# saying "you are beautiful" to a man



## freevers

Hi,

In United States, would it be a compliment if a woman tells a man, "you are beautiful"?

My boyfriend was telling me that I am beautiful, so I replied saying, "you are beautiful, too."  When I asked him if he would be offended if I use this adjective, he said that he wouldn't.  But I am not sure whether he really meant it or not.

Thanks


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## Orange Blossom

It really depends on the man.  Some people think that the adjective 'beautiful' should be applied only to women, and that 'handsome' be applied to men only; however, I think that the qualities of handsomeness and beauty are different.  As a consequence, I do use 'handsome' in reference to some women (I've seen that usage in writing as well), and I do use 'beautiful' in reference to some men.  Some men and women are in agreement with me, and others are not.

Orange Blossom


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## GreenWhiteBlue

If I heard a male coworker saying of another man "I think he is one of the most beautiful men I have ever known", I would assume that he was speaking of his character.  If he were speaking of a woman, though, and said "she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met", I would assume he was speaking of physical appearance.


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## freevers

Would guys generally be offended if another guy comments on him saying that "you are beautiful."

How about girls?  Well I guess it is very unusual for men to praise each other that way...


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## Packard

I think, in the USA, if a man said another man was "beautiful" it might be construed to be non-hetersexual in nature.

If he said the man was a "beautiful person" it would, as GreenWhiteBlue said, generally be thought of as refering to his character and not his appearance and I would not think it would carry the same baggage.

There is, from my experience, a certain generalized homophobic attitude in the USA that would cause such a comment by a man about a man to raise eyebrows. There might be some exceptions in some very urbane areas, but through much of the USA I believe this to be the case.

If a girl said to me, "I think Brad Pitt is beautiful" and it was incumbent upon me to reply, I might say, "I guess you could say he is a good looking guy; not my type, though."


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## Dansey

My brother just got called beautiful recently and didn't seem to like it so much.  He thought it sounded weird (He is 34).

You are a beautiful person is definately better (that means if you are talking about there insides - their personality)

I might say: You are handsome. - If you want to compliment him on his God-given appearance.
If you want to compliment him as he looks handsome because of how he looks on a particular night you could say: You look handsome today/tonight/this morning/etc.


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## Packard

Dansey said:


> My brother just got called beautiful recently and didn't seem to like it so much. He thought it sounded weird (He is 34).
> 
> You are a beautiful person is definately better (that means if you are talking about there insides - their personality)
> 
> I might say: You are handsome. - If you want to compliment him on his God-given appearance.
> If you want to compliment him as he looks handsome because of how he looks on a particular night you could say: You look handsome today/tonight/this morning/etc.


 
I agree; if you normally wear jeans and plaid shirts and now you are in white tie formal wear, then it would be acceptable to say, "My aren't you handsome today."  (Straight faced or sarcastic)


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## coiffe

freevers said:


> Hi,
> 
> In United States, would it be a compliment if a woman tells a man, "you are beautiful"?
> 
> My boyfriend was telling me that I am beautiful, so I replied saying, "you are beautiful, too."  When I asked him if he would be offended if I use this adjective, he said that he wouldn't.  But I am not sure whether he really meant it or not.
> 
> Thanks



freevers, I agree with everything that has been said. Only to add this, that if you tell your boyfriend he's beautiful, it tells me your relationship is very strong, not just casual. If it were casual, you might say "You look really nice" or "really good." Beautiful is a superlative. If you're exchanging such comments, then your relationship is quite intense. If it isn't, then I wouldn't use such superlatives.


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## Meadow Blue

I would have no hesitation in telling a man he was beautiful. I speak from an artistic point of view and in reference to the nude male body.

My late partner was completely beautiful and I frequently told him so. I particularly loved the tender sweep of his hip bones round to his buttocks.

Think of Michaelangelo's "David". Or Rodin's "The Kiss". You may understand what I mean.


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## GreenWhiteBlue

Meadow Blue said:


> I would have no hesitation in telling a man he was beautiful. I speak from an artistic point of view and in reference to the nude male body.
> 
> My late partner was completely beautiful and I frequently told him so. I particularly loved the tender sweep of his hip bones round to his buttocks.
> 
> Think of Michaelangelo's "David". Or Rodin's "The Kiss". You may understand what I mean.


 
Meadow Blue, I apreciate your aesthetic tastes.  However, do be aware that very few men would be flattered to be told their hip bones have a tender sweep...


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## Meadow Blue

GreenWhiteBlue said:


> Meadow Blue, I apreciate your aesthetic tastes. However, do be aware that very few men would be flattered to be told their hip bones have a tender sweep...


 

When you are covering that tender sweep with kisses, I don't think they mind! 

I had no complaints from mine.   Besides, I never used those words to him, just told him how beautiful he was.


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## ewie

Meadow Blue said:


> I would have no hesitation in telling a man he was beautiful. I speak from an artistic point of view and in reference to the nude male body.
> 
> My late partner was completely beautiful and I frequently told him so. I particularly loved the tender sweep of his hip bones round to his buttocks.
> 
> Think of Michaelangelo's "David". Or Rodin's "The Kiss". You may understand what I mean.


 
Your post brought tears to my eyes, Meadow ~ Bravo!


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## nzfauna

I don't see anything wrong with describing a man as beautiful.

However, it is important to note that it has different connotations when used for a woman versus a man.

I beautiful woman is just a beautiful woman, but a beautiful man is a man who is *especially* good looking/cute/gorgeous etc.

Beautiful could also describe the way in which a person thinks, or thinks about things  (e.g. the move, Beautiful Mind).


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## bepin

Packard said:


> I think, in the USA, if a man said another man was "beautiful" it might be construed to be non-hetersexual in nature.
> 
> If he said the man was a "beautiful person" it would, as GreenWhiteBlue said, generally be thought of as refering to his character and not his appearance and I would not think it would carry the same baggage.
> 
> There is, from my experience, a certain generalized homophobic attitude in the USA that would cause such a comment by a man about a man to raise eyebrows. There might be some exceptions in some very urbane areas, but through much of the USA I believe this to be the case.
> 
> If a girl said to me, "I think Brad Pitt is beautiful" and it was incumbent upon me to reply, I might say, "I guess you could say he is a good looking guy; not my type, though."



SparkNotes, in their plot overview  to the Picture of Dorian Gray, write :"Dorian is a cultured, wealthy, and impossibly *beautiful* young man who immediately captures Basil’s artistic imagination." Does "beautiful" refer to the artistic point of view mentioned by Meadow Blue above or can it be considered a synonym of goodlooking?


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## Barque

bepin said:


> or can it be considered a synonym of goodlooking?


I'd say it's used as a synonym of "goodlooking" but implies soft features rather than rugged ones. To me, those words brought up a picture of a man with very regular and well-defined features who took a lot of pride in his appearance.


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## Packard

bepin said:


> SparkNotes, in their plot overview  to the Picture of Dorian Gray, write :"Dorian is a cultured, wealthy, and impossibly *beautiful* young man who immediately captures Basil’s artistic imagination." Does "beautiful" refer to the artistic point of view mentioned by Meadow Blue above or can it be considered a synonym of goodlooking?



Dorian Gray was written about 125 years ago.  Times change; language changes too.  If that book was written in 2017 the word choice might very well be different.

I know a pair of 19 year old twins.  The older girl is pretty; her "kid brother"  (four minutes younger) is "very pretty".  

The "girl is pretty" is a compliment.

The "younger brother is very pretty"; it is a veiled statement.  It implies a certain feminine quality to the prettiness. Most men would find being called "pretty" or "very pretty" demeaning.  Being called "beautiful" (appearance) would be worse.


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## natkretep

Yes, we have the expression _pretty boy_ to refer to a man who is good looking, but in a more effeminate way. (Putting that into Google images throws up Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom.)

I'm not sure that _beautiful_ is a worse expression. I think _beautiful_ when used of a man can be more positive, often to do with his character or possibly in an artistic fashion. (Google images gives me Leonardo di Caprio.)


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## Packard

natkretep said:


> Yes, we have the expression _pretty boy_ to refer to a man who is good looking, but in a more effeminate way. (Putting that into Google images throws up Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom.)
> 
> I'm not sure that _beautiful_ is a worse expression. I think _beautiful_ when used of a man can be more positive, often to do with his character or possibly in an artistic fashion. (Google images gives me Leonardo di Caprio.)



I agree.  I specified that: 
Being called "beautiful" *(appearance)* would be worse.

Saying, "He is a beautiful man; he donates both his time and his money to many charities", would not be denigrating in any way.  It is a positive relating to his character.


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## natkretep

Thanks for highlighting *appearance*. Sorry I didn't quite focus on it the first time.


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## Michael Demian

Beautiful is a very good word for describing a very good-looking man. And it doesn't mean feminine in this case. You can find a lot of videos with pictures of beautiful men and a lot of pictures of beautiful men on different websites. Those men don't look like women. On the contrary they are well-built, muscular and very attractive. Handsome is not a male equivalent of the word beautiful. Handsome man means just a physically attractive man. Beautiful means exciting sensuous or aesthetic pleasure. Talking about a beautiful human being we mean that this person is very attractive, very pleasant to look at.  A beautiful man is a very handsome man, extremely handsome man, breathtakingly attractive man. Pretty is used to describe a feminine kind of beauty. Beautiful can describe not only feminine beauty. We use beautiful when speaking about a sunset or a waterfall. Are they feminine? Of course not. Beautiful also can be used to describe masculine beauty. A man can be as beautiful as a sunset or a waterfall. And this word is stronger than pretty or handsome.


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## tunaafi

That's a  subjective opinion, Michael. For most native speakers, 'beautiful'is not a natural word to use of a man, as we have seen in this thread.


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## Michael Demian

tunaafi said:


> That's a  subjective opinion, Michael. For most native speakers, 'beautiful'is not a natural word to use of a man, as we have seen in this thread.


So what should I say: "He is as handsome as a sunset" or "He is as good-looking as a sunset? He is as ... as a sunset, speaking about his look.


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## tunaafi

I don't think many of us would compare a man's looks to the appearance of a sunset.


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## Michael Demian

But I definitely can. The words handsome and good-looking are inferior to beautiful. So if a colleague or a neighbor tells me that I'm handsome or good-looking it will be ok for me. But if a very close person says it to me, I will think that she doesn't like me very much. By close people I want to be called beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. It's my personal opinion and it has the right to exist.

"He is as beautiful as a sunset sounds great!


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## tunaafi

Michael Demian said:


> It's my personal opinion and it has the right to exist.



Fine, but it is not very helpful in a forum to which people come to ask about what is normal and natural in English.


Michael Demian said:


> He is as beautiful as a sunset sounds great!
> 
> 
> 
> It is not something learners should be encouraged to think is natural.
Click to expand...


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## Michael Demian

tunaafi said:


> Fine, but it is not very helpful in a forum to which people come to ask about what is normal and natural in English.


It was natural to use beautiful speaking about very good-looking men more than a century ago. But in the 20th century people stopped doing it thinking that only women are a beautiful gender, only women are very pleasant to look at. Men can be just physically attractive but their attractiveness is inferior to women's attractiveness. But now this stereotype is becoming a thing of the past. Now many people consider that feminine and masculine beauty are equal and both exist. That's why many young women want to call their good-looking boyfriends beautiful nowadays and there are many men who see nothing bad in such a compliment. Others who don't like it prefer to be called hot or sexy. Handsome and good-looking don't work for many young people.


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## Michael Demian

It's better to get rid of bad stereotypes.


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## Ponyprof

Obviously anyone can use any words they want.

If your novel usage is compelling, artistic, or strikes a chord with other people who read or hear your words, they will adopt your usage and it will become accepted. That's how language develops.

If your novel usage does not seem compelling then your audience may be confused or bemused or wonder why you chose that particular phrasing.

I would say that at this point in time, it is not standard in English to refer to a man as beautiful or pretty as a straightforward compliment. It just isn't. You can do it, of course, and perhaps you are indeed on the cutting edge of changing the usage. But it is not standard, and that can't be argued away.

Because "standard" means "do most other people use it?" And not " do I use it?"


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## tunaafi

Ponyprof said:


> Because "standard" means "do most other people use it?" And not " do I use it?"


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## Michael Demian

Ponyprof said:


> Obviously anyone can use any words they want.
> 
> If your novel usage is compelling, artistic, or strikes a chord with other people who read or hear your words, they will adopt your usage and it will become accepted. That's how language develops.
> 
> If your novel usage does not seem compelling then your audience may be confused or bemused or wonder why you chose that particular phrasing.
> 
> I would say that at this point in time, it is not standard in English to refer to a man as beautiful or pretty as a straightforward compliment. It just isn't. You can do it, of course, and perhaps you are indeed on the cutting edge of changing the usage. But it is not standard, and that can't be argued away.
> 
> Because "standard" means "do most other people use it?" And not " do I use it?"


Beautiful came into English from French. The French word beau (belle) means beautiful and is used for describing both women and men. The Russian equivalent of beautiful is красивый (красивая) and it's used to describe both men and women. The Spanish word hermoso (hermosa) is also used for both men and women. Does handsome mean a beautiful in a manly way? By beautiful here I mean aesthetically pleasing, very attractive.
Beautiful means exciting aesthetic pleasure. Is a handsome man a man exciting aesthetic pleasure? If not then what is a male equivalent of beautiful? The word that has the same strength and power.


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## Ponyprof

Michael Demian said:


> Beautiful came into English from French. The French word beau (belle) means beautiful and is used for describing both women and men. The Russian equivalent of beautiful is красивый (красивая) and it's used to describe both men and women. The Spanish word hermoso (hermosa) is also used for both men and women. Is handsome means a beautiful in a manly way? By beautiful here I mean aesthetically pleasing, very attractive.
> Beautiful means exciting aesthetic pleasure. Is a handsome man a man exciting aesthetic pleasure? If not then what is a male equivalent of beautiful? The word that has the same strength and power.



It doesn't matter what you think.  It doesn't even matter if you make a compelling argument for your usage.

It doesn't make this a "standard usage." It just makes this your idiosyncratic usage.

This forum is set up to discuss the nuances of meaning in different dialects of English.  It isn't set up to promote and defend idiolects.


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## Michael Demian

Ponyprof said:


> It doesn't matter what you think.  It doesn't even matter if you make a compelling argument for your usage.
> 
> It doesn't make this a "standard usage." It just makes this your idiosyncratic usage.
> 
> This forum is set up to discuss the nuances of meaning in different dialects of English.  It isn't set up to promote and defend idiolects.


Beautiful means exciting aesthetic pleasure. Is a handsome man a man exciting aesthetic pleasure? If not then what is a male equivalent of beautiful? The word that has the same strength and power.


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## Ponyprof

You are missing my point.

It is not currently standard usage in English.

Maybe is should be or could be. But right now it isn't *because that's not what other people say.*

It is just part of your idiolect.

It is not part of a shared dialect.

I don't know how much clearer I can make this so am bowing out of this conversation thread


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## DonnyB

Michael Demian said:


> Beautiful came into English from French. The French word beau (belle) means beautiful and is used for describing both women and men. The Russian equivalent of beautiful is красивый (красивая) and it's used to describe both men and women. The Spanish word hermoso (hermosa) is also used for both men and women. Does handsome mean a beautiful in a manly way? By beautiful here I mean aesthetically pleasing, very attractive.
> Beautiful means exciting aesthetic pleasure. Is a handsome man a man exciting aesthetic pleasure? If not then what is a male equivalent of beautiful? The word that has the same strength and power.


I'm sorry, but I think we're drifting a little bit outside what our forum is designed to accommodate here.   

There are contexts - especially poetic or literary ones - in which you could undoubtedly refer to a male as "beautiful" but equally there are other contexts in which it would just sound bizarre.   We've looked at a couple of examples earlier in the thread, but if your question is _what is the male equivalent of "beautiful"? _then the answer is_ "There isn't one: it depends on what (or rather, who) you're trying to describe, and the context in which you're trying to do it._


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## ewie

Ponyprof said:


> It is not part of a shared dialect.


Ahem, _I_ share Michael Demian's 'dialect', and I'm sure there are plenty of other people who do ...

... but no, it's not 'standard'


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## You little ripper!

’Handsome’ to describe a good-looking man is pretty dated. ‘Cute’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ are a lot more common. I have heard women and gay men call a man ‘beautiful’. A straight man is unlikely to call another man ‘beautiful’.


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## Michael Demian

I know that this word is used rarely for describing a physical attractiveness of a man. But this word is not bad. And it doesn't mean feminine. Sunset is not feminine but it can be described as beautiful. Beautiful is a topic of my thesis. I read a lot of dictionaries, books, websites, poems, song lyrics. I interviewed people. In many modern English Bible versions the translators used the word beautiful speaking about men's physical appearance. For example Absalom. He was David's son. He rebelled against his father. So he wasn't a beautiful person. 
"But in all Israel there was not a man so comely, and so exceedingly beautiful as Absalom: from the sole of the foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him."
"Now in all Israel there was none to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty: from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him."
There are morden songs and poems that describe a man physically beautiful. 
Also some magazines, websites and other mass media sources sometimes use this word to describe a very good-looking man. 
I didn't say that this word is commonly used for describing men. I just said that this word is good and there is nothing bad in using it in this case.


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## Roxxxannne

I agree with ewie in #35.  There is such a thing as standard English, and 'beautiful' as used to describe the physical appearance of a man is not part of standard English.  But that doesn't make it bad.  There are thousands of words in English, in poetry and in prose, that are perfectly good, but non-standard, descriptors of people. 
I don't think this conversation is getting anywhere. You said originally "Handsome man means just a physically attractive man. Beautiful means exciting sensuous or aesthetic pleasure."  The difference between physical attractiveness and sensuous or aesthetic pleasure is a matter for philosophers.  This forum deals with English usage and grammar; it doesn't address matters of aesthetics.


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## Lermontov

"Beautiful" is, as someone said, more sensuous than "handsome", and so there is a use of "a beautiful man".  This might be avoided by heterosexual men, but is absolutely found in spoken English, particularly where a gay man finds a man, not just handsome, but beautiful.


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## velisarius

It can't be stressed enough that there is no direct correspondence between a "beautiful" man in English and the equivalent words in French, Italian, Greek, and other languages. We shouldn't be giving the impression that you can just translate (for example) a French sentence meaning literally "My boyfriend is very beautiful" in those words.


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## Michael Demian

Several minutes ago I wrote this poem

She is as beautiful as sunrise.
He is as beautiful as sunset.
Two stunning people with shining eyes,
They are so happy that they have met.
She is as beautiful as the moon.
He is as beautiful as the sun.
Their love is playing a splendid tune
That can be pleasant to everyone.
She is as beautiful as the sky.
He is as beautiful as a sea.
I hope their feelings will never die
I hope together they'll always be.


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## DonnyB

I'm afraid I'm now going to have to call a halt to this discussion: it is indeed straying outside the scope of our forum.  The core topic, which was whether the word "beautiful" can be applied to a male, has had a thorough airing with different points of view being expressed.  However it seems unlikely to me that further discussion is going to prove fruitful.

Thanks to everyone for their contributions, which I hope Michael has found useful.  This thread is now closed.  DonnyB - moderator.


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