# Wedding invitations



## VickyH

Hello
Please could somebody help me? I have just got back my wedding invitation and showed them to my future mother-in-law who was horrified that her and her husband's names do not appear on them, apparently in Italy it is traditional that they should? Would anyone be able to provide me with a translation or sample of what should be written for her to send to her relatives?
I would be very grateful
Thank you


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## Silvia

Vicky, now I will be very honest with you, as I always am.

1. The bride and the groom have to choose this kind of stuff
2. Your mother-in-law is not being very nice, but I guess that's the problem with most of mothers-in-law!
3. Parents announcing the wedding of their children is oldfashioned to me *or* kind of snobbish. Moreover, I guess the age of bride and groom should be considered, if you're both 30ish, then it would make me smile 

Do you feel like explaining what she said? What was her reaction like?


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## Silvia

I thought of something: was the invitation bilingual? Maybe she got offended 'cause she couldn't understand what was written? Please explain


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## carlafed

VickyH said:
			
		

> Hello
> Please could somebody help me? I have just got back my wedding invitation and showed them to my future mother-in-law who was horrified that her and her husband's names do not appear on them, apparently in Italy it is traditional that they should?
> I would be very grateful
> Thank you



Maybe it is a quite old tradition, but it may confort you I have never seen the parent's name in a wedding invitation. And I am not very young    - Usually there are the  groom's and bride's addresses before the marriage and the address where the couple is going to live after the marriage, then of course all details about the ceremony.
Your future mother-in-law is probably quite oldfashioned, but it is up to you, and your future husband, if you want to please her or not. I would not say that it is a question of Italian tradition, however.


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## Silvia

I've seen a couple of those all my life long, and I wasn't born yesterday 

Both were in bad taste to me.


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## Silvia

But again, I'm a Northern...


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## Silvia

carlafed said:
			
		

> if you want to please her or not


There lies the problem, carla. There would be more to add to it...


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## Alfry

Hi VickyH,
first of all I have to say that I'm not skilled in these things but I'll do anything I can to help you.

In italy it is not a common tradition to show husband's parents names on wedding invitation. it seems a bit strange to me.

Where are they from? I mean, from what city of Italy?

I'm going to give you some generic rules:

Parents:
they should announce your wedding, but this is not a hard rule, only if: 
- your future husband and you will not pay together all the expenses for the services and the arrangements;
- your future husband and you have not lived together for a long time before the wedding, that is, after the wedding you will live with your husband for the first time.
- your future husband and you are not young anymore (that's a very awful custom)

otherwise it suffice to provide with your wedding invitation the following information:

-your husband and your name
-the day, mounth and year of the wedding
-obviously the precise time and the address of the place (i. e. church and restaurant)

I hope I was clear enough.

Can you please corret me if there are some mistakes in my explanation?
thanks in advance


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## Silvia

Yes, Alfry, explain this
"Parents should announce your wedding if your future husband and you are not young anymore" ?! I guess you meant the opposite.


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## Alfry

lo dico in italiano:
i genitori dovrebbero annunciare il matrimonio se i futuri sposi non sono più giovani (ma odio questa regola)


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## Silvia

Che?!! Cioè se io ho 60 anni e mi sposo, i miei genitori devono annunciare il mio matrimonio?!

What?! You mean if I'm 60 and about to get married, my parents should announce my wedding?!


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## walnut

silviap said:
			
		

> But again, I'm a Northern...


 Silvia, this north-south idea seems to be very clear to you! I would be grateful if you would explain to all of us which north, which south you are talking about. Seriously. I'm a northern and have southern+northern ancestors, friends everywhere and I could say I quite know my country for having travelled it. But each time you talk about north-south differences I don't, I really don't understand which country you're refferring to! I don't recognize in real life  the elements to which you refer talking about italy, north, and south. Is it the real one? Today? No intention to argue, believe me, just explain, please: I don't understand, honestly! 
Ciao! Walnut

PS I'm not necessarily a fan of polical correctness  but I think that always, and not only when moderating, sensible contexts should be handled with a lot of care.


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## Alfry

precisely, 
I know it is strange in fact I do not like this habit.
obviously if your parents are still alive.


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## Silvia

walnut, by that I just meant I can't speak for the whole country! I'm not sure what the tradition is like in Sicily, Sardinia, Puglia or in other areas.

What did you understand?


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## Rob625

walnut said:
			
		

> sensible contexts should be handled with a lot of care.



This is a fascinating thread; practically a soap opera!

My only contribution is that "sensible contexts" should be "sensitive subjects". 

Sensible is a notorious amico falso:

Sensible = acting with or shwing good sense

Sensitive = 1. Having sense of feeling; possessing or exhibiting the capacity of receiving impressions from external objects; as, a sensitive soul.

2. Having quick and acute sensibility, either to the action of external objects, or to impressions upon the mind and feelings; highly susceptible; easily and acutely affected.


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## Silvia

walnut said:
			
		

> But each time you talk about north-south differences I don't, I really don't understand which country you're refferring to! I don't recognize in real life  the elements to which you refer talking about italy, north, and south.


Are you denying there are differences?

Since you know Northern/Southern traditions, you can find similarities and differences, this could be very interesting for anyone. Why don't you help me with the calendar project?  Did you read the Italian Calendar Thread? Please, if you have time, read what I have written on Christmas Day and tell me if there's anything wrong or if you have anything to add to it. 

Thank you!

P.S.: Sorry Vicky for my off-topic comment


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## Silvia

Rob, have you ever noticed that Americans use sensible instead of sensitive at times? I did


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## walnut

silviap said:
			
		

> walnut, by that I just meant I can't speak for the whole country!?


  Me neither! I apologise if I was unpolite.  

I really don't understand the category Northern/Southern, except when applied to the weather and - partially - to food! I don't understand on who/where/when it can be applied. For this, I was asking for an explanation, being honestly anxious to understand. I'll think a bit about it, and then maybe open a specifc thread.   
Ciao! Walnut


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## Alfry

there are a lot of differences between North and South of Italy. 
That's not a thing I am proud


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## VickyH

Wow, I didn't expect such a huge response, thank you.  Well his parents are Sicilian and my parents are English.  My parents have decided to pay for the whole wedding (I am 23 but my boyfriend is 29) and therefore the invitations have been designed with them as hosts.  I showed them to his mum last night and she was nearly in tears, apparently not having their names is really offensive and is like me saying they are dead (or something similar).  The invitation was in English only (the only other option from the company was completely Italian, nothing with both languages) but both parents are fluent in English.  My mum has spent nearly a thousend pounds on the wedding stationary and now my mother-in-law wants to reprint her ones, although she will probably not be able to afford to same type as i have which will mean people receive invitations that i have not chosen and the ones i have will go in the bin.

My compromise is to print off and insert a translation to send to the people in Italy which includes both names.  My Italian is very poor but I have made a start, i just need help with the grammer.
Thanks again to everyone.


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## Silvia

Well, again I'll say what I think.

You can have different invitations: one type for your relatives/friends and another one for his relatives/friends.

For the Italian one have a look at this sample As you can see, you give a card for the invitation to the ceremony and one for the invitation to the restaurant/reception, if you're having one of course. Not everyone who will receive the invitation for the ceremony will also receive the invitation for the reception, that's just optional (you can invite 150 people to the ceremony and 80 to the reception).

If you're wondering what's best from a stylish point of view... cartamano (it's cut by hand and sold like that), cream colour, measure 17x23 cm ca., English font...

Sample attached.


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## Alfry

VickyH said:
			
		

> Wow, I didn't expect such a huge response, thank you. Well his parents are Sicilian and my parents are English. My parents have decided to pay for the whole wedding (I am 23 but my boyfriend is 29) and therefore the invitations have been designed with them as hosts. I showed them to his mum last night and she was nearly in tears, apparently not having their names is really offensive and is like me saying they are dead (or something similar).


this is likely but I don't know sicilians' habit; if this is not a problem for you I suggest to comply with her. A little effort, I hope, to save relationships. 
As I told in italy traditions are very different from cities to cities.





			
				VickyH said:
			
		

> The invitation was in English only (the only other option from the company was completely Italian, nothing with both languages) but both parents are fluent in English. My mum has spent nearly a thousend pounds on the wedding stationary and now my mother-in-law wants to reprint her ones, although she will probably not be able to afford to same type as i have which will mean people receive invitations that i have not chosen and the ones i have will go in the bin.


what about to different type of stationary: 
-the still printed ones for your friends and your family
-the new one for your man's friend and family (ok, they will be different from previous ones but for different people; if I'm not wrong, all italian people will receive the new type and English people will receive the type you chose)




			
				VickyH said:
			
		

> My compromise is to print off and insert a translation to send to the people in Italy which includes both names. My Italian is very poor but I have made a start, I just need help with the grammer.
> Thanks again to everyone.


that can be a good idea but I suggest to ask your boyfriend before doing it.
In that case you can tell us what you wrote on yours and we'll be glad to help you in the translation.

In any case I wish you to solve this little quarrel.


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## Alfry

please correct my English if something is not correct or could be written in a better way.

Any suggestion will be appreciated.


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## VickyH

this is what i have translated to, i am sure my grammer is terrible, dont worry about hurting my feelings.

Thank you

Sig. & Sig.ra Hudson e Sig. & Sig.ra Baldanza​Chiedere il piacere dell'aziendadi​.................................................... ​Alle nozze di ​Victoria​con​Angelo Baldanza​A la chiesa di Our Most Holy Redeemer,​Exmouth Street, London​il 15 gennaio 2005​at 2.00 di sera​e dopo a ​The Berners Hotel,​Berners Street, London​


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## Silvia

You can look at other samples

In case you decide to let her do what she wants:

you have to use both sides of the card, once side for his family one side for yours:

Maria Contini e Armando Guidi
annunciano il matrimonio del (loro) figlio
Simone Guidi...

Sharon Hawkins e Mike Jones
annunciano il matrimonio della (loro) figlia
Juliet Jones...


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## Silvia

Louise e John Hudson e Maria e Antonio Baldanza

annunciano le nozze di

Victoria Hudson

con

Angelo Baldanza

(presso la) Chiesa di Our Most Holy Redeemer (del Nostro Santo Redentore)

Exmouth Street, London

il 15 gennaio 2005, ore 14​
You should have another card for the reception (a smaller one, please look at the samples, that's the way we do that here)

I didn't get the first part sorry, what does a company have to do with this all?


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## VickyH

Perfect, thank you, hopefully no more arguments now.


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## Alfry

silviap said:
			
		

> I didn't get the first part sorry, what does a company have to do with this all?


I think it's a template she found somewhere - Credo che sia un template trovato da qualche parte.


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## Alfry

Can someone help me understand what the reputation points are?
how do I get them?

How many Reputation points do I need to win a puppet? I would like an hippo. I have got plenty.


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## Silvia

Vicky, let me just say I never saw an invitation like the one you suggested. The parents should be on separate pages, or anyway as I suggested previously.

I hope this helps!

And good luck!


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## DDT

silviap said:
			
		

> Vicky, let me just say I never saw an invitation like the one you suggested. The parents should be on separate pages, or anyway as I suggested previously.
> 
> I hope this helps!
> 
> And good luck!



Let me disagree, Silvia. It depends on the kind of marriage. I've already received both types of invitation - including the parents' names or not - and in the first case it was the parents' role to announce the wedding on the main page

DDT


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## walnut

Rob625 said:
			
		

> My only contribution is that "sensible contexts" should be "sensitive subjects".


  Thank you Rob! Walnut


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## Silvia

DDT said:
			
		

> Let me disagree, Silvia. It depends on the kind of marriage. I've already received both types of invitation - including the parents' names or not - and in the first case it was the parents' role to announce the wedding on the main page


Forse mi sono spiegata male in inglese, volevo dire che anche quando i genitori annunciano il matrimonio dei figli, lo fanno separatamente, e non insieme come suggerito da Vicky; di solito su due facciate differenti perchè su una non ci sta tutto, ma anche quando è su una pagina sola, da una parte ci sono i nomi dei genitori di lei e dall'altra i nomi dei genitori di lui, non i quattro nomi tutti insieme, anche per un fattore estetico/grafico.


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## Manuela

VickyH said:
			
		

> Hello
> Please could somebody help me? I have just got back my wedding invitation and showed them to my future mother-in-law who was horrified that her and her husband's names do not appear on them, apparently in Italy it is traditional that they should? Would anyone be able to provide me with a translation or sample of what should be written for her to send to her relatives?
> I would be very grateful
> Thank you


Hi Vicky
My wedding invitations had the names of the parents (and since they really cared for it, we wanted to make them happy..it's their celebration too, plus it doesn't hurt anybody to include them)..it went like this:
Mr and Mrs. XXXX(parents of the groom)
and
Mr and Mrs YYYY(parents of the bride)
kindly invite you to the union of their children
Marco J.
and Manuela
which will take place on (date)
at (location)

the wording is not exactly the same but you get the idea.  It's true it is YOUR wedding but in the end would you want to start a life long relationship with your in-laws in bitter terms..it's a little gesture which will be greately appreciated (and as you already mentioned, just send it to their side of the family and you can even ask them to pay for the extra expenditure...I'm positive they won't mind)
Best of luck with all the planning 

P.S. Remember the marriage is more important than the wedding (a bit of advice from a very happly married woman)


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## ikester

silviap said:
			
		

> I didn't get the first part sorry, what does a company have to do with this all?



She chose the wrong translation of "company". A common English phrase used on invitations is "John and Mary request the pleasure of your company at... {whatever event}"

It should be _compagnia_ instead of _azienda_.


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## Fantasminocrazy

I hope your wedding went well, I have lived in england for nealry 10 years and I am from Sicily, my best friend is getting married and she did send invitations which are in Italian for italian guests and English for the his side of the family
no parents name , that is a very old fashion thing..
about difference about south and north is all depending of the culture of the family..no one to get offended..but i am produ to be from Sicily !
i hope this help


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## biancolina

the ones inviting you. In Italy, however, the emphasis is placed on the ceremony, and since no one really hosts the ceremony, either both parents or the couple "announces" the wedding to take place. I found that sometimes on the Italian reception card, the hosts of the reception then invite you to the party.

In the American style, we also use "response cards" which are small cards where there is a space to write your name and then check off a box that reads "will attend" or "will not attend" and then is sent in a small, pre-stamped envelope that was included in the main envelope to the hosts as a reply, or RSVP.

In Italy however, things are more complicated (no offense) and nobody understands or wants to use this practice, so addresses and phone numbers are placed on the bottom of the card. I personally hate this, as the last thing a bride wants to do is answer the phone for a simple yes or know. I am thinking of using my american phone number and my mother in laws' phone number, so then she gets stuck with all the calls because no Italian is going to call the US!

so here is how we do it:

                                      Mr. and Mrs. Edward Jones
                                request the honour of your presence
                                  at the marriage of their daughter
                                                   Victoria 
                                                       to
                                                Alessio Rinaldi
                                     Saturday the fifth of December
                                          Two thousand and ten
                                                at four  o'clock
                                                Badia Fiesolana
                                                  Fiesole, Italy
                                                                                   RSVP
                                                                            Black Tie Optional

(wording depends on formality, notice the dress code)

the Italian version goes something like this:

  Edward e Lisa Jones                                                Mario Rinaldi e Eva Mariotti

                                     annunciano il matrimonio

   della figlia Victoria                                                         del figlio Francesco
   con Alessio Rinaldi                                                          con Victoria Jones

                              Sabato 5 Settembre 2009 - ore 16.00
                                      Badia Fiesolana - Fiesole

       32 Elm Road                                                                 Via Ferrucci, 32
  Hillstown, New Jersey                                                               Firenze
     (phone number)                                                               (phone number)

now, here's what i plan on doing, since my invitation is long and will look terrible with this Italian version (with names on two sides):

                                               Edward e Lisa Jones
                                         Mario Rinaldi e Eva Marriotti
                                   annunciano il matrimonio dei loro figli
                                                  Victoria Jones
                                                          e
                                                  Alessio Rinaldi
                                   Sabato 5 Settembre 2009 - ore 16.00
                                          Badia Fiesolana - Fiesole

 I haven't decided what I want to do about the RSVP thing, or whether to put addresses and phone numbers or just phone numbers. 

Reception card just says:

Victoria & Alessio
dopo la cerimonia saranno lieti
di salutare parenti ed amici
presso Villa di Maiano
Via Croce 48 - Fiesole





That's all. I can't find anything on the internet explaining this so I figured I would do it myself.


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## biancolina

I don't know why my post got cut at the beginning...but I just said that I'm doing a narrow bifold invite with one language on the front and one language inside on the right. The traditional Italian way with the two sides will not look right, and I just don't like it, I think it is cold. 

I also said that the US version has only the bride's parents names because traditionally they pay, but this has changed (we are doing it like this). Then it picks up from here.


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## biancolina

also the spacing got messed up. sorry.


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