# What I should pay attention to when I go to USA



## kevinleihuang

I am a Chinese and I am gonna pursue my master degree in an American institution. Would American friends here please give me some advice on how to adjust myself to the life there in USA where the culture and habit are quite different from China? Is there anything I should particularly pay attention to? 

Thank you. I will really appreciate it.


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## Outsider

Well, try not to cross your legs when you are seated.
And learn some shoe etiquette.


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## judkinsc

Basically, expect Americans to be fairly strong-willed, and informal unless it's a very formal situation.

The US is very "informally" polite.  Most things are not said in an offensive way, and much trouble is taken to avoid sounding like you're giving an order (unless you are), such as the use of conditionals like "would" and "could," which appear all over the place.

When ordering something, the exact formal way is to say "May I have...", but this is often downgraded, especially by youths, to "Could I have..." since it either sounds too formal, or they just never learned the rule.  It's something a mother often says "Children, say "May I", not "Can I"."

There are good people and ones that are not so good.  There are people that will agree with you and dislike you for just about any topic.  Pick what you like and don't waver for any small reason.

Bowing is virtually unknown, except from the martial arts and 19th Century romances, but some eccentric people do it anyway.

Shaking hands is the standard way to introduce yourself.  Girls tend to hug their friends.  Guys/girls hug.  Guys/guys shake hands.

You'll be at a university.  What state?  Some will be more liberal, others more conservative.

Many undergraduate university students take their studies only half-seriously.

Americans are also typically punctual.  Five minutes early is on time for any kind of meeting.  When going to something like a friend's party however, you can be late.

I've now run out of random things to say.  Have any specific questions?


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## judkinsc

Also, if you use "gonna" while speaking, you'll fit right in.  But remember not to use it in writing.


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## GenJen54

I think a lot would depend on what part of the country you are in. 

Mannerisms and cultural norms can vary a great deal let's say from New York City to Hot Springs, Arkansas. 

In general, you'll find most Americans to be:

friendly
courteous
curious! (They'll probably ask you a lot of questions about your culture and country. Some may be obvious, but please bear with us.)

In some parts of the country, people may be more "hospitable" because that is their nature. In other parts, they may not be quite as welcoming. 

I would hope the college you are attending has some kind of International Studies program which will allow you to meet and socialize with other foreign students. This would at least give you a social base with whom you can share your experience of learning while in a foreign culture. 

Larger universities also tend to have student "associations" made up of students from particular cultures. These are great to seek out, as well, because they can provide you with an "instant" group of students with whom you can relate. Many will be already-experienced in the ways of US social standards and customs.

As for particular social norms, most Americans are fairly forgiving and understanding when foreigners make social faux-pas. 

One thing I would caution about, however, is bodily functions. Most Americans are squeamish about belching and passing gas, particularly in public. I have been to countries where public "airings" of body gas are quite the norm. They are considered rude in the US. 

I bring this up because I recall a particular tradition (I believe popular in China) that it is customary to belch after a meal, to indicate one is pleased with the meal that was served. This would definitely be frowned upon in the US. 

I would also be careful about lighting up a cigarette in someone's home (if you smoke) without first asking them permission. Many public buildings and restaurants now prohibit smoking and it is considered rude to "light up" in a private home without asking first. 

Please feel free to ask more specific questions as they come about.


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## jinti

American try not to slurp or burp while eating with others. The less noise, the better.  

A strong (not painful!) handshake helps make a good first impression.

Don't make references or ask questions about women's ages. It is a closely guarded secret.  

GenJen's advice to join clubs or "student associations" is very good. At a large university or in a large city, people will probably not approach you to become friends with you. It can be difficult to make friends then because you are "lost in the crowd". By joining clubs, you will have a much easier time.

I think Americans are more polite to strangers.  It is good manners to hold the door open for anyone coming in/out after you, or to say "excuse me" when you touch someone on the street (you brush past them, or step in front of them).

Americans are often more confrontational.  They will say what they think, even if they are disagreeing with you.  They expect you to say what you think, too.

You might find this link helpful.

Where in the US are you going?


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## lampiao

> a particular tradition that it is customary to belch after a meal


I think that's part of the arabic culture. But let's wait for our chinese friend to confirm or deny it


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## blancalaw

What is said in this thread are all very useful things to remember.  Of course it is impossible to be 100% prepared to merge into “American culture” before coming here.  My suggestion to you would be to observe everyone and everything people do, then find out why they do things certain ways.  Finally after understanding the reasoning behind the actions, copy them.  Of course don’t expect to be confused with a native here because you will have an accent.  But if you are polite to everyone you should have no problem.
Like I said, if any question of “why do we do things like the way we do them” arises, ask someone educated to explain it to you.


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## nichec

from my own experience, as long as you speak great English and stay polite, you won't have any trouble fitting in here.

Oh, do pay attention that people here value their privacy highly, it's not like in China or Taiwan. There are some subjects you should never bring up in a conversation or it's considered rude.


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## *Cowgirl*

jinti said:
			
		

> American try not to slurp or burp while eating with others. The less noise, the better.
> 
> A strong (not painful!) handshake helps make a good first impression.
> 
> Don't make references or ask questions about women's ages. It is a closely guarded secret.  also, never ask or comment on a woman gaining weight if you don't want a slap in the face.
> 
> GenJen's advice to join clubs or "student associations" is very good. At a large university or in a large city, people will probably not approach you to become friends with you. It can be difficult to make friends then because you are "lost in the crowd". By joining clubs, you will have a much easier time.
> 
> I think Americans are more polite to strangers. It is good manners to hold the door open for anyone coming in/out after you, or to say "excuse me" when you touch someone on the street (you brush past them, or step in front of them).
> 
> Americans are often more confrontational. They will say what they think, even if they are disagreeing with you. They expect you to say what you think, too.
> 
> You might find this link helpful.
> 
> Where in the US are you going?


 
Pay very close attention to road signs and maps. I find that it's very easy to get lost, native or not.


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## kevinleihuang

Outsider said:
			
		

> Well, try not to cross your legs when you are seated.
> And learn some shoe etiquette.


 
Thank you for your information.


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## kevinleihuang

judkinsc said:
			
		

> Basically, expect Americans to be fairly strong-willed, and informal unless it's a very formal situation.
> 
> The US is very "informally" polite. Most things are not said in an offensive way, and much trouble is taken to avoid sounding like you're giving an order (unless you are), such as the use of conditionals like "would" and "could," which appear all over the place.
> 
> When ordering something, the exact formal way is to say "May I have...", but this is often downgraded, especially by youths, to "Could I have..." since it either sounds too formal, or they just never learned the rule. It's something a mother often says "Children, say "May I", not "Can I"."
> 
> There are good people and ones that are not so good. There are people that will agree with you and dislike you for just about any topic. Pick what you like and don't waver for any small reason.
> 
> Bowing is virtually unknown, except from the martial arts and 19th Century romances, but some eccentric people do it anyway.
> 
> Shaking hands is the standard way to introduce yourself. Girls tend to hug their friends. Guys/girls hug. Guys/guys shake hands.
> 
> You'll be at a university. What state? Some will be more liberal, others more conservative.
> 
> Many undergraduate university students take their studies only half-seriously.
> 
> Americans are also typically punctual. Five minutes early is on time for any kind of meeting. When going to something like a friend's party however, you can be late.
> 
> I've now run out of random things to say. Have any specific questions?


 

Thank you. I really appreciate your introduction. I have been accepted into several universities. I might choose Rutgers(New Jersey) or UMN(Minnesota). So, would you please tell me whether there is something special that I should pay attention to if going to either of these two states?


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## kevinleihuang

Quote:"I bring this up because I recall a particular tradition (I believe popular in China) that it is customary to belch after a meal, to indicate one is pleased with the meal that was served. This would definitely be frowned upon in the US."

hehe Yes, some Chinese people do have this custom. But it is impolite when you are invited as a guest or you are the host.


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## kevinleihuang

nichec said:
			
		

> from my own experience, as long as you speak great English and stay polite, you won't have any trouble fitting in here.
> 
> Oh, do pay attention that people here value their privacy highly, it's not like in China or Taiwan. There are some subjects you should never bring up in a conversation or it's considered rude.


 
Thank you. I can understand that people in the China Mainland or Taiwan province do not care about the privacy too much. But I think it's changing.


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## kevinleihuang

jinti said:
			
		

> American try not to slurp or burp while eating with others. The less noise, the better.
> 
> A strong (not painful!) handshake helps make a good first impression.
> 
> Don't make references or ask questions about women's ages. It is a closely guarded secret.
> 
> GenJen's advice to join clubs or "student associations" is very good. At a large university or in a large city, people will probably not approach you to become friends with you. It can be difficult to make friends then because you are "lost in the crowd". By joining clubs, you will have a much easier time.
> 
> I think Americans are more polite to strangers. It is good manners to hold the door open for anyone coming in/out after you, or to say "excuse me" when you touch someone on the street (you brush past them, or step in front of them).
> 
> Americans are often more confrontational. They will say what they think, even if they are disagreeing with you. They expect you to say what you think, too.
> 
> You might find this link helpful.
> 
> Where in the US are you going?


 

Yes, as you mentioned, student associations will be helpful to the freshman like me. I might go to New Jersey or Minnesota. And I will contact the CSSA (Chinese Student & Scholar Association) before leaving.


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## judkinsc

kevinleihuang said:
			
		

> Thank you. I really appreciate your introduction. I have been accepted into several universities. I might choose Rutgers(New Jersey) or UMN(Minnesota). So, would you please tell me whether there is something special that I should pay attention to if going to either of these two states?


In my opinion:

New Jersey will be more liberal than Minnesota, as well as much closer to large cities like New York and Boston.  There are also cheap buses between the large cities on the Eastern seaboard, which typically leave from Chinatown. The easy travel between the large cities could make for interesting vacations.  New Jersey is known for an annoying "twang" in their accent, but you might not encounter it at Rutgers.

Minnesota is going to be more "mid-western" and conservative, but it was still a "blue state" in the last election, meaning it voted for the democratic party.  Maybe there's someone from Minnesota on the forum that can tell you more.

Both universities sound good:
UMN's website says it has about 4,500 international students, out of about 60,000 total students.  It's also one of the "Big Ten" universities.

Rutger's has about 51,000 students, but I didn't see a figure for international students on there.

My personal preference would be for UMN.  I think it would be more relaxing, while still being very good.


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## kevinleihuang

yes, as you mentioned, UMN has a large number of international students, making it a great opportunity for me to communicate with people from different cultures. And, as far as I know, the number of Chinese students and scholars in UMN is nearly 1,600 (from CSSA data), which suggests that UMN has the largest number of Chinese students and scholars among US institutions. So, it is indeed a better choice for freshman like me, because there are a lot more people whom I can ask for advice or help.


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## suzzzenn

I lived in Minneapolis for a while and found it to be quite different from what I expected. It didn't fit the stereotype of a Midwestern, conservative city. It was a very lively, interesting place with a wealth of cultural events and activities. For a city of its small size, it had many theaters, museums, and festivals, dance companies, etc.. People there are more relaxed than on the east coast, for example when I first got there, I was surprised when complete strangers were friendly to me and initiated conversations easily...This just doesn't happen in NY or DC where I had lived before. In NY (and probably NJ) people seem amazingly busy, but in MN there is a much more relaxed pace. Minneapolis has many beautiful lakes in and around the city and people love water sports. In fact, there seems to be more of an emphasis on being outdoors when the weather is good. This brings me to the major drawback: the weather! Minnesota is frigidly cold in the winter, which unfortunately lasts a very, very long time. If you go to Minnesota, learn a winter sport (cross-country skiing, ice-skating, snow shoeing, etc) Doing this help me hate the long winter a little less. 

My advice is to spend as little time as possible with people who are Chinese. At my university, I know many Chinese and Korean students who spend all their free time together speaking their native language, cooking together, listening to their own music, and generally isolating themselves from American culture. This may be comfortable, but you won't learn as much English nor will you really get a handle on American culture. I invited some Korean classmates to a party at my house recently and was surprised to learn that although they had been here for two years, they had never been to an American's house for dinner or a party! If you can live with an American family, do so. If not, try to live with native speakers. 

Other advice..Be assertive in asking for help and guidance. Ask to be included in social events. If people know you want help getting to know the culture, they will go out of their way to explain things and invite you places. If you are quiet and don't reach out, people will respect what they perceive as your desire to be alone.


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## jinti

suzzzenn said:
			
		

> My advice is to spend as little time as possible with people who are Chinese. At my university, I know many Chinese and Korean students who spend all their free time together speaking their native language, cooking together, listening to their own music, and generally isolating themselves from American culture. This may be comfortable, but you won't learn as much English nor will you really get a handle on American culture.


 
I agree 100%. 

As Suzzzenn said, a lot of foreign students maintain a comfort level by isolating themselves and associating only with people from their own country. They choose the easy way at each step: it is hard to live your life in a different language... so they don't. It is hard to deal with cultural differences... so they don't. It is hard to make friends with people who seem very different from you... so they don't. It is hard to adjust to new foods... so they don't. Each decision is based on what seems most comfortable, but the sum seems to me like a waste of an opportunity. For that, why come?

If you get a degree from an American university while you participate in the culture, speak the language _outside_ of class, etc., it will be more difficult. Change is difficult, even painful. But you'll grow.

As an example, I used to teach English to a Chinese woman at a New York City college. From the start, she was different from most of our Chinese students: she was very open, very willing to take chances and risks (learning another language means taking risks!), and she talked constantly with *everyone* every chance she got, whether she knew the right words/grammar or not. (Most of our Chinese students really only spoke with other Chinese students.)  Because of that, we got to be friends, my friends became her friends, she met my parents and started calling them Mom and Dad, etc., and soon she became very culturally adept and her English became very fluent. (Not always correct, but *VERY* fluent  ) 

She sometimes felt isolated and alone, but she never took the easy way out. She returned to China much more fluent than any of the other Chinese students I worked with, and with much more cultural understanding. Now she works in tourism and sales in Shanghai, dealing with American clients. She is very valuable to her company because she knows more than just English words -- she knows what these customers expect, how they want to be treated, and how to make them feel comfortable with her company.

I don't know what your goals are, but be careful of choosing your path based on how many people are similar to you. Sometimes you get more out of a more difficult -- but more real -- experience.


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## kevinleihuang

Thank you for all of your advice. Actually I am not an open person. I do not speak too much in front of the strangers. But as all of you mentioned, I think I have to change if I want to know more about the American culture and get involved into the society when I go to USA. I am not good at talking. I often don't know what to talk about while having conservation with foreign friends, which is really embarassing.


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## SevillaEnMiCorazon

As a midwesterner myself and having been to Minnesota many times, I can tell you a little about the area.  Minnesota is a pretty typical midwestern state with small towns and people with big hearts.  There are urban "spots" throughout the state, but you will find that much of it is comprised of small town after small town.  Minneapolis, on the other hand, is different.  It IS a city.  It has cultural diversity and opportunities for sports, art, shopping, etc.  Just remember, though, that when you step out of Minneapolis, things are a little different.  You step back into the small town/laid back rural areas.  Some problems people have found with this part of the US is the cold weather as mentioned before, and boredom.  If you are not living in a city, you have to come up with things to do (and often get creative in the process).  If you are not accustomed to cold weather - be prepared!  It can get cold!  It is somewhat difficult to adjust to this weather - even if you have lived there all your life!  For a good "spoof" on Minnesotan life, watch Fargo.
Hope you find the US to your liking and that you learn much!


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## BasedowLives

I live in the midwest, and what I can say is, i think just the fact that you're going to be in a college town, it's going to be a liberal atmosphere. My state overall went to Bush in the elections, but my county went almost entirely the opposite way.


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## alahay

lampiao said:
			
		

> I think that's part of the arabic culture. But let's wait for our chinese friend to confirm or deny it


Not at all!!! 

In fact, arabs used to get exiled if they fart (before, after, during meals or anytime in their life which might sound ridiculous) and belching belongs to the same family...

As for your chinese friend, maybe he should read this 

S: (v) burp, bubble, belch, eruct (expel gas from the stomach) _"In China it is polite to burp at the table"_

source:
http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=belch and change his mind about it and definitely never judge a whole culture from just one observation...


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## Chaska Ñawi

kevinleihuang said:
			
		

> I am not good at talking. I often don't know what to talk about while having conservation with foreign friends, which is really embarassing.



When in doubt, talk about the weather, sports (which sports will depend on which city you're in), weather, tuition fees, weather, TV shows and, finally, weather.

If you were coming to Canada your conversational life would be even simpler:  hockey, differences between Canadians and Americans, and weather.


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## lampiao

alahay said:
			
		

> Not at all!!!


 
Maybe not in Phoenicia, but check out wikipedia

In this link you can read «Burping, also known as belching, ructus or eructation, is the release of gas from the digestive tract (mainly esophagus and stomach) *through the mouth*. It is often accompanied with a typical sound.»

I reckon that this must be part of several cultures, including chinese, japanese, arabic (wiki mentions Saudi Arabia)...


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## Brioche

The most important thing of all
*Never criticize anything American.*
*If Americans criticize something about America, just listen.*

Never make jokes about America or Americans.
Never make unfavourable comparisons between home and America.

Talk only about the things in America that are better than China.

Don't talk about politics or religion.


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## jinti

kevinleihuang said:
			
		

> I am not good at talking. I often don't know what to talk about while having conservation with foreign friends, which is really embarassing.


 
Well, people like a good listener, too.  

Questions are always good -- you can ask about what people like and dislike (music, TV, what they do in their free time or on Friday/Saturday night, etc.) and find something you have in common to talk about.  Talk about your new college: ask questions about it and about your new city.  Some common student conversation starters:  _What are you studying?, What else (what other classes) are you taking?, Why'd you pick this college?, What's there to do for fun around here?_

And if you do join some clubs or student associations, you will immediately have something to talk about with the other members.


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## Stefanie1976

Hi,

the most bewildering (for me personally) experiences I made after moving to the USA is that people are extremely curious about where you are from, to a point where it can become rather annoying answering the same question ten times a day. Sometimes I felt/still feel like people here get too close too soon for comfort. But those are just smaller cultural differences and you should try not to let them bother you. Sometimes you will hear oppinions about your country of origin that are simply wrong, but again: do not let it bother you and simply correct them politely. After a while I learned to accept and even like those differences and it makes for quite some interesting conversations. It can be very funny to come to realize what is different and trying to modify your own behavior to "better fit in". 
As with any place you will ever go there will be things you like and things you dislike. My main focus is to not let the things I dislike take the upper hand about how I feel in general, because this will ultimately lead to unhappiness, but rather focus on the things I like and try to embrace them. This took me a while, though.


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## alahay

lampiao said:
			
		

> Maybe not in Phoenicia, but check out wikipedia
> 
> In this link you can read «Burping, also known as belching, ructus or eructation, is the release of gas from the digestive tract (mainly esophagus and stomach) *through the mouth*. It is often accompanied with a typical sound.»
> 
> I reckon that this must be part of several cultures, including chinese, japanese, arabic (wiki mentions Saudi Arabia)...




More interesting are the social conests:  Often times, children engage in burping contests to determine who can produce the loudest burp...


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## judkinsc

alahay said:
			
		

> More interesting are the social conests:  Often times, children engage in burping contests to determine who can produce the loudest burp...



Or try to belch the alphabet.

It's a thing that male friends tend to do with each other, sometimes while drinking, and usually while bored.  It doesn't happen all the time.  It's like testing to see how rude you can be before anyone cares.  Girls don't usually like it when you belch the alphabet for them, though.


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## GenJen54

Putting on my *MOD HAT* for a moment: If you would like to further discuss the intricacies of expelling body gas, through whichever your preferred orifice, _*please start another thread to do so*_.  We seem to be having two conversations here: one helpful to Kevin, the other not. 


			
				Brioche said:
			
		

> The most important thing of all
> *Never criticize anything American.*
> *If Americans criticize something about America, just listen.*
> 
> Never make jokes about America or Americans.
> Never make unfavourable comparisons between home and America.
> 
> Talk only about the things in America that are better than China.
> 
> Don't talk about politics or religion.


While there is some truth to this, overall this is a gross generalization, especially when looking at an experience on a University campus, which can be quite liberal. I would not open up such conversations in polite company, or with individuals I did not know very well, but having open discourse, even if it means citing preferences or dislikes about one's host country, can prove beneficial to everyone involved in the conversatio n. I would probably advise that any discussion be started in the way of a "curiosity,'' such as "Why do Americans....." or "Why is it that in American people....."


			
				Stephanie1976 said:
			
		

> the most bewildering (for me personally) experiences I made after moving to the USA is that people are extremely curious about where you are from, to a point where it can become rather annoying answering the same question ten times a day. Sometimes I felt/still feel like people here get too close too soon for comfort. But those are just smaller cultural differences and you should try not to let them bother you. Sometimes you will hear oppinions about your country of origin that are simply wrong, but again: do not let it bother you and simply correct them politely.


 This is good advice. Americans do tend to be "curious" because, quite frankly, many people, especially those in smaller rural enclaves, do not have the opportunity to experience people from a foreign culture or country on a daily basis. This is our way of being hospitable and friendly. We are curious because we want to know and understand better.


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## judkinsc

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> This is good advice. Americans do tend to be "curious" because, quite frankly, many people, especially those in smaller rural enclaves, do not have the opportunity to experience people from a foreign culture or country on a daily basis. This is our way of being hospitable and friendly. We are curious because we want to know and understand better.



There is another possibility as well, which is since Americans are not use to foreigners, they often do not attribute to the foreigner the same kind of respect for personal space that they would for another American.  This is justified by a mental twist involving the words "but they're different, they don't do things the same way, maybe my actions here are good manners in their culture, and besides, I'm talking to them and being friendly!", which results in the American offending the foreigner while justifying it to themself.
Unfortunately, while you can attempt to remind them of their manners, it will likely result in a defensive backlash of "Well, I never!  How rude that foreigner is!", since they've already justified it to themselves.

I suggest a "Sorry, I don't want to be impolite, but that's not something we talk about much back home."


Descriptions of American belching games give Kevin information on our culture.  It also plays into the information about belching among the Chinese and Arabians that was noted earlier.  It may, however, be a minor aspect.


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## feuerbach

As an immigrant myself, this is what impressed me upon arrival in the US and my recommendations. 

1. Cars actually stop for pedestrians when drivers realize that you are about to cross the street. This is particularly cool taking into account that in my country motorists attempt to run over you. 
2. Many people drink coffee, have breakfast, eat lunch or dinner, etc. on the T or buses (public transportation). Don't stare at them. You'll get used to watching people eat and drink and to the smells and aromas. 
3. Many people drink coffee, have breakfast, eat lunch or dinner, etc. etc. in their cars while they drive. Practice this wonderful skill a lot (multitasking) before you give it a try. 
4. Some people take off their shoes in different social settings (classes, etc.), not just at home. Just make sure you took a shower or you are wearing decent socks. 
5. People on the T and on buses are most of the time submerged in their own worlds (reading, listenting to music, etc.) and they rarely make eye contact. Don't take it personally if you start a conversation but the person next to you goes back into his/her world almost immediately. 
6. Some people (men and women) wear suits or beautiful dresses on their way to work but also sneakers. When they get to their jobs, they put on their shoes. In my country people would laugh at you. So don't laugh. Americans are extremely practical and wearing comfortable shoes is a great idea that should be exported.


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## Outsider

kevinleihuang said:
			
		

> Thank you for all of your advice. Actually I am not an open person. I do not speak too much in front of the strangers. But as all of you mentioned, I think I have to change if I want to know more about the American culture and get involved into the society when I go to USA. I am not good at talking. I often don't know what to talk about while having conservation with foreign friends, which is really embarassing.


You are still very young. This new and exciting stage in your life will be an opportunity to open up a bit more.


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