# Returning to your country of origin



## Markus

This thread is aimed at those who are currently living in or have lived in a foreign country for an extended period of time. By extended period, I mean long enough to have begun to understand and identify with your host country's culture. I would like to know what peoples' experiences have been like upon returning to their home country (either permanently or to visit). Please state your home country, your host country, and how long you have been living (or how long you lived) in that country. Also, if you are still living in your host country, state if it is planned to be permanent or not. Here are some specific questions, but please add anything you would like to the discussion:
Upon returning, did you experience any critical feelings towards your home country's or host country's culture?
How did your view of your own culture change compared to how you saw it before leaving your country?
Do you feel more or less patriotic than you did before you left?
Did you notice any change in your ego (e.g. feeling a sense of superiority or learnedness compared to friends or acquaintances who hadn't lived in a different country)?
How did your perception change between your first day back and after you had been back for awhile, in terms of your judgements and comparisons?
If you have been back more than once, were there differences in your experiences each time?
I'll start. I'm a Canadian (English-speaking) and I've been living in Paris since September 2005. I've been back to Canada twice; once in August 2006, and this past Christmas for a week. I'm not here permanently. When I returned to Canada the first time, I found myself comparing everything. Most comparisons were innocent (I found myself amazed at how much space there was in the city! So much room for development!), but others were not so nice. I found myself feeling critical of how strangers interacted; I found it overly-friendly and phony. This was in stark contrast to when I moved to France and found strangers reserved and distant! My mind did a complete 180 in terms of what was the "right" way to behave.

I did appreciate my ability to analyse my own culture from a more objective viewpoint. Before leaving, the way I did things was normal and I couldn't imagine any other way; it didn't even seem that I _had_ a culture, I just did what was _normal_. When I returned to visit I was able to notice small differences that were reflective of Canadian culture as a whole. For example, I noticed that when you eat at a restaurant in Canada, waiters come by every few minutes to check if you need anything. In Canada we like this because we feel that it is the business's responsbility to make sure things are going well for us, and we might feel shy to seek someone out if there is a problem. In France people would find this annoying and intrusive and would have no trouble at all flagging someone down if necessary. As another example, I noticed that people in Canada talk on their cellphones loud enough that everyone within a large radius can hear their conversation. In France people speak only loudly enough to be heard by their audience. I found both of these examples demonstrative of the two countries' differing levels of preferred privacy.

I feel significantly less patriotic towards Canada compared to how I used to. I don't _dislike_ my country, but I don't feel nearly as much emotional attachment to my country as an entity. I personally consider this a healthy thing; belief in the greatness of your own country tends to equate with belief in the superiority of your country (and therefore the inferiority of other countries and people). I'm grateful to have had first-hand experience to help me with this.

I didn't find myself feeling as superior or egotistical as I feared I would upon returning. I credit this partly to my friends, who keep me grounded, but to myself as well, as I didn't let myself get too obsessed with French fashion or whatnot. I think I so much feared the story of the person returning home from Europe and acting like a superior snob that I was extra self-conscious not to be that way. I did find myself making some judgements, especially in terms of food, but I kept them to myself.

My first day back, as I said, I was in full comparison mode. I was noticing the differences in everything. As I spent the entire month of August in Canada, I had quite a bit of time to reabsorb the Canadian in me. I found that it didn't take very long to stop comparing and even to start forgetting France a little bit. I found it a little bit frightening how easy it was to go back to my ways from before I left, but a little bit comforting as well, the knowledge that I had a home to go back to that hadn't changed on me too much.

The second time that I went back at Christmas, I found myself making far fewer comparisons. I think I'm beginning to get used to both cultures and feel at home in both of them. I liken it to learning a new language: at first, you have to translate everything. This is like the first few months in a new country. You're comparing everything with your own culture as your grounding point. Next, you start to be able to think in the new language, but it is awkward to switch between them. You go from (for example) English "mode" to French "mode" and back. You might have a slightly altered sense of identity when speaking in a foreign language because of the way that that language's culture has shaped it, and this makes switching difficult. This was like when I returned to Canada for the first time. I found my identity flipping back and forth between my French "me" and my Canadian "me", and I was thus comparing and judging everything and trying to decide which I preferred. Finally, you start to become at ease in both languages and switching between them becomes natural and you have a new, integrated sense of self that includes both languages. This was how I felt when I returned at Christmas; I was able to reabsorb back into Canada with less resistance than the first time. In a way it's like I don't feel like I totally belong in either country anymore, because I don't identify myself fully with either culture. On the flip side, although I don't feel like I _belong_ to either country, I feel_ at home_ in both countries, as I understand both cultures and I feel like both have a part in who I am.


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## danielfranco

I left Mexico twenty years ago. I have returned to visit a few times. I have no plans of ever residing there again.
Do I feel superior than my Mexico-bound litter-mates? Yes. And no. I feel good that with what little abilities I have I can make a living in the States, but I think I would have been struggling financially back in Mexico. So I feel I put one over those who thought I would amount to nothing. They were right, it turns out, but who cares? I have a roof over my head and grub in the fridge and clothes on my back, so nuts to them. Anyway, I feel superior when I think maybe those guys (my detractors) would do so much better than I over here, but they aren't here and I am, so I win.
So, no I don't feel superior when I realize I'm still a petty, shallow, rancorous malcontent.


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## Nunty

I lived in the US from junior high school through completion of my doctorate. My parents (mother born in the US, father born in what is now Israel) took the family there; my father died while we were there. I married and had three children there; I was widowed and lost my children there. I've back in my native Israel since 1983. After such a traumatic loss, I was an emotional wreck when I came back home, and that probably helped ease the transition. 

In 1983, there was a much greater difference between the US and Israel than there is today: supermarkets were still a rare innovation in Israel, for example, and at least here in Jerusalem, what was called "the super" was more like a good-sized 7-11 in Los Angeles. 

Among other changes, was the loss of my native speaker's Hebrew accent. This resulted in being treated with a certain patronizing attitude by other natives, which irritated me greatly. I was impatient at the long lines for _everything_, at the necessity to have a _petek_ (a chit, a note) from someone to someone else to do just about anything, at the old-style socialism in the government bureaucracies, at the rundown appearance of the neighborhood cinema, where people smoked and cracked sunflower seeds during the show...

In those respects, I felt very superior to the people around me and I sometimes regretted my return.

At the same time, it felt so _comfortable_, so _home_. In this culture where everyone feels entitled to ask the most personal questions of strangers, it was nice if, for example, when I saw a little girl holding her mother's hand and bubbling over with excited commentary, I started crying a little, remembering my own little girl, and a stranger at the bus stop, in the shop, in the interminable lines at the post office or whatever, put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "What is it, honey? Why are you crying?" And then I could tell her all about my little one and how much I miss her and she would listen and sympathize and maybe share about losses she herself had experienced.

That sort of thing never happened to me in the US.

Now, almost 25 years later, I do not regret my years in the US at all, and I am so happy that I decided to come home. Home is home, even if it is poor and dysfunctional.


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## winklepicker

Nun-Translator said:


> I lived in the US from junior high school through completion of my doctorate. My parents (mother born in the US, father born in what is now Israel) took the family there; my father died while we were there. I married and had three children there; I was widowed and lost my children there... Home is home, even if it is poor and dysfunctional.


 
Dear Nun-Translator,

Thank you for sharing this deeply personal experience with us. I sometimes think that only the things we give that really cost us - the gifts that we cannot afford, the confidences that open us up to hurt and sorrow - are of any value. The rest is just flummery. You have brought me close to tears. This message of mine is off topic perhaps, but very genuinely felt.

WP


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## DickHavana

Hello,* Nun-Translator*:

I have no words.


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## Nunty

Please, my friends. You are embarrassing me. Surely you have something of your own experience along this line to contribute?


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## Chaska Ñawi

Nun-Translator said:


> Please, my friends. You are embarrassing me. Surely you have something of your own experience along this line to contribute?



Experience, yes, although more limited, thank God.  That I want to contribute,  no.  My hat is off to you.

Returning to Canada from England, Marcus, was comparatively easy - I had a lot of family on each side of the Atlantic and so the transition had only the occasional hiccup, like a craving for salad cream.

Returning from South America, on the other hand, I felt literally ripped in two.  For a good six months I walked with one foot in Canada and one foot in Bolivia.  It was as if one eye saw grocery aisles and one saw neat pyramids of produce spread out on the cobblestones; as if one eye saw a tractor dragging a big seeder and the other saw a team of oxen with the planters walking behind; as if one foot were in an Ontario woods and the other among clumps of ichu grass in the Andes.  For the first year I don't think there was one day when I didn't wear an item of clothing that had been in Bolivia with me .... I was very young.

The second time that I returned from Latin America, I was prepared for the same bout of culture shock - but it never happened.  I seemed to have assimilated the two identities reasonably comfortably.  However, I grow roots into physical places as well as cultures.  When I miss mole, I can assemble most of the ingredients; when I miss the profile of one mountain in Oaxaca, long to greet a particular oak tree, or to walk along a particular river ..... there isn't much I can do.  When I was sailing in the south Pacific, I was deeply aware that our orchard at home was in full bloom; in Bolivia, I knew that the Ontario woods were in full colour - and that's when I was homesick.

That sense of place makes it a bit easier to understand why settlers brought so many plants with them from the old country.


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## Nunty

Chaska Ñawi said:


> Experience, yes, although more limited, thank God.  That I want to contribute,  no. [...]


Sorry. I meant along the lines of the thread topic.


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## don maico

This february I return once again to Argentina, my excitement increasing as the days go by. When I first went back 3 years ago I felt a bit like a kid which of course I was when I emigrated to the UK all those years ago. I visited the barrio where I spent my childhood and the school where I did my años. Both have changed remarkably but my house and the street I lived on have been transformed to such an extent I could barely recognise them. What was once a fairly humble neighbourhood is now quite upmarket. One sombre note, though, was the presence of guards on every corner. It seems kidnappings are a bit of a problem which made me feel sad.
I didnt want to go with any critical feelings and dont wish to now prefering to look for positives but if there is one thing I dislike is the extent of poverty out there and the gap between rich and poor which to me is unacceptable. Beggars abound everywhere- mothers carrying children, handicapped individuals and several elderly people with outstretched hands. Its too depressing for words. Its one of the things that make me feel relieved I live in the Uk for that would not be tolerated here.We have a welfare programme which means people dot have to fall through the safety net. Apart from that my experiences have been nothing but positive.

My own cultural change? . I have lived  so long here that I talk like a Brit and live like one. Going back I try to remember things as they were but realise that it is pointless as much is different. Better to be just as I am - a curious ingles with some argentino in him absorbing the atmosphere round him.  My family out there speak to me in English although I do have some second cousins I have never met who only speak Spanish.
I dont have any great sense of patriotism prefering to see myself as a citizen of the world. Nationalistic sentiments I find both distasteful and rather scary.As a child my attitude was very different, though, for I felt a great sense of pride in being Britiish. I would look at a world atlas and marvel at all the pink areas that comprised the Empire. History books had a certain fascination but only those which involved "my country"Debacles like the loss of the  American colonies, 1066, and whatever other miltary defeat we  may have suffered, I saw as major irritants which I yearned to put right.Thankfully I lost that patrioterismo within the first few years of living here.
I feel no sense of superiority towards Argentines at all and dont wherever I go for that is disrespectful and insulting in my view not to say delusional. I always try to adopt a humble attitude when I go there particularly as I find Argentines so simpatico and generous.I find arrogance a particularly unpleasant human attribute.Human beings make all sorts of judgements of each other which are usually very shallow.
I cannot say my attitude changed much over all the time I spent there. Maybe I have been lucky as I experienced nothing that would make feel anything but pleased to be there.There was one occasion which was somewhat alarming when my wife and I were being taken back to the airport and the cab driver insisted on telling me he was once a marine and that if he had been posted to the Falklands that war would have gone on much longer.I tried to humour him as much as possible.
Naturally my experiences were different every time I went there particulalry as I visited very different locations each time From a highly cosmopolitan Buenos Aires,to a humid tropical Iguazu, to the breathtaking serenity of the lake district perched beneath snow covered mountains, to the arid mountains and indigenous culture in the north West and the awesome maginitude of the glaciers right to the south of Patagonia. Each offered something very different.
This time my destinations are Mendoza, Salta the Humahuaca carnival and of course BA. I take  two friends with me and I very much hope they will share in my enjoyment. I still have desire to visit Santiago del Estero for there is where my grandmother spent her childhood. Her first languages were Spanish and Quechua because she had been raised by an indigenous maid.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a small pied'a terre there to stay in.Mmm maybe one day. Trouble is its so far from here. The journey there takes all of 16 hrs


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## natasha2000

In those six years I have been living in Spain, I returned home three times. The first one was the most violent one, since I spent the whole year speaking only Spanish, and when I heard Serbian on the airport again after one whole year, I felt very strange.. It seemed as if I was listening a foreign language, I was more used to listen Spanish... Now when I go to Belgrade, I don't have this feeling any more, now I don't even notice the change when I get off the plane. But something else changed in me. I feel that I don't belong any more there, and I am still not sure if I belong here. Sometimes, I feel that I don't belong anywhere. I miss my people from therem my family and my friends, but at the same time I know that going back would suppose a big stress for me, since I am not a person who needs time to accept changes. I had a very bad time adapting myself here and I am not sure if I would wish to experience it again. Sometimes when I feel alone, I wish to go back, but then, I think of what this would suppose, and I try to think about something else. Usually the solution of those kind of problems is inside ourselves and not in changing the country you live in (except in extreme cases of war etc.).

.............

I guess you caught me in a bad mood. Maybe tomorrow I will feel I belong everywhere!


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## Nunty

natasha2000 said:


> [...] But something else changed in me. I feel that I don't belong any more there, and I am still not sure if I belong here.[...]


Natasha, you've put your finger on something very important. I've experienced it, and so have those of my friends (for example a Canadian who grew up in Ethiopia where her parents where missionaries, a Scotsman who grew up in Uganda where his father was a doctor...) who spent a significant period of time (usually in childhood/adolescence or young adulthood) in another country. Some people call it being "third culture", i.e. not entirely of one's native culture, but not quite entirely of one's adopted culture, either. 

Has anyone else here experienced that?


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## sarcie

Nun-Translator said:


> Some people call it being "third culture", i.e. not entirely of one's native culture, but not quite entirely of one's adopted culture, either.
> 
> Has anyone else here experienced that?



My hand is up, I am a 3rd culture kid.  
Born in Galway, Ireland, lived there for a grand total of 11 months before moving to the Netherlands. 8 1/2 years there and was carted of to Geneva for just over 3 years, before moving back to Ireland, but this time to Dublin. The reason for all the moving was not very exotic - my father kept working hard and getting promoted, the silly man . Eventually, the company was bought out and he and all the other Irish-based employees were offered voluntary redundancy, which he took to move us home.

I was brought up in a very liberal, International School system, so heading back to an all-girl's, Catholic, be-uniformed school was probably the most obvious culture shock for me, bearing in mind that school was basically the center of my life at that age. I was ferociously bullied by 80% of the girls in my class, because I (a) was different, (b) was fluent in French, a subject which was also "forced" upon them and (c) spoke with an American accent. I guess my survival skills kicked in pretty fast though, cause the accent was gone in about a month and I endeavored to answer as few questions in French class as was possible and catch up on the latest trends in music and fashion (yes, I was a Boyzone fan!) to try and fit in. After a while though, all this "fitting in" became exhausting and to be honest, I just decided to let it go. Maybe I was never one of those people who are able to fit in, and it has nothing to do with my 3rd culture upbringing.

I would never consider myself critical of my home country - I complain about the weather, public transport and other "Irish" grumbles, but as far as I can tell, I don't grumble about them any more than any "born and bred" Irish person. I never compared other countries to my home country, or indeed to each other, because if you can't embrace the differences, what's the point in traveling at all? Sure, some things will be "better" in certain countries than in others, but it all balances out in the end. I think the most important thing I learned in my time abroad and my experiences returning is how to assimilate and how to relax into the culture you're living in. It's really helped me a lot now that I'm out in the big, bad world and living abroad again. I count myself among the lucky ones to be able to just up sticks and immerse myself in a new culture - and I'm very much looking forward to the day when I try "something completely different" and move out of Europe. I always wonder would I have found it so easy were I not living in a foreign culture that shared at least some of its collective history with my home country's.

As for patriotism - Ireland will always be my "home country", but the thing I always find hard to answer is the "Where are you from?" from other Irish people. Try explaining to someone that you're not really *from* anywhere in particular, but you're still Irish... I always say Galway, but it gets tricky when they go into specifics, because I never really lived there. I now know Munich better than I know Galway . So, if any other 3rd culture kids out there have found a neat way around this, I'd be much obliged 

I realize I've gone on for quite a bit now, so I will shut up and eagerly anticipate reading the thoughts of others on this topic - which I must say, is such an interesting one...


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## Setwale_Charm

Well, this has been a topical subject for me all my life. Despite coming from an old English family with roots traced for many centuries back, I was born abroad, I spent all of my life in numerous other countries, many dozens of them, I went to school in 5 countries and studied in 4 different languages and as a child I was not so bound to English as the "basis language" because I started with Japanese and first learnt to read in Swedish before anything else. However, I was raised in an extremely "patriotic" surrounding, that little world of "the true British spirit" which only a certain class when living abroad for generations sometimes preserves and develops - truly Victorian in a way. And, in addition to Britain and everything British being praised (in a purely non-aggressive way, I must say), I would go back to the UK in summers just to see that beautiful paradise of South Devon with rural life and smiling people and everybody nice and welcoming and thought, this is what heaven is like, since I otherwise mostly lived in difficult, violent, war-torn places and this was a breakthrough into normal healthy happy life. And, whatever people who live their whole life in their home country like to say, identity, roots, language, your people mean a lot and, I believe, very few people can live happily not having these. 

However, I very soon began to realise that I am a "special breed" so to speak. I am not all that similar to people living back in the UK and if I go back I will find myself pretty much of a foreigner and, even if polite English people will not tell me so, they would not feel the same about me as about a compatriot of theirs. I must confess, I always lived with a mild inferiority complex, you know, not the agressive type but the one which makes you look up at those who have not lost their accent and got education at home and are one big happy bunch.

And I remember that amazing sensation - I am so accustomed to being a foreigner all my life, to being in a strange country surrounded by strange people, to being somehow unique, strange, stared at at, just different that I cannot forget that time when I was a teenager walking down the streets in Exeter and suddenly struck by the realisation of that I for the first time in my life could actully by right say that I am at HOME, that these are MY people, (even if they would be surprised to find out), that my mothertongue is spoken everywhere and is heard from any radio around and everything is written in English which we were accustomed to keeping for inside communication. It was such an overwhelming recognition and a truly mind-boggling feeling comparable to something a person who has spent his whole life in a remote village and suddenly found himself abroad in a city like NewYork is bound to feel.

So for going back.. I haven`t got much to go back to except memories. And my profession mostly equipes me for working in developing countries. Besides, as I said above, I will in all probability not fit back into the British society since I am realistically already too different and accustomed to many different norms. Much of what marked us as clearly British abroad will not be all that British in Britain. But the worst thing about such life is that you do not fit into any community in the world!! You are a stranger everywhere, never fully accepted. So this is for parents who dream of their children being multilingual citizens of the world: I implore you, think many times over what you are dooming them to in the future. 
And also, I fully realise that childhood tends to idealise. And I do not want to see the many unpleasant sides of that happy land which I held for such for years, just psychologically do not want to crash that image.

Another reason is more personal. 
I too, like Nun-Translator, have gone through some traumatic experiences, among them that of losing a child too ironically. But, interestingly, this is not something that drove me out, as it probably was with her, but something that partly psychologically prevented me from ever possibly going back. I find it hard to come back to that wonderful haven where I was so happy and which was a symbol of everything good that there is in this life and feeling somehow estranged and alienated from those happy times by things which have happened since then. 
In a word, returning is also a challenge and fo most people is fraught with many serious disappointments and stress.


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## Nunty

Setwale_Charm said:


> [...]Another reason is more personal.
> I too, like Nun-Translator, have gone through some traumatic experiences, among them that of losing a child too ironically. But, interestingly, this is not something that drove me out, as it probably was with her, but something that partly psychologically prevented me from ever possibly going back. I find it hard to come back to that wonderful haven where I was so happy and which was a symbol of everything good that there is in this life and feeling somehow estranged and alienated from those happy times by things which have happened since then.
> In a word, returning is also a challenge and fo most people is fraught with many serious disappointments and stress.


I have snipped Sewale's fascinating post to respond egotistically to the part that mentions me. Just to be clear:

I am Israeli-born. When I was a young adolescent my family moved to the US, where my mother was born and raised. I lived there until finishing university. Coincidentally with that, I faced a terrible personal tragedy, which *drove me back home* to Israel. I still live here, but I live here as a member of that "third culture" I mentioned, not quite like a native, not quite like a foreigner.

Other than that, I agree very strongly with what Setwale expresses in most of this post.


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## Setwale_Charm

Nun-Translator said:


> I still live here, but I live here as a member of that "third culture" I mentioned, not quite like a native, not quite like a foreigner.


 

I respond by snipping egoistically Nun-Translator`s post to say that this is what is doubly hard when you are neither here nor there and neither community feels you are quite one of them.

This is what bothers me: this thread is full of egoistic people for whom no country or nation is even prepared to take responsibility.


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## Nunty

Setwale_Charm said:


> I respond by snipping egoistically Nun-Translator`s post to say that this is what is doubly hard when you are neither here nor there and neither community feels you are quite one of them.
> 
> This is what bothers me: this thread is full of egoistic people for whom no country or nation is even prepared to take responsibility.


*Bravissima!*
We are the eternal participant-observers. It is a very uncomfortable place to live, much of the time.

On the other hand, if people like us get involved in inter-cultural dialogue, we are in a unique position to interpret one culture to the other. On yet another hand, we are very easily bashed by all and sundry. If there are any hands left, I could also add that there are probably certain psychological characteristics that are common to many of us, and that may be why we seem to gravitate to one another. (I have friends in the native and foreigner communities, but my closest friends are other third culture people who live here.)


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## Bonjules

Hello all.
I'd be afraid to go back. The longer I'm away, the less I think I could; even the thought of visiting elicits mixed feelings, as much as I long to hear my native tongue spoken, to go to a bookstore...
'Once an exile, always an exile' they say. Once you have lived more than just a few years away, you are an exile.
Maybe it is 'easier' for those who didn't have a clear initial identification to begin with? Those who did, will have to deal with the pain of being cut off from their roots (although to exile yourself voluntarily is easier than to be be forced into it).
It was a great privilege growing up in Southern Germany at the edge of the Black Forest.
Great nature, great adventures and memories. Do I really want to see what the trees look like today? I know, they built a huge
'On-ramp' for a huge new 'autobahn' right where my favorite meadow was, where I used to go with my bicycle and sit, taking in the magical sights, sounds and smells of springtime. The one time I saw it 'after' I was in shock.
The more problematic aspect of being an exile is that your perception changes. Especially if you come from a place that has some 'baggage' so to speak, this might come into much sharper focus. Staying in your 'home' you participate (most do, anyway) in the collective 'suppression' of unpleasant characteristics of your culture or history. When you see everything from a distance and through the eyes of your new place, you don't have that 'advantage'. This new perception separates you from the folks back home. You have changed, and you know it.
I am probably the only one who hasn't gone to any class reunions. I'm curious, yes, to see what became of some of the 'mates'.
Deep down I know, though, it would be a desaster. Better to have my images of them for the rest of my life.
They are, like the great childhood memories, the precious parts of your language and culture a piece of your own little
treasure nobody can take away.


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## ezi

Markus said:


> Upon returning, did you experience any critical feelings towards your home country's or host country's culture?
> How did your view of your own culture change compared to how you saw it before leaving your country?
> Do you feel more or less patriotic than you did before you left?
> Did you notice any change in your ego (e.g. feeling a sense of superiority or learnedness compared to friends or acquaintances who hadn't lived in a different country)?
> How did your perception change between your first day back and after you had been back for awhile, in terms of your judgements and comparisons?
> If you have been back more than once, were there differences in your experiences each time?



Hehe, another one faced with these issues..
I was born and brought up in the Czech republic (Czechoslovakia then). Aged 20 I lived one year in Israel, then  later one year in Austria, and now the 5th year in Norway. Well, I have somehow always wanted to "marry a foreigner" and live abroad, hihi, and accidently suceeded in that.... However, now, I dont think it is SOO exciting... 
I met my Norwegian-Austrian husband in Alexandria, Egypt, through an Icelandic guy 
So. Well. Living in Norway is sometimes hard, as you are taken as an immigrant. An immigrant, as you can imagine, is NOT anything cool or wished for... Not a nice feeling, especially as I knew nothing about Norway and didn´t wish to come here before I met my husband. How can one explain this to the people here? 
Well, I guess I am quite happy now, however, to get a job is a nightmare, that goes over the ego MUCH. I am losing and have lost my former self-confidence, and ambitions too... 
I guess I feel ok here also bacause my husband speaks fluent Czech (hehe, one of his tens of languages) and that makes me sometimes forget that he is the foreigner - well from my point of view - and when we talk czech at home I feel like living in Czech sometimes. 
When I go back to Czech republic now, I do have critical feelings towards it. People are rude in comparison to Norwegians etc.
Patriotic, well, I do not really have this concept I guess.
Well, towards my friends, hm.. I feel quite normal, only I was surprised to find out that they don´t really ask about my life here! That came quite as a shock, but on the other hand, most of them have visited us here, so they saw some of our life. 

All in all, it is difficult to live "abroad", usually you become friends with other foreigners, right? It is hard to get to know people in the host country.


NUN-translator, you´re right, that´s what I also liked about Israel, this familiarness (??) - people asking you on the street why you are crying etc. 
I felt very much at home there - in this respect (hehe, there were other things there that I was not SO enthusiastic about, but ok..).


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## CrazyArcher

I lived in Russia up to the age of 13, and then my family moved to Israel. I'm definately not an Israeli culturally, but I'm not a Russian either. I found my place in the society, finished school here and now study in a university, but still behave in a way different from native Israelis. So, well, "third culture" is not a bad way to describe mine. 
As for returning to Russia... I won't do it even if I receive a free ticket, and not because I'm connected to Israel (I'm really not). I just don't have any wish to get back to that place, not even for a brief visit. I'd rather move to the US, Canada, Britain, or even Australia, but not there.


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## Suehil

I was born and brought up in the UK and moved to the Netherlands when I married a Dutchman.  I lived there for almost exactly thirty years and my experience is that I felt completely Dutch when I was in the Netherlands and regarded all things English as 'foreign' but when I visited my family (once or twice a year) I felt completely English again.  
I didn't (and don't) feel I belong to a 'third culture' and have never socialised with other 'ex-pats' - the very word gives me the cold shivers.
I moved to France in January of this year and hope very much that in a few years, when I am more fluent in the language and have learned more about everything, I will feel the same way about this country.


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## rom30_six

I am Mixed. Japanese/Italian/croation/Trini. My Trini side has its own mix as well, comprised of European/Asian/Caribean mixes down the timeline.
So I'm at loss for culture. Living in Canada/USA, I consider myself American.

Once in a while my dad would say a few things in Italian, he understood it okay, but for me, it was just ciao and buongiorno.

I visited Italy for just under a month during summer to see some relatives,and wow I had some culture shock. 

For some reason I pictured Italy like America but with people speaking italian and just a more spectactular view.

Wrong.   Everything was just so different to me, and when I met up with my cousins, wow, they spoke a little English so I could talk to them, but it was sketchy. I havent really met them before being so far away. We would go out, and I'll be lost. Ive noticed that there were other minorities as well,and I was surprized, because I thought it was going to be all Italians.   
Just hanging out at a coffee place, his friends were there, and they'll say like americano! and start asking me about music artists they like from USA, and wondering about American Football lol.
I replied in English, and they understood I think for the most part. 
Since then I've been trying to pick up on my Italian. I've never been exposed to another culture like this. 


When I came back to America it felt good to be home, although a part of me missed the strong Italian vocal sounds, I was glad to know that a part of me had that culture.
Would I want to move there? I don't know. It's nice there, but I'm a foreigner. and maybe when I can speak/understand the language better.
Maybe I'm just too americanized.


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## Toni71

I'm originally from Finland and have been living in London, UK for the past 12 years. In the beginning after getting more settled over here I could not imagine moving back to Finland ever again - visiting was great but the thought of every day life back in Finland didn't entice me at all. But then a couple of years back I started to think about life back home in Finland in a more positive light again, I guess appreciating much more the life style you take for granted over there. 

So now after a couple of years of wondering whether or not to re-locate I am finally about to take the step to go back home again, I'm packing all my belongings at the beginning of May. I am both very excited and petrified of going back home. I have changed an awful lot over the years and am not at all sure if I will fit in with the Finnish mentality anymore, but I guess time will tell. I am expecting it to be difficult at times, and have tried to prepare myself so that I don't go back thinking everything will be going smoothly. I will also have build up my life over there from scratch again, I do have a close family there, but on the friends and social side I have lost touch with most of my past friends over the years. 

My thinking is that if I don't do this move now, I will probably never do it - just wonder about it and have a lot of 'what if's'. If I find that life in Finland really doesn't suite me anymore, then England is still here and nothing stops me from coming back.


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## Vanest

"Upon returning, did you experience any critical feelings towards your home country's or host country's culture?"

I was born in Canada, in a small town in Southwestern Ontario and I grew up at my family's farm. My father was Canadian (of Irish-German descent). My mother is Ecuadorian. They met while on vacation in Acapulco, Mexico. When I was nine years old, my father died, so my mother, my brothers and I moved to Ecuador. Although my mother has spoken to us in Spanish ocassionally, we didn't speak it. So, at first, I hated it in Ecuador. I didn't understand the language, I didn't understand why the children at school cheated on their exams, I didn't understand why my mother's family (my family too!) were so nosy... I missed Canada tremendously, but I suspect that it was mixed with missing my father. 

The years passed and I got used to life here. I still felt alienated, though, because I attended and American school. I didn't feel truly Ecuadorian until I went to a mountain climbing summer camp that took us to all of the beautiful Ecuadorian mountains and national parks and reserves. I was fascintated. The camp director told us that true patriotism has nothing to do with singing the national anthem or studying 'Cívica', but had to do with knowing our country and our culture. 

I returned to Canada for a visit when I was 19, eleven years later. I thought I was finally 'going home'. I was shocked and sad to find that there was no longer anything Canadian about me. My father's relatives all introduced me to people as 'my Ecuadorian niece or cousin'. And I was thinking, "In Ecuador people say 'my Canadian friend"... I felt lost. 
My relatives took me around the places I had known when I was little... my school looked so small, my old house so worn down.  

"How did your view of your own culture change compared to how you saw it before leaving your country?"

I found Canada devoid of culture... I know that sounds offensive, but I asked about national music, and there was none. I asked about national food, there is none. And so on. I suppose it's b/c it's a much younger country than Ecuador. So, much of it's culture still depends on the culture of  it's immigrants. Like celebrating St. Patrick's Day (Irish) or eating saurkraut and sausages (German), etc. I felt like 'Canadian culture' maybe was limited to drinking Labbat Blue and rooting for the Toronto Maple Leafs or the Blue Jays. And, on that note, I found a general 'oh, you're a foreigner and an immigrant' attitude rather offensive: isn't everybody in Canada (except the native indigenous people) an immigrant or recently desended (as in three or four generations) from immigrants?

"Do you feel more or less patriotic than you did before you left?
Did you notice any change in your ego (e.g. feeling a sense of superiority or learnedness compared to friends or acquaintances who hadn't lived in a different country)?"

Since I was so young when I left, I don't know if I ever was patriotic. I didn't feel a 'sense of superiority' towards other Canadians. I felt annoyed when they actually aasked questions like: "So, do you live in a tree house?", "It must be soooo hot in your country" (Quito is at 2,800 meters above sea level, even if it is on the equator, the high altitude means that it is NOT hot all the time) "So, you love spicy food, right?" (Ecuador is not Mexico!!!) and so on... I found that the average Canadian wasn't even sure in what continent Ecuador is. 

On the other hand, I think the average Ecuadorian has a better geographical notion  of the rest of the world. And this I find confusing, because Canada is reknown for its excellent eductional system, and Ecuador is known for its deficcient one.

"How did your perception change between your first day back and after you had been back for awhile, in terms of your judgements and comparisons?"

I stayed for about two months and, sadly, never felt at home or stopped comparing. This was due in part to people constantly asking me to tell them about Ecuador. So I couldn't put it out of my mind. When I came back, I was relieved and very happy to see my family. 

"If you have been back more than once, were there differences in your experiences each time?"

Since that trip I took when I was 19, I have been back twice: once when I was 22 and once when I was 25. On my trip when I was 22, I didn't return to my home town, but went to London. I enjoyed this trip and was less shocked than the first time and compared things less. Since I wasn't the only 'foreigner' around, I wasn't asked to give so many descriptions of Ecuador. When I was 25, I went to Calgary. Calgary is a very multicultural city, so there were a lot of people who were more 'exotic looking' than me...

And that's my story.


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## Amityville

Many thanks for sharing your stories, Vanest, and Toni, Rom and Suehil - I've much appreciated reading them.


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