# vai a raddrizzare le banane



## Azazel81

Hi everyone,

this might be a little funny... Here in Milan (but I've heard this also in Neaples), when someone is considered to be stupid, but most of all, useless or totally lazy, we say "vai a raddrizzare le banane" or "vista la tua utilità potresti andare a raddrizzare le banane".

Obviously that's because no one needs to have "banane dritte", right? 

I was wondering if there's an equivalent or anyway something as funny in English.

Thanks in advance.


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## TimLA

I can only think of one now, but I'm sure others will come up with something:

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.


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## macforever

There's another one: "You're as useful as a chocolate teapot".


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## CPA

You're as useful as...
...a solar-powered torch.
...a sun-roof on a submarine.
...an ashtray on a motorbike.
...a bucket with a hole in it.
...a handbrake on a canoe.


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## NewYorktoLA

"You're about as useful as a knitted condom"......(well...that's what they say here in the countryside


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## jespresso

I want to contribute, but I am laughing too much
Thanks guys,

Jespresso

P.S. *Azazel81* grazie x aver scritto l'italiano. Che ridere, non vado a raddrizzare le banane ma vado a scrivere la frase in quaderno


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## Azazel81

jespresso said:


> P.S. *Azazel81* grazie x aver scritto l'italiano. Che ridere, non vado a raddrizzare le banane ma vado a scrivere la frase in quaderno


 
You're welcome, Jespresso. 

The thing is: it's actually not only about how useless the person we're talking to is. Beside considering him/her useless, we totally imply the fact that he/she is definitely a lazy person.

Is that implied in your suggestions too?

Anyway, thank you all.. I've learnt some new interesting expressions


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## GavinW

Azazel81 said:


> we totally imply the fact that he/she is definitely a lazy person.
> Is that implied in your suggestions too?


 
No, I don't think it was, although laziness may be implied (or implicit). So I don't think we're all the way there, yet... Hmm...


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## Akire72

I believe that for example you could say "Ma vai a raddrizzar banane!" to those squeegees who wait for cars at trafic lights to clean car windows. They are so lazy that not only they don't work but they also do something completely useless (and annoying)!!


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## GavinW

Akire72 said:


> I believe that for example you could say "Ma vai a raddrizzar banane!" to those squeegees who wait for cars at trafic lights to clean car windows. They are so lazy that not only they don't work but they also do something completely useless (and annoying)!!


 
To these people one might say: "Go and do something useful, for a change!". 
But it's not very descriptive, or colourful....

EDIT: Or: "Go and find a job that _needs _doing!"


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## You little ripper!

GavinW said:


> To these people one might say: "Go and do something useful, for a change!".
> But it's not very descriptive, or colourful....


Or, _You're as useful as tits on a bull! 
_


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## Akire72

Quite right! I had never heard Azazel sentence, I usually tell them "Go get a job!"

I googled it a bit and it seems that it can be rather offensive and often used as racist sentence. So dole it out!!!

Read this, this is so funny!


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## GavinW

Akire72 said:


> Read this, this is so funny!


 
Bene, bene... Ma attenzione: trattasi di lavoro usurante...


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## Nerino

Sarò malpensante ma l'espressione mi ha sempre evocato tutt'altro , almeno dalle mia parti la interpretano in altro modo! Ciao!


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## Curandera

Charles Costante said:


> Or, _You're as useful as tits on a bull! _


 
I'm not sure if this colourful expression is as reliable as yours but I've heard: 

_You're as useful as tits on a nun!_


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## Azazel81

Akire72 said:


> Quite right! I had never heard Azazel sentence, I usually tell them "Go get a job!"
> 
> I googled it a bit and it seems that it can be rather offensive and often used as racist sentence. So dole it out!!!
> 
> Read this, this is so funny!


 
That's totally it!

Honestly I never thought it could be considered racist. It might be offensive, but it's usually ironically meant, so... 

If someone said to me "vai a raddrizzare le banane" or "potresti trovare lavoro nei campi a raddrizzare le banane" I'd think he means I'm good at doing nothing but goofing off.
It's not like I'm doing a job that might annoy other people (like begging for money on the street, or washing car windows...)


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## You little ripper!

Curandera said:


> I'm not sure if this colourful expression is as reliable as yours but I've heard:
> 
> _You're as useful as tits on a nun!_


Yes, Curandera, it's reasonably common. 

useful as tits on a nun


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## jepsonclough

And also

_You're neither use nor ornament
You're a complete waste of space
_


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## GavinW

More ideas: 
You're a dead loss. (fixed expression)
Fat lot of use you are! (fixed)
Come on, pull your weight! (neutral)
I see you're too busy picking daisies to do any real work! (creative)
Are you going to lend a hand or carry on sitting on your hands? (creative)
Come on, get your arse into gear! (BE, probably)
Get that lead out of your pants! (dated military slang)

There's a good adjective for someone like this: workshy.


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## elfa

Continuing on the theme of dated military slang:

_Come on, pull your finger out!_


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## GavinW

elfa said:


> Continuing on the theme of dated military slang:
> 
> _Come on, pull your finger out!_


 
But it's not dated, and it's not specific to the military! (But yes, it's the kind of thing we always heard from our fathers who did their national service or whatever!) ;-)


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## elfa

GavinW said:


> (But yes, it's the kind of thing we always heard from our fathers who did their national service or whatever!) ;-)



Yes, indeed! Perhaps I should have written finger as I was always told by my mother never to repeat it!


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## Azazel81

elfa said:


> Continuing on the theme of dated military slang:
> 
> _Come on, pull your finger out!_


 
This one actually sounds to me a little like Sergeant Hartman's "sound off like you got a pair!". Or is it just me?


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## Bookmom

Does this really have more of a meaning of go away or get out of the way since you're no use here anyway?

When we were kids we would say, why don't you go play in traffic or go take a long walk off a short pier!


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## silver frog

The idea is "go doing something pointless and time-consuming! (because you're useless, at least it'll keep you occupied and you won't bother me)!"

In Italian I have also heard "vai a spalare sabbia nel deserto".

I think in English I have heard something along the line of "bring coal to Newcastle".


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## You little ripper!

silver frog said:


> a nel deserto".
> 
> I think in English I have heard something along the line of "bring coal to Newcastle".


Selling/carrying/taking coal to Newcastle.


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## silver frog

Thank you Charles Costante


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## Giona76

*WARNING!!!!*

How Nerino said in Naples/Salerno and there around...
_vai a raddrizzare le banane_ is a sexual allusion too, and moreover very vulgar!
It's very common to call banana the penis.
Than, do NOT use it over there if you do not mean it!!!! lol


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## Azazel81

Giona76 said:


> *WARNING!!!!*
> 
> How Nerino said in Naples/Salerno and there around...
> _vai a raddrizzare le banane_ is a sexual allusion too, and moreover very vulgar!
> It's very common to call banana the penis.
> Than, do NOT use it over there if you do not mean it!!!! lol


 
Well, I guess the analogy "banana = penis" goes for all of the Italian territory, then... 

But that's another story, right?


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## Giona76

Azazel81 said:


> Well, I guess the analogy "banana = penis" goes for all of the Italian territory, then...
> 
> But that's another story, right?


 
Right ...it was just to warn that it has 2 different meaning!!!


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## Akire72

Well, if it comes to that, many sentences have ambiguous meaning and can have sexual allusions. I don't think it's so much allusive though, unless you put "con il  culo  after it! *That* makes it vulgar!


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## GavinW

Sexual allusion for this? OK, how about:
"Hey, how about you stop playing pocket billiards (and start doing some real work)!"

;-)
Usage note: there's an obvious rider to the universal applicability of the phrase...

EDIT: Meanwhile, I've just thought of a nice way of trying to Anglicize the Italian expression: "Hey, how's your course in straightening bananas going?" ;-)


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## jepsonclough

"Pocket billiards" reminds me that [in BE] I would probably call this sort of person a wanker, but not in polite company.


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