# Je t'aime



## Musical Chairs

In the US, I think they say "I love you" way too much. They say it when someone gets them something they really wanted, or when someone does something they liked, or when they end phone conversations and in many other situations. I think it's abused.

Is it like this in France, or do people only say "je t'aime" when they really mean it?


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## velt

"je t'aime" is only for lovers, and it's not a common phrase at all. Probably better that way


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## Primal

Wow.  That's surprising to me.  I thought that _Je t'aime _could also mean "I like you" is this not true?  If not, how would you say it?


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## velt

To say to a friend you like him, you would say "je t'aime _bien". 
_the two are worlds apart.
that being said, maybe in the south of France there are some families where it is okay to say to your relatives "je t'aime", but from where I am (North) it seems impossible.


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## JackD

Primal said:


> Wow.  That's surprising to me.  I thought that _Je t'aime _could also mean "I like you" is this not true?  If not, how would you say it?



That's right, Primal. I dont' agree it's just for lovers. (But maybe this would be a good thread for a cultural discussion). 
How many times do we mothers say this to our chidren ?


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## velt

Do mothers say "je t'aime" to their children in Belgium ?


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## JackD

Yes they do. Is this so surprising ?


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## Moon Palace

Mothers also say 'je t'aime' to their children in Nantes too. I believe it has more to do with culture and upbringing than with linguistics. Besides, if I am not mistaken, in the US, people say 'lov' all the time even when they address someone they have never met before (in shops, or even public places). This surprised me on my first trip. It is true that in France 'love' is not much mentioned apart from in the circle of families. I suppose this thread is going to be relocated due to global moderation


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## velt

Well, it's still less common than in the US, even though there seems to be some regional differences.


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## Musical Chairs

They say things like "love you" "love you too" as a goodbye at the end of phone conversations like it's out of habit. I think it's stupid and a little sad.

I get the feeling that "je t'aime" is a serious thing to say, the way it should be. If people in the North don't say it to their children, what do they say instead or do they not say anything at all? How about between brothers/sisters?


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## JackD

As I said before, you use 'I love you' as you see fit.


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## JackD

I mean, yes it's a serious thing to say. So, you don't say it to anyone, only to people who matter to  you, your children, your brothers and sisters and why not ? to dear friends. At least, that's that the way I behave.


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## worldwanderer

This may sound stupid to ask, but I would like to understand the nuances better. So for example, if I say to my lover, "Je t'aime", and after a couple of days, I go and tell him "Je l'aime bien".. just to say that I like him, would that detract from the first statement?

One of the fore@s before said it's a world of difference between the two, does that mean one should be really careful not to put the 'bien' ou beaucoup' at the end of Je t'aime when talking to a lover?


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## polaire

worldwanderer said:


> This may sound stupid to ask, but I would like to understand the nuances better. So for example, if I say to my lover, "Je t'aime", and after a couple of days, I go and tell him "Je l'aime bien".. just to say that I like him, would that detract from the first statement?
> 
> One of the fore@s before said it's a world of difference between the two, does that mean one should be really careful not to put the 'bien' ou beaucoup' at the end of Je t'aime when talking to a lover?



This thread might help.  Look at the link within the thread, too.


http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=169602&highlight=J%27aime


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## worldwanderer

thanks polaire, that link within the thread is great!


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## JackD

worldwanderer said:


> This may sound stupid to ask, but I would like to understand the nuances better. So for example, if I say to my lover, "Je t'aime", and after a couple of days, I go and tell him "Je l'aime bien".. just to say that I like him, would that detract from the first statement?
> 
> One of the fore@s before said it's a world of difference between the two, does that mean one should be really careful not to put the 'bien' ou beaucoup' at the end of Je t'aime when talking to a lover?



Yes this would be a lot of difference. You say 'I love you' when you really care about someone. This could be a chid, a friend or whoever. But I must admit that people are shy about these things. And yes, 'je t'aime bien' is way beyond this. And yes it's up to you to choose what you reallly mean.


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## Staarkali

Hello all,

for my personal experience, only young lovers might say it after a couple of days; you can't say it in any language  too soon (I mean for the intimate love dicussion), you loose credibility..

Now for the other levels of discussion, we *cannot* say it in French, never.. however they are a lot of other ways to express various feelings; I'd believe a mother will say "Je t'aime mon fils"; between siblings, or with father, etc.. I see no reason to state it  everybody knows the relationship level with other people, it's usually not necessary to express it formally.


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## worldwanderer

Staarkali said:


> Hello all,
> 
> *for my personal experience, only young lovers might say it after a couple of days; you can't say it in any language too soon (I mean for the intimate love dicussion), you loose credibility..*
> 
> Now for the other levels of discussion, we *cannot* say it in French, never.. however they are a lot of other ways to express various feelings; I'd believe a mother will say "Je t'aime mon fils"; between siblings, or with father, etc.. I see no reason to state it  everybody knows the relationship level with other people, it's usually not necessary to express it formally.


 
Je pense que tu m'as mal compris.. J'etais en train de demander: si tu dit a quelqun(e) que tu l'aime, et, apres quelque jours, tu le/lui dise encore que tu 'l'aime *bien'*.. si ca peut cree de confusion.. mais je pense que j'ai deja la clarification...  Merci


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## Nath0811

worldwanderer said:


> Je pense que tu m'as mal compris.. J'etais en train de demander: si tu dit a quelqun(e) que tu l'aime, et, apres quelque jours, tu le/lui dise encore que tu 'l'aime *bien'*.. si ca peut cree de confusion.. mais je pense que j'ai deja la clarification...  Merci


 

That's an interesting question. It depends on the tone you use. Imean, if all flows well, you could very well say with a smile "Je t'aime bien, tu sais". Then it's clearly a tender feeling, a sweet statement. 

Out of the blue, I doubt you'd just go from "je t'aime" to "je t'aime bien", just like you wouldn't say "I love you" to your lover one night, and two days later say "I like you". Not on the same tone at least. The difference is big.


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## worldwanderer

Thanks for that insight Nath0911, that does help.


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## Primal

Musical Chairs said:


> They say things like "love you" "love you too" as a goodbye at the end of phone conversations like it's out of habit. I think it's stupid and a little sad.


 
Why would you think it's sad?  I think it's good to remind at least your family members that you love them...


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## Musical Chairs

It's not just to family members. As an example, check out Mean Girls. (Granted, life isn't like that normally but people do say it way too liberally in my opinion.)


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## velt

Why would you need to remind them ? As if you had to prove it ?


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## Musical Chairs

My brother and I made up our own words for saying "I love you" in our own nonsense language. But we both know we love each other...it's different when it's family 

I think "I love you" means more in romantic relationships.


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## Moon Palace

This is clearly becoming a cultural thread, but I want to add that it is always worth reminding people you love that you do, in the same way as it is always a source of delight to be reminded that somebody loves you.   
Why should politicians be the only ones to keep saying things we already know?


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## hether2783

Oh, come on, "stupid and a little sad" is pretty harsh!  It's just a cultural difference-- it isn't "stupid" that americans use the word "love" a lot, just like it isn't "stupid" that french people save it for special relationships....


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## t k

Bonjour.
Is it okay for a father to say "Je t'aime" while hugging his daughter when she visits after a long time?
Merci.  --- tk


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## AmaryllisBunny

Musical Chairs said:


> They say things like "love you" "love you too" as a goodbye at the end of phone conversations like it's out of habit. I think it's stupid and a little sad.



This is quite different. This use of "love you" does not take on the same meaning as "*I* love you." It has a similar meaning to, "you're a doll," "you're the best!"

The "I" is really important. Without it, the phrase does not hold the same weight. 

In any case, I still agree with most of the comments that "I love you" is usually thrown around rather carelessly in the US.


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## Kecha

t k said:


> Bonjour.
> Is it okay for a father to say "Je t'aime" while hugging his daughter when she visits after a long time?
> Merci.  --- tk


Yes, sure.

There is no "proper" or "unproper" use of "je t'aime" from a linguistic point of view. Whether you say it between parents/siblings/etc. is more about the habits and traditions of a given family. 
Some in this thread have stated they would feel wierd about saying "je t'aime" to their family members, others do say it. None is "right" or "wrong", they just do what is usual in their respective families.

But it's true that to most French people, the way the Americans say "I love you" every two seconds renders the sentence kind of "empty" and meaningless. Saying "I love you" to your boyfriend for the first time doesn't feel like much of a "big" statement if you said it 10 times since the morning, including two times to your dog and one to your coffee cup...


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## Oddmania

I think the 'American' use of _I love you_ everyone has been talking about is closer to _Je t'adore_ than_ Je t'aime_. If a good friend of mine got me a present and I wanted to thank them, I could definitely say _Merci beaucoup, je t'adore !_. I don't think anybody would go for _Je t'aime _in this context.

As far as I'm concerned, _Je t'aime_ is usually saved for lovers and family (I'm actually astonished some people here consider it inappropriate within the family!). I don't recall ever hearing it between friends, but I wouldn't be surprised if I heard two female friends say _Je t'aime_ to each other.


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