# Mixed couples



## jakkaro

Hi everybody

I am interested in your comments and experiences of living with or being married to somebody of a different cultural origin. As for me I've always been together with somebody who lived in a different country or spoke another language at home, or even grew up in another continent. Does anybody have similar experiences, and wants to share them?? Are there always some "cultural obstacles" concerning some subjects between a "mixed" couple??


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## Janna82

Interesting!
I know very good examples of people who got married to other from different cultures, and sometimes religion! some of which are happily married now, and others are not


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## valerie

I will not explain much of my experience on the subject, because it much more about a relationship than about interculturality

Just 2 things:
- The important thing is to look for common domains, issues, interests... and be ready to approximate to each other (I mean intellectually, spiritually, etc... not what you have thought  )
- If things get serious, be prepared for some hard decisions (where to live, which langage to talk to your children, etc...)


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## Zephyrus

Completely d'accord Valerie...the main thing is to find common interests. 
On the other hand, it is very hard to reach an agreement as for the language, religion, even more if children are involved. And my bf and i always had arguments because of this


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## Tomasoria

I know some examples:

 Two friends of mine (girls) married german guys...both couples were a flop. They divorced.

  Two more girls I know, one with an Italian and the other one with a frenchman...They have children and happinnes,a pparently... They both live in Grenoble and Rome. The ones with the germans "forced" theirs husbands to moves to Spain.

    Another one. An Italian friend of mine from Milano married a Swedish girl...They're the happiest couple I've never met...Their children speak italian and English and little Swedish.

    The secret to success?? I don't know...even for non mixed couples...MArriage is a mistery...


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## VenusEnvy

The secret to success? Patience, patience, patience. One of the most challenging obstacles is simply the language, secondly of course the culture. Culture can encompass so many things though. Traditional food and ways of preparing meals, what time to eat, how to shop, where to eat, whether to speak during dinner or not, etc. These are all things that may differ from my culture and the culture of my boyfriend (and this is only about food!). 

One of the most difficult aspects to overcome has to do with communication. I don't necessarily mean the spoken language itself, but also the unspoken. That is to say, body language, approaching a situation, confrontation, etc. Every culture handles these situations differently. 

For me, I had to learn patience very quickly.   

Another large problem for me is acceptance. Living in America, one would like to think that because we are a "melting pot", "salad bowl", (whatever term you prefer), that Americans would become used to living with people from different cultures and countries. I learned very quickly that this is not true. Although this country is as diverse as it is, prejudice is all around. My boyfriend and I receive dirty looks from people in supermarkets. My parents still haven't accepted it. I now take racial slurs with much more meaning than I used to.


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## Tomasoria

Venusenvy; 

Where are you from?? is your boy-friend from a different cultural-idiomatic background to yours??


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## VenusEnvy

I am from the USA, and he was born in El Salvador. He has been living here for about 7 years.


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## lymoon

and what about if you really want that your children speak your mother tongue, but your husband doesn't... don't you think it s quite difficult if he can't  understand anything when your speaking to them? maybe he can learn your language like that?
but it must be quite hard i guess
i met some irish girls, their father were german but they didn t really speak german because when they were young, they just didn t want to learn it. so as they lived in an english speaking country and as their mother couldn t speak german, they refused to learn it, because they didn t have to (lasy children!!)
i would be very upset if that happen to me!


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## Nadietta

..Of course if the cultures of the 2 partners are very different, let's say for example a muslim man one and a christian woman, this may cause lots of serious problems; Yet even if the cultures are similar, it will always be a problem having to leave your family and land to go to your partner's one, especially if you have little chance to get a job and your partner cannot come to your country...

In short, I agree with the person above who wrote that one of the problems will be very hard decisions to be taken

I have had a relationship with an Austrian


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## Nadietta

..Of course if the cultures of the 2 partners are very different, let's say for example a muslim man one and a christian woman, this may cause lots of serious problems; Yet even if the cultures are similar, it will always be a problem having to leave your family and land to go to your partner's one, especially if you have little chance to get a job and your partner cannot come to your country...

In short, I agree with the person above who wrote that one of the problems will be very hard decisions to be taken

I have had a relationship with an Austrian...And we are still seeing what to do..


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## jakkaro

I totally agree with most of you, especially concerning the quetion "where to live"?? My bf and I don't have a language problem, as I do speak spanish and he grew up in the States (he's Colombian),  but concerning where to live it's quite a serious problem, most of all beacuse of Visa problems, which has of course nothing to do with intercultural or mixed couples (or has it?). Well. As for the question: which language should the children speak: My cousin is married to a frech guy, and they have 3 children. They live in France and the children speak both German and French. Another friend of mine is mexican and she's married to a German guy, and their children are perfectly bilingual too (living in Germany). So I don't think it's much of a problem (for the children), of course, if your partner doesn't speak your language or vice-versa.... it might be a little more difficult. 

By the way, do you confirm that it's almost always the woman who's accepting to learn the other one's language and ready to move away from her home country????


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## rogelio

My wife and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  We are both from the states, but about 5 years after we got married, I became more and more interested in Hispanic/Latino language, culture, and people.  I have been many times to Mexico an we have been together as a family.  I am now teaching my wife and daughter Spanish.  I have adopted the language and culture so much that most of my hispanic friends consider me to be Hispanic.  My wife once told me somethng like "I married an American who turned into a Mexican"   without any rencor or anything - she was just commenting on how much I love Mexico.  The secret for us has been that we both agreed, decided, and believe from the very beginning that divorce is NOT an option.  If you already have that decided, then you know that you can work through stuff, because you have no other choice.   By the way, it's very much worth the effort.  I have been extremely blessed by my wife.  Other note - about bi-cultural kids-I am raising my daughter in both cultures, and I have many friends from Brazil who married americans and have children who are well-adjusted to both cultures.  They have spent time in Brazil and here.  It's awesome if you can pull it off!
Ciao
Rogelio


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## Tormenta

If the parents speak two different languages, there is not need for them to decide which language the kids should speak, they can speak both. 

If they live in a third culture, well, let them learn all three languages at the same time.  Kids can grow up speaking three completely different languages, and they can speak them properly if done correctly.

My kids grew up speaking three languages, two languages at home and the language of the country we lived in.  It is hard work, but it is possible.  It takes commitment and discipline.  When my son was born, I sought professional advice because at that time I had no idea if it was possible for a child to learn three languages at the same time. Besides, my son was only 3 months old.  

The advice I received was very simple. When the parents speak two different languages, each of them should talk in his/her mother tongue to the child. Never mix the languages. For example, if one parent speaks Spanish and the other German, the Spanish speaking parent should only speak Spanish to the child and the German speaking parent should only speak German.  This way the child can identify two completely different sets of words (the two languages).  If the parents mix the languages, the child will mix them too.  If the family lives in a third culture, the child can learn the 3rd language at school, friends, etc.

It is important to start as soon as the child is born, don't wait until he/she is 4 or 5 years of age. Be persistent, committed, and disciplined.....and go for it.

Now my kids are 12 and 15, they speak  three languages and they sound "native" in all of them.  As for me, I also speak three languages and sound native; native SPANISH  

Tormenta


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## belén

rogelio said:
			
		

> My wife and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  We are both from the states, but about 5 years after we got married, I became more and more interested in Hispanic/Latino language, culture, and people.  I have been many times to Mexico an we have been together as a family.  I am now teaching my wife and daughter Spanish.  I have adopted the language and culture so much that most of my hispanic friends consider me to be Hispanic.  My wife once told me somethng like "I married an American who turned into a Mexican"   without any rencor or anything - she was just commenting on how much I love Mexico.  The secret for us has been that we both agreed, decided, and believe from the very beginning that divorce is NOT an option.  If you already have that decided, then you know that you can work through stuff, because you have no other choice.   By the way, it's very much worth the effort.  I have been extremely blessed by my wife.  Other note - about bi-cultural kids-I am raising my daughter in both cultures, and I have many friends from Brazil who married americans and have children who are well-adjusted to both cultures.  They have spent time in Brazil and here.  It's awesome if you can pull it off!
> Ciao
> Rogelio




Wow, Rogelio, what a beautiful story. How did your Mexico love story begin? I am very curious. I fell in love with Mexico the first time I visited and I am still "living an affair" with it. I had it easy with the language, though.


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## rogelio

belen said:
			
		

> Wow, Rogelio, what a beautiful story. How did your Mexico love story begin? I am very curious. I fell in love with Mexico the first time I visited and I am still "living an affair" with it. I had it easy with the language, though.




Thanks, belen.  It's funny how you can look back on your life and see how God puts things together.  I first fell in love with the Mexican people that live around me.  There are many hispanic people living in North Carolina now, especially from Mexico.  I have always been interested in languages and I remember as a little boy dreaming about being a translator (I know that sounds wierd, but it's true!)  Later, when I got the chance to study Spanish in High School, I applied myself and studied as hard as I could, but that only took me so far.  I could speak (limited) and write, but not really converse.  Well, anyway, when I was 27 I asked Jesus Christ into my life as my Savior.  After that, I began to pray about what I should do with my life.  My job changed and I started working on a farm with 2 guys (one from Honduras and one from Mexico).  I asked them to speak only Spanish to me, and I prayed and fasted for the Lord to bless me in that.  Sooo, all day speaking Spanish, all night studying spanish - that went on for about a year ( I also started working in the Hispanic community during that time and the Hispanic ministry at our church) after about a year, I went to Mexico as a Translator on a mission trip.  I've been hooked ever since!  I still learn every day.  I have lots of friends from and in latin american countries, with whom I communicate on a regular basis.  Also, in the school where I work, over half of the children are Hispanic, and a lot of their families don't speak any English.  I also have co-workers from Venezuela with whom I speak puro español.  So between church, my friends, and a couple hundred families - I keep plenty of practice   
Sorry I'm so longwinded, but the Lord has blessed me greatly.
Mucho gusto, belen
Estoy aqui para servirle.
En el futuro, voy a intentar no escribir tantas palabras.


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## belén

Muchas gracias por compartir tu historia, Rogelio, es preciosa.


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## jakkaro

Tormenta said:
			
		

> If the parents speak two different languages, there is not need for them to decide which language the kids should speak, they can speak both.
> 
> If they live in a third culture, well, let them learn all three languages at the same time.  Kids can grow up speaking three completely different languages, and they can speak them properly if done correctly.
> 
> My kids grew up speaking three languages, two languages at home and the language of the country we lived in.  It is hard work, but it is possible.  It takes commitment and discipline.  When my son was born, I sought professional advice because at that time I had no idea if it was possible for a child to learn three languages at the same time. Besides, my son was only 3 months old.
> 
> The advice I received was very simple. When the parents speak two different languages, each of them should talk in his/her mother tongue to the child. Never mix the languages. For example, if one parent speaks Spanish and the other German, the Spanish speaking parent should only speak Spanish to the child and the German speaking parent should only speak German.  This way the child can identify two completely different sets of words (the two languages).  If the parents mix the languages, the child will mix them too.  If the family lives in a third culture, the child can learn the 3rd language at school, friends, etc.
> 
> It is important to start as soon as the child is born, don't wait until he/she is 4 or 5 years of age. Be persistent, committed, and disciplined.....and go for it.
> 
> Now my kids are 12 and 15, they speak  three languages and they sound "native" in all of them.  As for me, I also speak three languages and sound native; native SPANISH
> 
> Tormenta



Thx Tormenta. I have a question concerning your son speaking 3 languages: I agree with you that raising a child in 2 languages is quite "simple", as you said, both parents have to be persistent and talk only in one language (each) and not mix with any other language. But concerning the third language: Isn't it very difficult for your son to reach an acceptable level in a language that isn't actually spoken at home?


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## jakkaro

rogelio said:
			
		

> Thanks, belen.  It's funny how you can look back on your life and see how God puts things together.  I first fell in love with the Mexican people that live around me.  There are many hispanic people living in North Carolina now, especially from Mexico.  I have always been interested in languages and I remember as a little boy dreaming about being a translator (I know that sounds wierd, but it's true!)  Later, when I got the chance to study Spanish in High School, I applied myself and studied as hard as I could, but that only took me so far.  I could speak (limited) and write, but not really converse.  Well, anyway, when I was 27 I asked Jesus Christ into my life as my Savior.  After that, I began to pray about what I should do with my life.  My job changed and I started working on a farm with 2 guys (one from Honduras and one from Mexico).  I asked them to speak only Spanish to me, and I prayed and fasted for the Lord to bless me in that.  Sooo, all day speaking Spanish, all night studying spanish - that went on for about a year ( I also started working in the Hispanic community during that time and the Hispanic ministry at our church) after about a year, I went to Mexico as a Translator on a mission trip.  I've been hooked ever since!  I still learn every day.  I have lots of friends from and in latin american countries, with whom I communicate on a regular basis.  Also, in the school where I work, over half of the children are Hispanic, and a lot of their families don't speak any English.  I also have co-workers from Venezuela with whom I speak puro español.  So between church, my friends, and a couple hundred families - I keep plenty of practice
> Sorry I'm so longwinded, but the Lord has blessed me greatly.
> Mucho gusto, belen
> Estoy aqui para servirle.
> En el futuro, voy a intentar no escribir tantas palabras.



Nice story, really, but could you let God out of it please??


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## Tormenta

jakkaro said:
			
		

> Nice story, really, but* could you let God out of it please??*





Some people have put their trust and hopes in Bush, some in science, some in the EU, some in themselves, some have no hope, and some people have chosen to trust God.  This is Rogelio's story, nobody has the right to tell him to leave God out of it.  

Are we going to show our tolerance by censoring people's faith and beliefs just because we do not agree with them?

Tormenta


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## Tormenta

jakkaro said:
			
		

> Thx Tormenta. I have a question concerning your son speaking 3 languages: I agree with you that raising a child in 2 languages is quite "simple", as you said, both parents have to be persistent and talk only in one language (each) and not mix with any other language. But concerning the third language: Isn't it very difficult for your son to reach an acceptable level in a language that isn't actually spoken at home?




Hi Jakkaro,

Actually, the "third" language was the easiest one for my kids because this is the language they spoke in school and with their friends. They learnt languages A and B at home, and language  C in school, the language of the country we lived in.

The tendency was to speak language "C" all the time, because this is the language they used when talking to their friends.  However, they HAD to speak languages A and B at home, even if they did not want to.

I am not saying that kids will like all 3 languages the same.  Usually, they have one language in which they feel most "at home" . But they can be very fluent in all of them.

It is not just a matter of speaking the three languages, it is important that chidren  read, listen to music, watch videos, etc in all three languages.

I am not saying it is easy, actually it is hard work, but it is worth is  

Tormenta


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## jakkaro

Tormenta said:
			
		

> [/B]
> [/U]
> 
> Some people have put their trust and hopes in Bush, some in science, some in the EU, some in themselves, some have not hope, and some people have chosen to trust God.  This is Rogelio's story, nobody has the right to tell him to leave God out of it.
> 
> Are we going to show our tolerance by censoring people's faith and beliefs just because we do not agree with them?
> 
> Tormenta



No, I did not mean to be rude or offend anybody, but since this is supposed to be a neutral forum, why not leaving religious questions and personal religious beliefs out of it? Or am I wrong??


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## Tormenta

jakkaro said:
			
		

> No, I did not mean to be rude or offend anybody, but since this is supposed to be a neutral forum, why not leaving religious questions and personal religious beliefs out of it? Or am I wrong??






Jakkaro,

Are you saying that this forum expects "religious neutrality" ?  Because I do not see any neutrality in political and many other cultural issues; neither would I want to.

If we all leave our beliefs out, what shall we talk about?  Culture is full of beliefs, one way or another ( and I don't mean just religion)

Anyhow, since I do not want to offend anyone, I will investigate what it means "this is a neutral" forum, and I will act accordingly.

Meanwhile, you might want to tell me how the thread below is neutral, please.

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=5286

Thanks,

Tormenta


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## jakkaro

Tormenta said:
			
		

> Jakkaro,
> 
> 
> Meanwhile, you might want to tell me how the thread below is neutral, please.
> 
> http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=5286
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Tormenta



It is neutral as I don't make any reference at all to my personal beliefs in that threat, it only was a question concerning a custom I do not know and am curious about, that's all. In that threat, I am, by no means, I am divulging or speading around my personal religious beliefs, do I?????


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## Janna82

I beieve that these forums openly discuss cultural affairs, and religion is considered as a part of a culture, or at least that's how i see it..... so discussing these things from religious points of view wouldn't offend anybody, on the contrary I believe it would give us a broader knowledge of the things we're discussing.  
just like relationships or marriage between people from different cultures, that can sometimes mean different religion, and that might cause a conflict in the long term between the couples, and sometimes falling in love with someone from a different religion, the desire to get married and to be with that person might let these people convert! like a friend of mine fell in love with a christian guy, and she could never get married to him if he's not muslim, so he converted eventually, and she got married to him. And a christian girl who wanted to get married to a muslim guy, but their parents wouldn't let them, so they ran away together, and stopped seeing their families.


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## cuchuflete

Tormenta said:
			
		

> Jakkaro,
> 
> Are you saying that this forum expects "religious neutrality" ?  Because I do not see any neutrality in political and many other cultural issues; neither would I want to.
> 
> If we all leave our beliefs out, what shall we talk about?  Culture is full of beliefs, one way or another ( and I don't mean just religion)
> 
> Anyhow, since I do not want to offend anyone, I will investigate what it means "this is a neutral" forum, and I will act accordingly.
> 
> Meanwhile, you might want to tell me how the thread below is neutral, please.
> 
> http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=5286
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Tormenta



I've watched this conversation develop, and would like to offer a few very personal opinions, and those of you who 'know' me from the forums will not expect me to be politically correct. (What follows are the opinions of a member. Period.  My part-time role as a Moderator does not enter into this conversation; I am not promulgating or addressing any rules, guidelines, or policies of the forums here.)

Rogelio was asked a question.  He gave a direct answer.  He mentioned, among many other things, the role of his faith and beliefs in taking a decision that has had a great effect on his cultural life.  I don't share his beliefs, but I find his story interesting and powerful.  I see nothing offensive in a truthful answer.

There is controversy about the appropriateness of his references to religion and/or faith. The discussion here has been polite, mutually respectful, honest, open and thoroughly civil.  This is ideal for a forum in which we learn from one another.  The objective is learning, not forced agreement.  

I am proud to be part of this community, in which we can both disagree and keep up the dialogue concurrently.

As I have stated in other threads, generally when someone is or acts offended, it is not the result of an intended offense.  If we believe in a free exchange of ideas, we should be prepared to meet with views contrary to our own.  We should respond at the level of ideas and facts, and argue these with all the passion we care to bring to the conversation.  We may end up with as much or more disagreement as that with which we began.  None of this is inherently offensive. 

Now, if anyone may care, back to the original topic:

I am a mid-westerner by birth, a New Englander by experience, and have lived in many other countries, and regions of the U.S.  Once upon a time, I married a Southern Californian. The regional differences were great, especially in terms of life style.  We had many shared values, and many that were distinct, and some in opposition.  We had vastly different religious and spiritual backgrounds.

I asked the lady's permission to raise our children multi-lingual.  She was pleased to say yes.  I spoke nothing but Spanish to my sons from the day they were born.  They spoke English with their mother, who quickly learned Spanish from hearing me and the babies use it.

One of my oldest son's best friends was a little boy with an American father, and his mother was a friend of mine from Brasil.  My son and his friend spoke Brasilian Portuguese when they played together.  Some of our neighbors were Italian.  My kids learned some Italian from the neighborhood children.  

I cannot attribute any difficulties in our home to the stated differences in languages, religion, political beliefs or even culture.  My former spouse and I did not agree about baseball team alliances!

Thanks to all for a fascinating topic, and a fine discussion.

Cuchu


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## Silvia

So, are you going to talk about religion?


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## Artrella

I always dreamt of marrying a black guy....


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## Tomas Robinson

Bravo, cuchufléte! Well-said! Especially....

_"As I have stated in other threads, generally when someone is or acts offended, it is not the result of an intended offense. If we believe in *a free exchange of ideas*, we should be prepared to meet with views contrary to our own."_

It's what a forum is all about. Thanks for your observations, I've only been on this forum a few days and would hate to see it disintegrate into a flame war.  

Best Regards,
Tom


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## garryknight

cuchufléte said:
			
		

> I've watched this conversation develop, and would like to offer a few very personal opinions


 While it's nice to be able to rate a thread as being worthy of 5 stars, there are times when I'd like to be able to rate a single post as being worthy of 5 stars. Yours is one of those posts.


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## Philippa

What an interesting thread!
Can I ask a question of all you folks with 2 languages at home, one from each parent......
What happens if the child is chatting to both parents simultaneously or if the parents are talking to each other in front of the child? Which language/s do you speak?


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## Janna82

I know an arabic girl who got married to a spanish guy, and she doesn't speak spanish, and he doesn't speak Arabic! they interact together in English! nobody can ever deny that the person has  to use his mother language to properly express himself! so here's an obstacle in the relationship. and recently the couple moved into spain, so the wife is learning spanish, but the problem remains with their kids, their mom wouldn't talk to them all the time in her language because her husband doesn't understand this language, and they don't live in a country where the language is spoken! so they would never speak the way she wants them to! 
What can she do, there has to be a price to pay in order fall in love with someone different


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## Tormenta

Janna82 said:
			
		

> I know an arabic girl who got married to a spanish guy, and she doesn't speak spanish, and he doesn't speak Arabic! they interact together in English! nobody can ever deny that the person has  to use his mother language to properly express himself! so here's an obstacle in the relationship. and recently the couple moved into spain, so the wife is learning spanish, but the problem remains with their kids, their mom wouldn't talk to them all the time in her language because her husband doesn't understand this language, and they don't live in a country where the language is spoken! so they would never speak the way she wants them to!
> What can she do, there has to be a price to pay in order fall in love with someone different



Hi Janna,

I cannot tell what your friend should do, but I can tell you what I would do in such situation.  I would go ahead and speak Arabic to the children, even if the father cannot understand (it might help him to learn Arabic). 
Since they live in Spain, it should only be a matter of time until they all learn Spanish (mother and kids).

If there is a price to pay, the kids are not the ones who should pay it.  It should be a shame if they don't learn Arabic and have to comunicate with their mum, in a foreign language, the rest of their lives.

If they need to speak English at the table or when they are all together, they can do it, but I am sure she spends time on her own with the kids when she can speak Arabic.

I don't know how old the children are.  Things will be easier if they are very young, but if they are  let's say  5 or older, she will have to go through the process of teaching them Arabic.  It will be hard work, but it will be worth it

Just my opinion; good luck to your firiend!

Tormenta


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## Tomasoria

Artrella said:
			
		

> I always dreamt of marrying a black guy....




Artrella,

 I'm a black guy...black as charcoal....uuummmhhh ¡¡¡???? I'm afraid that, being spanish, you don't believe me very much... The trick didn't work...¡¡¡ What a shame...I've always wanted to marry an argentinian...

  Pero ARTRELLA, mi pregunta es...Siendo tú argentina y yo "gallllego"....Que coño hacemos hablando en inglés???   Mondieu, el mundo al revés...¡¡¡  

   Saludos


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## Tormenta

Philippa said:
			
		

> What an interesting thread!
> Can I ask a question of all you folks with 2 languages at home, one from each parent......
> What happens if the child is chatting to both parents simultaneously or if the parents are talking to each other in front of the child? Which language/s do you speak?





Hola Philippa,

First of all, I would like to say that , in my opinion, a couple should talk to each other in the language they communicate best; and no, I don't  think it is the "language of love" , they need to be able to look at each other and communicate with real words in a real language. This can be very hard even if they both speak the same language. Anyhow, this is material for a whole new thread.


Going back to your question. Lets say the father is English, the mother is Spanish and they all live in Spain. In a situation like this, I would suggest they speak English at the table and when they are all together.  Since they live in Spain, they have plenty of opportunities to speak and hear Spanish.  Speaking English at home would strengthen this language.

Do you have kids? Are you going to teach them Spanish?  

Tormenta


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## ACQM

Tormenta said:
			
		

> Hola Philippa,
> 
> First of all, I would like to say that , in my opinion, a couple should talk to each other in the language they communicate best; and no, I don't  think it is the "language of love" , they need to be able to look at each other and communicate with real words in a real language. This can be very hard even if they both speak the same language. Anyhow, this is material for a whole new thread.
> 
> 
> Going back to your question. Lets say the father is English, the mother is Spanish and they all live in Spain. In a situation like this, I would suggest they speak English at the table and when they are all together.  Since they live in Spain, they have plenty of opportunities to speak and hear Spanish.  Speaking English at home would strengthen this language.
> 
> Do you have kids? Are you going to teach them Spanish?
> 
> Tormenta



That would be nice but I think the natural thing is that they speak at table the language of the place they live in (if it's the language of one of the parents I mean). In the case Tormeta explains I think it would be nice to speak English but I think children would tend to speak Spanish as frequently as they could, it's going to be their main language for sure.


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## Tormenta

ACQM said:
			
		

> That would be nice but I think the natural thing is that they speak at table the language of the place they live in (if it's the language of one of the parents I mean). In the case Tormeta explains I think it would be nice to speak English but I think children would tend to speak Spanish as frequently as they could, it's going to be their main language for sure.




Yes, exactly, children will tend to speak the language they are most familiar with; I mentioned that  earlier , in another post.

This is what happened with my own children, but I "forced" them to speak the other language at home, and it worked.  Sometimes they "hated" me for that   ,
now they are thankful  

Tormenta


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## Tormenta

Tomasoria said:
			
		

> Artrella,
> 
> I'm a black guy...black as charcoal....uuummmhhh ¡¡¡???? I'm afraid that, being spanish, you don't believe me very much... The trick didn't work...¡¡¡ What a shame...I've always wanted to marry an argentinian...
> 
> Pero ARTRELLA, mi pregunta es...Siendo tú argentina y yo "gallllego"....Que coño hacemos hablando en inglés???  Mondieu, el mundo al revés...¡¡¡
> 
> Saludos



I always wanted an Italian   (no, did not get one) 

Tormenta


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## Tomasoria

Tormenta said:
			
		

> I always wanted an Italian   (no, did not get one)
> 
> Tormenta



 Argentinians are a rare mix between italian and Spanish...with its advantages and disadvantages...is there any better mixture in the world??

   I promise you TORMETA, Italian girls are such  "tocapelotas" that it's impossible to stand them more than 2 hours in a row ¡¡¡

    Any italiana ready to fight back???

    Saludos


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## Artrella

Tomasoria said:
			
		

> Artrella,
> 
> I'm a black guy...black as charcoal....uuummmhhh ¡¡¡???? I'm afraid that, being spanish, you don't believe me very much... The trick didn't work...¡¡¡ What a shame...I've always wanted to marry an argentinian...
> 
> Pero ARTRELLA, mi pregunta es...Siendo tú argentina y yo "gallllego"....Que coño hacemos hablando en inglés???   Mondieu, el mundo al revés...¡¡¡
> 
> Saludos





Pero, collins! (no sé qué es pero siempre lo decía mi Yaya, supongo que es caramba) cómo se me pasó!!!! Haberlo sabido antes.... Ja ja ja!!!  El mundo está DEFORMADO, ya lo sabés Tomasoria....


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## ACQM

Artrella said:
			
		

> Pero,*collins!* (no sé qué es pero siempre lo decía mi Yaya, supongo que es caramba) cómo se me pasó!!!! Haberlo sabido antes.... Ja ja ja!!!  El mundo está DEFORMADO, ya lo sabés Tomasoria....


 No sé de donde era tu Yaya pero aquí "collons" son "cojones" y se usa como "caramba" o "coño" más o menos. Vaya con tu Yaya, menuda ella.


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## Silvia

What what what! What is tocapelotas?! I'm here guessing...


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## Artrella

ACQM said:
			
		

> No sé de donde era tu Yaya pero aquí "collons" son "cojones" y se usa como "caramba" o "coño" más o menos. Vaya con tu Yaya, menuda ella.


Ah, sí!!! claro!!! Mi Yaya era de Xátiva....  Y cuando se enojaba me mandaba lejos, parece...no?
Art


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## Artrella

Philippa said:
			
		

> What an interesting thread!
> Can I ask a question of all you folks with 2 languages at home, one from each parent......
> What happens if the child is chatting to both parents simultaneously or if the parents are talking to each other in front of the child? Which language/s do you speak?




Philippa, at home (but for my hubby, who thinks the whole world should speak ONE ONLY LANGUAGE!!!) my kids and I, like languages a lot.  So we talk (at least what we know) in German, Italian (Hubby knows Italian) and English, besides our Spanish, of course.
Sometimes my son asks me the meaning of some word and I explain it in some language other than Spanish.
For instance he says "Mum what does "table"(in English) mean?" and I answer it means "der Tisch".  So we do a medley of languages.  I love it!!! 
And they love it too!!!
I ask them to do sth in English, they answer in German, for example.  It´s fun!


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## cuchuflete

garryknight said:
			
		

> While it's nice to be able to rate a thread as being worthy of 5 stars, there are times when I'd like to be able to rate a single post as being worthy of 5 stars. Yours is one of those posts.



Thanks Garry,

I continue to enjoy and learn from your posts.

Best regards,
Cuchu


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## Tomasoria

silviap said:
			
		

> What what what! What is tocapelotas?! I'm here guessing...



 Sorry SILVIAP, they're all tocapelotas except you   

 TOCAPELOTAS means sth. like "rompicoioni"...or so, you know what I mean, don't you???. Italian girls are bloody elegant and beautifull but impossible to handle...too "caprichosas".

   But Argentinians...ooouuuuhhhh ¡¡¡¡  

    Besos


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## Tomasoria

Artrella said:
			
		

> Pero, collins! (no sé qué es pero siempre lo decía mi Yaya, supongo que es caramba) cómo se me pasó!!!! Haberlo sabido antes.... Ja ja ja!!!  El mundo está DEFORMADO, ya lo sabés Tomasoria....




Enfin, ARTRELLA, que sepas que acá en España salimos perdiendo cuando nos comparamos con los de raza y espiritu negro pero siempre tenemos otras cosas que ofrecer...

  Pero bueno ¡¡¡¡ I thought this thread was about bilinguism and not being flirting with "argentinians" down here... ¡¡¡ 

    Saludos


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## Glaçon

I am russian and I live in Paris. As I have many russian friends here(many of them are married to frenchmen)I see that the problem of different cultures is not an easy one. Especially if the cultures are very different (I mean, european and asian, for example). I love french culture very much, I have french friends, but I cannot imagine living with a frenchman. It seems to me that there is a huge hole between my mentality and his. There is a guy in my life, he is french and he speaks russian fluently, but... I think that he is very different from our russian guys. But... Actually... I completely agree with Valerie - there must be a lot of things in common. And besides, if there is real love and desire to stay with this person for life, nothing matters. Everything depends on you - if you think that you'll be happy with your boyfriend, you will!


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## Philippa

Tormenta said:
			
		

> Do you have kids? Are you going to teach them Spanish?


Hola Tormenta:
Nope, no kids! If I do ever have kids I can't imagine teaching them Spanish like Cuchu did. My Spanish is no way fluent and I can't imagine wanting to communicate with them in anything other than my mother tongue.


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## Silvia

Tomasoria, if you can't keep up with them, that's your own problem! 

Toma castaña!


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## Tomasoria

silviap said:
			
		

> Tomasoria, if you can't keep up with them, that's your own problem!
> 
> Toma castaña!




 Yeah...I must admit that me and Italians girls ...we never hit it off...

  But never mind,  italian guys are more friendly...specially whenever you have good girls friends around you ¡¡¡ je,je,je...

   I was just joking...you know I adore Italians...both women and guys... I found them similar to spanish...mixed couples between Spanish-Italians usually work out.

   Chupa del frasco Carrasco ¡¡¡


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## palomdra

I'm going to make it a bit more complicated...what happens when both parents speak the same language but are very fluent in another one? Would it be advisable to speak to the kids in another language? I'm saying so because I am an interpreter, and my boyfriend is a translator. He is fluent in Greek (he has been living in Greece, and I can also speak Greek) and I am fluent in English. Would you find it crazy to "pretend" we are not Spanish and talk to the kids in English or Greek?


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