# Cultural Attitude towards Flirting



## Cereth

Hello !

the other day I was talking with a friend from Japan ,we where discussing about romance and flirting, it was so hard for him to understand flirting, he said to me that certainly he knows about the subject based on what he have seen on American TV shows like Friends and movies, but he said to me it is not a costume in Japan...-I was shocked- So, I decided to start this thread so willing to know if "Flirting" is a common practice in your country, is it accepted?, unnecessary?, a national sport? (Many mexicans feel proud of their flirting skills, Italians as well...) But I don´t want to keep on my mind an stereotyped image about the subject, so I really would love to know your opinions.

What I also want to know is How do people from other countries flirt?


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## GenJen54

Hi Cereth,

Here's ONE THREAD you may wish to look at. It particularly addresses flirting in latin american countries, but may at least provide you a start.


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## Cereth

Thank you Gen Jen, but I would also really like to know the opinion from non-Latinoamerican people....
Asian people, Australians, Europeans, Canadians, etc....


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## french4beth

Definitely popular here - probably a national sport...


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## Victoria32

Cereth said:
			
		

> Hello !
> 
> the other day I was talking with a friend from Japan ,we where discussing about romance and flirting, it was so hard for him to understand flirting, he said to me that certainly he knows about the subject based on what he have seen on American TV shows like Friends and movies, but he said to me it is not a costume in Japan...-I was shocked- So, I decided to start this thread so willing to know if "Flirting" is a common practice in your country, is it accepted?, unnecessary?, a national sport? (Many mexicans feel proud of their flirting skills, Italians as well...) But I don´t want to keep on my mind an stereotyped image about the subject, so I really would love to know your opinions.
> 
> What I also want to know is How do people from other countries flirt?


Hello, Cereth...
In New Zealand, there is not a lot of flirting, and what does take place is heavy-handed, obvious and sometimes quite crude - as if the average NZer knows of the concept but not how to do it...
However, immigrants are another matter, though the NZ born woman might fail to see the immigrant guy's signals for what they are, because it isn't a part of our (largely Scottish-derived) culture...
(Not to mention that I myself, have perhaps a wee touch of Aspergers, and would miss all but the broadest hint anyway)


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## Cereth

Thank you Victoria I had not any idea about New Zealanders...can you give an example?


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## Kräuter_Fee

In Spain it's popular, not that much compared to other countries, but we flirt more than most countries I think... and it's a fun thing to do!


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## Victoria32

Cereth said:
			
		

> Thank you Victoria I had not any idea about New Zealanders...can you give an example?


 
Well, there was a man who was a friend of my brother (both died in 2004, unfortunately) who claimed that "wanna f***" worked for him - not my idea of flirting, but still...

My Italian student was a past master of clever flirtation, and I missed a lot of it, because (possibly) of my toucvh of Aspergers, although the general effect could not be missed - all in a lift of the eyelashes, and his voice... couldn't be more different from Lindsay above, or the more general (thankfully) lowered gaze and "wanna go out sometime" or "y're hot, didja know?" or the New Zealand man...They mean well, but flirtation that is *not!*

(Lust City? That sounds good...)


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## coconutpalm

First of all, I'm a 19-year-old Chinese girl. Please note this. If I'm not mistaken, girls of my age in western countries are psychologically maturer in sex in a much younger age. If not, please correct me. I learned this, but I may probably wrong. 
I don't know how to flirt. For me, this word can only appear in prostitute houses, or in a bar that is smothered with smoke, thundered with loud music, that is, not a very good place to go, AND this image is what I see on the TV.
Of course, I haven't yet entered the society, but what I'm sure about is that in the university: sex, yes; flirt, no.
I once read an article that teaches white-collars how to flirt with women. I don't know whether it has become a common behavior for men in offices, but from the knowledge of my friends that have been working, no.


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## Sallyb36

sex, yes; flirt, no - I'm amazed by this.  Flirting here is seen as a more or less harmless pastime, something to do to amuse yourself and top pass the time.  If  I had a daughter I would sooner whe flirted with lots of boys rather than had sex with them!!

Flirting can be dangerous though, as the men involved may take offence if what they perceive as "promised goods" is not forthcoming, so beware!!


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## coconutpalm

I would assume--- I can only assume because the younger generation has become more and more open with sex---that when having sex with each other, at least on the majority of girls' side, they are taking it seriously, that is, the one she has sex with will be his husband. 
To flirt with somebody is something BAD, in Chinese culture. Women in the past were imprisoned, both physically and mentally, by many many rules. Her man (father, husband, son) is her superior God. To flirt with husband is seen as not abiding to this rules. And flirt with other men? Oh, worth a death sentence! Truly. And surely as a result of this "tradition", men don't flirt with women, either. 
And in modern time,  I guess we are somewhat influenced by this.


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## Cereth

mmm very interesting what you say coconut...In Mexico flirt is for example saying nice things the someone we like (this things may vary according to background, education level, genre, age..) and we smile a lot, dance, hug...etc...

For example a man in Mexico who wants to flirt you (let´s think in a workmate) he will say to you that you are pretty, that you have sexy lips or hips or hair, that you smell good, he offers to pay you the breakfast or meal (in Mexico is common that people during their job breaks go out to a restaurant or buy food to eat at the workplace- he will hug you and he´ll definitely will try to be more "physical" touch your hand, waist, hair, back..etc, etc...
Most of the times it also means he wants to be your boyfriend, sometimes he just want to have sex or sometimes that flirting attitude is part of his personality....

I just gave an example because I´m in a hurry but I promise to tell you more later...

by the way "Wanna f**k" won´t work here and I assume that doesn´t work in New Zealand or anywhere....hahahaha

***Lust City is a good place***

And where are men´s answers??


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## Vespasian

Unless you have forced marriage I can't really believe people don't flirt at all (or it's not part of the culture) in your countries. Especially New Zealand. I suppose you just don't realize it when it happens.


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## Kräuter_Fee

LOL Cereth, I think Mexican men flirt more than any other men on Earth


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## rsweet

Flirting can be as tame as a smile in someone's direction, an invitation to a conversation.


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## Cereth

Kräuter_Fee said:
			
		

> LOL Cereth, I think Mexican men flirt more than any other men on Earth


 
Well...I don´t know, a friend of mine -Mexican- lived one year in Italy and He said to me that Italian men are more skillfull in the flirting matter...

It is a shame that Asian don´t flirt... they are so cute


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## Tatzingo

Perhaps you shoud have started by asking people from different countries to describe what they would consider to be flirtatious behaviour...  

Tatz.


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## Victoria32

Cereth said:
			
		

> by the way "Wanna f**k" won´t work here and I assume that doesn´t work in New Zealand or anywhere....hahahaha
> 
> ***Lust City is a good place***



Oh, Lindsay claimed it worked but as far as I know, it definitely didn't - certainly not when he said it to me! 

Lust City, that's cute... 

(Lust just means energy, doesn't it?  )


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## Victoria32

Vespasian said:
			
		

> Especially New Zealand. I suppose you just don't realize it when it happens.



Pretty much, I suppose... I am pretty inept myself in seeing such things.


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## zena168

It was considered a very negative quality of women according to all the Chinese ancient texts (written all by males). Males might’ve done their share with the nightclub prostitutes but it was considered bad practice for females. The phrases that existed are generally negative and aimed towards putting down women. But since the American MTVs Taiwanese have come to embrace the whole idea and even reinvented a word that connotes a much more positive attitude. Many of the Taiwanese singers currently use this term “曖昧” to set trend.


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## luis masci

Cereth said:
			
		

> And where are men´s answers??


Well... I’m a man, but also I’m Latin American and you’ve said you wanted "hear" opinions from European and Asian people. 
You have described fairly well what flirting is in one of its faces. I just want to add another aspect; it’s the first step in any relationship.
I'd say flirt is the beginning; then, if it’s working up, in a following stage they turn into a relationship (noviazgo in Spanish).
Flirting is seen by many parents as natural and even necessary in a stage of own experience. 
Even many parents say it’s better their daughters keep flirting and don't get a serious compromise with anyone, until she gets older and therefore more mature; this way she will get better chance to choose the correct man, or maybe if she is studying her parents want she first finishes her career and afterwards she gets a serious relationship. No before.


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## coconutpalm

zena168 said:
			
		

> Many of the Taiwanese singers currently use this term “曖昧” to set trend.


Haha, that's the word! However, the reason why I didn't mention it is because this word doesn't impress me as "positive" at all. It strikes as if one man flirts with an woman, and if the woman really falls in love with him, well, he's ready to "retreat" at the very beginning. Irresponsible, he just wants to gain some satisfaction by showing all that "oh, see, I flirt with all beautiful girls/women!" 

In my understanding of "flirt", offering a dinner or being more "active" to a woman can also be the first step to a relationship, but more deliberte physical contacts is "flirt". If you want a serious relationship with someone, it shows your respect NOT to be eager to have sex. 
Of course, for some opener people, it can be the other way around, it shows that you admire him/her more if you want to have sex with him/her sooner, so flirting is the shortcut to sex.

Tell you what, the day after yesterday, when I have posted my thread, I tried to project the image that a man is trying to flirt me. My natural reaction is uncontrollable laugh.  If the man is my friend, I will laugh at/with him. If the man is a stranger, I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole! I would naturally think he wants sex with me, nothing else. 
Or if he is playing 暧昧 with me, well, go to hell!


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## Cecilio

Hello. I asume that, in general, the patterns for flirting are very similar in countries like Spain, New Zealand, Britain or Argentina. The real diffrerences arise when we compare it to places like China, not to mention Islamic countries. But, as far as I have seen it, or experienced it, it is generally the man who takes the first step and it is the woman who expects the man to do so. These roles seem quite 'universal' (apart from the cultural differences mentioned above), and they make me think that the differences between man and woman are far stronger than the differences between nations or languages.

One question for example: Who gives the first kiss? I'd say it is the man in most cases.


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## se16teddy

I understand flirting to mean 'hinting at the possibility of a sexual liaison'. I must admit that I have never been anywhere where people don't flirt, and it isn't clear to me how couples can ever get together without doing some kind of flirting first, if only briefly and perfunctorily. 

There is a very well known English comic opera from the 19th Century called 'The Mikado', in which the Emperor of Japan decrees that flirters shall be subject to capital punishment. The only way to stop the mass executions is to appoint the next man condemned to die as the executioner. Since he cannot chop his own head off, everyone is saved from execution. 
http://www.aria-database.com/libretti/mikado03_our.txt
Though the opera is set in Japan, it is really about pompous administrators everywhere and especially at home. The Japanese setting is mainly a great excuse to dress up in colourful and exotic costumes!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mikado


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## zena168

I wouldn’t say that man flirt more than women in the U.S..  It’s almost like a sport that high school girls need to master in order to show their femininity and attractiveness.  I’ve seen more women flirt openly than men.  The courtship in U.S. works a bit like this: a person starts flirting and the receiver can in turn flirt back or make their move. A relationship may or may not blossom from there and plenty of harmless flirt is done just about everywhere.  In countries that don’t flirt; (I’m making a general assumption) one person confronts the other person how they feel about him or her and they go straight from there (rejected or develop a relationship).  I disagree that flirting is a prelude to inviting sex, at least, not to girls.  There’s a Friends episode that talks about that too.


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