# Private messages : how private are they?



## Cath.S.

Hi,
my question is a simple one:
can we write_ anything_ we like in private messages, or what rules do we have to comply to when we write them?
Specifically, do we *have to* be polite, and could people complain about another forum member being rude to them in a PM? 
Thanks for letting me know.


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## GEmatt

I thought people already did write anything they like.  How can you know, either way? And if you could know, how would you enforce it, without removing the 'private' part?

My experience of PMs is that people are just as polite as when posting in threads, though the tone might be a little more familiar. Also, people are more willing to use "text-speak" (is that the right word?), as if it were an sms. No capitals, less punctuation, creative alphanumeric spellings, etc.

Respect for the other should be top priority, though, and I'd definitely report what I considered to be a rude or abusive PM.

GEmatt


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## Cath.S.

> Respect for the other should be top priority, though, and I'd definitely report what I considered to be a rude or abusive PM.


Rhanks for anwering. 

Why would you report a _private _matter, though? You said it yourself...


> how would you enforce it, without removing the 'private' part?


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## cuchuflete

Things that have been reported:

SPAM
Personal harassment, including sexual approaches
Insults


In the case of SPAM, the sender is immediately banned.

Reports of sexual harassment and similar behavior have been very few, and
strong action has been taken when these reports have been verified.

In the case of highly insulting messages, foreros are generally advised to put the sender on
their "ignore" list.  Moderators have no interest in getting in the middle of personal disputes.

There are no rules for the content of PMs, but these forums provide the PM facility as a convenience 
to members.  If that facility is abused, there may be appropriate intervention.  

Two of the forum rules may be considered:

This forum system is not a venue for personal or private vendettas. Keep your personal business as just that - personal. This forum is not a venue for the resolution of personal disputes with members or companies.

As a user you agree to any information you have entered above being stored in a database. The administrator and moderators cannot be held responsible for any hacking attempt that may lead to the data being compromised. Do not transmit any sensitive personal information by PM.


The question has been asked and answered before, but for those who may not have seen it:

Can moderators read PM's other than those addressed to themselves, or which are forwarded by other moderators or members?   NO, we cannot.


PS- Most moderators receive a fair number of PMs from members whose posts or threads have been closed or removed.
Some of these violate any possible standard of decency.  I'm not talking about strenuous disagreement alone, but extremely
rude and insulting, and often obscene language.  Those sending such messages are asked to behave with civility.


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## GEmatt

I don't know if I understand the question, eguele.. or perhaps I have a weird notion of 'privacy' .  

After receiving a rude or abusive PM, shouldn't a forum member be entitled to waive her/his privacy, in order to report?  On the technical side it might be difficult, since (I don't think) PMs are 'alertable', in the same way regular posts are, so any such report would come down to one person's word against another.  Probably it's easier just to use the 'Ignore' function.


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## roxcyn

They are private in the sense that you and the other person can see them.  They are not private in the sense that if one of you SPAMS, sends harrassments, etc, the messages could be forwarded to a moderator.


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## Etcetera

egueule said:


> Specifically, do we *have to* be polite, and could people complain about another forum member being rude to them in a PM?


I've always been sure that people should be polite (or at least try to be polite) in every situation. I don't see any difference between a PM and a "real" conversation. 
If someone sent to you an insulting message, just add the sender to your Ignore list, and you'll never receive another PM from that person. What's more, they'll never know that they're in your Ignore list.


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## Cath.S.

Thank you Cuchu, GEmatt, Roxoyn and Etcetera all for your answers. 
I now know everything I was wondering about.


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## jester.

cuchuflete said:


> The question has been asked and answered before, but for those who may not have seen it:
> 
> Can moderators read PM's other than those addressed to themselves, or which are forwarded by other moderators or members?   NO, we cannot.



Without any ulterior motive I'd like to point out that anyone who has access to the database can read PMs. That would be hackers and also the administrator, in whom I have the greatest confidence nonetheless


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