# Commare



## marialynn

Hopefully someone can help me. My boss at an Italian restaurant always called me and my friend, I think it is, "commare"? I am not sure if this is the correct word or the correct spelling. Please help.
Thanks,
Maria


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## Silvia

Maria,

welcome to the WR Forums

Commare is not in Italian, rather a Southern dialect.

The correct spelling in Italian is comare. Unlike the word compare (same word but for a man) that was less fortunate, comare has several meanings:
1 = godmother
2 = neighbour who likes gossip
3 = it can also be a title before the name (in the South)

Depending on the context it can also be used for woman, old woman, wife...

I hope this helps.


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## lightbluefeather

In Northern Italy, "comare" and "compare" are not the godmother and the godfather (we use "madrina" and "padrino") but the best woman and the best man at a wedding. Last September I was  best woman at my best friend's wedding, and at the party I was known by everyone as "la comare".
La mia comare/il mio compare-> the best woman and the best man at my wedding (this is often a bond that lasts for life, sometimes even if the marriage finishes...).


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## Silvia

lightbluefeather, thanks for explaining, I forgot to say that meaning #1 is not used anymore, maybe only by old people in some Southern areas.


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## Silvia

Since I noticed comare & compare are used in the US in all their Southern forms (commare, cumpà etc.), that kind of use just refers to meaning #3. It's a way to address people, alone or before their names.

Ex. (for Southern people only!):
(dialect) *Commare Catuzza * (Ms Catia), *Cumpare Turiddu * (Mr Antonio)
In this case, it's a polite/warm way to address a fellow man or to talk about someone of the same town.
That's why it can be felt the person speaking is a "friend". But he/she might be just a neighbor as well.

Even if it appears it has had quite a lucky fate in the US, I don't want to linger over this dialect usage too much, since it's not Italian, and also, even in the South of Italy, comare/compare are still in use mainly if not only among old people.

I hope this helps!


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## cuchuflete

Here's another term, closely related, used in the US in an originally Southern form.

Goomba: The word "goomba" itself is a little confusing. No one knows where it really comes from. Most people think it started off as the word "compadre," which is a term of respect. You can use it to refer to your godfather, your protector, your older cousin or older brother or uncle. From "compadre," it got shortened to "compa," which got twisted into "gomba," which got turned into "goomba."   
source:  http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/11/04/earlyshow/leisure/books/main528019.shtml

The term is used affectionately among Americans of Italian descent, and also as an insult by other people describing Italian Americans.  The link above gives lots of fascinating details.

Cuciu


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## swazeyr

THanks so much.  I can't imagine where I would have found cumpa or made the connexion.
Roy


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## cuchuflete

swazeyr said:
			
		

> THanks so much.  I can't imagine where I would have found cumpa or made the connexion.
> Roy



It's a pleasure Roy...If you hang around these forums for a while, it becomes second nature to do the detective work!  

Cuciu


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## Silvia

Hi Cuciu,

the article you mentioned is quite interesting, it shows how the Italian-American community is a thing of its own and most of it has nothing to do with Italy anymore.

I should take the time to read it through carefully. Anyway, there's one thing I didn't understand: the "N" word. What is it?


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## mimitabby

the n word is nigger, which polite people do not use. it came from Negro, which is spanish for black. it has been used as an insult against primary black people, but also
mexicans, italians, and many asian peoples. 
i dont suggest you use it in speech.
mimi


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## EvanC

mimitabby said:
			
		

> the n word is nigger, which polite people do not use. it came from Negro, which is spanish for black. it has been used as an insult against primary black people, but also
> mexicans, italians, and many asian peoples.
> i dont suggest you use it in speech.
> mimi


I don't think that I have ever heard anyone refer to Mexicans, Italians, or Asians in this way. Each one of these groups has a defferent slang term for them. I don't want to write them out, because I don't want to offend anyone...I just thought that I would clarify that I have never heard anyone refer to these people groups with the N-word. It usually all the time refers to African Americans. It is a very rude word, so I suggest not ever saying it.
Ciao,
Evan C


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## Silvia B

marialynn said:
			
		

> Hopefully someone can help me. My boss at an Italian restaurant always called me and my friend, I think it is, "commare"? I am not sure if this is the correct word or the correct spelling. Please help.
> Thanks,
> Maria




Here in Veneto, where I live, the word "COMARE" is a term which is used for women and means a woman who is always talking, especially about other people. She loves to let fly (or: tittle tattle - I found that in the vocabulary, never heard of it, hope it can explain the right meaning..). 
If your boss is from north Italy, it should surely means what I explained.


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## cuchuflete

silviap said:
			
		

> Hi Cuciu,
> 
> the article you mentioned is quite interesting, it shows how the Italian-American community is a thing of its own and most of it has nothing to do with Italy anymore.
> 
> I should take the time to read it through carefully. Anyway, there's one thing I didn't understand: the "N" word. What is it?



Silvia-
That's a very astute observation you have made.  After three or four or five generations--most Italian immigrants came to the U.S. ~ 1890-1920, the culture is quite far removed from the original.  Also, in the US, there has been a blending of Siciliani, Genovese (Even Milanese!) that seems far beyond that in Italia.  Those of Northern descent, of course, still consider themselves to be superior!!!!  But then, so do the Abruzzi and all the others.

Goomba, however, seems to have been universally accepted by those from all the various regions.

un abbraccio,
Cuciu


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## Silvia

Mimi, thanks for your explanation 

Cuciu, 95% of the Italian-Americans are of Southern/centre descent. It's not a matter of superiority! We're different, but all equal


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## lsp

Silvia B said:
			
		

> ...or: tittle tattle - I found that in the vocabulary, never heard of it, hope it can explain the right meaning...


Don't use it, Silvia. People of all ages would consider it odd. 

"To tattle" BTW is to tell on someone (usually children). A little sister would tattle on her brother if she told her mother that she saw the boy stick his tongue out at the mother when she turned away from them.


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## gromit

does anyone know which usage is meant for the Bertolucci film "La Commare Secca"? the english title for it is "The Grim Reaper", but i'm pretty sure that's not a literal translation.

"The dried godmother?" but it's a movie about the murder of a prostitute, more or less. any ideas?


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## Silvia

Hi gromit, this is what I've found for you  :

«... la Commaraccia / Secca de Strada Giulia arza er rampino» (Roman dialect), ove la «Commaraccia» è *la morte*, con riferimento allo scheletro armato di falce a Santa Maria dell'Orazione e Morte, in via Giulia (La commare secca sarà anche il titolo del film di esordio di Bernardo Bertolucci, del 1962, tratto da un soggetto di Pasolini).

Though I guess the actual title of the movie is: La comare secca.


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## piwid

...as usual Silviap is right!...
I really enjoyed your debate!

I would just point out the etymologycal origins of the terms "comare/compare" in order to allow a better comprehension:
comare = con madre; cum mater _(with mother)_
compare =con padre; cum pater _(with father)_
they both could discend from latin as from italiano vulgaris,
the terms refers to "_those with father; those with mother_" and it is used to mean the male/female adult people of a community, a village, a neighborhood etc...basically adult-close members of the same community...
compare could also be a sort of equivalent of _paisà_ but today its meaning is more switched in the acception of _friend_.
comare, specially in the north of the italy, is sometimes used to mean a girl (or group of girls) that love to do "heavy gossip" about everything and everybody ^_^, not always with good intentions (I think this is why silvai b used the words "_tittle tattle_").
by the way, in the south of italy, exspecially between the elder people, compare e comare are still a lot used in their original meanings, which all you have already explained.

Thus, I would finally answer to Groper: since comare can mean "_a woman that everybody knows really well in the hood_" the title of the movie could have this sort of double meaning, I think. 
It surely refers to the black-hooded skull death icon, because _secca_ means basically *really thin * !!...Also, it could concern a prostitute, well known in the hood, with a very slim silhouette...does this corresponds to the Bertolucci's charachter?.

bye bye


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## lsp

piwid said:
			
		

> comare, specially in the north of the italy, is sometimes used to mean a girl (or group of girls) that love to do "heavy gossip" about everything and everybody ^_^, not always with good intentions (I think this is why silvai b used the words "_tittle tattle_").


I'm afraid I don't get the connection


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## Silvia

lsp, you can look at my post #2, point #2, it refers to the same meaning.


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## lsp

I meant, what's the connection to that term, tittle-tattle?





> (I think this is why silvai b used the words "tittle tattle").


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## piwid

lsp said:
			
		

> I meant, what's the connection to that term, tittle-tattle?





			
				lsp said:
			
		

> "To tattle" BTW is to tell on someone (usually children). A little sister would tattle on her brother if she told her mother that she saw the boy stick his tongue out at the mother when she turned away from them.





			
				piwid said:
			
		

> "comare, specially in the north of the italy, is sometimes used to mean a girl (or group of girls) that love to do "heavy gossip" about everything and everybody, not always with good intentions (I think this is why silvai b used the words "_tittle tattle_").


I think that's the connection, because in italian whe have this popular word "sparlare" (which i don't think you would find on dictionaries) that refers to a special kind of "bad" gossip that could also damage the people who's talking about...by the way, I don't really know the meaning of "tittle tattle" then only you english speakers have the answer...^_^
bye bye


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## lsp

piwid said:
			
		

> ...by the way, I don't really know the meaning of "tittle tattle" then only you english speakers have the answer...^_^
> bye bye


I hate to beat a dead horse, but that is my point. "Tittle tattle" as I said before I have never heard used (in modern USA English). Do only _girls_ gossip, BTW?


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## piwid

lsp said:
			
		

> I hate to beat a dead horse, but that is my point. "Tittle tattle" as I said before I have never heard used (in modern USA English).


 Brilliant!
...so let's say just "_tattle_" ...does this make sense for you?  
(i guess tittle tattle is a really childish way to mean the same thing, by the way)


			
				lsp said:
			
		

> Do only _girls_ gossip, BTW?


  actually not, but since this debate is on the word "comare" and only a girl can be a "comare" we are now basically speaking of girls doing gossip...not about the fact that only girls does gossip...I thought *that* was clear.


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## lsp

Thanks, piwid, I didn't catch that only a girl can be a "comare" - that clears it all up for me, so thanks again.


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## Silvia

lsp, you didn't read my very first answer then!  Post #2 of this thread


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## lsp

I know!! And I hate it when it seems other people are doing that, sorry!!!! I did read it, but I guess I didn't digest or retain the fact that it referred ONLY to women. sorry!!!! sorry!!!! sorry!!!!


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## Geo.

Hello, 

From a _New World_ point of view, although my mother was Swiss and her parents never spoke English, the following is the way I remember _*comare, compare, *_and _*compa'/comba/cumba/gumba*_ being used. 

I was glad to see that Silvia listed godmother (and hence godfather) first, and sorry she later added that this was dated. My mother would have only written *madrina *and _*padrino*_ for godmother and godfather, and this is what she would have said with her parents, but in Little Italy in Montreal and later Toronto, _*comare*_ and _*compare*_ were used to refer to godparents. This is how I remember the general convention: 

For godparents, e.g. Mario & Maria DiNapoli, it would be more formally _*comare e compare di Napoli*, _but as a familiar form usually used when speaking to the person directly, it might be _*comar' Mari' *_and* compa' Mario. *

Amongst friends however, there was another use for the word _*compa'*_ with variations on it. It was used to express or suggest closeness in friendship ... or attempted closeness as the case maybe. It was generally truncated to _*comba*_ or _*cumba*_, sometimes less commonly _*gumba*_; my mother would have said _*compa'*_, if she said it at all, in response to my using it -- as, just like _*comare*_ and _*compare*_ -- it was not one of her own words. 

If someone you didn't know well called out *comba/gumba*, etc., there was a sense of someone about to ask a favour. (That person was using the word to ingratiate himself). As a literal term of endearment, in context, it ran along the following lines between very close friends, (it was also dependant on intonation): *Giovann', comba?* ... = "John (you're my best friend) ... you can tell me what's up?" As a substitute for the name of a very close friend; this could be used when discussing private, (or sometimes even grave), matters. *Cosa?/Che?... Comba, ...* = What's up?... Well, only because it's you who asked ... 

It could sometimes be used sarcastically to call someone on a point: *Comba, quando mai? *= Buddy, I know you and never in a million years ... / Brother, I can see right through you ... be real. A person had to be Italian or Italian in background with another of the same to use the word at all, or it was looked on as mockery. 

I can see how _*comare*_ could sarcastically be used to mean a gossip, but this was not my experience of the word. A person's _*comare*_ and_ *compare*_ we're revered, highly respected, and treated as a favourite aunt or uncle. Too special to use *tu*, but too close to use *Lei* or *Loro*, people said _*voi*_ to a *comare* or a _*compare*_ when speaking in singular or plural; even my mother did, and this was not the normal way she spoke. 

I can see two of the uses already mentioned, because your *compa'/comba*, et al., is the friend you would have as the best man at your wedding or as a godfather to your child, etc.). 

Again, mine is a North American take on the word, 1st generation interacting between parents as well as with each other, and sometimes with grandparents who had no English.


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## Brazilian dude

Compare and comare remind me a lot of the Portuguese/Spanish words compadre and comadre, whose original meaning is one's child's godfather/godmother in relation to you (the parent). These words don't seem to have an equivalent in many languages. We'd use them thus:

Ela é minha comadre./Ella es mi comadre. = She is my comadre (she's my child's godmother).

Ele é meu compadre./Él es mi compadre. = He is my compadre (he's my child's godfather).

On the other hand, some words I've noticed that have no equivalent in Portuguese are stepbrother and stepsister. In Spanish you have hermanastro and hermanastro, so irmanastro and irmanastra were suggested by someone here, but they are neologisms and I don't know anybody who's actually used them in real life.

Posso scrivere in italiano in questo forum?

Brazilian dude


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## Jana337

Brazilian dude said:
			
		

> Posso scrivere in italiano in questo forum?
> 
> Brazilian dude


Certo ma non dovresti scrivere in spagnolo e portoghese. 

Jana


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## DiFossa

EvanC said:
			
		

> I don't think that I have ever heard anyone refer to Mexicans, Italians, or Asians in this way. C



Something quick to add to the conversation... where I live, I have heard people attach adjectives to "n-word" to insult other people.  For instance, when refering to Italians some may say greasy/w.o.p. "N-word," for Arabs sand "n-word," etc.  Regardless of the format, it's still a horriblly offensive word that should never be used, but wanted to give an example of how it's used pertaining to other ethnicities!  Infact, one of my Italian students used that word in public once in a crowded area and I almost fell over from a heart attack.


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## niall

Hi,

In Sicily, they - anzi we - use the word _'mpare_  or _'mbare_ as a general form of address and it literally means something like _friend_.  Is this related to _compare_, does anyone know?


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## Gemelle

My grandmother (from the South) also used to use the word "comare" for mistress!


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## victoria luz

About Comare/compare /commà/cumpà/mpa' and further variants, I can certify the use is still alive and kicking here (Salento region), surely not confined to old people. On the contrary, it's pretty common among teenagers to call each other compare/mpa' (alone or followed by the first name, such as in Mpa' Giulio!) or comparema (my compare).
Its use is very close to the English _mate_ (and, in some contexts, _buddy_).


Then:


			
				Silvia said:
			
		

> Cuciu, 95% of the Italian-Americans are of Southern/centre descent. It's not a matter of superiority! We're different, but all equal


A not so irrelevant correction (we are talking about big numbers here, and the  mistake amounts to ca. one million people)

_Circa il settanta per cento proveniva dal Meridione, anche se fra il 1876 ed il 1900 la maggior parte degli emigrati era del Nord Italia con il quarantacinque per cento composto solo da Veneto, Friuli Venezia Giulia e Piemonte. 

_cfr. http://www.emigrati.it/Emigrazione/Emiamerica.asp
whoever interested in knowing the historical causes that pushed those millions people to cross the ocean.


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## kirjanik

Ah! Commare mia, commare mia, commare mia commare
dimmi che senti, dimmi che provi.
Ah! Se la tua terra è ancora in mano ai quattro mori
dimmi che senti, dimmi che provi.

Ivan Graziani sings like that. What means here - commare?


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## sradicata

*well if you ask me, goomba is the phonetic of cumpà, that is neapolitan for compagno that means companion, a word with lots of meanings
*


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## Geo.

Ciao sradicata, 

Thank you for your input. 

I’m certainly no authority on Italian. _(I only spoke the way my late mother did, i.e. Swiss, although she kept to standard Italian in the main, and seldom Swiss dialect ... if at all). _

I don’t speak Napoletano, though I’ve a number of friends & acquaintances from the old Province of Caserta in northern Campania. _They do use the word to mean_: buddy, chum, pal, mate, friend, et al., _(like «compagno», come to think of it, which is similar in sound too)._ 

However, no-one_―that I knew―_ever said the word was based on the Neapolitan word *cumpà* ... in fact the only reference to the word that I can find gives the etymology of «cumpà» as dialect for «compare». (It isn’t even mentioned in my Collins-Sansoni, Firenze 1983, and it’s 200,000 words with a 2,000 word supliment. _It does, however, list a secondary meaning for «compare» as «vecchio amico»). _

Your spelling «cumpà» certainly looks to be the English/North American of ‘goomba’ just as you say. 

Thanks again 
_―especially for the dialect word, as that can often shed a lot of light on things―_ 
Geo.


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