# British speakers of English-over-polite?



## love4lingua

When speaking with non-native speakers of English, they often comment on how the British always repeat the words 'Thank you' and 'Please' millions of times.  We say it when getting off the bus, after having been served in a shop, everywhere!  If it is not said then we are considered rude.  I must admit that i do say it alot, it can actually be quite ridiculous, i sometimes say it about five times within the space of thirty seconds at work.  I have noticed that in other languages, they often use imperatives instead of using the conditional and do not say please or thankyou as much.  Why is it that us Brits say it so much???  Is it the same in other English-speaking countries?  Comments please :O)


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## DearPrudence

The only thing that comes to my mind right now:
One English woman once said something that made sense: 'We English people keep on saying 'please' while in French they say "vous"' which is the formal way to address people. So we also say 'please' but using that way to address people already shows your respect to the other person and that you are polite while you don't have that in English.
But it still doesn't explain why you say 'sorry/excuse me' so much: a verbal tick maybe?


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## Residente Calle 13

love4lingua said:
			
		

> When speaking with non-native speakers of English, they often comment on how the British always repeat the words 'Thank you' and 'Please' millions of times.  We say it when getting off the bus, after having been served in a shop, everywhere!  If it is not said then we are considered rude.  I must admit that i do say it alot, it can actually be quite ridiculous, i sometimes say it about five times within the space of thirty seconds at work.  I have noticed that in other languages, they often use imperatives instead of using the conditional and do not say please or thankyou as much.  Why is it that us Brits say it so much???  Is it the same in other English-speaking countries?  Comments please :O)



When I went to England, I found that people were very polite. It was a pleasant surprise. I think it's a good thing! It's one of the things that makes me want to go back!

Among Southern Blacks, maybe Southern people in general, the same thing happens. Where I grew up, most people were migrants from South Carolina or Georgia so everything is "thank you", "please", "pardon me", "sir" and "ma'am". They use the imperative a great deal and you still hear "May I please have that paper if you're going to throw it away?"

Maybe that's why I like the way many English people talk. Perhaps it helped me feel more at home!


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## diegodbs

I agree with DearPrudence, we also have in Spanish two different words and verbal conjugation for "you", one of them is formal (usted) and the other more colloquial (tú). So "please" is not so necessary. That "please" is in some way implicit in the way you address the other person.


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## love4lingua

Ah of course....but in Spanish, if you use the ud. version, some people think it is quite funny?  For example, in England, if i went to a friend's house and said to her mum 'please could i have a glass of milk', that would be normal, but im not sure if you would use ud. or the conditional in Spanish because that would sound silly wouldn't it?  I'm so confused!!! :O)


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## diegodbs

love4lingua said:
			
		

> Ah of course....but in Spanish, if you use the ud. version, some people think it is quite funny? For example, in England, if i went to a friend's house and said to her mum 'please could i have a glass of milk', that would be normal, but im not sure if you would use ud. or the conditional in Spanish because that would sound silly wouldn't it? I'm so confused!!! :O)


 
We wouldn't use "usted" with friends, but if we need something we would say "¿puedes darme un vaso de agua?, ¿podrías darme un vaso de agua?"


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## Residente Calle 13

love4lingua said:
			
		

> For example, in England, if i went to a friend's house and said to her mum 'please could i have a glass of milk', that would be normal, but im not sure if you would use ud. or the conditional in Spanish because that would sound silly wouldn't it?  I'm so confused!!! :O)



That really depends on the country but perhaps most of all on the family.


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## diegodbs

Residente Calle 13 said:
			
		

> That really depends on the country but perhaps most of all on the family.


It is true. American Spanish is different from the way we use "usted" and "tú" in Spain.


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## love4lingua

thankyou for your replies. (haha i have just realised i have thanked you there.  but was it necessary??!!) so would you say that the intonation is particularly important then because i suppose you could sound a bit rude if you said it the wrong way?  or is that only in the english language? if you said could you/can you give me a glass of water to someone in england without please or even with the word please, it could still come across rude.  but why is it even necessary in england to say it so much?!


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## Residente Calle 13

I have an Ecuadorian friend who calls my mother "tú." It's odd to me because I don't even dare call my mother "tú". What's also weird is that it doesn't seem to bother my mother who says nothing and likes my friend very much actually. If I called my mother "tú" (and by the way, she's allowed to call me "tú" whenever she feels like it but often uses "usted") I would get something like:

«¡Baja el vuelo que tú y yo no somos iguales! ¡Más respeto!» 

But I don't think that's very common these days, even in Santo Domingo. My parents are hicks.


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## diegodbs

love4lingua said:
			
		

> thankyou for your replies. (haha i have just realised i have thanked you there. but was it necessary??!!) so would you say that the intonation is particularly important then because i suppose you could sound a bit rude if you said it the wrong way? or is that only in the english language? if you said could you/can you give me a glass of water to someone in england without please or even with the word please, it could still come across rude. but why is it even necessary in england to say it so much?!


 
The same in Spanish. Intonation.


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## DearPrudence

In France, we never use the formal way of address "vous" with our families (except in some 'noble' families).
Maybe we don't say 'thank you, please, sorry' as often than English people but when we do say it, we really mean it. So maybe yes, a lot of English people are very polite by nature (or education) but sometimes it may be too much. Words like 'sorry' lose their meaning in the end and you feel stuck when you do mean it. But note that I'm not criticizing it's just that sometimes I feel it's more a verbal tick than a sincere apology (I should stop justifying myself, it's getting worse and worse  )


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## love4lingua

in south america, which is where i'd like to visit one day, if i use the castillian spanish that i've learnt, then will people be offended if i use 'tu'?  or do you think theyll just take it with a pinch of salt because they'll know that i'm foreign?


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## diegodbs

love4lingua said:
			
		

> in south america, which is where i'd like to visit one day, if i use the castillian spanish that i've learnt, then will people be offended if i use 'tu'? or do you think theyll just take it with a pinch of salt because they'll know that i'm foreign?


 
I don't know. I don't live there and I'm not sure how "tú" will be understood.


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## love4lingua

not at all, dearprudence.  i know exactly what you mean.  a lot of people have said the same thing to me.  when we say thank you and sorry etc in english, i suppose there a different 'degrees' to how thankful or sorry we are!!  i always mean it, but sometimes i can be so sorry or really appreciative of something.  but then again, that is the same for every language i suppose!


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## Residente Calle 13

love4lingua said:
			
		

> in south america, which is where i'd like to visit one day, if i use the castillian spanish that i've learnt, then will people be offended if i use 'tu'?  or do you think theyll just take it with a pinch of salt because they'll know that i'm foreign?



People, in the Spanish speaking world, I find, are very aware of the fact that Spanish is spoken differently in different places. They are also aware that the use of *usted *is different in different countries and even among different generations. 

My Ecuadorian friend who calls my mother "tú" gets away with murder because *she*'s foreign. I think that the same can apply to most families in Spain or America. I have had a great deal of contact with Spaniards, for example, and even though they say *vosotros *for what I say *ustedes*, and even if it sounds a little odd to some of them, they just know that's how some Spanish speakers address the familiar second person plural.


No pasa nada


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## Markus

Speaking of verbal ticks, I've noticed the French say "pardon" at just about every turn. I think that this is because they take it very seriously if they bump into someone. I have bumped into people in Paris and gotten very dirty looks even after apologising. So while it may be the stereotype that the British are constantly apologising and being overly polite, it seems to me that the French take personal space even more seriously.


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## gato2

En España hay gente que se ofende si dices demasiadas veces "lo siento". Creo que piensan que les estas tomando el pelo o algo asi, aunque no lo es, es simplemente una cuestion de manera de ser.


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## danielfranco

The level of politeness in the language of a specific society is a reflection of their particular idiosincracy. In the case of the British, traditionally they are a group of people accostumed to repressing many externalizations of mood and sentiment. Or are perceived in such manner...
Let me paraphrase Douglas Adams, as he told this true story that happened to him:
He buys the paper, cup of coffee and a pack of donuts (four to a pack) at a train station's cafe. All tables are taken, so he must share a table with a gentleman (Americans probably would never do that). Sits down and drinks coffee. Out of the corner of his eye he notices the man sharing his table has taken the donut pack, opened it and is in the process of eating a donut. He cannot bring himself to say anything about it (it simply will not do, it wouldn't be polite!), so he takes a donut and eats it. That should sort it out on its own. But no, the man takes the next donut and eats it. So he takes the last donut and eats it, and with no more donuts, no more problem. The man gets up, looks surly and they exchange a few "pardon me, excuse me, thank you, sorry, you're welcome..." A few minutes later, he himself stands ready to leave, picks up his paper and discovers under it his own unopened pack of donuts...


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## natasha2000

diegodbs said:
			
		

> We wouldn't use "usted" with friends, but if we need something we would say "¿puedes darme un vaso de agua?, ¿podrías darme un vaso de agua?"


 
But you would use Ud. when talking to your friend's parents? At least I would when speaking in Serbian, so logically, I would do the same when speaking in Spanish... Would I be wrong if I did it? Would I be over-polite?


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## melon collie

Hi, everyone! 
As to my impressions of British speakers - yes, they are *VERY* polite. But I'm not sure it depends on education or social background. I think it mostly depends on language traditions. For instance, when we speak Russian and must refuse a proposal we can just say *NO.* It won't sound impolite. If in Russian you start saying something like "I'm afraid unfortunatelly your offer is not quite suitable for us at the momentwe..." people will think we need a discount  or that we can't make up ur mind. That's probably why some British speakers told me that Russians sound very rude. In fact, we are not


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## love4lingua

So the Russians aren't rude and the Brits aren't over polite hahaha It is strange how each culture has its own customs and ways of communicating. I suppose it is thus fair to say that each of us in our own cultures can be perceived differently by outsiders just by the way we express ourselves alone and this can in fact lead to misinterpretations and it could also perhaps be one of the causes of stereotypes? One of the stereotypes which the Brits have of Germans is that they are unfriendly and arrogant because of their attitude, but this stereotype could not be further from the truth! It is just that they don't go around the houses when it comes to making a statement, as was exemplified by Melon Collie but they are polite. I thought that the Germans were actually quite a lot like the Brits in many aspects. (Sorry if i offend any Germans out there!!) I felt quite at home with my please and thank you's.


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## LanguageLearningChica

If you are traveling with British Airways, remember to put in "please" in every sentence, otherwise - nothing to drink .


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## Bettie

I do use please and thank you a lot, in Spanish and English, that is the way I was raised.

Now, about usted and tú, the use of each doesn't change from country to country but in my country from place to place, where I am from we call our parents tú, but I have friends from North that call them usted... and depending in how close I am to my friends I call some of my friends' mothers tú, but because I call them tías too, hehehehe.

About how diferents we are, once in Spain, people told me a lot that mexicans love to go around, you know, never going to the point, no será mucha molestia pedirle, por favor, que usted fuera tan amable de esto y lo otro, jaja, we are like that!!


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## love4lingua

So the majority of Mexicans use 'please' and 'thankyou' more than the Spaniards?  So if i speak to a Mexican, i should say please and thankyou more than i would to a Spaniard?  If i didn't, would i be considered rude, just as in England?


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## Brioche

In Australia we use _please_ and _thanks/thank you _a lot.

Actually, one of the idiosyncracies of the Australian dialect is to say _thanks_ with the request.

In a cafe, we say "A long black, a flat white and two lamingtons, thanks."
When we our order arrives, we'll say _thanks_.
And when we get our change, we'll probably say _thanks_ again.

I don't know how general this is, but when I was in the US, I seemed to me that Americans didn't say _please_ and _thank you_ to service workers, but expected fawning obsequiousness from them.

The American will tip the waitress in the diner, but we won't.


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## Bettie

Well, maybe, yes, the same thing with the hola, mexicans go everywhere and say good morning and so on, so, once in Spain a friend was very shocked because people only said to him hola.
But Spaniards have other kinds of politeness that mexicans don't, like going to a party and arriving with more people that the host expected... but of course at the end of the party we will say thank you, the party was sooooooooo great millions of times...


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## canvist

I think it's more of a cultural difference than linguistic. I've noticed a lot of Canadians say "sorry" too much. I do it, I can't help it   So it's not just a British thing. And when I'm abroad people definitely notice. I find people in other cultures don't explicitly say what they're thinking/feeling as much as we do here. For example, if you bump into someone: here you would apologize. In some other cultures the person just assumes you didn't do it on purpose, no hard feelings, no need to say anything. 

Also, I agree that "sorry" has a different meaning here. It's used so much, its meaning has become really diluted, almost like a generic filler word.

It's the same with smiling. People in the US smile A LOT. If you smile at someone here, you're just being friendly. But in France for example, you only smile if something's funny. Otherwise you look like an idiot.


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## maxiogee

I don't think one needs to be a British speaker of English to be as overly polite as people are discussing.

In Ireland it would not be uncommon for someone who has just had their foot stood on to say something like "I'm sorry, that's my foot you're standing on" to the offending person. I've said it myself and often wondered "Why am _I_ apologising to them, _I'm_ the injured party?"


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