #11, but those are transitive uses: we were talking about the intransitive use.


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## zaffy

kentix said:


> A: Tom, may I ask how much your car was?
> B: I'd rather not share.



And would "share" work intransitively with "going to" in AE? 

"I'm not going to share."


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## owlman5

zaffy said:


> And would "share" work intransitively with "going to" in AE?
> 
> "I'm not going to share."


Yes. I'm pleased to report that I don't hear this use of _share _very often. _Thanks for sharing _pops up more often than I want it to.


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## zaffy

ewie said:


> Same answer as Heypresto in #11, but those are transitive uses: we were talking about the intransitive use.



Even if used transitively, you still don't really like it in BE or do you?

_I'm not going to tell the truth. vs. I'm not going to share the truth. _


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## DonnyB

zaffy said:


> Even if used transitively, you still don't really like it in BE or do you?
> 
> _I'm not going to tell the truth. vs. I'm not going to share the truth. _


I wouldn't use "share the truth" like that, no.


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## owlman5

Neither would I, zaffy. It is one thing to share problems, worries, or jokes. But sharing the truth is odd.


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## zaffy

DonnyB said:


> I wouldn't use "share the truth" like that, no.


And in this Oxford example, "share" is used intransitively. Do you like it in BE? Or does that sound AE to your British ears?


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## DonnyB

zaffy said:


> And in this Oxford example, "share" is used intransitively. Do you like it in BE? Or does that sound AE to your British ears?
> 
> View attachment 63730



Ugh... That for me is a no-no.


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## zaffy

owlman5 said:


> It is one thing to share problems, worries, or jokes.


And do you like the Oxford example in #19 in AE?


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## owlman5

No. I don't like it at all.


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## Roxxxannne

owlman5 said:


> No. I don't like it at all.


Neither do I.  I wonder if you can guess whether someone is older or younger than some age based on whether this usage makes them want to scream.


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## zaffy

DonnyB said:


> Ugh... That for me is a no-no.


And if someone tells me about their problems/experiences/feelings/secrets, etc,  could I say "Thanks for sharing" intransitively in BE like in this dictionary example?


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## elroy

“The group listens while one person shares.”
This works for me if it’s clear from context what it is that is shared.

“Thanks for sharing.”
Very common, totally unremarkable in American English.

Neither sentence makes me want to scream.


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## Tegs

elroy said:


> “The group listens while one person shares.”
> This works for me if it’s clear from context what it is that is shared.


I'd be more likely to say "The group listens while one person shares their thoughts" but the sentence above doesn't sound terrible to me. 



elroy said:


> “Thanks for sharing.”
> Very common, totally unremarkable in American English.


This does sound American to me, but it doesn't bother me. 

I prefer "I'd rather not say" to "I'd rather not tell you" and I wouldn't use "I'd rather not share" in that sort of context.


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## DonnyB

zaffy said:


> And if someone tells me about their problems/experiences/feelings/secrets, etc,  could I say "Thanks for sharing" intransitively in BE like in this dictionary example?
> 
> View attachment 63733


Yukk: totally cringe-inducing.  I don't doubt people say it, but what's wrong with "Thanks for confiding in me" or even simply "Thanks for telling me" ?


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## ewie

I blame Facebook, me.
*A:* _Here's a load of photos of me sat on the toilet in full makeup, and this is the chicken salad I had for my lunch, and this is an interesting cloud I saw this afternoon, and here's one of a cute puppy someone sent me._
*B:* _Thanks for sharing!_


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## elroy

It's commonly used to thank someone for sharing something interesting or useful.  For example, let's say I e-mail a few colleagues with a flyer about an event I think they might be interested in, or an article with useful information that they might benefit from.  "Thanks for sharing!" is a common response.


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## ewie

elroy said:


> It's commonly used to thank someone for sharing something interesting or useful.  For example, let's say I e-mail a few colleagues with a flyer about an event I think they might be interested in, or an article with useful information that they might benefit from.  "Thanks for sharing!" is a common response.


Yeah, but in those cases you really are sharing stuff, Mr El.


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## elroy

ewie said:


> Yeah, but in those cases you really are sharing stuff, Mr El.


As opposed to sharing something intangible, like a story or an experience?  Is that the usage you object to?


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## natkretep

zaffy said:


> Even if used transitively, you still don't really like it in BE or do you?
> 
> _I'm not going to tell the truth. vs. I'm not going to share the truth. _


Sharing _things_ is perfectly normal. Share the pudding, the house, the cost. But if you're sharing information, there are already specific verbs for that. That's my reasoning for not liking _share_ in the contexts given in the opening post.


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## ewie

Your example, Mr El, is kind of an ellipsis: "Thankyou for sharing that useful information with us"   What I dislike, rather, is the intransitive use where it really just means no more than 'speaking'/'telling' 

cross-posted with Nat


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## elroy

Oh, I don't see a difference; there's always ellipsis:

Thanks for sharing (the flyer / the article / the video / the information).
Thanks for sharing (your story / your experience / your insights / your perspective).


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## DonnyB

elroy said:


> Oh, I don't see a difference; there's always ellipsis:
> 
> Thanks for sharing (the flyer / the article / the video / the information).
> Thanks for sharing (your story / your experience / your insights / your perspective).


I think (hope) a BE speaker would be more likely to say "Thanks for the tip." or "Thanks for the info." 

Put it this way, strictly speaking you're not really _sharing_ anything, so much as _giving_ somebody something (information, help, advice, whatever).


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## Hermione Golightly

I have  with those who detest the modern usage, but it's so high on my pet hate list that I need to say so. I first encountered it in 1996 when we went to live in NYC. I have from time to time heard young BE speakers use it, picked up from the web I suppose, and I try not to be judgemental about what it says about the person. After all, we can't all be discerning uberpedants.


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## elroy

DonnyB said:


> Put it this way, strictly speaking you're not really _sharing_ anything, so much as _giving_ somebody something (information, help, advice, whatever).


Are you saying you wouldn't use "sharing" even if the object were explicitly stated?  So you wouldn't say "Thanks for sharing the flyer / your experience / etc."?

In any event, it's clear that there are people who don't like this usage because they didn't grow up with it.  As we all know, language changes and evolves, and for some of us this usage is completely ordinary.  There's not much point in putting it under a microscope and analyzing how "logical" or "illogical" it is, since that's not how language works.


Hermione Golightly said:


> I try not to be judgemental about what it says about the person. After all, we can't all be discerning uberpedants.


You've just managed, in the same breath, to say you try not to be judgmental about it and then be judgmental about it.  The many people who use "sharing" this way do not do so because they are not "discerning uberpedants."  They simply happen to use a word in a way that you don't.


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## zaffy

DonnyB said:


> Yukk: totally cringe-inducing. I don't doubt people say it, but what's wrong with "Thanks for confiding in me" or even simply "Thanks for telling me" ?





ewie said:


> Yeah, but in those cases you really are sharing stuff,





ewie said:


> I blame Facebook,



So is "Thanks for sharing" acceptable in BE if stuff, not information, is meant or do you still not like it?


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## Hermione Golightly

> You've just managed, in the same breath, to say you try not to be judgmental about it and then be judgmental about it.


That's exactly what I intended.  

We were asked about the word so we gave our opinion. That's what a forum is about. I'm perfectly happy for people to use whatever words they like. My saying I don't use it and don't like it is no reflection on those who are happy to use it.


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## DonnyB

elroy said:


> Are you saying you wouldn't use "sharing" even if the object were explicitly stated?  So you wouldn't say "Thanks for sharing the flyer / your experience / etc."?
> 
> In any event, it's clear that there are people who don't like this usage because they didn't grow up with it.  As we all know, language changes and evolves, and for some of us this usage is completely ordinary.  There's not much point in putting it under a microscope and analyzing how "logical" or "illogical" it is, since that's not how language works.


To me, "sharing" something like a flyer implies you_ both_ make use of it (as in sharing a dictionary, for the sake of argument).  It's a little bit unfair of you to implicitly criticize me for saying I hate it because I didn't grow up with it, there are loads of things I do like and use that I didn't grow up with and wasn't taught at school.  I'm usually one of the first to tell people to throw their textbook out of the window because _"nobody talks like that any more". _


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## elroy

DonnyB said:


> It's a little unfair of you to criticize me for saying I hate it because I didn't grow up with it


I didn't do that.  I think we may be talking past each other. 

I speculated that some people don't like the usage because they didn't grow up with it; it was a simple observation based on the views expressed in this thread.  Even if I'm wrong about the reason and people's dislike of it is for other reasons, I wasn't criticizing anyone for not liking it.  My point was that arguing against the usage by appealing to reasoning or logic doesn't really hold water, because language isn't (always) logical.  For some people, "sharing" may only mean allowing someone to use something that you are also using.  That doesn't mean that any other usage is not "logical."  That would only be the case if we assumed that "sharing" can only ever have the one meaning, but that's not a valid assumption.  Language grows and evolves, and while "sharing" may have only had that one meaning at a certain point in time, that's certainly not the case in US English at least for millennials and younger.

If I stop and think about it, "sharing an article" makes sense as a derivation of the original meaning.  I have access to the article, and I am now also giving you access to the article, so now we both have access to it.  I'm sharing my access to the article, if you will.  Similarly, if I share my life story with you, we now both know my story, so we now both have that knowledge.  It's an extension of the original usage, as often happens in language.  It's now a separate meaning in its own right: we feel a distinct difference between "Thanks for sharing your dinner with us" and "Thanks for sharing that article with us."


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## velisarius

ewie said:


> Also in BrE:
> B: _Not telling_. (especially popular with the kiddies)
> 
> I completely agree with Mr Q: this use of _share_ still sounds teeth-gratingly extremely American here.


 Thank you for reaching out and sharing, ewie.


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## Roxxxannne

elroy said:


> I speculated that some people don't like the usage because they didn't grow up with it; it was a simple observation based on the views expressed in this thread.  .... Language grows and evolves, and while "sharing" may have only had that one meaning at a certain point in time, that's certainly not the case in US English at least for millennials and younger.


Elroy, you are exactly right. Not only did I definitely not grow up with this usage, but 'share' does not mean the same thing to older people as it does to people who are millennials and younger, and that's what's irritating. I don't mind "Would you like to share your thoughts with us?" or "Thank you for sharing that information" all that much. What I do mind (but I try not to be irritated about it) are "Would you like to share?" and "Thank you for sharing."  I think of 'share' as having to do with valuable things, like food and water or family secrets, and when I first started to hear it used in meetings run by millennials (or people who had been hanging around them a lot   ), they often seemed to be using it even though they appeared not to think that the thing shared was particularly valuable.  

'Share' used in response to information: I'm in a meeting and the leader asks our opinions about some change in a process of, for example, course registration in a university. I have experience with students' difficulties in this regard so I list three big issues I have with the new proposal. The leader says just "Thank you for sharing, Roxxx.  Anyone else?"
 If the leader had said "Thanks, Roxxx.  Anyone else?" that would have been fine.  To me, you share something that has some value.  Although the leader used the word 'share,' they seem not to have found what I said valuable.

'Share' used in a request for information: I'm in another meeting where we're talking about an event that was held the day before. The leader says "Okay, yesterday's workshop.  Anyone want to share?"  I think to myself (who else would I think to, right?) that it was okay, as workshops go.  The speaker was interesting, but that's not particularly valuable information, so someone else can answer.
Then the leader asks, "Roxxx, would you like to share?"  My response is "ummm" for the first two seconds, because I know that what I have to say is not valuable. 

 It's comparable to the 'as/like' issue of my parents' generation.  "Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should" drove my mother crazy.   Mark my words, the same thing will happen to millennials.  Toddlers these days will someday come up with all sorts of goofy expressions that will set their elders' teeth on edge.


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## ewie

Roxxxannne said:


> The leader says "Okay, yesterday's workshop.  Anyone want to share?"


My reaction there would be, "_Share_? share what? their packed lunch? ciggies? note paper?"  That is precisely the usage I dislike: the leader simply means "Does anyone have anything to *say*?"


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