# Querida: wife or lover?



## startinagin

A Peruvian friend of mine asked a Mexican girl if she would be his "querida".  She said yes. He says the Peruvian use of querida is "second wife".  She said yes, because her Mexican translation is; casual lover, or even prostitute. Are they both used properly in their respective language dialects? I am now dating a Peruvian and may need to know for possible future reference.


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## SDLX Master

Welcome to WR 
Someone's better half here is your *enamorada* (girlfriend), *novia* (fiance), *esposa *(wife) and that is all there is as far as socially correct usage is concerned. Any lady out of this scope, can be *querida/amante* (no tell lover), *agarre/bacilón/plan* (one night stand) or even *cachera* (f*** friend). _[Sorry about the last word because it sounds real vulgar]_


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## fsabroso

Hi:

I agree with SDLX answer, but just to be clear, "querida" is not a prostitute; well  she could be, but that is not the meaning.


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## DORAM

What is a "*second* wife" though? Unless you are referring to a culture in which multiples wives are accepted, for me a "*second* wife" could only mean a lover in an extramarital affair, which is the meaning that "querida" has for me. Now, whether "querida" is a "prostitute" or "casual lover" would depend on the opinion of the person who is judging the "female participant" in an extramarital affair.


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## Onager

Querida means "mistress" where I come from. I suspect that is what your Peruvian friend meant when he said "second wife"


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## startinagin

I think that that is what I am confused on the most Doram.  The Peruvian friends' translation seems to have more of a formal social placement than "just a lover". (we are not talking about any culture that you'd be married to more than one woman.) He had been seeing her for a year, then asked her to be his querida. At that time she was already his lover, and therefore the title/label querida means more than "just a lover" in his usage and translation.  But not in her translation. She sleeps with him, but made it clear that she does not want anything more than sex and money. Am obviously more interested in the Peruvian translation, but live just across the border from Mexico. What I'm understanding is querida has a more formal and intimate meaning in Peru?  Thanks


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## fsabroso

Onager said:


> Querida means "mistress" where I come from. I suspect that is what your Peruvian friend meant when he said "second wife"


I knew the word but I didn't remember it.

Thanks.


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## startinagin

Onager and fsbroso:
I understand how mistress could be involved in this.  But mistress here means: kept woman (usually woman).  They have a relationship (not jut physical) and he supports her financially.  Is that what you mean the translation is?


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## SDLX Master

DORAM said:


> What is a "*second* wife" though? Unless you are referring to a culture in which multiples wives are accepted, for me a "*second* wife" could only mean a lover in an extramarital affair, which is the meaning that "querida" has for me. Now, whether "querida" is a "prostitute" or "casual lover" would depend on the opinion of the person who is judging the "female participant" in an extramarital affair.


 
My point exactly, that's why I said "no tell".



Onager said:


> Querida means "mistress" where I come from. I suspect that is what your Peruvian friend meant when he said "second wife"


 
That is one good synonym for "no tell lover".



startinagin said:


> I think that that is what I am confused on the most Doram. The Peruvian friends' translation seems to have more of a formal social placement than "just a lover". (we are not talking about any culture that you'd be married to more than one woman.) He had been seeing her for a year, then asked her to be his querida. At that time she was already his lover, and therefore the title/label querida means more than "just a lover" in his usage and translation. But not in her translation. She sleeps with him, but made it clear that she does not want anything more than sex and money. Am obviously more interested in the Peruvian translation, but live just across the border from Mexico. What I'm understanding is querida has a more formal and intimate meaning in Peru? Thanks


 
Your explanation is clear. If the lady only indulges in sex and subtly accepts cash from the man as his way of helping her financially, she is that man's "querida/amante" if he is already in a formal relationship. If he is not in one, the lady is his "querida" indeed.

Now then, I feel it only right to add that the word "querida" also means *darling* as a way of expressing true love or affection.


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## la_machy

I'll give my opinion as a mexican woman, and thinking about how the things are there, at least the things I've seen. Some times there,  ''querida'' has two meanings. First, a loving person you care about as a good friend with no sex or money involved. So you could tell her ''querida amiga''.
But in the other hand, there is ''querida'', the woman who acept a _forbidden _relationship to a married man. She is not a ''second wife'',  but she is the ''other woman''. She could recieve some economic support since she could stop working to be _available_ for her ''querido'' (the married man who has no much time between his real wife and his ''querida''). I don't know and I don't dare to say she is a prostitute.
In a wide open mind, I just said, she is just a fool ''mujer enamorada''.

Hope this helps.


Saludos.

(Sorry for my english, I'm still learning)


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## DORAM

startinagin said:


> Onager and fsbroso:
> I understand how mistress could be involved in this. But mistress here means: kept woman (usually woman). They have a relationship (not jut physical) and he supports her financially. Is that what you mean the translation is?


 

Yes, the translation would be "mistress". However, bear in mind that the word "querido", for the male participant in that relationship, does exist. 

In terms of a "*second wife*", in Mexico the phrase "*second* home" or "segunda casa" is usually used to refer to a second family (a women and even kids with that woman) who are supported along with the "official"  family. The problem with the use of the word "esposa" in this context is that "husband" and "wife" are often view as legal terms and hence legally there could only be one husband and one wife.


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## startinagin

I thank all for their explanations! It's very confusing for me to translate from English to Tex-Mex Spanish to Peruvian!  Seems the Spanish languages all differ to some degree, usually only slightly. And; therefore, those translations even get lost between the dialects of Spainish! It's all soooo confusing!
Thank you


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## SDLX Master

startinagin said:


> I thank all for their explanations! It's very confusing for me to translate from English to Tex-Mex Spanish to Peruvian! Seems the Spanish languages all differ to some degree, usually only slightly. And; therefore, those translations even get lost between the dialects of Spainish! It's all soooo confusing!
> Thank you


 
I cannot agree more. Somebody once said that languages are "alive" and that is why they are so easy and complicated at the same time. But, isn't it beautiful how deep you can go into a given concept?


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## Södertjej

startinagin said:


> mistress here means: kept woman (usually woman). They have a relationship (not jut physical) and he supports her financially.


That's a perfect definition ofthe meaning of "una querida" in Spain.


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## Valeria Mesalina

Södertjej said:


> That's a perfect definition ofthe meaning of "una querida" in Spain.



You forgot to say that her lover has to be already married to another woman.


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## Södertjej

Right, I thought it was obvious the man was married, but maybe it wasn't.


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## GreenWhiteBlue

Because the word means "mistress", does that mean that one should not use it as a term of endearment?  Would it be strange for a young man to call his girlfriend "querida"?  Would it be improper for an elderly man to use it to address the daughter of his neighbors, whom he has known since she was a baby, and of whom he is very fond?


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## Valeria Mesalina

Hello, Greenwhiteblue.

Though it is not wrong at all to use "querida" as a term of endearment, it´s not really used in Spain (unless you are writing a letter to your dear old aunt: "querida tía").

Let´s say we usually use "querida" - and "querido"- in very much the same way Rhett Butler did when he said goodbye to Scarlett O´Hara:

_Frankly, my dear, I don´t give a damn. 
_


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## Samdie

Well, that's the problem with euphemisms; they are *intentionally* vague. Under normal circumstances "querida" simply means "much loved" and could be applied to an old friend, ones daughter or ones "lover"/"mistress". The whole situation is much complicated by the different social customs that can be found. Among the Mormons and many "primitive societies" (polygamous) one can have several "officially recognized" wives" (presumably of equal status). In some, olden days' China for example one could have a wife and various concubines officially recognized but of lesser "legal status" than the wife". "Mistress" is generally like concubine but without the official sanction. "Lover" may (or may not) imply financial support (but does imply exclusivity). "girlfriend" normally means that the male is *not* married and there are no *financial *considerations. "prostitute" normally implies A) that the primary motivation is money and B) multiple partners (hers).


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## la_machy

GreenWhiteBlue said:


> Because the word means "mistress", does that mean that one should not use it as a term of endearment? Would it be strange for a young man to call his girlfriend "querida"? Would it be improper for an elderly man to use it to address the daughter of his neighbors, whom he has known since she was a baby, and of whom he is very fond?


 
At this point, I think is good moment to point out that is not the same to say ''_querida''_ than _''la querida de''. _As far as I believe, in this thread we are talking about _''la querida *de''*_. 

And Valeria, good point about ''Gone with the wind''


Saludos


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## Södertjej

GreenWhiteBlue said:


> Because the word means "mistress", does that mean that one should not use it as a term of endearment? Would it be strange for a young man to call his girlfriend "querida"? Would it be improper for an elderly man to use it to address the daughter of his neighbors, whom he has known since she was a baby, and of whom he is very fond?


Querida as an adjective: dear. You can also use it it letters, "Queridos vecinos:". As mentioned before, it's not used in Spain as a term of endearment. We'd use other words for that. If used as a participle it means loved. "Era una persona muy querida por sus compañeros".
Querida as a noun: mistress.


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## Södertjej

I beg to differ, a woman in love (mujer enamorada) doesn't imply at all her lover is married and that he's the main (or only) source of income for her.


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## eli-chi

Södertjej said:


> I beg to differ, a woman in love (mujer enamorada) doesn't imply at all her love is married and that he's the main (or only) source of income for her.


 Oops! No pude encontrar ese post mío, que lo puse por error.  Ahora que lo tengo, lo voy a editar.  Yo estoy en absoluto desacuerdo con esa opinión. 
Gracias.


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## eli-chi

la_machy said:


> In a wide open mind, I just said, she is just a fool ''mujer enamorada''.



Well, one can choose to call things as one want.  But, either in Spanish or English there´s a word that has the same meaning: *"adulterer"*.  English, at least, "created" a new word to call her in a way that sounds less "offensive" (or more romantic) to certain ears.
By the way, how does English call a man who is an adulterer?


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## la_machy

El tema de este hilo es sobre conocer el diferente significado de la palabra ''querida'' en diferentes paises de habla hispana. Por el contexto de la PO, yo asumí que se trata no sólo de la palabra ''querida'' en sí misma, sino del termino ''querida de'', que como ya lo dije, es muy diferente.
Mi comentario de ''mujer enamorada'', se deriva no sólo de mi opinión personal, sino de lo que he visto dentro de la parte de sociedad mexicana que me rodea. Y sí, tomando en consideración la idea de que a una ''querida de'' se le pudiera considerar una prostituta, yo solamente digo que es usual ver mujeres resueltas y exitosas economicamente, envueltas en ese tipo de situaciones y que lo último que esperan de su amante es dinero o algun tipo de apoyo económico. ¿Es una adultera? Legalmente lo es, si el ''querido'' es casado. Pero creo qué eso va más allá del tema de este hilo.

Espero haber aclarado inquietudes.

Saludos


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## eli-chi

la_machy said:


> El tema de este hilo es sobre conocer el diferente significado de la palabra ''querida'' en diferentes paises de habla hispana. Por el contexto de la PO, yo asumí que se trata no sólo de la palabra ''querida'' en sí misma, sino del termino ''querida de'', que como ya lo dije, es muy diferente.
> Mi comentario de ''mujer enamorada'', se deriva no sólo de mi opinión personal, sino de lo que he visto dentro de la parte de sociedad mexicana que me rodea. Y sí, tomando en consideración la idea de que a una ''querida de'' se le pudiera considerar una prostituta, yo solamente digo que es usual ver mujeres resueltas y exitosas economicamente, envueltas en ese tipo de situaciones y que lo último que esperan de su amante es dinero o algun tipo de apoyo económico. ¿Es una adultera? Legalmente lo es, si el ''querido'' es casado. Pero creo qué eso va más allá del tema de este hilo.
> 
> Espero haber aclarado inquietudes.
> 
> Saludos


Lo entiendo.  La sociedad en que yo vivo hace lo mismo.  Pero, a riesgo de pasar por "cerrada de mente", elijo llamar las cosas por su nombre.  Y, si se trata de dejar en claro el entendimiento que se debe tener de la palabra "querida", precisamente en el contexto de la pregunta, creo que el término "adúltera" lo dice en sí mismo.
Saludos.


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## la_machy

Querida eli-chi, en ese caso, ''adultera'' o ''mujer enamorada'' vienen a ser lo mismo: juicios. Porque la definición de ''querida (de)'' en el diccionario, simplemente ofrece eso, meras definiciones. Y finalmente, eso es lo qué se pide en este hilo.

Y con este comentario me retiro de este hilo.

Ya sabes que es un gusto.
Saludos


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## Södertjej

No entiendo la relación de la palabra adúltera en este contexto. Una querida, una amante, es una mujer que mantiene una relación con un hombre casado, y que normalmente la mantiene, pero si ella está soltera  ella no comete adulterio ninguno. El adúltero lo será el hombre, que sí está casado.


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## eli-chi

Södertjej said:


> No entiendo la relación de la palabra adúltera en este contexto. Una querida, una amante, es una mujer que mantiene una relación con un hombre casado, y que normalmente la mantiene, pero si ella está soltera  ella no comete adulterio ninguno. El adúltero lo será el hombre, que sí está casado.


En español, un adúltero o una adúltera, es quien comete adulterio.  Y la definición de adulterio es ésta, según el diccionario de la RAE:
*1.     * m. Ayuntamiento carnal voluntario entre persona casada y otra de distinto sexo que no sea su cónyuge.
Es decir, las dos personas involucradas, tienen la misma calidad de adúlteros.


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## Södertjej

eli-chi said:


> En español, un adúltero o una adúltera, es quien comete adulterio. Y la definición de adulterio es ésta, según el diccionario de la RAE:
> *1. *m. Ayuntamiento carnal voluntario entre persona casada y otra de distinto sexo que no sea su cónyuge.
> Es decir, las dos personas involucradas, tienen la misma calidad de adúlteros.


No me queda claro que sea aplicable a ambos participantes ya que la definición de la RAE dice "otra que no sea *su cónyuge*". Eso significa que la persona está casada. Si uno de los "ayuntados" es soltero, no hay cónyuge alguno al que le esté siendo infiel.

Y puestos a sacarle punta a la RAE, ¿eso de "otra persona de distinto sexo" implicaría que si un señor casado se acuesta con otro señor, no habría adulterio? Supongo que lo tendrán en cuenta para la próxima edición.


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## eli-chi

Södertjej said:


> No me queda claro que sea aplicable a ambos participantes ya que la definición de la RAE dice "otra que no sea *su cónyuge*". Si uno de los "ayuntados" es soltero, no hay cónyuge alguno al que le esté siendo infiel.
> 
> Y puestos a sacarle punta a la RAE, ¿eso de "otra persona de distinto sexo" implicaría que si un señor casado se acuesta con otro señor, no habría adulterio? Supongo que lo tendrán en cuenta para la próxima edición.



Si tuviera la posibilidad de opinar, para mí, lo mejor sería "crear" un término aplicable a ese tipo de situaciones, para que quedara perfectamente claro.
Saludos.


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## Södertjej

eli-chi said:


> Si tuviera la posibilidad de opinar, para mí, lo mejor sería "crear" un término aplicable a ese tipo de situaciones, para que quedara perfectamente claro.


No creo que haya necesidad de buscar términos nuevos, ya que se dan los mismo elementos que en un adulterio hetero: matrimonio, dos cónyuges e infidelidad con un tercero (como mínimo). Y en el caso de España, incluso si todos son del mismo sexo, ya que existe el matrimonio homosexual.


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## eli-chi

Södertjej said:


> No creo que haya necesidad de buscar términos nuevos, ya que se dan los mismo elementos que en un adulterio hetero: matrimonio, dos cónyuges e infidelidad con un tercero (como mínimo). Y en el caso de España, incluso si todos son del mismo sexo, ya que existe el matrimonio homosexual.


(Lo más probable es que borren estos post.  Quise enviar un mensaje privado, pero tú elegiste no aceptarlos).
Éste es un típico ejemplo de llamar a las cosas lo que *no* son.  Una unión entre dos personas del mismo sexo pudo haberse legalizado usando un término propio para ése tipo de relación.


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## Södertjej

eli-chi said:


> Una unión entre dos personas pudo haberse legalizado usando un término propio para ese tipo de relación.


Era un tema meramente legal, usar otro nombre habría implicado una ausencia de igualdad con el matrimonio hetero, ya que no puede haber dos figuras jurídicas iguales con nombres diferentes, por eso: misma figura, mismos derechos, mismas obligaciones -> mismo nombre, pese a la inexactitud etimológica. Cosas peores se oyen.


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## eli-chi

Por mi parte, me alegro que en mi país aún estén trabajando para encontrar un término preciso, antes de legislar.  No voy a seguir contestando, porque nos fuimos del tema hace mucho.


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