# defacto spouse in Greek - female & male versions?



## Bigglesthecat

How do you describe your life partner in Greek if you are not married? Is there a term for females as well as males?


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## Tassos

Spouse in Greek is _
ο,η σύζηγος (both in the female and the male)
_It is used much more than its English equivalent but can be considered as formal.
The colloquial version is _ο άντρας μου_, _η γυναίκα μου_ (lit. _my man_, _my woman_ but its meaning is more like that of the English _husband_ and _wife_)_.
_Now all these refer to MARRIED couples_.
_
For unmarried couples we have (first male then female)
1. (το) αγόρι (μου) - (το) κορίτσι (μου)/(η) κοπέλα (μου)
2. (ο) φίλος (μου) - (η) φίλη (μου)/(η) φιλενάδα (μου)
3. (ο) δεσμός (μου) (both male and female)
4. (ο) δικός (μου) - (η) δικιά (μου) (colloquial)
4. γκόμενός - γκόμενα (very colloquial)
In (1),(2),(3) and (4) both the article and the personal pronoun are INDISPENSABLE, without them these words have different meanings. There is also _αρραβωνιαστικός - αρραβωνιαστικιά_ which means fiance (in Greece it is a common practice for a couple who intends to marry, to be betrothed first and for some time, so that they can make their relationship more "formal" so to speak).


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## cougr

Just wondering, is the term "_ντε φάκτο σύζυγος_ (ο/η)" used at all in Greece?


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## Perseas

Also, "σύντροφος" is used for unmarried (and married) men and women .
"σύζυγος" presupposes marriage.  "ντε φάκτο σύζυγος" is not used.


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## winegrower

I think that the term "de facto husband or wife" is strictly legal and certainly not used in everyday life. Yet in an article from a law school professor of Athens, I found the following:"Η ἔννοια τῆς οἰκογένειας δέν καλύπτει πιά μόνο οἰκογένειες πού θεμελιώνονται στόν ἔγκυρο γάμο, ἀλλά συμπεριλαμβάνει καί ἄλλες de facto (πραγματικές) σχέσεις, στίς ὁποῖες τά μέρη ζοῦν μαζί ἐκτός γάμου"
In case you can't read this, it is about family relationships outside marriage, and uses the term de facto.


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## shawnee

To confirm Perseas' answer, I have heard "σύντροφος" used in this context. I'm not sure what the female equivalent would be; "Η σύντροφος" perhaps.


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## cougr

Spot on, shawnee.

Also, thank you to Perseas and winegrower for their contribution to my question. 

PS. Welcome back, winegrower!


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## Bigglesthecat

Thank you for your responses, everybody.  Now I'm not sure which one to choose!  I'm travelling to Greece and will be catching up with a couple of relatives in Athens, but I only speak very basic Greek (ντροπη μου, I know!) 

Just wanting to double-check the meaning of some of Tassos' suggestions:

2. (ο) φίλος (μου) - (η) φίλη (μου)/(η) φιλενάδα (μου) -- I take it this means friend in the 'friend with benefits' sense?
3. (ο) δεσμός (μου) (both male and female) --  in my dictionary, this says "relationship" (but also "affair"???)
4. (ο) δικός (μου) - (η) δικιά (μου) (colloquial) - I quite like this one
4. γκόμενός - γκόμενα (very colloquial) -- boyfriend and (a/c to my dictionary) "hot stuff" 

And shawnee's σύντροφος -- that's even better.  So for females, I just use the feminine definite article but I don't need to change the ending, right?  ie, can I not use "συντοφη"?


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## shawnee

Bigglesthecat said:


> And shawnee's σύντροφος -- that's even better.  So for females, I just use the feminine definite article but I don't need to change the ending, right?  ie, can I not use "συντοφη"?



Yes, η σύντροφος, as is also the case with η σύζηγος.


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## Tassos

Bigglesthecat said:


> 2. (ο) φίλος (μου) - (η) φίλη (μου)/(η) φιλενάδα (μου) -- I take it this means friend in the 'friend with benefits' sense?


No, it means boyfriend/girlfriend.



Bigglesthecat said:


> 3. (ο) δεσμός (μου) (both male and female) --  in my dictionary, this says "relationship" (but also "affair"???)


Relationship, yes. Affair, no. Whenever you are using the "μου" this makes it "official". And "δεσμός" means something you expect to last (check the initial meaning). For affair you might use σχέση (but if you say "η σχεση μου" it is almost equivalent to "ο δεσμός μου"). For one-night-stands or very brief affairs you may use the very vulgar "ξεπέτα".

Σύντροφος is of course a valid word (I just forgot it). But note that σύντροφος is more often used by _others_ to refer to a couple and not so much by the members of the couple themselves. I wouldn't say for example "Απο δω η σύντροφός μου η Μαρία" (it sounds a bit contrived). I'd prefer "Απο δω η κοπέλα μου η Μαρία"


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## Bigglesthecat

Tassos said:


> No, it means boyfriend/girlfriend.
> 
> I'd prefer "Απο δω η κοπέλα μου η Μαρία"


---------------------------

Thanks very much again, shawnee and Tassos!  

Since the male of this particular de facto relationship is over 60 years old and the female partner is over 40, is it appropriate for us to use the word κοπέλα  (and the male version is -?) in this particular context (ie, middle-aged / older people)?  

Or perhaps the terms φίλος /φίλη would be better in this context??


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## Perseas

Bigglesthecat said:


> Since the male of this particular de facto relationship is over 60 years old and the female partner is over 40, is it appropriate for us to use the word κοπέλα  (and the male version is -?) in this particular context (ie, middle-aged / older people)?
> 
> Or perhaps the terms φίλος /φίλη would be better in this context??


I think in a de facto relationship between middle-aged people, you may say "ο άνδρας μου" or "η γυναίκα μου", although there is not marriage. Ok, a 40 years old woman is still "κοπέλα". For me "φίλος" & "φίλη" does not point to a de facto relation in terms of family.


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## Tassos

All this confusion is happening beacause in Greece it was not conceivable that two people in their 50s or 60s can live together as a couple WITHOUT being married, so the language doesn't have a particular term for that beacause for many years it simply didn't happen.
Now, of course things are changing, yet still there is a gap in the language. I guess, "ο άνδρας μου" or "η γυναίκα μου" kind of covers it and it helps avoid further embarassing questions...


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## Bigglesthecat

Tassos said:


> All this confusion is happening beacause in Greece it was not conceivable that two people in their 50s or 60s can live together as a couple WITHOUT being married, so the language doesn't have a particular term for that beacause for many years it simply didn't happen.
> Now, of course things are changing, yet still there is a gap in the language. I guess, "ο άνδρας μου" or "η γυναίκα μου" kind of covers it and it helps avoid further embarassing questions...



Being of Greek ancestry, this makes total sense to me. Even 3rd-gen Greek-Australians are fairly conservative...

I guess I'm a bit of a freak (read: black sheep) in terms of Greek social norms, so I'll have to watch my step with the relatives!  ; )


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## ireney

Well, for older people I guess we could use the (slightly) dated term,  ο καλός μου/ η καλή μου.


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## Bigglesthecat

ireney said:


> Well, for older people I guess we could use the (slightly) dated term,  ο καλός μου/ η καλή μου.



Cheers, Ireney : )


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## ireney

Oh, and one last, admittedly sappy, suggestion: "ο/η σύντροφος της ζωής μου".


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