# Are Americans amazingly polite?



## .   1

G'day Cultur@s
I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.

How would you react?

.,,


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## TrentinaNE

Do Australians never find themselves in this situation?  How would *you* react?   

If the questions were outlandish enough, I'd start looking for the hidden camera.   

Elisabetta


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## lazarus1907

Do you mean tolerant or hypocrite? This is an over-generalization.


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## cuchuflete

lazarus1907 said:


> Do you mean tolerant or hypocrite? This is an over-generalization.


 If you need more information to decide if it is hypocrisy or tolerance, how can you judge it to be an over-generalization?  Or have you already decided that you know enough to generalize?


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## Mate

. said:


> How would you react?
> 
> .,,


I do not quite get something regarding your question. 
Are you asking us how would we react if we were Americans, or how would we react regadless of our nationality?


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## Brioche

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> 
> .,,


 
Thinking about Borat, by any chance?


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## cuchuflete

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> 
> .,,



I'll not speak for any American other than myself.  I've been in situations in which a foreigner, apparently thoroughly ignorant of American culture, made bigotted remarks about it.
If I had any expectations of having to work with the person, as happened once, I vigorously disagreed.  On other occasions, when it was clear that (1)it was a one off meeting, and (2)the person seemed deeply attached to his idiotic prejudices, I just let it go.  My reasoning at the time was that there was nothing to be gained, in a single brief encounter, from trying to separate a fool from his dearly held illusions of racial superiority.  In short, why waste my breath on a jerk?

I generally act the same way with Americans.  If it's clear that they are committed racists or bigots of some other stripe, I take them on forcefully if they are going to be, or already are, part of my context.  If they are just "passing through", I lament their ignorance, bile, and hatred, and get on with life.

Do people generally do otherwise in your place, Robert?
Does it have anything to do with being polite, or is it a sort of triage?  Give energy, time, passion where it can make a difference.


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## .   1

Brioche said:


> Thinking about Borat, by any chance?


Yes but also many interviews and heated discussions where Aussies would be more likely to stop interacting at all with the burke asking the questions and show them the broad of our backs.

.,,


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## jabogitlu

Why of course we're amazingly polite! 

No, kidding aside. You probably just happened to witness nice people.  All cultures have nice people and horrible people, and people on the spectrum in between.  I tend to be a lot more patient with people who aren't familiar with Americans than I am with Americans (or Canadians) who are obviously being idiots.


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## .   1

I consider myself to be a polite person but I am only acively polite to polite people while I am at best passively polite to boors.
The repeated behaviour pattern I have observed with Americans is an acceptance of poor behaviour specifically when dealing with non natives. Americans sem to give the benefit of the doubt longer than I would under the same circumstances.

.,,


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## Calloway

no they not,most americans are not polite,truste me,ive lived in america my whole life


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## Setwale_Charm

I do not think it has anything to do with Americans as such. It just depends on the culture of a particular person. Of course, you are much more likely to expect this sort of behaviour from the nations generally less affected by nationalism and probably (or at least, considered to be) less emotional, of the reserved type. You are more likely (as far as my experience goes) to get into a fight over nationalistic matters with a Serb than with a Swede. Nothing wrong here, just a matter of temperament. We all have different notions of what is polite, what is not, simply in terms of behaviour. I would consider Americans a fairly reserved nation in this respect.


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## GenJen54

Calloway said:


> no they not,most americans are not polite,truste me,ive lived in america my whole life


And I'm sure you've met all 300 million of them, or at least close to that number.

Many Americans are naturally curious about people from other countries because many Americans never leave the U.S. themselves. As such, yes, our level of gentility, especially in certain parts of the country, such as the South, can be quite extreme, especially since people don't wish to appear unseemly or rude to others.  My guess is much of this politesse comes from simple naivte and curiosity.  How can you be rude about someone's behavior when you believe it to be the "norm" of another culture?


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## loladamore

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.


 
May I ask in what country or countries these situations took place? People travelling often take it upon themselves to be ambassadors for their country and culture, and as such, appear to be resilient to considerable crap-throwing. Indeed, it may be that the more offensive the other's behaviour/speech, the more the "ambassador" feels the need to redeem his or her culture in the eyes of the offensive other.
(Does that make sense?)



> How would you react?


 
I refer you to Mate's response and second his doubt: do you mean if I were American or what?


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## Setwale_Charm

GenJen, we are talking about accepted stereotypical behaviour, never about all of the 300 million. Thi is silly, you can always find some renegade even in the strictest totalitarian community of a 1000.


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## John-Paul

YES. I guess it all depends on where you are coming from to classify is it as "amazing". I like politeness in general, but sometimes it's annoying, because it's all pretend-politeness. I have never met anyone over here who was really interested in how I was doing. Try it:
- Hi! How-you-doin'?"
- Not good.
- Great! That's wonderful!

This is a society entirely glued together on the basis of reciprocity - so you better be nice to me because I'm nice to you!


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## Setwale_Charm

John-Paul said:


> YES. I guess it all depends on where you are coming from to classify is it as "amazing". I like politeness in general, but sometimes it's annoying, because it's all pretend-politeness. I have never met anyone over here who was really interested in how I was doing. Try it:
> - Hi! How-you-doin'?"
> - Not good.
> - Great! That's wonderful!
> 
> This is a society entirely glued together on the basis of reciprocity - so you better be nice to me because I'm nice to you!


 
 With "here" you mean The Netherlands? I have not observed this type of reaction there. Usually, people are attentive and sensitive.


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## John-Paul

"Here," for me, is the US. I have to be honest, I sometimes rather live in a country where people are pretend-polite than in the Netherlands where all the civility has been flushed away in the political storms of the  1990's. Right now intolerenace is growing, and people are rude and impatient.


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## Setwale_Charm

Well, I still prefer Nederland as there are more Nederlanders there and they are fun. 
It is not the hypocrisy of the American society, it is something else that never let me feel "at home" in the States. I hear a lot about the supposed American "hypocritical politeness". Don`t know. Perhaps, I was lucky enough to never get into that sort of situation where I would realise the emptiness of the friendliness of the people around me but I tended to believe they were sincere in it. 
Even with fear of straying off the topic and falling prey to the righteous wrath of cuchuflete, what do you mean by "the political storms of the 1990s"? The ones I know of took place in the early 00s.


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## jinti

Well, I've been in places where the throwaway question is _Where are you going?_ -- and it took me quite awhile to catch on that nobody really cared where I was going, and a general _oh, out for a bit_ was a suitable answer.  Where I'm from, _Where are you going?_ is a real question and people expect a real answer, but _How are you?_ is usually just a greeting (it's not hard to tell when someone really wants to know how I am).  Which questions a culture decides are real and which are just formalized expressions is all arbitrary, anyway....  

As for politeness in the face of idiocy, well, I don't speak for everyone, obviously, but I tend not to be very confrontational with strangers in general and I was taught never to raise my voice in public.  The combination means that the times when I've been caught in the situation .,, describes, my reaction was to grin and bear it. (And then blow off steam later, in private....)


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## John-Paul

You're right - Fortuyn happened in 2002. It's kind of a blur for me because I left in '96 but didn't get interested again until last year (I joined the New York chapter of a Dutch political party.) To bring the conversation back to the topic, I think the word "polite" (from lat. to polish) inhibits a sense of decor. Isn't it a choice to be polite?


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## Setwale_Charm

Actually, Fortuyn began to "happen" in the late 90ies, began to stir the public, so to speak (as a student and personal friend of his, I ought to remember). 

There has been a lot of debate as to how politeness actually affects the society and its ability to cope with actual pathologies, like violence, stress, aggression etc. Politeness and tactfulness remove a lot of stress in the society, as I find it personally. Yet, we can see that the most polite nations are often among the most affected by violent crime and assault. The US have always fascinated me in this respect. I have more than once asked my American colleagues - sociologists why despite all the concern for the society, for its welfare, the strong set of morals, great awareness of the society needs, do the States remain so affected by crime and violence as compared to many other Western countries? ? Judging from what Americans tell me about the degree of safety they feel at home, the situation must be really bad.    


P.S. And now, Jean-Paul, be a dear. Prove that despite leaving your motherland, Dutchmen are still of some use, go to my Dutch language threads in "OTher Languages" and be of some help as you seem to be the only Dutchman online at the moment.


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## .   1

loladamore said:


> May I ask in what country or countries these situations took place? People travelling often take it upon themselves to be ambassadors for their country and culture, and as such, appear to be resilient to considerable crap-throwing. Indeed, it may be that the more offensive the other's behaviour/speech, the more the "ambassador" feels the need to redeem his or her culture in the eyes of the offensive other.
> (Does that make sense?)Thanks for letting me clarify.
> I mean specifically Americans in America.
> 
> 
> 
> I refer you to Mate's response and second his doubt: do you mean if I were American or what?


I mean if you were in the place of the American.  That you were being asked rude questions about your culture.

.,,


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## Setwale_Charm

It depends on the person who is asking and the nature of his question, intonation, etc. But I am usually not very touchy about such things. Maybe Brits do not get bashed too often.
 Or, as I had once read, they are so positive of their hidden superiority that they can afford laughing at themselves.  
  Can you give me an example of a "rude question"?


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## Mate

. said:


> I mean if you were in the place of the American. That you were being asked rude questions about your culture.
> 
> .,,


In that case I second what cuchuflete says in post #7:_why waste my breath on a jerk?_

I try not to react roughly when exposed to ignorance and plain stupidity.

I try it hard but regrettably I'm not always successful controlling myself. 

My reaction in those cases limits to avoid further conversation on the subject or to avoid further conversation on whatever subject. 

I just go.


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## Etcetera

When I am asked stupid questions about Russia, I usually smile and answer very politely. To say the truth, I find such questions really amusing, and I see no point in getting angry or upset. Stupid people are everywhere. 
It seems that the best thing you can do is to answer politely and then, maybe, tell your friends about another silly question you were asked and laugh and wonder together.


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## Setwale_Charm

Mateamargo said:


> In that case I second what cuchuflete says in post #7:_why waste my breath on a jerk?_
> 
> I try not to react roughly when exposed to ignorance and plain stupidity.
> 
> I try it hard but regrettably I'm not always successful controlling myself.
> 
> My reaction in those cases limits to avoid further conversation on the subject or to avoid further conversation on whatever subject.
> 
> I just go.


 

   How do you define plain idiots and jerks? How do you know you are talking to one? What seems stupid at first glance might in reality be badly formulated and have some deep context behind? The truth is born in disputes, remember. Avoiding them may save you nerves but it may also mean sometimes closing the door on anybody who does not agree with you straight away. You deprive them and yourself of a chance to see if there is something there to get at and to learn something from each other.
 Just a thought.


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## palomnik

I'll acknowledge that Americans as a group are polite, in their own way. In my opinion, Americans as a whole are earnestly non-confrontational, and so they tend to gloss over confrontational comments made by people from other backgrounds. To some perceptive foreign visitors this may be seen as a form of hypocrisy, but now we're dealing with a clash between the foreigner's values and the American's. 

The ironic part of this is that most of the time Americans don't realize that they're avoiding a confrontation, and in fact a lot of them may actually deny it, because it's not really part of the American self-image - imagine John Wayne avoiding a confrontation! The predilection for avoiding confrontation is in turn connected to the distance that Americans keep between each other, which compared to most (but not all) other cultures is considerable.


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## Mate

Setwale_Charm said:


> How do you define plain idiots and jerks? How do you know you are talking to one? What seems stupid at first glance might in reality be badly formulated and have some deep context behind? The truth is born in disputes, remember. Avoiding them may save you nerves but it may also mean sometimes closing the door on anybody who does not agree with you straight away. You deprive them and yourself of a chance to see if there is something there to get at and to learn something from each other.
> Just a thought.


 
I no longer define or classify people, although I have to admit having done that when I was much younger. 

Regarding other people and being middle-age -let's say that I'm struggling to get along through my second half- and fairly experienced I usually trust my perception about what is worth and what is worthless. 
Regrettably it fails sometimes.

I love and advocate for the truth but avoid disputes as much as possible. 

Most of all, I love to learn and to share what I believe I've learned so far. 

That´s the main reason that keeps me attached to this wonderful site, most of the time just listening.

Cheers - Mate

PS: I really don't know if I should share this but...what the heck!: my nervous system requires intensive care, at least for the sake of my loved ones.


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## ElaineG

Many Americans are probably aware as I am that our nation as a whole are viewed as jerks and bullies around the world.  I tend to be exceedingly polite with foreigners, who I encounter every day, as I work in a touristy area, whereas I might not be as kind to a fellow New Yorker.  Somehow I think I'm going to make up for George Bush's misdeeds.


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## Mate

palomnik said:


> I'll acknowledge that Americans as a group are polite, in their own way. In my opinion, Americans as a whole are earnestly non-confrontational, and so they tend to gloss over confrontational comments made by people from other backgrounds. To some perceptive foreign visitors this may be seen as a form of hypocrisy, but now we're dealing with a clash between the foreigner's values and the American's.
> 
> The ironic part of this is that most of the time Americans don't realize that they're avoiding a confrontation, and in fact a lot of them may actually deny it, because it's not really part of the American self-image - imagine John Wayne avoiding a confrontation! The predilection for avoiding confrontation is in turn connected to the distance that Americans keep between each other, which compared to most (but not all) other cultures is considerable.


I could not agree more.


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## .   1

palomnik said:


> In my opinion, Americans as a whole are earnestly non-confrontational, and so they tend to gloss over confrontational comments made by people from other backgrounds.


 


ElaineG said:


> Many Americans are probably aware as I am that our nation as a whole are viewed as jerks and bullies around the world. I tend to be exceedingly polite with foreigners, who I encounter every day, as I work in a touristy area, whereas I might not be as kind to a fellow New Yorker. Somehow I think I'm going to make up for George Bush's misdeeds.


I think that a combination of these two factors is at play in influencing this phenomenon.
I am aware that Aussies are slightly more polite to and accomodating of people from other cultures and will put up with a few social blunders as a result there is not the staggering difference that I perceive in Americans.
Perhaps Elaine is on the money.  Maybe Americans in general overcompensate for this negative perception that is held of them.

.,,


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## .   1

Setwale_Charm said:


> Can you give me an example of a "rude question"?


The types of questions posed are generally what is referred to as presumptuous questions or loaded questions. These are questions that require the answerer to accept a certain thing as being true before they can answer the question.
For example,
Is your mother that ugly because she was born that way or was she hit in the face with a shovel?
This is a loaded question in that you must accept that your mother is ugly or you can not answer the question.
Are Americans naturally arrogant or is there something in the water?
Do Americans eat McDonalds because of stupidity or gluttony?
Are Americans like Coca-Cola? The life of the party until they lose their fizz and then no-one wants to know them?
There is no way for an American to answer those types of questions without being additionally critical of their own culture and I have seen numerous examples of Americans trying to be polite with similar questions where I believe that an Aussie or a Kiwi would have been right up the nose of the questioner demanding a clarification or retraction of the basis of the question.

.,,


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## maxiogee

Setwale_Charm said:


> Or, as I had once read, they are so positive of their hidden superiority that they can afford laughing at themselves.


I think we can all laugh at ourselves, but just don't like it when others do it. That's quite common, both individually and socially.
Watch a person walk into a glass door, having failed to see it. If they're with a friend they will genuinely laugh it off (provided no damage has been done to them or the door). But, if a bystander were to laugh first you would see them get indignant.

ps
My take on this is that I have rarely met 'a people' (I tend not to meet raging stereotypes, for some reason) as rude as the Irish can be to their fellows.
I've had the fake civility of "Have a nice day" from obviously-bored sales staff in shops in several countries, and can't say that America was any different. But overly-polite? I don't think so.
One of the rudest people I ever met was a waiter in a diner in New York. We had breakfast there, my wife, my son and I, and left a tip on the table as the waiter had disappeared and we left. We were outside deciding what to do next that day when he erupted onto the street after us calling me all sorts of names for not leaving a tip. Without a word I went inside and stood by the table we had just vacated and pointed to the tip - he couldn't have missed it if he had looked.
Did that colour my opinion of Americans/New Yorkers/waiters or even New York waiters? No, it just gave us something to talk about whenever anyone mentions rudeness.


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## jabogitlu

> The predilection for avoiding confrontation is in turn connected to the distance that Americans keep between each other, which compared to most (but not all) other cultures is considerable.



Interesting, I'd never thought of this.  Do you mean that Americans keep their anonymity about them while in the city/town, etc.?


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## Cache

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> 
> .,,



I may be criticized by many of the "Americans" but, in my opinion, Most of the "Americans" are arrogant and don't accept that, sometimes, they are not the best or the facts are not as they would like them to be.....

PS:Correct my English


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## .   1

Cache said:


> I may be criticized by many of the "Americans" but, in my opinion, Most of the "Americans" are arrogant and don't accept that, sometimes, they are not the best or the facts are not as they would like them to be.....
> 
> PS:Correct my English


Your English is as perfect as your generalisation is not!

.,,


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## Cache

Yes, I am generalizing....not all the "americans" are like I said...


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## Glinda

I thought it was funny that this thread discussed hypocritical and pretend politeness, like there was really a difference in types of politeness.  Politeness is civility and regard for others. There are no subcategories.
I'd prefer people to be polite (even if it was pretend) rather than rude (even if it was sincere).


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## jabogitlu

Well, I think there are differences in politeness.  After all, if one is fakely polite, I don't consider it being truly polite at all.

I think most Americans are fakely polite in an attempt to pass through situations easily/pleasantly/quickly.  For many of us, the only people we're truly polite to are those we care about.


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## Setwale_Charm

maxiogee said:


> I think we can all laugh at ourselves, but just don't like it when others do it. That's quite common, both individually and socially.
> Watch a person walk into a glass door, having failed to see it. If they're with a friend they will genuinely laugh it off (provided no damage has been done to them or the door). But, if a bystander were to laugh first you would see them get indignant.


 
You may be right. But I am generally calm about national pride issues. I may get easily offended at many other things which I am sensitive about, but whenever one is bashing nationalities... I just think he is envious or something. It is probably easier if you are a First World nation. However, this might be a signal to me that that person is generally afflicted by inferiority complex, aggressiveness, etc etc is better to be avoided.
 Again it all depends on the case.


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## Glinda

Fakely polite is another phrase that I think is funny. I am not polite to those that I care about. I am loving and caring and intimately concerned for their wellbeing. 
I am polite to everyone.


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## John-Paul

The question is, is it polite to lie? The hey-how-yur-doin' is one thing, but how about the that-was-great-you-should-be-a-chef after a meal, or, you're-very-talented, after a poetry reading, or the that-play-should-be-published remark? These are all very common reactions from people here. These responses are very nice and very polite, but they were also blatant lies. Especially when I present my work I want honesty, politeness doesn't teach me anything at all, I think being polite can even be insulting and paternalistic.


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## Etcetera

Compliments are compliments. 
I am sure that most people are always conscious about what they have done well and what they have done badly and whether or not they have deserved the compliment. 
I love making compliments. I love saying nice words to my friends whenever possible. But I always try to praise only things I consider to be deserving my praise. Even if a poem is awful as a whole, there can be a good verse, an excellent phrase, and so on.


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## palomnik

Jabogitlu: Actually, I do think that Americans have a tendency to keep their anonymity. It is really not that easy to get to know Americans beyond a superficial level - another fact about American life that most Americans will deny. The fact is that there are precious few places where Americans get to know each other, and I've heard it said more than once here that you'll have a hard time meeting your future spouse here if you don't meet them while you're in school. 

I'm digressing from the main topic, but I wanted to address your comment. In fact, I wouldn't say that Americans are universally polite, but more often than not they will be when they are asked something provoking by a foreigner. It's a situational thing.


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## caballoschica

I try to be polite with everyone.  It's worthless to argue people who either don't know your culture or are rude about it and people in your own culture who have opinions quite different than yours, who are clearly racists, bigots, ignorant, xenophobic, or just plain rude and embarrassing.  In fact, I may be less polite with an American who says something I don't agree with than with a European that I don't agree with as I understand they are not from the USA.  Some Americans I know will probably agree with that statement....though in the end I ended up just ignoring those types.  It makes life so much easier.  Especially in situations like last year....I was in a very conservative college, I disagreed with the majority of the student body on politics.  I engaged in a few debates at first, then I started ignoring them all together.  I see too much xenophobia here to be rude to Europeans, I feel in some way, that maybe I can make up for the xenophobia that is seen everywhere here in the US.  Which may be a reason why I'm less polite to Americans in some cases.  I won't let them get away with generalizations of certain aspects of our culture.  I heard someone (American) say: "All vegans are rude and horrible people" That one really got me because I know three good-hearted vegans.  This person only knew one! So I told him I knew three nice vegans. I won't say all vegans are great people, but I will say that all vegans are not rude and horrible.  

If a European told me that all americans are fat and lazy.  Well, we are a very obese country, statistics have shown that, there's no doubt about that.  A great majority of Americans can't stand to be without a TV.  (Except for the college students without cable, but that's another story)  I can understand why they'd think that.  But it's not at all true that Every single one is.  It's not true that all Americans are arrogant.  Heck, I respect other countries more than I respect our present administration.  Some are.  But it's not all true.  I'm not outraged at the comment though. it's an over-generalization and I realize that some might be arrogant.  So fine, be that your opinion.  I'm not going to be any more rude to you than I am another person.  It's pointless to be rude to people.  

As for Europeans, if it's something cultural, I could possibly even agree with what they said. I don't like stereotypes and generalizations, but I may understand where they get them from.  If they said we need less fast food, I would agree. If they said we should change over to metric and that we're ignorant and arrogant idiots for not using it, I would agree to change to the metric system.  I would love America to become metric.  It's a pain not being metric, in my opinion.  I know it's a weird issue.  Yes, Americans do want to keep their anonymity.  People, many of times, have different personalities.  I'm a pretty straightforward person and really don't fake it with people.  Online, I may mask myself, but in person you would get to know me pretty quickly.  

sorry for the rambling, and I'm sure it's redundant in areas, but I need to nap.  I got up at 6am for an exam this morning and I have a headache.


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## djchak

palomnik said:


> Jabogitlu: Actually, I do think that Americans have a tendency to keep their anonymity. It is really not that easy to get to know Americans beyond a superficial level - another fact about American life that most Americans will deny. The fact is that there are precious few places where Americans get to know each other, and I've heard it said more than once here that you'll have a hard time meeting your future spouse here if you don't meet them while you're in school.



I do tend to hear this a lot.... 

I just wonder why I either hear this , or "americans are overly friendly" from people working here for a while.

I'm just curious what's behind it (cultural difference wise)

How is it easier where you came from (to meet friends)?


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## palomnik

djchak:  It's a deep subject, and sometimes it's not easy to see the situation when you're in country.  Americans can be "overly" friendly in certain situations, but to a marked extent it's because they don't care to confront.  Americans have to pay for their much vaunted liberty by dealing with a bewildering array of insecurities, in my opinion, and that tends to inhibit communication in certain circumstances - particularly in a one-on-one situation.

As for meeting people in other cultures, I've always found it much easier in a lot of places - certainly in Latin America, and almost everywhere in Europe except Scandinavia and Italy, for some reason.  It seems as if there is a level of trust that Americans have to establish before they'll open up, and maybe that explains why most Americans seem to make friends either when they're young or else through church.

Whether or not there is anything wrong with this is another question, and I suspect that in the final analysis there is nothing wrong with it; every culture has its own issues.  The thing I object to most strenuously about Americans is that they tend to be amazingly loath to reflect on themselves, and have a hard time accepting behavior that's significantly different from their own as anything but aberrant.


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## .   1

palomnik said:


> The fact is that there are precious few places where Americans get to know each other, and I've heard it said more than once here that you'll have a hard time meeting your future spouse here if you don't meet them while you're in school.


 


palomnik said:


> As for meeting people in other cultures, I've always found it much easier in a lot of places - certainly in Latin America, and almost everywhere in Europe except Scandinavia and Italy, for some reason. It seems as if there is a level of trust that Americans have to establish before they'll open up, and maybe that explains why most Americans seem to make friends either when they're young or else through church.


I may be off topic but I must say that these comments seem to unfairly single America out in relation to the relative ease of making friends at school and as a child as compared to adulthood.
This is the bane of the big city dweller and is not limited to America.
If you live in a community that is too big to know everybody's business you will have difficulty in meeting new adult friends because there will not exist the network of extended friends necessary to facilitate an appropriate meeting so you have to rely on artificial networks like a hobby group or a church or a sporting club.

.,,


----------



## mytwolangs

Well America tends to have a lot of stereotypes about other cultures. 
So when someone stereotypes OUR culture, we probably have the attitude of "We dish it out, so we should be able to take it". [that means that if you insult someone, don't get mad when they insult you back.]

Americans do try to be tolerant of those not familiar with our culture, but for our own people, we expect other Americans to be right on target with mannerisms. So Americans are not always polite to each other, but with our foreign neighbors, we tend to practice a little patience.


----------



## gaer

. said:


> I may be off topic but I must say that these comments seem to unfairly single America out in relation to the relative ease of making friends at school and as a child as compared to adulthood.


Let me bring it back on topic then. I'm an American. I believe I am almost always very polite. I don't know what that has to do with making friends.


> This is the bane of the big city dweller and is not limited to America.


Absolutely true. There are advantages and disadvantage to living either in metropolitan areas or in small towns. In small towns it's easier to meet people, but it's also true that everyone tends to know everyone else's business.

To link politeness to insecurity is ridiculously unfair. I find that being impolite seldom changes anything in a positive way. If people seem unreasonable or pig-headed to me, I'm especially polite. Then I totally avoid them.


> If you live in a community that is too big to know everybody's business you will have difficulty in meeting new adult friends because there will not exist the network of extended friends necessary to facilitate an appropriate meeting so you have to rely on artificial networks like a hobby group or a church or a sporting club.


Or forums. 

I'm not sure that I would call these "artificial networks". They exist because people have things in common. I participate here because my interest in languages, not religions and not sports. 

Gaer


----------



## John-Paul

I like this thread because it keeps me occupied. I went back to De Tocqueville, he said: "Among the novel objects that attracted my attention during my stay in the United States, nothing struck me more forcibly than the general equality of condition among the people." Weather we like it or not, America is the only nation in the world founded on the principles of --what they then thought was -- equality. The politeness was, as was mentioned earlier the teflon-coat which, as superficial as it might sound, coated the social construct. The civil war broke that coating, but economic prosperity and cultural and political expansion was helpful in regaining the teflon-like smoothness needed for a highly profitable kapitalistic economic structure. Yes - Americans are polite, that's how they keep this country running (from their debts). Amazing.


----------



## jabogitlu

> Yes - Americans are polite, that's how they keep this country running (from their debts).



Good point, and probably valid as well.  If Americans weren't polite it'd probably all go to hell.


----------



## meltem

I think it's not about being polite.
USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag. I think they see the things related to nation differently, I don't know it's a different culture and so different reactions.


----------



## djchak

meltem said:


> I think it's not about being polite.
> USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag. I think they see the things related to nation differently, I don't know it's a different culture and so different reactions.



Where did you get this from? A Kid Rock video?

I mean, there are swim trunks with the flag on them... and becuase of the religious significance of Turkey's flag I don't think I would ever see that..but our flag has no religious symbols that I know of...

I think when americans hear things like this... well, what can you say? You might as well be polite in explaining.....what use is getting angry if that's what they believe?


----------



## jabogitlu

I've never seen flag toilet paper! 

But yeah, I have seen flag speedos. Trust me, they don't even get five stars, let alone fifty. :shudder:


----------



## .   1

meltem said:


> I think it's not about being polite.
> USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag. I think they see the things related to nation differently, I don't know it's a different culture and so different reactions.


I have always been of a contrary opinion regarding the American view of The Star Spangled Banner and I have grave doubts about the viability of any store in America that was openly selling such toilet paper.
As a political statement underware has a limited audience while flag bedecked speedos are just an homage to sporting excellence.

.,,


----------



## cuchuflete

meltem said:


> I think it's not about being polite.
> USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag.



How did I, as an American, choose to respond?

I saw what struck me on first reading as an outrageous statement.  Rather than arguing the factual details, or engaging with the writer, I just wrinkled my brow, gave the dog a sardonic smile, and continued on to another thread.

Was that polite?  I think it was neither polite nor impolite.  I just assessed the topic as something not worth disputing.
Had the statement been made to my face, I think I might have done the same--just left it alone.


----------



## justjukka

Online, I just try to ignore the question.  If they're asking some outlandish, unfair, sick question, they've already decided for themselves what the answer is and there is nothing we can do to change their mind.

Now, if I were to be asked in person, I would most likely take the time to set the record straight, if they can be polite in return.


----------



## caballoschica

meltem said:


> I think it's not about being polite.
> USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag. I think they see the things related to nation differently, I don't know it's a different culture and so different reactions.



It depends on who you're talking to.  But I really don't think Americans see their flag as toilet paper.  Some worship the flag and wave it, in my opinion, excessively.  There's patriotism and then there's blind patriotism.


----------



## jabogitlu

Yeah, but the best part of it is that we can revere the flag as a symbol (of politeness?) but also make room for those who wish to burn it as a political statement.  I think that may be where Americans are polite to each other the most, in freedoms of expression/individuality.


----------



## John-Paul

meltem said:


> I think it's not about being polite.
> USA is a country where they make underwear or toilet papers from their flag. I think they see the things related to nation differently, I don't know it's a different culture and so different reactions.



I don't think Americans make anything out of flags. Actually there are organizations who take care of a retired flag (they burn them in a flag burning ceremony). Besides, what are you saying? You can't print flags on underwear? Is that not considered polite wher you come from? I personally think that's the only place where nationalism is supposed to be expressed.


----------



## jefrir

There was some kid in America who got arrested for burning the flag a couple of years ago. His own flag, in his own garage. Apparently it's a criminal offence.


----------



## ElaineG

jefrir said:


> There was some kid in America who got arrested for burning the flag a couple of years ago. His own flag, in his own garage. Apparently it's a criminal offence.


 

We have wandered far indeed from the topic.  But for the record, flag burning is Constitutionally protected political speech, and it cannot be made criminal under the First Amendment.

There is a proposed Flag Burning Amendment that would make it illegal to burn the flag, but it has not been passed by the Senate.

At the present time, under numerous decisions of the Supreme Court, it is permitted to burn the flag.  Local law enforcement may excitedly arrest someone, but these arrests are never upheld in court and cannot result in a conviction.


----------



## maxiogee

ElaineG said:


> Local law enforcement may excitedly arrest someone, but these arrests are never upheld in court and cannot result in a conviction.


 
The police are rarely stupid.
They will, if they wish, prosecute the 'offender' for fire-raising, pollution or some other 'legal' offence, if only to give the miscreant a night in the slammer to consider his ways!

Surely - getting back on topic - not kicking a flag-burner to the end of the road and back is a fine example of a people being 'amazingly polite'? (Personally I don't hold with violence, or with flags, but those who hold with one often hold with the other!)


----------



## french4beth

I was raised to be amazingly polite. 

When I lived in Quebec, it wasn't appreciated as much as here in the States, as it can be considered pretentious or putting on airs if you're overly polite.  I tried to educate open-minded people in Quebec if they had mistaken opinions of life in the US (e.g. urban legends such as: we pay no taxes - ha!, everyone has abandoned cars on cinder blocks in their front yard, no one in the US speaks French, etc.).  However I didn't waste much time speaking to someone who didn't want to hear what I had to say ("Don't confuse me with the facts, I've already made up my mind") which is pretty much what I do with people here in the US; that is, consider the audience, and are they open to what I may have to say.

I also take perverse pleasure in being effusively polite and insulting ignoramuses with flowery language that they have no hope of comprehending (a guilty pleasure of mine).

When people are impolite to me, I become more & more polite to them, but have been known to tell them in no uncertain terms exactly how I'm feeling and sometimes in very direct language (occasionally accompanied by corresponding hand gestures, if I'm speeding off in the opposite direction!).


----------



## meltem

Ohhh la la, is it just me that has seen the boxers and slips with the american flag on it? Funny.


----------



## .   1

meltem said:


> Ohhh la la, is it just me that has seen the boxers and slips with the american flag on it? Funny.


I have never seen them in Australia and I would be surprised if I could see them in America.  Perhaps you saw boxer shorts in France but slips seem odd.  Any girl who routinely wears a slip is not likely to wish to make a radical political statement with her underwear.
Is it possible that you saw The Stars and Stripes on underwear in a country other than America?

.,,


----------



## loladamore

*This was the first thing* that came to mind when you mentioned women's flag underwear.
Then I saw *these*. Nice, eh.

Anyway, back to the original post, is the question:
a) Are Americans amazingly polite? 
b) How would you react (i) if you are American, or (ii) if you aren't, or
c) all of the above.

There seem to be a lot of polite Americans in this forum, although some seem to be saying in this thread that it's not necessarily politeness in the situation described in the original post, but resistance (as if they were covered in some greasy matter so that everything you throw at them just slides right off).

I would like to think that I am as (seemingly?) polite as they are, but I'm not sure I am. Hmmm. That's what growing up in Thatcher's Britain does to you.

Sorry, but I don't know what the flags on underwear had to do with anything. I just just liked the pictures.


----------



## GenJen54

*Moderator Note:  *We've already had one forer@ ask to get back to the topic at hand.  Now I am also asking, _*politely*_. 

This thread has nothing to do with flag etiquette, on underwear or otherwise.  There is already at least one thread on that topic. 

Some might say it is* impolite* to hijack someone else's thread with a topic of one's own.

GenJen54
Moderator


----------



## caballoschica

french4beth said:


> When people are impolite to me, I become more & more polite to them, but have been known to tell them in no uncertain terms exactly how I'm feeling and sometimes in very direct language (occasionally accompanied by corresponding hand gestures, if I'm speeding off in the opposite direction!).



I do that, too.  I love becoming more and more polite when people are impolite to me.  It gets them so annoyed!  I remember one tennis match when someone was being a real jerk to me and I was so nice to her and she got so angry at me.  I ended up winning the match anyway.  I will tell people exactly how I feel if they ask for it.  There's only one person that I've been really impolite with....Mainly because she was extremely rude and impolite to me.


----------



## gaer

loladamore said:


> There seem to be a lot of polite Americans in this forum, although some seem to be saying in this thread that it's not necessarily politeness in the situation described in the original post, but resistance (as if they were covered in some greasy matter so that everything you throw at them just slides right off).


I thought that not reacting to comments made by people who are rude, ill-informed and totally unwilling to change their minds about anything was maturity.

But perhaps I'm just covered in greasy matter and never realized it.


----------



## djchak

caballoschica said:


> I do that, too.  I love becoming more and more polite when people are impolite to me.  It gets them so annoyed!  I remember one tennis match when someone was being a real jerk to me and I was so nice to her and she got so angry at me.  I ended up winning the match anyway.  I will tell people exactly how I feel if they ask for it.  There's only one person that I've been really impolite with....Mainly because she was extremely rude and impolite to me.



Um, that's called being passive-agressive. 

Anyway, it pays to be sincerely polite. Although not in every case. Sometimes it is best to completly ignore a person.


----------



## KateNicole

Brioche said:


> Thinking about Borat, by any chance?


In Borat, the people at the dinner party were under the impression that Borat, although very unaware, was sincerely interested in our culture, so they made an effort to teach him because he _seemed innocent . . . _yet ironically inappropriate. If he had acted in a way that was outwardly hateful towards Americans, the attitude would have changed quickly.  However, he gave the people the impression that he just wanted to learn and had an open mind, so they tried to tolerate him.


----------



## caballoschica

djchak said:


> Um, that's called being passive-agressive.
> 
> Anyway, it pays to be sincerely polite. Although not in every case. Sometimes it is best to completly ignore a person.



How true.  

Oh, yes, that's for sure.  When I'm polite, I mean it.   If I sound fake, it's probably because I have forgot their name.  But I truly mean it, when I say, Hey, how are you? 

I never like to be rude to anyone no matter the circumstances. I think I actually meant my politeness in that match.  It was the days when I was naive about people's intentions and nature.  I thought everyone was good at heart and she was just having an off day... Those were the days...I probably even felt sorry for her....Since then, I've learned a lot more about people than I'd care to know....And I suppose since then, I was still polite, though in the back of my mind, I may have wanted not to be.  It shows character if you can be polite when others aren't polite to you, in my opinion.  

Sometimes it's better to ignore, I agree....Actually I find that to be true in a lot of instances.  A lot of times, during tennis matches, it's best to ignore the attitude on the other side of the net.  That way it doesn't affect your mentality and it bothers them that you aren't reacting.  And this attitude came when I became a veteran of the sport.  It makes life so much easier! At least in tennis matches.  It made a world of difference if I just ignored people.  

In general, though, it is best to be polite, no matter what you are really thinking.


----------



## gaer

One point: many people are unable to tell the difference between politeness and indifference, especially when the latter is masked with a smile.

Sometimes being polite is just the easiest way to get someone annoying to go way.


----------



## PandaX

John-Paul said:


> "Here," for me, is the US. I have to be honest, I sometimes rather live in a country where people are pretend-polite than in the Netherlands where all the civility has been flushed away in the political storms of the  1990's. Right now intolerenace is growing, and people are rude and impatient.




Why is it so many Europeans are so cynical?  

Because someone is nice to you it must be just "pretend?"

True happiness and politeness is a choice, and a most virtuous one. I think waiting to be happy and in a nice mood to respond and interact with others is a terrible way to go through life. It's the perfect recipe for making yourself, and others around, very miserable.


----------



## Chaska Ñawi

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> 
> .,,




Back to the topic at hand, please, folks.


----------



## maxiogee

> That's a very bizarre situation. As an American, and a New Yorker, I have never heard of a waiter doing such a thing until reading your post.



I don't see why you should think it worth commenting that you have never heard of it. 
I didn't imply that it was typical, nor did I imply it was common.


----------



## speedier

I went to sea at the age of 21, and I visited many places, large and small, all along the US east coast.

I have only good memories of those days, and I can't remember ever having met anyone that I disliked, or felt was being rude to me. In fact, quite the opposite. It seemed that everyone went out of their way to be friendly, kind and helpful.

This was especially noticeable in the smaller towns (the ship was a 14000 DWT parcel tanker loading in Venezuela and Curacao and so could get into quite small ports).

However, even in New York I met only with courtesy and civility. One morning a shipmate and I were walking back to the ship along East 142nd Street at 3.30am (the shipping agent had told us that it was a rough area, and had suggested that we go ashore in a group of at least 10 - which we did, but the others went back earlier leaving just two of us to get back for the 4-8 watch).

That walk back seemed like miles (we had just witnessed a drunk in a bar steal a policeman's gun for a "joke" and refuse to give it back - we left at that time and don't know the outcome).  We passed through the territories of various gangs, but each time we only had to ask directions to the port (we knew which way it was anyway because the ship was berthed at the very end of that street), and we were treated with the greatest civility. They would say something like "Hey, it's OK guys, these are Brits". I suspect though that if we had lived a few blocks away it would have been a different story.

And come to think of it, I have been all over the world, and the only time that I can remember seeing "the typical loud mouthed American abroad", is in films.

Anyway, the question was "are Americans amazingly polite?". One should always take care with generalizations, but in my experience the answer is yes.


----------



## don maico

From my experience unfailingly yes. First time I wemt to NY was just after 9/11 and was struck by the friendliness exhibitted by those I spoke to - cab drivers ,people in airport lounges, Central park etc. I can only remember one rather unpleasant airstewardess who seemed to take exception to the fact I couldnt quite understand her.Apart form that, I did come across a small group of Americans in Argentina who for some reason saw fit to be rude to Argentines. I dont know if that is common but I would hope not for Argentines are some of the nicest of people.


----------



## TRG

I have noticed excessive politeness in some parts of the US. I grew up in Wisconsin and as an adult moved to a small town in Arkansas. I was amazed at how polite and cordial everyone was. One day I was discussing this with someone and said something like. "You know, everyone here is really polite and friendly, but they dont' really mean it (LOL)." I was making a joke, but in fact I believed and this polite behavior was superficial and didn't really say anything about the underlying character of the people who lived in Arkansas.

As for the original question, it seems to me that anyone with any intelligence at all is going to be very polite to a stranger who asks rude and impertinent questions. The question implied at the start of this thread is more along the lines of, "are Americans too obtuse to know when someone is being rude to them?" In the course of discussing the cultural quirk we've been treated to an analysis of the excessive patriotism of Americans as well as the usual snide Bush-bashing comment. So my question to y'all is, will you ever tire of nitpicking and denigrating Americans and American culture or is it just so much fun that you cannot help it?

The deficiency of my query having been noted, will you please respond to the following:
So my question to all those who do so is, will you never tire of nitpicking and denigrating Americans and American culture or is it just so much fun that you cannot help it?


----------



## speedier

Hi TRG, I can understand your feelings, but I would have much preferred it if you had phrased your last question this way:

So my question to all those who do so is, will you never tire of nitpicking and denigrating Americans and American culture or is it just so much fun that you cannot help it?


----------



## don maico

TRG said:


> I have noticed excessive politeness in some parts of the US. I grew up in Wisconsin and as an adult moved to a small town in Arkansas. I was amazed at how polite and cordial everyone was. One day I was discussing this with someone and said something like. "You know, everyone here is really polite and friendly, but they dont' really mean it (LOL)." I was making a joke, but in fact I believed and this polite behavior was superficial and didn't really say anything about the underlying character of the people who lived in Arkansas.
> 
> As for the original question, it seems to me that anyone with any intelligence at all is going to be very polite to a stranger who asks rude and impertinent questions. The question implied at the start of this thread is more along the lines of, "are Americans too obtuse to know when someone is being rude to them?" In the course of discussing the cultural quirk we've been treated to an analysis of the excessive patriotism of Americans as well as the usual snide Bush-bashing comment. So my question to y'all is, will you ever tire of nitpicking and denigrating Americans and American culture or is it just so much fun that you cannot help it?



You are going off on a tangent here  and i think there was another thread about bashing USA where your question would be more apt .Maybe you see the  original question in ironic terms. I dont myself .


----------



## TRG

don maico said:


> You are going off on a tangent here and i think there was another thread about bashing USA where your question would be more apt .Maybe you see the original question in ironic terms. I dont myself .


 
I may have taken a cynical view of the question, but the the question clearly implies that there is something slightly wrong with Americans for tolerating rude behavior from strangers. Perhaps the original question poser will disabuse me of this notion. I would welcome that. As for getting tangential, it would seem that I was late to the party.


----------



## don maico

TRG said:


> I may have taken a cynical view of the question, but the the question clearly implies that there is something slightly wrong with Americans for tolerating rude behavior from strangers. Perhaps the original question poser will disabuse me of this notion. I would welcome that. As for getting tangential, it would seem that I was late to the party.



 One could apply the same question to Brits who are notorious for being polite, often excessively so . Then again I feel  its better to retain ones dignity  in the face of provocation.Besides politeness just helps to oil the wheels, even if its not sincere . It helps to tolerate someone one may not like. if the heat gets too strong just use sharp wit and biting sarchasm to reduce someone rude to dust. Brits are good at that - so are New Yorkers.
At the party? Have a drink!


----------



## Reina140

don maico said:


> One could apply the same question to Brits who are notorious for being polite, often excessively so . Then again I feel its better to retain ones dignity in the face of provocation.Besides politeness just helps to oil the wheels, even if its not sincere . It helps to tolerate someone one may not like. if the heat gets too strong just use sharp wit and biting sarchasm to reduce someone rude to dust. Brits are good at that - so are New Yorkers.
> At the party? Have a drink!


 
I agree totalmente, a quote I live by:

"Kill them with kindness" . . . When people are rude to me, I am extra nice to them, maybe in turn making them look at their own behavior.  I can't help but also love the feeling that I'm making that person mad because it's harder to hate me when I'm OH SO NICE.


----------



## don maico

Reina140 said:


> I agree totalmente, a quote I live by:
> 
> "Kill them with kindness" . . . When people are rude to me, I am extra nice to them, maybe in turn making them look at their own behavior.  I can't help but also love the feeling that I'm making that person mad because it's harder to hate me when I'm OH SO NICE.



Unfortunately some people just love a confrontation nad must feel thoroughly disarmed by someone elses nice response


----------



## Reina140

don maico said:


> Unfortunately some people just love a confrontation nad must feel thoroughly disarmed by someone elses nice response


 

But Don, that's the beauty of it, it's harder for them to initiate a confrontation when you're smiling and treating them with respect, despite their rudeness.


----------



## speedier

_"Kill them with kindness" . . . When people are rude to me, I am extra nice to them, maybe in turn making them look at their own behavior. I can't help but also love the feeling that I'm making that person mad because it's harder to hate me when I'm OH SO NICE_

_Shucks Reina140.  Now I'll never be able to know whether you like me or not _


----------



## don maico

Reina140 said:


> But Don, that's the beauty of it, it's harder for them to initiate a confrontation when you're smiling and treating them with respect, despite their rudeness.


Thats more or less what I am saying. Maybe I should remove the word unfortunately


----------



## Reina140

speedier said:


> _"Kill them with kindness" . . . When people are rude to me, I am extra nice to them, maybe in turn making them look at their own behavior. I can't help but also love the feeling that I'm making that person mad because it's harder to hate me when I'm OH SO NICE_
> 
> _Shucks Reina140. Now I'll never be able to know whether you like me or not _


 
Wow . .. somehow my words never showed up here . . What I said was:

You've always been nice to me, so I will always be nice to you!!  So of course, I like you, despite my limited knowledge of your personality, you seem nice enough to me!!


----------



## maxiogee

TRG said:


> I may have taken a cynical view of the question, but the the question clearly implies that there is something slightly wrong with Americans for tolerating rude behavior from strangers.



Perhaps you'd be so good as to point out where the "something slightly wrong" lies in this question…




. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> .,,



I have so far failed to find it. But maybe I'm missing something.
All I can get out of it is that .,, feels he'd react _differently_, and thinks that others might also, but he seeks confirmation.


----------



## TRG

maxiogee said:


> Perhaps you'd be so good as to point out where the "something slightly wrong" lies in this question…
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I have so far failed to find it. But maybe I'm missing something.
> All I can get out of it is that .,, feels he'd react _differently_, and thinks that others might also, but he seeks confirmation.


 
People in New York City have a reputation for being rude and brusque so you might hear someone say, "I met someone from NYC today, and I was amazed at how polite they were." This is along the lines of how I saw the question. If I'm completely off the mark, I apologize.


----------



## .   1

TRG said:


> The question implied at the start of this thread is more along the lines of, "are Americans too obtuse to know when someone is being rude to them?"


I am very sorry that you have taken that implication but I must impress that you took an implication that was not intended to be made.
I absolutely understand that you thought that I was being a smart arse but my intention was the exact opposite.  I have no reason to love Americans but I too am bored with constant negative nit-picking of the American psyche so I asked this slightly quirky but never-the-less positive question.
Please feel free to peruse any of my posts on matters touching American culture and see if you can find any brickbats.
Now that you make me examine the the basis of my question it is possible that it is based on a perception of Americans being pliant to authority or culturally trained to respond in certain ways.
It may well have to do with the American Cult Of The Media and Americans only respond so politely when a microphone and television camera is involved.
We are not all having a go at you all of the time.

Robert


----------



## Thomsen

I think the way Americans act has been incredibly white-washed by our PC (Politically Correct) mentality.  It's usually not even a concious effort, I think it is ingrained in most people living in an urban environment that confrontation = prejudice, racisim, xenophobia.  It's hard to describe but I felt that at least in Europe, some people felt free to say things that sounded shocking to us.  I also agree that a lot of Americans feel almost guilty for being American and in some cases feel that we had it coming.


----------



## jennijenni

I'm glad you perceive that Americans are polite.  As I've travelled abroad, I've noticed that my fellow Americans have typically been quite rude, intolerant and demanding.  

Why do Americans tolerate intrusive questions?  We like to talk about ourselves.


----------



## .   1

jennijenni said:


> I'm glad you perceive that Americans are polite. As I've travelled abroad, I've noticed that my fellow Americans have typically been quite rude, intolerant and demanding.
> 
> Why do Americans tolerate intrusive questions? We like to talk about ourselves.


That's cute, I like it.  We all like to talk about the subject that interests us most - me.

I have noticed a slight lack of civility among American Tourists but no more than any other type of tourist.

My observation is of Americans at home in America with a camera and microphone in their face being asked loaded questions that require an acceptance of some type of criticism of American culture.

Robert


----------



## jinti

. said:


> My observation is of Americans at home in America with a camera and microphone in their face being asked loaded questions that require an acceptance of some type of criticism of American culture.


 
Questions I've actually been asked by virtual strangers (though not with cameras and microphones yet):

Don't you have a gun? 
(Verbal response: No, I never have and I never will. [smile] 
Mental response: No, or I'd be using it on you right now.)

¿Por qué la gente en este país no sabe hablar otro idioma?
_Why don't people in this country know how to speak any other language?_
(Verbal response: Mmm, será que no le hace falta. _Mmm, I guess they don't need to._
Mental response: Um, am I the only one who realizes we're speaking Spanish right now?)

Why haven't you gotten rid of Bush?
(Verbal response: I really couldn't tell you. [smile and shrug]
Mental response: Well, I can't get rid of you -- what makes you think I could get rid of him?)

_[sirens nearby]_
Now THAT'S the REAL New York, right?
(Verbal response: Fire trucks and an ambulance? I suppose so -- you do hear them from time to time....
Mental response: Let me get this straight -- you thought those were police sirens and you were GLAD? That's somebody's misfortune there....)

And the list goes on.

To be fair, I'm sure there have been people in my past who were just being polite in the face of my own unintentionally rude questions, too, so I try to remember that when I feel impatient. It keeps my tongue more civil.


----------



## caballoschica

. said:


> [...]
> Now that you make me examine the the basis of my question it is possible that it is based on a perception of Americans being pliant to authority or culturally trained to respond in certain ways.
> It may well have to do with the American Cult Of The Media and Americans only respond so politely when a microphone and television camera is involved.
> We are not all having a go at you all of the time.
> 
> Robert



Pliant to authority...There are always the class clowns  And of course the rebels. 

Culturally trained to respond in certain ways is more like it.  We're so politically correct as someone before mentioned.  

But still it's not like I'm going to be rude to someone when they ask me a ridiculous question.  There are very few people that get a _mental_ rude response and even fewer that get a full-blown rude response from me.  Actually, the person who probably gets the most rude remarks from my brain is myself.  I'm my toughest critic.  "You're such an idiot! Hit the ball over the net! Yeah, that was just lovely. The way the ball landed in the bottom of the net, beautiful.  Hit up!" (tennis) "Oh, that was a bad r, that sounded like you were a two year old!" (monitoring my speech). The latter doesn't come too frequently anymore as I don't care so much about pronouncing the letter aside from words like tree.  But you get the picture.  The extent of my outward rudeness really is biting sarcasm, depending on my mood. My sarcasm's usually light; it's the majority of my sense of humor.  

Though, if someone takes my dry humor or sarcasm the wrong way, they might think me rude.  Or else they just won't get it and think I'm crazy.  You want to lose? You gotta be kidding me! Don't act like that! How am I supposed to know you are or aren't serious!" Then, to myself I might think,"Tone of voice you idiot, do I have to say I'm sarcastic every time I am? That takes the fun away!" but might actually respond by shrugging.  I don't like to infuriate a person, especially one already frustrated and don't care to get into nasty arguments.

Trust me, my tongue would be much less civil if it was only in front of cameras and microphones that I acted polite


----------



## gaer

. said:


> Now that you make me examine the the basis of my question it is possible that it is based on a perception of Americans being pliant to authority or culturally trained to respond in certain ways.
> It may well have to do with the American Cult Of The Media and Americans only respond so politely when a microphone and television camera is involved.
> We are not all having a go at you all of the time.


Robert, since you have always appeared to me to be an honest, polite person, let me return to what started this whole thing off:



. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> 
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?


Let me give you my own viewpoint.

The US is my country. Because of its size and power, I think that the good things it does have incredibly positive affects on the rest of the world.

And the bad things it does have incredibly negative affects on the rest of the world.

To me it's that simple. We can, of course, debate from now to "kingdom come" which things are good and bad.

It seems obvious to me from conversations I've had with people in several other countries that people fear the power of the US, perhaps most of all the power of our economy and our military.

Although I disagree with many US policies—I'm actually horrified by many—I also think we are an "easy target".

I think it's easy to blame the US for everything that is wrong in the world.

Because we as a nation are so visible and so often criticized, I think many of us are so used to it that we ignore a great deal of it. My God, if I took personally every blanket statement that is made about the US by every person by who makes it, I'd be pissed off most of the time. Life is too short.

However, if someone attacks me personally, blaming me for every perceived wrong-doing of the US, at that point I'm not amazingly polite. Not at all. Furthermore, of someone continues to attack the US in a way that makes it the "Great Evil", the source of "everything that is wrong in the world", at that point I have to make an exit in order to avoid going on the attack.

You might be surprised to find out that people in this country are much like people in a family. No matter how much we criticize each other, sometimes we stand up for each other when we perceive we are being attacked unfairly by people who know little or nothing about our country or the people who live here.

Gaer


----------



## Hockey13

gaer said:


> However, if someone attacks me personally, blaming me for every perceived wrong-doing of the US, at that point I'm not amazingly polite. Not at all. Furthermore, of someone continues to attack the US in a way that makes it the "Great Evil", the source of "everything that is wrong in the world", at that point I have to make an exit in order to avoid going on the attack.
> 
> You might be surprised to find out that people in this country are much like people in a family. No matter how much we criticize each other, sometimes we stand up for each other when we perceive we are being attacked unfairly by people who know little or nothing about our country or the people who live here.
> 
> Gaer


 
I agree with you, Gaer. The thing that annoys me the most is that it is getting to the point where I've heard such outlandish claims about American society from some foreigners that it borders on outright racism, but some of these comments are rarely challenged. *That said*, idiotic Americans do the same thing to others. There are idiots everywhere.

To add something else to this conversation, we should note that many Americans feel like they are carrying a sign around their neck when they are abroad. I can spot an American from a mile away in Europe (sort of like I can spot a European from a mile away in the US), and when I stand near them, I am in perpetual embarassment for what way they might be compounding the stereotypes held by Europeans about Americans. This is one of the basic factors for why I am polite to foreigners when I am abroad. I do not want to be prejudiced for being an arrogant American.

To the Europeans on the forum, when Europeans are as fat as Americans, do we get to make fun of you guys for it.  I'm just kidding, of course.


----------



## Estiben

Some really good stuff! 
I would like to say something about "Minnesota nice" - our local version of extreme politeness. I don't think it involves being insincere, although it may spring from a fear of confrontation. For instance, if you didn't like a movie, you might say it was "different". You might use the same word to describe a nasty person. An example from real life: My brother claimed that I had always hated George W. I replied, "Well, no . . . at times I have found him amusing." 
Lately I have run into more Minnesota people who are not so nice, but that may be because I live in a more urban area than before. Or maybe I am just trying to put a "nice" spin on it.


----------



## gaer

Hockey13 said:


> I agree with you, Gaer. The thing that annoys me the most is that it is getting to the point where I've heard such outlandish claims about American society from some foreigners that it borders on outright racism, but some of these comments are rarely challenged. *That said*, idiotic Americans do the same thing to others. There are idiots everywhere.


That's the point. I don't think most of the mean comments by people in any country aimed at those in any other are fueled by anything other than a combination of fear and ignroance.

My friends in other countries say things about the US that are just not right. My friends here say equally unfair about the other countries my friends live in.


> To add something else to this conversation, we should note that many Americans feel like they are carrying a sign around their neck when they are abroad. I can spot an American from a mile away in Europe (sort of like I can spot a European from a mile away in the US), and when I stand near them, I am in perpetual embarassment for what way they might be compounding the stereotypes held by Europeans about Americans.


Ditto, but I'd have to email you about my experiences to keep from getting off-topic. 


> This is one of the basic factors for why I am polite to foreigners when I am abroad. I do not want to be prejudiced for being an arrogant American.


Well, I think you mean that you don't want to labeled as the stereotypical arrogant American. However, in your case you would be the victim of prejudice. 

Gaer


----------



## Hockey13

gaer said:


> Well, I think you mean that you don't want to labeled as the stereotypical arrogant American. However, in your case you would be the victim of prejudice.
> 
> Gaer


 
Touché, my friend.


----------



## gdmarcus

djchak said:


> Um, that's called being passive-agressive.
> 
> Anyway, it pays to be sincerely polite. Although not in every case. Sometimes it is best to completly ignore a person.



Passive agression is exactly that...agression. And I agree, djchak, that being sincerely polite pays off. If someone says something offensive to me, I try to get a sense of what is going on; Do they realize they've been rude? Are they really just uninformed? Are they acting out their own problems on me?  Perhaps trying to generate a negative or agrressive response?. 

I usually start by ignoring the rudeness, and trying to address the comment or question honestly and with a sincere desire to debunk negative myths about me (I can't debunk myths about other residents of the U.S., only about myself). And, yes, I do try to avoid an ugly confrontation. However, I do not let others abuse me; if a person continues to be downright abusive, I ask politely, but directly, for a reason. For example _"I have tried to be polite to you and, yet, you seem determined to say something to offend me.  Why?"_  This direct but non-agressive approach works well *for me.  *The person is usually taken aback for a moment, which causes them to think. Then they become aware that I really am listening to them and want a real response, not the same abuse they've been giving me up until then. Often this opens up a *real* conversation.


----------



## winklepicker

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.


 
On my various trips to the States I must say I have always met with extraordinary courtesy and warmth from all the individuals I have met. (I would except from that only your immigration officials who are like jobsworths everywhere!  )

How would I react? I hope I'd be as courteous, but in all honesty I think the great British reserve (code for not wanting to get involved) would come to the fore.


----------



## gaer

gdmarcus said:


> I usually start by ignoring the rudeness, and trying to address the comment or question honestly and with a sincere desire to debunk negative myths about me (I can't debunk myths about other residents of the U.S., only about myself).


Excellent point. I do the same thing. In fact, this is what usually happens:

I meet people from around the world, although it's usually in writing, exchanging views. When I hear about "what the US is like", I tell them what *I* am like, what MY views are.

Very often the response is: I wish other Americans were like you.

My response: there are a lot of American like me. You just haven't met them yet. 

Gaer


----------



## cuchuflete

gaer said:


> I meet people from around the world, although it's usually in writing, exchanging views. When I hear about "what the US is like", I tell them what *I* am like, what MY views are.
> 
> Very often the response is: *I wish other XXXXians were like you.
> 
> My response: there are a lot of XXXXians like me. You just haven't met them yet. *
> 
> Gaer




We should use that as the thread closing message for every new Stereotype thread.  It would save a lot of time, and spare us the need to wade through collections of anecdotal evidence that "most
people from ________ are _________" and the counter-anecdotes that "prove" that they are not.


----------



## jess oh seven

Being half American and half Scottish, and having been raised between both cultures, I can say without a doubt that Americans are more into their manners and niceties than the British, in general. I noticed an immense social difference when moving from an American community to a Scottish one in that Americans are very please-and-thank-you and much-appreciated (perhaps too much so), no elbows on the table, don't reach across the food etc, whereas I feel Scottish people aren't so into this extreme cordiality which may or may not be forced at times. Of course we/they say please and thank you when appropriate etc but nobody's going to add you to their hate list if you forget to add those words to the end of your sentences. 

Go into just about any American retailer after living in Britain for the last six years and you'll get the fright of your life. One girl actually shouted at me from the other end of the empty shop "SO HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" Did she really care? No. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" What do you care? If I couldn't find everything I'd have asked you before I came to the register, surely. I'm just not into the whole fakey politeness that certain people exude.


----------



## cuchuflete

Pretty please, with chocolate sprinkles on it, if you would all be so very kind as to endeavor, to the extent you might find it convenient, to return to the thread topic......if that wouldn't be too much trouble.....

Thank you most sincerely for your gracious attention.



​


----------



## .   1

cuchuflete said:


> Pretty please, with chocolate sprinkles on it, if you would all be so very kind as to endeavor, to the extent you might find it convenient, to return to the thread topic......if that wouldn't be too much trouble.....
> 
> Thank you most sincerely for your gracious attention.
> 
> 
> 
> ​


Only if you make sure that you are polite about it.  Your attitude is being noted.

.,,


----------



## gaer

jess oh seven said:


> Go into just about any American retailer after living in Britain for the last six years and you'll get the fright of your life. One girl actually shouted at me from the other end of the empty shop "SO HOW ARE YOU TODAY?"


It's a ridiculous exaggeration to suggest that being shouted at in that manner is usual. It isn't.


----------



## .   1

jess oh seven said:


> "Did you find everything you were looking for?"


I am quite happy to hear this.  I am obviously not an efficient shopper because I can often not find one or two items and I can seldom find one or two shop assistants to help me so if the check out person engages me in this manner I may obtain assistance I would be otherwise denied.
It is possible to look at some things too much from a glass almost empty attitude.

.,,


----------



## gaer

. said:


> I am quite happy to hear this. I am obviously not an efficient shopper because I can often not find one or two items and I can seldom find one or two shop assistants to help me so if the check out person engages me in this manner I may obtain assistance I would be otherwise denied.
> It is possible to look at some things too much from a glass almost empty attitude.
> .,,


Most of the time, I can't even *find* someone to help me when I need help. 

Gaer


----------



## shoobydoowap

I would say that in the Southeast area of the United States (I'm from Kentucky), we are amazingly polite. And since you're undoubtedly thinking of Borat, yes, that's the same area which featured the infamous dinner scene. I would imagine most people from this area of the United States would act the same way... keep smiling... nod your head... and be polite. 

But in other parts of the country... who knows.


----------



## jess oh seven

gaer said:


> It's a ridiculous exaggeration to suggest that being shouted at in that manner is usual. It isn't.


I never suggested that it was usual. I mentioned a single occurrence. But it is very likely for them to ask how you are and I'm positive that it is normally insincere and they honestly couldn't care less. I work in a shop, I don't feel the need to pretend to be my customers' friend. But neither do I treat them with disrespect. Obviously retail is not my calling.


----------



## maxiogee

In my time behind the counter I was able to become quite friendly with many of my customers. It was neither insincere nor forced.
Maybe it depends on the type of shop.


----------



## winklepicker

jess oh seven said:


> I never suggested that it was usual. I mentioned one ocurrence. But it's very likely for them to ask how you are and I'm positive that it is normally insincere and they honestly couldn't care less. I work in a shop, I don't feel the need to pretend to be my customers' friend. But neither do I treat them with disrespect.


 
I think it's nice to be asked how you are - however insincerely. I'm not looking to form long-term relationships with shop assistants, so it doesn't matter if they mean it or not. Politeness - including an assumption of interest in other people - is never wasted in my view.


----------



## jess oh seven

. said:


> I am quite happy to hear this. I am obviously not an efficient shopper because I can often not find one or two items and I can seldom find one or two shop assistants to help me so if the check out person engages me in this manner I may obtain assistance I would be otherwise denied.
> It is possible to look at some things too much from a glass almost empty attitude.
> 
> .,,


Would it annoy you if you were waiting in a long queue and the person at the front was holding everyone up by making staff run their errands around the shop because they couldn't find everything they were looking for?


----------



## jess oh seven

winklepicker said:


> I think it's nice to be asked how you are - however insincerely. I'm not looking to form long-term relationships with shop assistants, so it doesn't matter if they mean it or not. Politeness - including an assumption of interest in other people - is never wasted in my view.


I just dislike it when people are smiling through their teeth and are insincere in their actions.


----------



## Benjy

maxiogee said:


> In my time behind the counter I was able to become quite friendly with many of my customers. It was neither insincere nor forced.
> Maybe it depends on the type of shop.



I think that can have a lot to do with it. Working behind a meat/fish counter means that avoiding a more protracted discussion than you would get at a till is inevitable, and eventually you end up learning all sorts of things about the people you serve. 

I think the one thing that amazed me the most when passing through the states the last time was this business of having "greeters" (I think that is what they are called?) at the door. For me that was a bit much. But it's all culture I guess.



jess oh seven said:


> Would it annoy you if you were waiting in a long queue and the person at the front was holding everyone up by making staff run their errands around the shop because they couldn't find everything they were looking for?



If it is a service that the store is prepare to offer without having the necessary staff to effectively serve and find then your annoyance should be directed at the shop rather than the customer. Having done part-time work at numerous supermarkets I can always find everything, but experience has taught me that this is certainly not the case for everyone. An average sized Sainsburys supermarket is ranged for around 21,000 lines. Not to be sniffed at.


----------



## jess oh seven

maxiogee said:


> In my time behind the counter I was able to become quite friendly with many of my customers. It was neither insincere nor forced.
> Maybe it depends on the type of shop.


Personally, I suppose I am reluctant to try and build any sort of relationship with my customers because I dislike my job and am not made to be serving people who patronise me and treat me like a moron on a regular basis. I'm guessing it has to do with the area I live in.


----------



## Thomsen

jess oh seven said:


> Personally, I suppose I am reluctant to try and build any sort of relationship with my customers because I dislike my job and am not made to be serving people who patronise me and treat me like a moron on a regular basis. I'm guessing it has to do with the area I live in.


 
So are you saying you wish people were more polite to you?


----------



## jess oh seven

Thomsen said:


> So are you saying you wish people were more polite to you?


Here we go 
I am not rude to customers. They shouldn't be rude to me.
I may not make conversation with them all nor serve them wearing a giant grin, but I never fail to say please and thank you and at the very least they should do the same. But then again I suppose it's not always sincere either, so my argument has pretty much failed!


----------



## Thomsen

jess oh seven said:


> Here we go
> I am not rude to customers. They shouldn't be rude to me.
> I may not make conversation with them all nor serve them wearing a giant grin, but I never fail to say please and thank you and at the very least they should do the same. But then again I suppose it's not always sincere either, so my argument has pretty much failed!


 
No, not really at all.  You are just asking for everyone to be genuinely polite and the best we can muster sometimes is "fake polite".  I think everyone has had those moments, even if it has nothing to do with the other person we are intereacting with.  I have managed to cultivate a cordialty I use pretty well (if I say so myself) with people I have to work with, but don't really like.


----------



## .   1

jess oh seven said:


> Would it annoy you if you were waiting in a long queue and the person at the front was holding everyone up by making staff run their errands around the shop because they couldn't find everything they were looking for?


Now this is not what you said nor implied.
It is possible that the shop assistant would freeze your transaction and serve the waiting masses while your additional items were obtained.
I must say that I drew an impression from your post that you were referring to a shop with one assistant and just you as the customer on both cases.  My mistake.
I do not understand why people become so annoyed by the little bits of grease that allows us to not burr up when we deal with strangers.
I hear something like, "G'day, how are you?" almost every time I deal with merchants or tradespeople in my day to day life and I am sure that very few of them really care.  I know that they all just want my money but I equally know that I just want them to do what I want them to do and I will happily give them the money.
How are you?
How's the weather?
What about that team?
These are all just nonsensical ice breakers.
A lot of Aussies utterly hate the American "Have a nice day" but it is far better than a surly teenager grumping at me that they do not really want to work here and are only waiting until their genius is discovered and they are off.
Smile and you may find that you convince yourself that things are not so grim.

Robert


----------



## maxiogee

jess oh seven said:


> Here we go
> I am not rude to customers. They shouldn't be rude to me.
> I may not make conversation with them all nor serve them wearing a giant grin, but I never fail to say please and thank you and at the very least they should do the same. But then again I suppose it's not always sincere either, so my argument has pretty much failed!



Are you, when being a customer, unfailingly polite? I know I'm not. I'm as susceptible as the next person to having a bad hair day. I don't actively snap at staff who deal with me when I'm like that, but I'm not always positively polite, nice, friendly - whatever.
Give and take, I suppose.


----------



## jabogitlu

> I think the one thing that amazed me the most when passing through the states the last time was this business of having "greeters" (I think that is what they are called?) at the door. For me that was a bit much. But it's all culture I guess.



Ah yes, this is at Walmart, I presume.  I'd often wondered exactly what purpose these people served, then i went to a Walmart outside of my home region and found that the greeters there actually prepare the buggies for people to take! How clever!


----------



## .   1

jabogitlu said:


> Ah yes, this is at Walmart, I presume. I'd often wondered exactly what purpose these people served, then i went to a Walmart outside of my home region and found that the greeters there actually prepare the buggies for people to take! How clever!


This is an American cultural thing taking off in Australia that I quite like.
I don't look at them as greeters.
I reckon that they are perfect as directors.  I don't have to bother wandering around because I just ask the greeter where the item is and Bob's my uncle.
Some things that come from the U S of A irritate me but many things restore my faith in humanity.

Robert


----------



## djchak

maxiogee said:


> Are you, when being a customer, unfailingly polite? I know I'm not. I'm as susceptible as the next person to having a bad hair day. I don't actively snap at staff who deal with me when I'm like that, but I'm not always positively polite, nice, friendly - whatever.
> Give and take, I suppose.



Honestly?

If I know i'm going to be an **** , I won't leave the house.

If you can't treat the people who have jobs to help you with respect..then, really, why go outside the house?


----------



## jinti

. said:


> This is an American cultural thing taking off in Australia that I quite like.
> I don't look at them as greeters.
> I reckon that they are perfect as directors. I don't have to bother wandering around because I just ask the greeter where the item is and Bob's my uncle.


I actually instituted greeters at the busy college writing center where I work. They're friendly, outgoing, well-spoken students trained to answer all the common questions we get (when is the next workshop? how do I sign up?), direct people to the offices we commonly deal with, and generally free up my front desk and professional staff so that they can deal with tasks and situations that require more expertise.

From the point of view of the students being helped, it's a way to get basic information faster since it reduces lines and the likelihood of getting stuck in line behind someone with a complex problem. And from my point of view, I can stop paying high rates for professional staff to handle simple but time-consuming tasks (which interrupt their other work) and instead pay lower rates to greeters to handle those tasks for them.

So politeness isn't necessarily the only reason behind "greeting". There's $$$ in there, too.


----------



## .   1

djchak said:


> If I know i'm going to be an **** , I won't leave the house.


There is no profit in pissing off people just because I'm pissed off.
There is also the danger of meeting someone else who is also burred up,
"'and the only sound that's left 
after the ambulances go 
is Cinderella sweeping up 
on Desolation Row"
Bob Dylan knew what he was singing about.

.,,


----------



## maxiogee

djchak said:


> Honestly?
> 
> If I know i'm going to be an **** , I won't leave the house.
> 
> If you can't treat the people who have jobs to help you with respect..then, really, why go outside the house?



Some of us don't have the option of not leaving the house.
Sometimes not snapping at people, or not speaking to them at all *is* treating them with respect.


----------



## gaer

djchak said:


> Honestly?
> 
> If I know i'm going to be an **** , I won't leave the house.


Who is talking about being an ****?

The point is that we don't always have "good days". If you never have to leave your house when you've had a really bad day, then you must have people to do errands for you.

If so, I envy you.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are forced to do all sorts of projects, errands, etc. under circumstances that are not always the best.

I try very hard to be kind and polite to people who are working in stores, but I know I have not been at my best at all times. I do try to make up for it other days, and if I think I've been out of line, I make it a point to apologize.

It is often part of the job of people in "public servcies", unfortunately, to "take abuse" from cranky customers. It shouldn't be, but that's the way it works.

Gaer


----------



## djchak

I don't agree. There's always a choice. 

Either be decent to other people, or avoid them if you are in a bad/rude mood.

Unfortunately many people don't agree with my philosophy..... and go around all day as "cranky customers". Then again, it creates jobs..usually in the security divisions of malls and big stores.


----------



## cuchuflete

djchak said:


> Unfortunately many people don't agree with my philosophy..... and go around all day as "cranky customers". Then again, it creates jobs..usually in the security divisions of malls and big stores.


Trying to take this back to Robert's initial question....

Are the security people in US malls and big stores amazingly polite when trying to calm or subdue
outrageously "cranky customers"?


----------



## Solbrillante

jabogitlu said:


> Well, I think there are differences in politeness.  After all, if one is fakely polite, I don't consider it being truly polite at all.
> 
> I think most Americans are fakely polite in an attempt to pass through situations easily/pleasantly/quickly.  For many of us, the only people we're truly polite to are those we care about.



How can *politeness* be *fake*? If the definition of *politeness *is showing *regard* for others in *manners*, *speech* and *behavior*, what could be fake about being polite? Isn't it possible that the "people we care about" just might happen to be *people*, all *people *because they are *people?* 

Sol


----------



## badgrammar

Sometimes Americans tend to do what they feel is necessary to avoid a "scene", so they  deal with others in the most (superficially) diplomatic way possible...  in the hopes of getting it over with quickly, leaving the scene, and then they have a good stroy to tell friends and family afterwards.  The US is also the home of "the customer's always right" philosophy, which may explain some things.

Politeness can be faked in order to work around a situation that may otherwise become a conflict.  It can also be faked in order to get what one wants.  So if what you want is not to have a really big hassle, you just remain polite then get the hell outta there!


----------



## alexacohen

gaer said:


> I try very hard to be kind and polite to people who are working in stores, but I know I have not been at my best at all times. I do try to make up for it other days, and if I think I've been out of line, I make it a point to apologize.
> It is often part of the job of people in "public servcies", unfortunately, to "take abuse" from cranky customers. It shouldn't be, but that's the way it works.


You're oh so right.

We're grateful when people say "good day" to us and smile. We all know it doesn't mean they wish us to have a good day; but we recognize the greeting for what it is: a way of ackowledging we're not part of the desk, but people.

Much more so because airline workers do get a lot of abuse from a lot of people. We'd rather have an amazingly polite customer, American or not, than a cranky one.


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## Ёж!

Solbrillante said:


> Isn't it possible that the "people we care about" just might happen to be *people*, all *people *because they are *people?*


 No. Only if self-deceiving; real care takes a lot.  A lot of wisdom, first of all; it'd be so much oh how hard work... And not just that.


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## merquiades

jinti said:


> Questions I've actually been asked by virtual strangers (though not with cameras and microphones yet):
> 
> Don't you have a gun?
> (Verbal response: No, I never have and I never will. [smile]
> Mental response: No, or I'd be using it on you right now.)
> 
> ¿Por qué la gente en este país no sabe hablar otro idioma?
> _Why don't people in this country know how to speak any other language?_
> (Verbal response: Mmm, será que no le hace falta. _Mmm, I guess they don't need to._
> Mental response: Um, am I the only one who realizes we're speaking Spanish right now?)
> 
> Why haven't you gotten rid of Bush?
> (Verbal response: I really couldn't tell you. [smile and shrug]
> Mental response: Well, I can't get rid of you -- what makes you think I could get rid of him?)
> 
> _[sirens nearby]_
> Now THAT'S the REAL New York, right?
> (Verbal response: Fire trucks and an ambulance? I suppose so -- you do hear them from time to time....
> Mental response: Let me get this straight -- you thought those were police sirens and you were GLAD? That's somebody's misfortune there....)
> 
> And the list goes on.
> 
> To be fair, I'm sure there have been people in my past who were just being polite in the face of my own unintentionally rude questions, too, so I try to remember that when I feel impatient. It keeps my tongue more civil.


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## merquiades

Americans are extremely polite with lots of _yes, sir_, _thank you_, _excuse me_ and refuse confrontation with those who visibly disagree with them and won't be changing their minds.  It's part of the feel good politically correct culture a few generations have grown up with.  There is also a greater difference between what Americans say and do than in other cultures.  Most Americans don't have a "protest/strike" culture that exists in other places.  In fact, they are taught that it is rude to cause conflict.
Of course, you can find examples contradicting everything I say.


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## funnyhat

jennijenni said:


> I'm glad you perceive that Americans are polite.  As I've travelled abroad, I've noticed that my fellow Americans have typically been quite rude, intolerant and demanding.
> 
> Why do Americans tolerate intrusive questions?  We like to talk about ourselves.



I've also unfortunately observed the "ugly American" abroad a few times.  I think I can explain the paradox.  

Most Americans never leave the country, or at least never go beyond North America.  There are many, many people here who are afraid to travel to a non-English speaking country, because they fear that they won't be able to communicate properly, and thus might end up saying something that offends the local people.  

On the other hand, the Americans who do travel abroad tend to be more self-confident, either because they do know the language of the place they're visiting, or because they just figure that everyone they meet will speak English (and at a fast, conversational level).  It's the latter group that often gets into trouble and hurts our reputation abroad.


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## EvanWilliams

. said:


> G'day Cultur@s
> I have seen situations where American people have been amazingly polite when being asked impertinently bigotted, offensively phrased questions about American culture by someone who they were led to believe was a total stranger to American culture.
> It was obvious that the Americans were utterly offended but they kept smiling and endured the questioning with non-responsive answers or bland rebuttals.
> 
> How would you react?
> 
> .,,



Did any of the Americans perchance respond with a sickeningly sweet " "well, bless your heart."


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## Sepia

If you look like your avatar-photo I surely woud avoid making offensive remarks about Americans and be especially polite when talking about Texans.

But there are ugly-*nationality of choice" everywhere. The real problem is probably that the USA and its politics has such an impact almost everywhere on this planet and there are so many idiots who believe they are entitled to hold every single American they meet on their way responsible for everything ...

... just like there are idiots who think they can hold every German responsible for things that happened two or three generations ago. 

Most travellers I have noticed try to stay diplomatic and not escalate things, when they meet such people.

(Did they use a defibrilator to reanimate this thread?)


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## EvanWilliams

Sepia said:


> If you look like your avatar-photo I surely woud avoid making offensive remarks about Americans and be especially polite when talking about Texans.
> 
> But there are ugly-*nationality of choice" everywhere. The real problem is probably that the USA and its politics has such an impact almost everywhere on this planet and there are so many idiots who believe they are entitled to hold every single American they meet on their way responsible for everything ...
> 
> ... just like there are idiots who think they can hold every German responsible for things that happened two or three generations ago.
> 
> Most travellers I have noticed try to stay diplomatic and not escalate things, when they meet such people.
> 
> (Did they use a defibrilator to reanimate this thread?)



Haaa!!! I am the guilty party in resuscitating this thread. 

I have to agree with your post.  Most people are polite and understand that you should always treat people as an individual and not engage in stereotypes and bigotry. It goes against our human nature but we must try. 

I have  met so many wonderful people from other countries. It would have been a pity to alienate them with holding them personally responsible for things done by politicians.


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