# a new forer@ emails/PMs you: how do you respond?



## fenixpollo

Here's the situation: a new forer@ who appears sincere in their desire to learn languages, sends you an email or a Private Message saying that he/she would like to ask you language questions directly and engage in language learning & exchange outside of the forums (perhaps because he/she prefers email and instant messaging because they are more direct, immediate and whatever).

How do you usually respond?


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## Jana337

I usually respond that
1) I do not have time for IMing with them,
2) I prefer helping in the forums so that also others can correct my mistakes, learn and contribute. Why would I divert traffic from the forums? If the person explains that the text to be translated should not be searchable, I gladly help. 

Jana


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## cuchuflete

Hola Don Pollo,

It happens very frequently.  Most often there is a translation request involved.  I usually explain the benefits of placing the question in the public forums--more helpers to answer, the ability of others to learn from the questions and answers--and then I try to offer direct help.  I do this with the stipulation that I will not be able to do so in the future, and it's just a welcoming exception.

If I receive subsequent requests from the same person for private help, I do not reply.


cheers,
cuchu


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## alc112

cuchuflete said:
			
		

> If I receive subsequent requests from the same person for private help, I do not reply.



Really. I'm sorry

This has happened to me. A new member asked me for help, he added me in the Msn then I just erase him from my contact list and that was all


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## geve

A new member I didn't know asked me to be his pen-pal; I kindly explained that I was not interested in this kind of interaction and gave him a few hints as to how to practice his French.

Some members who had joined recently sent me whole texts to review, or lists of questions. I suspect they send this to a batch of forer@s, in this case I just don't reply.

Some new members have sent strange PMs after I helped them in a thread (ie. "thanx, i think u're my best friend now", or "do you want me to teach you Italian?"). Sometimes it's better not to answer...


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## cuchuflete

alc112 said:
			
		

> Really. I'm sorry
> 
> This has happened to me. A new member asked me for help, he added me in the Msn then I just erase him from my contact list and that was all



Wellllllll  Alc

There have been a few exceptions, but they were of that special sub-genre we call perpetual newbies in need of extraordinary collaboration


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## la reine victoria

I receive many such requests, sometimes from people who have never posted a question in the forum.  I always encourage them to do so.

I was recently approached by a newbie Asian member (another non-poster) who asked if I would be a penfriend.  The person is a teacher of French and will soon be resuming English teaching in the school.  No specific language questions involved, just a wish to gain more fluency in written English which, by the way, is already excellent.

I agreed to give it a trial period and have been greatly rewarded.  It is really interesting to learn of this person's way of life - in a culture totally unknown to me.  It is undemanding - about 10 minutes for each letter - and we don't write every day.

I would never "not reply" to a PM.  If someone takes the trouble to write to me it would be ill-mannered to ignore them. 




LRV


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## la reine victoria

> Originally Posted by *cuchuflete*
> _If I receive subsequent requests from the same person for private help, I do not reply_


 
    

"There's nothing in the world like etiquette,
In kingly chambers or imperial halls,
As also at the race and county balls."

(Byron)


​LRV​


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## maxiogee

I too have been 'approached' with a view to my providing personal tuition.

I have declined all such requests, although I did go out of my way to PM someone with a recording of my pronunciation of certain words. (This is not the toponyms, which were on an open forum.) The requestor seemed averse to taking the word "no" for an answer. They were given what they wanted and told not to ask again.

I too always advise that asking publicly will elicit more, possibly better, and definitely justified responses to queries. 

I also state that I don't *do* grammar!


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## danielfranco

I often tell them that next time I'll charge them for my time, at the rate I'm paid at work!!!!!!
That takes care of it.


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## Tatzingo

Hi,

I've had the occasional forero PM me about a post or just to say hi. Fortunately, i've not yet experienced what everyone else seems to have gone through as i'm still relatively new.

Just a thought. Exactly how many PM/Email requests does everyone get on a weekly basis? Is it just the odd one or enough to make Mike consider getting another server upgrade? 

Tatz.


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## KittyCatty

Hi!
Somebody on the Spanish forums offered to teach me spanish in exchange for english help (it wasn't random, I'd been on the spanish forum declaring i was a complete novice, did anyone know how to say, 'i'd like an ice cream?' and I said I'm teaching myself, and can currently only say I've got 3 kids! lol') I always reply too, because I think it might be interesting and something different, but in my experience it hasn't actually worked that well! It's been a laugh though!
Anyway, I said thanks and added him, but it really is VERY difficult to learn a language over hotmail!


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## emma42

I have been pm'd by new members on a few occasions.  One member in particular asked me to be his French teacher.  I explained politely that I did not have time and to visit the Fora etc, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and I became suspicious of his motives.  After taking advice from a fellow member, I reported the matter to a Mod, who told me that I was not the only member who had been hassled by this guy, who had only made one post.

I have also been asked to do translations.  If they are short, I will sometimes do them, but will stipulate that this is a one-off and that people should visit the Fora.  I might also say that I won't translate, but I give pointers and suggestions and, again, point out the benefits of the Fora.

I haven't had too much trouble,  but I think it's definitely worth telling a Mod if you feel hassled, because it may well be that many other forer@s  are experiencing the same hassle from the same person.  The more information a Mod has, the better placed s/he is to make the right decision.


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## Outsider

It's happened a few times to me. I do my best to help. Usually, I urge the poster to ask in the main forum, too.

A few posters were kind enough to PM me because they wanted someone to chat with. I always try to make them see, as politely as possible, that I am not available for chatting. There are many other sites where they can meet online pen pals.

So far, I haven't had any bad experiences.


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## Alundra

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Here's the situation: a new forer@ who appears sincere in their desire to learn languages, sends you an email or a Private Message saying that he/she would like to ask you language questions directly and engage in language learning & exchange outside of the forums (perhaps because he/she prefers email and instant messaging because they are more direct, immediate and whatever).
> 
> How do you usually respond?


 
Sometimes, I receive PM from newbies... They want I send my photo by e-mail or they want some more than to learn Spanish  

I, merely, don't answer them.

Alundra.


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## Whodunit

I often get a PM in which I'm requested to help with a German translation. If it is not that important, I just send the answer and direct him/her to the German forum. There are other situations, which I usually try to ignore. I like the exchange via PM when I got to know the member in the forums some time before. But I find it nasty when someone with "Posts: 0" sends me a PM with the content "do you want to chat with me" or "i find you amazing, can you help me with my german". In the latter case I sometimes respond and ask about specific questions, but in the former case, I just delete the PM.

After all, it's up to you.


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## GenJen54

LaReine said:
			
		

> "There's nothing in the world like etiquette,
> In kingly chambers or imperial halls,
> As also at the race and county balls."


While this might have been true in more kingly days, unfortunately, some people seem not to understand the word "no," no matter in what language it is given, nor matter in what register it is offered. As such, even a curt reply to an unsolicited PM (not asking for help - but more "harassing" in tone) for the sake of etiquette often results in more unsolicited PMs. 

Sometimes, sadly, silence is our only weapon against intrusiveness.


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## heidita

I agree with our Dear Majesty, just ignoring is not polite.
I always reply and help out. Some are rather rewarding. I helped a lot with a girl who did a translation of a dictionary and send me dozens of PMs and I helped her out. She recently sent me a thank you PM saying that she got an A level. I was very pleased. 
I have had the same experience as Dear Majesty, do not discard anybody, he/she might be the most interesting person in the world.


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## geve

heidita said:
			
		

> I agree with our Dear Majesty, just ignoring is not polite.


Sometimes the PM is not polite... as GenJen said.


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## Whodunit

heidita said:
			
		

> I agree with our Dear Majesty, just ignoring is not polite.
> I always reply and help out.


 
Would you also reply if you don't like the PM? Or if it's just spam?


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## ElaineG

> I agree with our Dear Majesty, just ignoring is not polite.


 
When an unknown man (a forero with few or no posts who has joined WRF solely for romantic or sexual thrills) sends me an amorous PM, doing anything but _ignoring _them would be dumb and a waste of my time.

The same applies to some one of either gender who is not an active forero but who is seeking random chat partners, often about inappropriate topics or topics that don't interest me (I am not 16).

I don't feel the need to chat politely with the occasional heavy breather phone caller (rarer in these days of Caller ID) or respond politely to invitations to purchase Viagra or view nude nymphettes that litter my e-mail inbox.

Most WRF correspondence is legitimate, and deserves a reply.

Not all of it is.  I have only so much time for WRF and prefer to devote it to those foreros, new and old, who legitimately need my help or with whom I share a friendship, new or old.


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## heidita

Yes, Elaine, I certainly agree with you. But I didn't mean a PM out of the normal like the ones you mention. Actually I received a PM once which proved to be spam and I certainly didn't reply. but I was talking about people asking for help. So I always reply and if it isn't too much to ask I help out.


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## GenJen54

Hi Heidi,

People asking for help falls into a completely different category from the kinds of PMs that some people tend to get. 

"what du u look like?"  "do u hv a boyfriend?"  

Things of this nature come to mind.  When, even after a terse reply (for "etiquette's sake"), someone continues to PM with harassing questions, sometimes only complete ignorance does the trick.


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## badgrammar

I'v really never had a pm that was a prooblem for me...  SOmetimes its just people with very specific questions, or quesions they didn't feel right posting in a thread, or people who seem to think we might have something in common that could give rise to a certain form of "pen-pal" corresponance...  And I have made several durabe contacts with the latter (meaning semi-regular contacts via pm (I don't IMing , no chatting ).  I hate the term "pen-pal", but I guess that's what it is: People with similar interests with whom I occasionally correspond.  And who knows, perhaps next time one of us is in the others' neighborhood, we'll drink a cup of tea together.

I really don't mind helping even new foreros by PM, because I have never gotten innappropriate requests.  And I've never recieved spam via PM...


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## Fernando

I have received several request for information, what is quite strange, taking into account that my level of English is far from perfect.

I usually say to them to begin a new thread. When they open the thread I post in it (if I have the answer). One out of ten times I answer the request. The following factors increase the propability of a direct answer:

- I am interested by the question/I have the answer.
- The request is polite.
- The requester is (or seems to be) a young woman.

Demands of continued mail (for whatever reasons) are disencouraged.


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## suzi br

When I first started to use the WR a man asked me to PM with him and asked if we could be pen-pals.  I was not keen on his approach, but  replied that we'd have to see if we were on-line together at the same time in the future and if so we might use PM sometimes.  

That situation felt false and slightly suspicious to me, like the sort of thing one is warned to be alert to on the WWW.  In fact our paths never crossed again

Now another person has PM'd me the idea of being a pen-pal and it seems like a good idea because we've been in the same threads a few times and share a particular language interest that we can discuss.  The communication seems natural and "safe", completely different to the first time.


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## emma42

Yes, sometimes you have to trust your instincts.  If they prove to be wrong, hey, nobody knows your address!


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## la reine victoria

I wish you well in your pen-palship, Suzi, and hope it brings you the same rewards as mine.  






LRV


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