# 晴天, 別再冰冷變



## viajero_canjeado

Hi all,

I was enjoying the sunshine yesterday and was profoundly inspired to write the following:
* 晴天, 晴天, 別再冰冷變!*

Meaning something like the following in English: Sunny day, sunny day, don't you turn cold again!

I was corrected by a native speaker, who said that bian4 should go before bing1leng3. Okay, that's a given, but I took poetic license to alter the customary grammar in exchange for a nice little rhyme. But then they also changed the 再 to 在. That makes me wonder two things: first, was 再 incorrect? My intended meaning was "again" with the first zai4. My second point of wonderment is what does the new zai4 mean? Does it function as a preposition of transformation signifying something like "into [cold weather]"?

I appreciate your comments!


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## Geysere

I think what you've wrote is perfect in poetic sense , and I too don't understand why they corrected 再 to 在. 


> Does it function as a preposition of transformation signifying something like "into [cold weather]"?


 No, it doesn't make sense to me.


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## Ghabi

geysere said:


> i think what you've wrote is perfect in poetic sense .


                            让我唱唱白脸：念起来像是原文是日语或是德语的机器翻译，动词都跑到后面去了。倒装当然可以......假如你是李义山或是杜工部什么的。:d


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## Analgesia

well   

晴天，晴天，此至别霜天.    is my personal version

bie has double meanings: 1. bye,2, do not( let me see it again

ci means this warm weather ,zhi means come already

shuangtian is a vivid dipiction of the cold and dank damn days

then,just to put tian at the end , got the rhyme as you wish

Hope it helps


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## Analgesia

bu xiang zai zhu zai Georgia        le.
不  想      再  住  在   佐治亚（州） 了
1st zai means again
2nd zai means in (at)

no doubt in your given stuff the zai should use the 1st zai ,再. don't let the poetic license fool you,再 is correct. then your 2nd ques is :
2nd zai means in (at)

for example,

bie zai zhe li fei hua le 
别  在   这  里 废 话  了


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## Jerry Chan

"冰冷變" just doesn't sound right to me.
Maybe "晴天, 晴天, 別再臉兒變"


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## xiaolijie

> Okay, that's a given, but I took poetic license to alter the customary grammar in exchange for a nice little rhyme. But then they also changed the 再 to 在. That makes me wonder


It's a natural tendency for native speakers to correct learners, so I wouldn't blame them for correcting you even if you're correct in the first place . What you should do next time is to show them the sentence and tell them that it is from a poem by a famous Chinese poet. Ask them to explain to you what it all means and you'd be very pleased to see how positively they'd interpret your Chinese masterpiece!


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## samanthalee

xiaolijie said:


> It's a natural tendency for native speakers to correct learners, so I wouldn't blame them for correcting you even if you're correct in the first place . What you should do next time is to show them the sentence and tell them that it is from a poem by a famous Chinese poet. Ask them to explain to you what it all means and you'd be very pleased to see how positively they'd interpret your Chinese masterpiece!


That's quite true. I had the urge to correct too. 
I think "*晴天, 晴天, 別再冰冷變!*" sounds great, though because of my personal speech habit, I'd prefer "*別再寒冷變!*"... See! Just simply can't resist the urge.


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## indigoduck

Jerry Chan said:


> "冰冷變" just doesn't sound right to me.
> Maybe "晴天, 晴天, 別再臉兒變"


 
Everyone seems to say that "冰冷變" is correct, so much to even declare "*寒冷變".*

I'm confused like Jerry, why 冰冷變 is correct, as opposed to "變冰冷" ?

I would have said 晴天, 晴天, 別再 "變 <--> 冰冷"了

"Sunny day, sunny day, don't turn cold !

~~~~~~

Grammatically, these "formations" are possible: *別再 *and* 別在 *are easily confused by "oversea chinese speakers" like me.  People who speak chinese at home but who've never had the interest to dwelve into learning ancient chinese history, literature, poetry, etc ... 
Without reading deeply into the sentence, i can see an ABC (American Born Chinese) interpret this sentence to mean: "晴天, 晴天, 別在冰冷變"

It would mean: Sunny day sunny day, don't go to the place called "BingLenBian"


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## Ghabi

indigoduck said:


> Everyone seems to say that "冰冷變" is correct, so much to even declare "*寒冷變".*


I don't think anyone would say it's "correct" in the sense that people actually say this in real life; but many would say it's "acceptable" for the sake of rhyming. _Tout pour l'art, hein?! _


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## Analgesia

It is a good thing to see viajero's poetic sentence here,it is encouraging for all the Chinese learners no matter were they beginners or advanced veterans.

Whereas,frankly speaking,one thing must be pointed out of this poetic sentence.If you just simply put the characters alltogether to find it seems nothing wrong,while funnily,most of the posters here we found the sentence was not clear and coherent anyway.
actually,(bing leng)and(bian) being forced to be used in a way like this had the natural way of speaking atrociously contorted. We all know how inspiring to feel a nice rhyme matches with what you are depicting in mind,but we know better how would abusive usage for rhyming may cause to a plight when considering the contents of which you expressed.

I hope you don't mind to hear my straightforward suggestion of this sentence.The circumstance of it was good ,however I deem it wasn't a very good blank intrinsically,if I have to say that is the part1 of the sentence.(qingtian qingtian,is very colloquel while the 2nd part can hardly be literary,a paradox )thus I suggest you rewrite it by yourself, because all given by others are thoughts of different minds, you are the party who saw the scene,and no one can write it better than you,believe in yourself ,rewrite it ,then repost it still on here. All you can later post your wholly finished canon,and let us have a look then.


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## Jerry Chan

Poet 余光中 once wrote "天空很希臘" and people seem to like it.
But that doesn't mean any "ungrammatical" setence works in poem.
Besides, he's 余光中 and we're not.


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## indigoduck

Jerry Chan said:


> Poet 余光中 once wrote "天空很希臘" and people seem to like it.
> But that doesn't mean any "ungrammatical" setence works in poem.
> Besides, he's 余光中 and we're not.


 
I'm starting to understand why i didn't appreciate all this.  My chinese just isn't good enough.

天空很希臘... are you sure 余光中 wasn't in Greece when he said this or recently ate some Greek food ?

Reminds me of something said out of Uncle Ben's commercial.


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## BODYholic

viajero_canjeado said:


> * 晴天, 晴天, 別再冰冷變!*
> 
> I appreciate your comments!



There are always reasons why words are arrange in 倒装 (I hope you did not  miss post #3 by Ghabi). One of which is to rhyme or accord with the sentence before or after.

e.g. you may have "xxxxx无情摧" - A sentence ends with a verb which is quite uncommon in spoken Chinese. If your subsequent sentence terminates with, say, an adjective. e.g. "別再變*冰冷*", it doesn't sync with the first line. 

I can't say for the rest, but it works perfectly fine for me. Just that, you, I hope, don't have to use this in day to day conversation. 

PS: 无情摧/冰冷變 are only meant for illustration.



> 天空很希臘... are you sure 余光中 wasn't in Greece when he said this or recently  ate some Greek food ?


Admittedly, I don't know the exact whereabout of 余光中 when he wrote that, but from a native speaker point of view, I am under the impression that he can be anywhere else but Greece.


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