# horny [vulgar in American English?]



## Echo111

Is the word "horny" vulgar in American English?


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## Rigardo Lee

Yes.

It's a slangy way of expressing sexual arousal. You getting sexually aroused would be a fact that is, in a sense, so vulgar as to become a public knowledge, right?


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## TheMahiMahi

Echo111 said:


> Is the word "horny" vulgar in American English?



I guess? It's not as bad as "fuck" or "shit" or something like that. But mentioning yours or someone else's level of sexual arousal in a public setting is not likely to be taken very well. It's not really the word that's particularly vulgar, it's talking about sexual arousal just in general. You'll notice people say "horny" on public TV just fine, so it isn't so vulgar as to be censored.


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## The pianist

No.

You might call it off-color slang, but I'm afraid that if none of us was so vulgar as to be sexually aroused from time to time, none of us would be here.  In fact if one is never 'horny' there is a psychiatric name for that condition: Sexual Arousal Disorder or SAD (no pun intended).  Unfortunately, in the age of Trump and perhaps Boris, the bar has been lowered to such an extent that one can say practically anything in public.  You might say that that attitude is becoming endemic.


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## kentix

It's certainly not a word you would use everywhere with everyone.


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## LVRBC

It is somewhere between low-register and vulgar, depending on your audience.  Construction workers - no problem.  Church ladies - avoid.


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## Packard

I think that the Viagra commercials moved a  lot of language into the "acceptable", not because they used those words in the commercials, but because it became an area of conversation.

I recall saying to my sister, "I don't get it.  The average family has 2.2 children.  So at most Pfizer will sell three tablets to each dysfunctional male".

She replied that I clearly did not understand the underlying issues.


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## owlman5

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend he's horny, does it mean he's a bad person who is not respectful of her?


You need to consider their relationship and his reasons for sharing that information with her, Echo.

Why is this guy telling her that? Do these two people intend to have sex with each other some day?  Do they ordinarily share dirty jokes and make casual comments about being horny?


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## Roxxxannne

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend he's horny, does it mean he's a bad person who is not respectful of her?


It depends on what kind of a relationship he has with her already and whether he's already conveyed to her that he is respectful of her wishes vis-a-vis his horniness.  It's one of those words that can be either appropriate or inappropriate depending largely on context and, in this case, since it has to do with sex, it's especially tricky.  
If back in the day I were chatting idly and innocently with a male friend of mine who suddenly blurted out "You make me so-o-o horny" I would deck him.  If he said "Wow, that is a sexy dress you have on" I would say "Don't get any ideas, buddy."
I'd steer clear of words like like horny until I had a pretty good idea that she would enjoy knowing this and/or use similar language in response.


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## Roxxxannne

TheMahiMahi said:


> I guess? It's not as bad as "fuck" or "shit" or something like that. But mentioning yours or someone else's level of sexual arousal in a public setting is not likely to be taken very well. It's not really the word that's particularly vulgar, it's talking about sexual arousal just in general. You'll notice people say "horny" on public TV just fine, so it isn't so vulgar as to be censored.


I'm surprised no one here has yet claimed that they misread "public TV."

"Shit' and 'fuck' are different from 'horny.' They are used as random expletives, especially 'fuck,' which is also used these days as a filler to indicate emphasis: "That's one fancy fuckin' birthday cake you baked me, darlin'; thanks!"
(I know there is a word for this in English grammar. In Greek grammar such words -- which do NOT include the ancient Greek equivalent of 'fuck' -- are called particles.)

Even nicely brought-up women will say 'shit' when they drop a manila folder full of papers that scatter everywhere and now have to be sorted again.

But if you are using 'shit' specifically to refer to human feces or 'fuck' specifically to refer to sexual intercourse, then they are definitely in the low-register/vulgar end of the spectrum.

'Horny' to me doesn't have any general meaning outside of sex, so it's pretty close in lowness of register to 'fuck.'

This is just my usage and the usage that I have observed among nice well brought-up women and nice well brought-up men when they speak to women they think are nice and well brought up.


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## Ponyprof

I think a man would be well advised not to use this word to a woman about himself unless they are already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way in the bedroom. 

As far as in general discussion, I still think it's something you want to know your audience. In my recreational life I ride horses. Mares are never "fixed" and go in heat every month with fairly dramatic responses, geldings are obviously neutered but can still have responses to mares, and stallions are kept segregated from mares.

So even without stallions in the barn we still need to acknowledge a fair bit of sexual response in horses, and manage it in a safe way. It's a public barn with mixed men, women, and kids.

Honestly even in a barn I wouldn't stand in the aisle and say "hey, that horse is horny!"

I'd be more likely to use another word. He's getting worked up over that mare. That mare is in heat. Don't turn them out in the paddock together.

I just use this as an example because a barn after all is a pretty frank place. We would say "shovel shit" or "manure" without a second thought because we do that constantly! 

I cannot imagine anyone saying horny at my job site.


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## sdgraham

Echo111 said:


> Is the word "horny" vulgar in American English?


Not if you're talking about horny toad lizards. Otherwise, the above recommendations provide good advice. 
*Horned lizard*
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to navigationJump to search
This article is about the North American horned lizard. For the Australian horned lizard, see thorny devil.
*Horned lizards* (_*Phrynosoma*_), also known as *horny toads* or *horntoads*, are a genus of North American lizards and the type genus of the family Phrynosomatidae. The common names refer directly to their flattened, rounded body and blunt snout.


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## kentix

The place I can imagine someone using it at work is in a private conversation during a lunch break, for instance. Maybe a man might be talking to another man about something that happened in his life the previous weekend. Or a group of women might be having a conversation about boyfriends at lunch. If someone else walked into the room they would stop.


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## ain'ttranslationfun?

Re #12: The sports teams of Texas Christian  University (TCU) are called The Horned Frogs.

Seriously, follow the above advice.


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## Roxxxannne

Ponyprof said:


> I think a man would be well advised not to use this word to a woman about himself unless they are already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way in the bedroom.


And he would be well advised not to use it to a woman about *her* unless they are already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way.


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## Ponyprof

Roxxxannne said:


> And he would be well advised not to use it to a woman about *her* unless they are already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way.



Oh, totally. I meant that he *might* use it about a third party or something he saw on TV or about his dog or something like that.


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## Echo111

Roxxxannne said:


> I'm surprised no one here has yet claimed that they misread "public TV."
> 
> "Shit' and 'fuck' are different from 'horny.' They are used as random expletives, especially 'fuck,' which is also used these days as a filler to indicate emphasis: "That's one fancy fuckin' birthday cake you baked me, darlin'; thanks!"
> (I know there is a word for this in English grammar. In Greek grammar such words -- which do NOT include the ancient Greek equivalent of 'fuck' -- are called particles.)
> 
> Even nicely brought-up women will say 'shit' when they drop a manila folder full of papers that scatter everywhere and now have to be sorted again.
> 
> But if you are using 'shit' specifically to refer to human feces or 'fuck' specifically to refer to sexual intercourse, then they are definitely in the low-register/vulgar end of the spectrum.
> 
> 'Horny' to me doesn't have any general meaning outside of sex, so it's pretty close in lowness of register to 'fuck.'
> 
> This is just my usage and the usage that I have observed among nice well brought-up women and nice well brought-up men when they speak to women they think are nice and well brought up.


If a guy tells his female friend he is horny, does it mean he thinks she is not nice and well brought up.


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## Echo111

Roxxxannne said:


> And he would be well advised not to use it to a woman about *her* unless they are already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way.


If a man uses it to a woman about himself, does it mean he thinks she's not nice and well brought up?


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## arundhati

The word is not vulgar, it's as if you asked if 'penis' is vulgar. On the other hand, it's what you mean using it that can be seen as offensive.


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## Roxxxannne

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend he is horny, does it mean he thinks she is not nice and well brought up.


No.  Whether he uses it about himself or her, she may well think *he i*s not nice or well brought up, unless they are , as ponyprof said in #11
"already in a sexually intimate relationship where both parties feel free to talk in a vulgar and light hearted way in the bedroom."   As ponyprof also said, when a sexually aroused horse has an erect penis, one would not use the word 'horny' about the horse because someone might find that offensive


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## Roxxxannne

arundhati said:


> The word is not vulgar, it's as if you asked if 'penis' is vulgar. On the other hand, it's what you mean using it that can be seen as offensive.


We might be using the word 'vulgar' differently.
'Penis' is a neutral, medical term.  'Cock' and 'prick' are not.  'Sexually aroused' or 'keen to have sex' is a neutral, medical term.  'Horny' is not.
If 'penis' and 'sexually aroused' are in a category that I will call 'neutral' here, what do you call the category that 'cock', 'prick', and 'horny' are in?


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## lingobingo

I just checked in Lexico, and they only class *horny* as “informal”.


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## arundhati

Yes you're right, it's a clearly explicit sexual term. Does it make it vulgar? The context makes the difference. I'm not sure saying 'I'm sexually aroused' to the wrong person would really be better.


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## kentix

If you have a medical problem you wouldn't use that word with your doctor, I wouldn't think.

"Doctor, whenever I get horny..."

But you might use it with a friend in a private conversation.

"I was feeling really horny last night so I called up my ex-girlfriend."


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## Ponyprof

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend he is horny, does it mean he thinks she is not nice and well brought up.



Interesting way to think about it. I agree with the other posters that vulgar language rebounds on the speaker, not the listener.

Also as others have said, any discussion of one's sexual emotions in a mixed or professional setting is going to be inappropriate. 

Indeed, it can be considered creating a hostile workplace or sexual harassment. A completely all male workplace especially in the trades or manual labor might allow for a fair bit of vulgar or profane boy's only joking and boasting and ribald talk.

But in North America there are fewer and fewer completely all male worksites. If there are women on the job site in any capacity, sexualized speech can be taken as a form of intimidation.

Imagine a woman is an apprentice at a construction job and at lunch sits listening to men joke about their state of sexual arousal and make comments about women they can see walking past the site. The female apprentice could very well have a human rights case against the company if that talk creates a situation where she does not feel safe and comfortable doing her job.

And if it was a more traditionally mixed workforce, with one or two men being inappropriate,  those men could well be fired. And most educational institutions would hold students to these standards on campus as well. There might even be repercussions for off campus behaviour.

I  say all this to point out that any reference to sexual matters is going to be inappropriate in most work and social settings in North America regardless of whether you use scientific words for body parts or slang or obscenity. There just is no way to say "my genitals are sexually aroused" that is appropriate in these situations.  Certainly virtually everybody would be fine with a large range of such talk in the context of a consensual intimate relationship. That doesn't mean it's Ok to say it in public.

I can't believe I have to spell it out like this, because surely this is something that's true across cultures. But I wanted to clarify that merely denoting a word as vulgar versus crude versus standard medical term doesn't mean that you can use *any* of them publicly.

And also that people in North America do not talk like characters in a Seth Rogan movie. Those "gross out comedies" are funny to the audience because of their shock value and how they break taboos. They are not a model of standard behaviour.


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## Roxxxannne

Ponyprof said:


> Interesting way to think about it. I agree with the other posters that vulgar language rebounds on the speaker, not the listener.
> 
> Also as others have said, any discussion of one's sexual emotions in a mixed or professional setting is going to be inappropriate.
> 
> Indeed, it can be considered creating a hostile workplace or sexual harassment. A completely all male workplace especially in the trades or manual labor might allow for a fair bit of vulgar or profane boy's only joking and boasting and ribald talk.
> 
> But in North America there are fewer and fewer completely all male worksites. If there are women on the job site in any capacity, sexualized speech can be taken as a form of intimidation.
> 
> Imagine a woman is an apprentice at a construction job and at lunch sits listening to men joke about their state of sexual arousal and make comments about women they can see walking past the site. The female apprentice could very well have a human rights case against the company.
> 
> And if it was a more traditionally mixed workforce, with one or two men being inappropriate,  those men could well be fired.
> 
> I  say all this to point out that any reference to sexual matters is going to be inappropriate in most work and social settings in North America regardless of whether you use scientific words for body parts or slang or obscenity. There just is no way to say "my genitals are sexually aroused" that is appropriate in these situations.  Certainly virtually everybody would be fine with a large range of such talk in the context of a consensual intimate relationship. That doesn't mean it's Ok to say it in public.
> 
> I can't believe I have to spell it out like this, because surely this is something that's true across cultures. But I wanted to clarify that merely denoting a word as vulgar versus crude versus standard medical term doesn't mean that you can use *any* of them publicly.
> 
> And also that people in North America do not talk like characters in a Seth Rogan movie. Those "gross out comedies" are funny to the audience because of their shock value and how they break taboos. They are not a model of standard behaviour.


 Very well said.
At this point in this conversation, I'd say that if you don't know whether your listener will be annoyed by your choice of informal, vulgar, low-register, etc. words, and _if you want to remain on good terms with that person,_ don't use those words until you have a reasonably good idea that they won't annoy or disturb the other person.

(Yes, I know, Political Correctness is a thing that some people believe is taken too seriously.  But I'm talking about a situation where you really do want the other person to like you, not just tolerate you. In that situation, I highly recommend making a strong effort not to annoy them.)

"Gross out comedies" are popular precisely because they give audiences a chance to vicariously break taboos that they wouldn't go near in real life.
Don't forget that most movies are unrealistic.  Not only do characters playing the roles of ordinary people look like movie stars, but they can always find parking spaces in Manhattan and they never have to use the toilet unless it is crucial to the plot.


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## Echo111

Ponyprof said:


> Interesting way to think about it. I agree with the other posters that vulgar language rebounds on the speaker, not the listener.
> 
> Also as others have said, any discussion of one's sexual emotions in a mixed or professional setting is going to be inappropriate.
> 
> Indeed, it can be considered creating a hostile workplace or sexual harassment. A completely all male workplace especially in the trades or manual labor might allow for a fair bit of vulgar or profane boy's only joking and boasting and ribald talk.
> 
> But in North America there are fewer and fewer completely all male worksites. If there are women on the job site in any capacity, sexualized speech can be taken as a form of intimidation.
> 
> Imagine a woman is an apprentice at a construction job and at lunch sits listening to men joke about their state of sexual arousal and make comments about women they can see walking past the site. The female apprentice could very well have a human rights case against the company if that talk creates a situation where she does not feel safe and comfortable doing her job.
> 
> And if it was a more traditionally mixed workforce, with one or two men being inappropriate,  those men could well be fired. And most educational institutions would hold students to these standards on campus as well. There might even be repercussions for off campus behaviour.
> 
> I  say all this to point out that any reference to sexual matters is going to be inappropriate in most work and social settings in North America regardless of whether you use scientific words for body parts or slang or obscenity. There just is no way to say "my genitals are sexually aroused" that is appropriate in these situations.  Certainly virtually everybody would be fine with a large range of such talk in the context of a consensual intimate relationship. That doesn't mean it's Ok to say it in public.
> 
> I can't believe I have to spell it out like this, because surely this is something that's true across cultures. But I wanted to clarify that merely denoting a word as vulgar versus crude versus standard medical term doesn't mean that you can use *any* of them publicly.
> 
> And also that people in North America do not talk like characters in a Seth Rogan movie. Those "gross out comedies" are funny to the audience because of their shock value and how they break taboos. They are not a model of standard behaviour.


If a guy tells his female friend who is a graduate student he's horny, does it mean he thinks she's not nice or well brought up?


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## arundhati

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend who is a graduate student he's horny, does it mean he thinks she's not nice or well brought up?


Not really, it means that he wants to have sex with her.


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## Ponyprof

arundhati said:


> Not really, it means that he wants to have sex with her.


 
Exactly. And depending on the situation she might take it as an invitation or she might report you to the Dean for sexual harassment. So be very careful!

I should add that in modern English speaking and European cultures, it is a mainstream assumption that most young adults will engage in several consensual, publicly acknowledged, fairly long term sexual relationships before settling down with a life partner (which might or might not happen). There are of course exceptions in religious groups and some recent immigrant groups that have more traditional views against sex before marriage 

Therefore in general a sexual advance verbal or otherwise is not taken as a sign that the man does not respect the woman, or does not think she is well brought up. Quite the reverse; it is taken to mean he likes her.

However the woman in this scenario is free to accept, or to turn down the offer. And if the conversation has been very in appropriate or threatening or violent, and it's in a school or work environment, she may want to discuss it with a supervisor.


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## owlman5

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend who is a graduate student he's horny, does it mean he thinks she's not nice or well brought up?





arundhati said:


> Not really, it means that he wants to have sex with her.


Or it might mean that they are drinking buddies who talk about all sorts of random things.  Maybe he's just trying to make her laugh...

Men who spend a lot of time judging women's morals are twisted in their thinking and expectations, Echo.  Every now and then, a guy like that shows up in the news after he has been arrested for murdering several women who he believed needed to be punished.  When I hear some creep making remarks about the decency of random women in a bar, I make an effort to put some distance between us.


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## arundhati

owlman5 said:


> Or it might mean that they are drinking buddies who talk about all sorts of random things.  Maybe he's just trying to make her laugh...


Yes, he could not mean what it literally means. I wouldn't try to make anybody laugh that way personally.


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## Ponyprof

owlman5 said:


> Or it might mean that they are drinking buddies who talk about all sorts of random things.  Maybe he's just trying to make her laugh...
> 
> Men who spend a lot of time worrying about women's morals are twisted in their thinking and expectations, Echo.  Every now and then, a guy like that shows up in the news after he has been arrested for murdering several women who he believed needed to be punished.  When I hear some creep making remarks about the decency of random women in a bar, I make an effort to put some distance between us.



 OH yes.

Now if you read 19th century British novels the characters spend alot of time worrying about who is "nice," "vulgar," or promiscuous. Back then there were strong social and even legal penalties for sexual behaviour out of wedlock. Men married "respectable" gjrls who were assumed to be virgins, but men patronized prostitutes and kept secret mistresses.

None of that applies to regular life in modern English speaking or European countries. And as Owlman says a modern man that thinks like that is rather creepy to say the least.


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## Roxxxannne

owlman5 said:


> Or it might mean that they are drinking buddies who talk about all sorts of random things.  Maybe he's just trying to make her laugh...


We've been over this already: comments #3, 5,6, 8.
To quote ponyprof above (#29)   "_n modern English speaking and European cultures, it is a mainstream assumption that most young adults will engage in several consensual, publicly acknowledged, fairly long term sexual relationships before settling down with a life partner (which might or might not happen)."  _

It may be true that most young adults do this, although 'several...relationships' is not the case of the young people I know, who are totally areligious, left-wing, and have very untraditional sociopolitical views about sex and gender.  This was also the case when I was young, although perhaps to a lesser extent.  But I'm not a sociologist. 
Nevertheless, you can't assume that any specific woman sitting in front of you will appreciate hearing the word 'horny.'  A sexual advance is one thing; the words one uses to express it are another.  Finding a sexual partner that you want to have a reasonably long-term relationship with is something you want to do carefully.  If you are worried enough about what the woman will think of you to ask about the word 'horny' here, don't use it at this point in your relationship.  It's not the only way to express your interest.


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## owlman5

Roxxxannne said:


> We've been over this already: comments #3, 5,6, 8.


There seems to be a lot of bloviating going on in here, Roxxxannne. My remarks haven't added much to the total word count.


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## Roxxxannne

owlman5 said:


> There seems to be a lot of bloviating going on in here, Roxxxannne.


I am surprised that you think I am speaking pompously, but that's a great example of what I mean by the difference in perception between the speaker and the hearer.  
I thought all I was doing was arguing.  I'm taking this discussion seriously, both as a woman who's been harassed in the days before it was called that and as a former higher-ed admin who's been involved in harassment cases.
But I'm outa here now.  Off to say something stupid about sliders.


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## arundhati

Again, it would be useful to stay on the matter of language, and not go on the field of what is approriate to say or not.
I think that it's inapropriate to say to someone else you're horny (actually in almost any situation), but it doesn't make the word itself vulgar.
I would tell stories about excrements, it doesn't make the word 'excrement' vulgar.


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## Packard

arundhati said:


> Again, it would be useful to stay on the matter of language, and not go on the field of what is approriate to say or not.
> I think that it's inapropriate to say to someone else you're horny (actually in almost any situation), but it doesn't make the word itself vulgar.
> I would tell stories about excrements, it doesn't make the word 'excrement' vulgar.


When I was growing up in the 1960s "horny" would have been considered vulgar along with "schmuck" and "putz".  The use of any of those words would likely get you in trouble.  Also "on the rag" would have been grounds for serious punishment.

Nowadays "schmuck" and "putz" (both meaning "penis") and "horny" (meaning  an erection) have become commonplace.  The original meanings have become obscured and "schmuck" and "putz" no longer mean "penis" it now means "a jerk".  Horny  no longer means "an erection" it means "desirous of sex".

So what was once vulgar is now common vernacular.  Probably not suited for serious writing, but fine in conversations.  But not when used as an accusation:

To obnoxious mother of your girl friend. "You know what is your problem Mrs. Jones?  You're a horny old bitch and you need a good stiff dick to make you happy.  But I will not be the one to do the honors.  You will have to find someone else."

_Now that is vulgar._

Vs.

_What is your girl friend's mother like?

She's nice enough but she touches too often, always putting her hand on my hand or forearm.  I suspect she's a bit horny.  But let's keep that between ourselves OK?_

Etymology of "horny"

*Horn* is slang for the male erection, based on its shape - and *horny* is a derivative of that.
The OED has this definition for the slang sense of *horn*:


> An erect penis; an erection. Also in _phr._ *to have (also get) the horn:* to be sexually excited. (Not in polite use.)


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## arundhati

Well, I'm not still convinced that in "You're a horny old bitch", it's 'horny' that is vulgar!


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## Packard

arundhati said:


> Well, I'm not still convinced that in "You're a horny old bitch", it's 'horny' that is vulgar!


No.  It is how you use it.  I would not consider my second example vulgar, just slightly crude.  Polite would be to say, "she probably would do better if she had some male companionship (or female companionship--if we are being politically correct).

_  I suspect she's a bit horny.  But let's keep that between ourselves OK?_


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## Ponyprof

The original question is whether horny is vulgar in American English, with a follow-up question of whether it implies the speaker doesn't respect the woman he says it to.

There's no way to answer this without reference to evolving cultural practices. And there are many nuances here. The original question is more about cultural norms than about grammar.

It's probably useful for posters asking this question to get several perspectives and hear it rephrased.


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## jmichaelm

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend who is a graduate student he's horny, does it mean he thinks she's not nice or well brought up?



You keep asking what someone will think if you say this. It's impossible to know what someone will think.

The tone of the word "horny" is intimate. It is slang and can be used to invite sexual relations. Inviting someone to have sex when you don't know them well might cause them to think you are ill-mannered and not nice.


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## ain'ttranslationfun?

So "horny" can now be used for women who are "desirous of sex"? I'm nt sure I'v heard a woman say she was horny. (But then, as I once said a long time ago in some thread or another, I lead a sheltered life.) _Mesdames_, your  BAD PUN ALERT! input on this?


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## velisarius

Unfortunately I only managed to speed-read the first paragraph of this recent New York Times article before it shut down and asked me for a subscription, but it seems that females discussing their own "horniness" is very much a thing lately. I doubt many young grad students, even nice and well-brought up ones, would be fazed by a male student's professed horniness. But I may be biased because I just finished reading Tom Wolfe's campus novel _I Am Charlotte Simmons._

The Year Women Got ‘Horny’


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## Echo111

velisarius said:


> Unfortunately I only managed to speed-read the first paragraph of this recent New York Times article before it shut down and asked me for a subscription, but it seems that females discussing their own "horniness" is very much a thing lately. I doubt many young grad students, even nice and well-brought up ones, would be fazed by a male student's professed horniness. But I may be biased because I just finished reading Tom Wolfe's campus novel _I Am Charlotte Simmons._
> 
> The Year Women Got ‘Horny’


Who do you think would be fazed by a male student's professed horniness?


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## Loob

Echo111 said:


> If a guy tells his female friend who is a graduate student he's horny, does it mean he thinks she's not nice or well brought up?


Echo111, did you ask this question
(1) because you are a man thinking of telling his female graduate student friend that he's horny 
or
(2) because you are a female graduate student to whom a male friend has said this?


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