# What the *** does it mean? [words for ***]



## Mr Bones

Hello, everybody. The idea for this question came to me while reading a recent thread

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=171341

Here, nycphotography was speaking about the importance of *doodle wonkies*. I tried to look up the word in the dictionary and, reading the definitions, wasn't able to make head nor tail of it. So, I cried (only to myself; there are neighbours here):

*What the hell does this mean? *(and I wasn't the only one, as it turned out).

Then I suddenly remembered how careful foreigners are supposed to be with the whole swearing thing and I wondered wether *what the hell *was an acceptable term or not.

A lovable alternative came swiftly to my mind, but I reckon it may be a bit old-fashioned: *What the deuce?*

So, my question is: Could you tell me what the *** to say in these cases? And, could you provide me with several possibilities so that I could use them in different situations and with different people (my wife, my boss, a complete unknown, etc.?

And could you also warn me if I made any mistakes with my English, please? (This is very important to me, really. I don't want to be a bore, but the fact is that I don't have a teacher and I don't want to keep making the same mistakes again and again).

Thanks in advance, Mr Bones


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## Sallyb36

without causing offence you can say "what on earth..."
What the hell is ok too, but a little stronger, although not offensive.
Your english is perfect.


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## Mr Bones

Sallyb36 said:
			
		

> without causing offence you can say "what on earth..."
> What the hell is ok too, but a little stronger, although not offensive.
> Your english is perfect.


 
Thank you, Sally. Now I remember studying "what on earth", yes, it's more neutral. I'l try to keep it in mind. And thank you for your opinion about my English, too. It's very reassuring.  

All the best, Bones.


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## lizzeymac

Dear Mr. Bones:
Not only is your English in this thread technically excellent, it sounds perfectly natural to my AE ear.

If you wish to convey a bit more exasperation you might also say:

_What the *heck* are doodle wonkies?_

Everyone will know that you wanted to say "hell" for emphasis, but you restrained yourself.  
"Heck" expresses exasperation without vulgarity & has that satisfying hard "k" sound at the end.  I believe "heck" is only used in AE.
"Heck" is the word that baby-sitters & summer-camp counselors use in the presence of children. ;-)  
Another substitution for mild curse words is using "darn" ("a" as in arm) instead of "damn." 

You will note that if you you catch yourself in mid-phrase you can switch from "hell"  to "heck" without anyone noticing.
-


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## marget

Sallyb36 said:
			
		

> without causing offence you can say "what on earth..."
> What the hell is ok too, but a little stronger, although not offensive.
> Your english is perfect.


 
I feel that _what the hell_ is somewhat offensive.  I can't  use it in polite company. I say _what the heck_ instead.  Another old-fashioned alternative might be _what the devil_.


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## Mr Bones

Thank you very much for your help, lizzeymac. Your observations are very interesting and useful. And, by the way, what about the word *deuce. *I learned it in the film _The private life of Sherlock Holmes,_ directed by Billy Wilder. 

_What the deuce were you thinking of? -_says Watson.
 
Does *deuce *sound that old-fashioned?

Regards, Mr Bones.


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## marget

Mr Bones said:
			
		

> Thank you very much for your help, lizzeymac. Your observations are very interesting and useful. And, by the way, what about the word *deuce. *I learned it in the film _The private life of Sherlock Holmes,_ directed by Billy Wilder.
> 
> _What the deuce were you thinking of? -_says Watson.
> 
> Does *deuce *sound that old-fashioned?
> 
> Regards, Mr Bones.


I, for one, don't hear it or use it. I would understand it, but that's the extent of my awareness of the expression.


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## lizzeymac

Hi Mr. Bones - 
I too am a Sherlock Holmes fan. 

I hate to say it, but "deuce" isn't common in this context. It is "dated."
I have used "deuce," but sparingly & in the presence of certain friends who would "get it" (understand my meaning). 
I live in a big city & work with actors & "artsy" people so I can get away with using "period" or "dated" words  when it amuses me.  
I wouldn't try it with strangers unless they were English and/or older or tolerant of "artsy" or book-ish types.

I was thinking of alternatives to "what the heck" & phrases that came to mind had religious overtones or roots. I attended Catholic school and it stuck to me.  You could try them on & see if they fit you.

What in heaven's name are doodle wonkies?

What in the name of all that is good & holy are doodle wonkies?​
I am sure there must a thread about exclamations & curse words somewhere on WRF.


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## Mr Bones

Thank you, lizzeymac. What you told me about deuce is exactly what I wanted to know, some context. I think I perfectly understood the way you could use it, and that's a valuable acquisition.

Regards, Bones.


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## boonognog

Mr Bones, your English is perfectly natural and excellent.  The English language would be more understandble should all English speaking natives aspire to your competence, in my opinion.

I would perfectly understand "What the deuce...", even though it isn't commonly used.  English is amazingly adaptable for such statements.  What the frick... What the crap... What in the dickens...   What in heaven's name... etc.


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## fenixpollo

The only time I have heard an AE speaker use "what the deuce?", they were doing a very lame imitation of a BE speaker from a previous century (such as Sherlock Holmes).  It doesn't sound natural to me.

I would avoid _frick_, as this is not only an obvious replacement for _fuck_, but is not widely used by all generations; and _crap_ is still considered a curse word by most people over 50.


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## Mr Bones

I'm so pleased with your comment about my English, boonognog, really. Thank you very much. And thank you too for your contribution to the swearing list. I'm going to write a couple of them down right now.

Regards, Bones.


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## nycphotography

Mr Bones said:
			
		

> Hello, everybody. The idea for this question came to me while reading a recent thread
> 
> http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=171341
> 
> Here, nycphotography was speaking about the importance of *doodle wonkies*. I tried to look up the word in the dictionary and, reading the definitions, wasn't able to make head nor tail of it. So, I cried (only to myself; there are neighbours here):
> 
> *What the hell does this mean? *(and I wasn't the only one, as it turned out).
> 
> Then I suddenly remembered how careful foreigners are supposed to be with the whole swearing thing and I wondered wether *what the hell *was an acceptable term or not.
> 
> A lovable alternative came swiftly to my mind, but I reckon it may be a bit old-fashioned: *What the deuce?*
> 
> So, my question is: Could you tell me what the *** to say in these cases? And, could you provide me with several possibilities so that I could use them in different situations and with different people (my wife, my boss, a complete unknown, etc.?
> 
> And could you also warn me if I made any mistakes with my English, please? (This is very important to me, really. I don't want to be a bore, but the fact is that I don't have a teacher and I don't want to keep making the same mistakes again and again).
> 
> Thanks in advance, Mr Bones


 
What in god's green blazes is a-goin on here?  [Mel Brooks]

We also say "What tha.....  (trailing off)  What is a doodle wonky?

What may I ask is a doodle wonkie?

But honestly, "What [in] the hell" is so universal, at least in AE, that you are unlikely to offend anyone (unless it is used to apply the emphasis of disbelief to something about the offended party, ie "what the hell were you thinking?").



I have to admit, I never expected a _random made up place holder word_ to cause such a stir.  What the hell was I thinking?


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## lizzeymac

Let me say I loved "wonky doodles" & intend to use it.  Please let me know where to send royalty payments.

I would respectfully suggest the word "hell" is not universally accepted in _all of_ America as a light-hearted exclamation. 

At the very least it is quite a bit stronger than heck, & saying hell instead of heck can imply you are more annoyed & perhaps even angry. Of course, tone of voice is very important.

Among younger or non-religious people it is not likely to cause offense.  
Not everyone in America is younger or non-religious. 
Conservative or religious people may consider using Heaven or Hell  casually or as a curse word to be close to blasphemy.  Similarly, they would consider "Oh my God" to be taking the Lord's name in vain (Second Comandment).  
They might just find it a strong word to use casually or in front of Grandma or young children.  
Hell is a fine word, but one to be used advisedly.


P.S.

What _in tarnation_ are wonky doodles?

Yes, it is folksy but it's very American & not pretentious.

tar·na·tion  (tär-nay-shn) New England & Southern U.S.
n.
The act of damning or the condition of being damned.
interj.
Used to express anger or annoyance.
[tarn(al) + (damn)ation.]
Regional Note: The noun and interjection tarnation illustrate suffixation, the addition of a suffix to a word. Tarnation and darnation (the latter probably having come first) are both euphemistic forms of damnation. Tarnation seems to have been influenced by tarnal, another mild oath derived from (e)ternal! The Oxford English Dictionary cites late-18th-century examples of tarnation from New England, indicating that it has been part of American speech since colonial days.​


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## fenixpollo

I also disagree that "hell" is generally inoffensive.  My guess is that at least half of the 60% of Americans who are protestant would be offended to some degree by exclamations that are religious in nature.

I know many religiously conservative people who go so far out of their way to not swear that they use "heck" to an annoying degree: placing it in expressions where it doesn't belong, such as saying "Oh my heck!"

I just remembered another creative way to avoid saying "hell" that's popular with the kids as well as adults.  *What in the Sam Hill...?!*


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## panjandrum

I suppose the small minority who find "What the <euphemism> are doodle wonkies?" to be offensive in itself will have to continue to suppress our sensitivities.

In very many of the occurrences of heck, those who say heck are thinking hell.
The listeners, including those who might be offended by hearing hell, hear heck, but also think hell.
As both parties have hell in mind, it is only the intervening air space that experiences heck - and therefore is saved the effort of turning blue.

However, now that the great doodle wonky mystery has been solved (thanks nyc) I feel a lot better.


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## gotitadeleche

panjandrum said:
			
		

> I suppose the small minority who find "What the <euphemism> are doodle wonkies?" to be offensive in itself will have to continue to suppress our sensitivities.
> 
> In very many of the occurrences of heck, those who say heck are thinking hell.
> The listeners, including those who might be offended by hearing hell, hear heck, but also think hell.
> As both parties have hell in mind, it is only the intervening air space that experiences heck - and therefore is saved the effort of turning blue.
> 
> However, now that the great doodle wonky mystery has been solved (thanks nyc) I feel a lot better.



Sorry to disagree panj, but I think heck has its own place, without thinking of hell. I use heck all the time, and I don't have hell in the back of my mind. I have to be pretty excited/upset to use hell. 

Other expressions:
"What the thunder are ...?"
"What in blue blazes are ...?"


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## nycphotography

On cursing in general, replacing one offensive swear word with a different (supposedly) inoffensive one is pointless and hypocritical.

The concept of exclamatory swearing is to have an utterance which is somewhat extreme and shocking in order to convey the degree of emphasis which you are feeling. Mild expletive = mild emotional distress. Major vulgarity = major emotional distress. The particular symbols used to represent the range of minor to vulgar vary from person to person, but the concept doesn't.

For example: I'd be much more concerned if a minister asked me what the heck I was doing than I would be if a sailor asked me what the f** I was doing.

To sit on the high and mighty chair of self rightousness and say 'what in the heck do you think you're doing with that foul mouth of yours' just causes me to shake my head while losing respect for someones integrity. They are fully swearing in concept, yet deluding themselves into believing they are not.

Ironically(?) just about the only people who don't swear and aren't hypocrites about it tend to be the self contained, somewhat elightened sorts who also aren't much offended by others who do swear. They may raise an eyebrow as to your metal state, but by and large won't be much bothered by it.

So upon further review, I suppose I should restate my earlier position "that very few would be offended"... and say instead that "I dont much give a rats patootie who might be but if you do care, then be advised, you may offend some (really uptight self rightous?) people".

Oh, and by the way, I'm not directing this with any particular malice or derision, so I hope its not taken that way.


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## Joelline

nycphotography said:
			
		

> On cursing in general, replacing one offensive swear word with a different (supposedly) inoffensive one is pointless and hypocritical. *This is an overstatment. * *You assume that every emphatic word is a replacement for a vulgarity, and that is not so. If the strongest word in someone's vocabulary is "darn," then it is not a replacement for the word that doesn't exist in his or her vocabulary.  think of children, for example!  Is the child a hypocrit because he says, "poop"?*
> 
> *IN THEORY, *The concept of exclamatory swearing is to have an utterance which is somewhat extreme and shocking in order to convey the degree of emphasis which you are feeling. Mild expletive = mild emotional distress. Major vulgarity = major emotional distress. *In general I agree with you that this is the way it should work. If I say, where is that darned cat? I am mildly annoyed. If I say, Where the hell is that damned cat? I am seriously annoyed. But, did you see "Goodfellas"? Every sentence contained "f***," "motherf***," or "motherf***er." Over-use of such strong words reduced them to the level of "gee whiz!" I found that 20 minutes into the movie, I actually wasn't hearing them anymore because they were meaningless sounds.*
> 
> To sit on the high and mighty chair of self rightousness and say 'what in the heck do you think you're doing with that foul mouth of yours' just causes me to shake my head while losing respect for someones integrity. They are fully swearing in concept, yet deluding themselves into believing they are not. *This is a sweeping generality that is just not true (see above). *


 
I think your failure to take context, situation, and socio-cultural background, among other things, into consideration weakens some of your, otherwise, excellent points.


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## A90Six

I have never heard of a doodle wonkie, although I do have a wonky doodle, but I don't like to talk about it.

What in God's name... (possibly religiously offensive)
What in the name of Jesus... (possibly religiously offensive)
What the feck... (euphemism)
What the flip... (euphemism)
What in the blue blazes...


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## mariposita

I have to say that I wouldn't use any of the euphemisms as a replacement for "what the hell" or "what the f**k." To be honest, they sound hokey (cheesy, Ned Flanders-ish, cursi) to me--just not my personal style and not the style of anyone that I grew up around...

If I happen to be in a situation where I don't feel comfortable saying "what the hell"--which wouldn't be often, but say, for example, while visiting my husband's Southern Baptist grandmother--I would refrain from using any sort of damning exclamation. Of course, after all of that and bottling up, I would then overcompensate later on to release any pent up vulgarity.


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## moirag

Although I´d probably say "What the hell/ f***?" ( is the f*** word censored here?), I find "What on earth?" a perfectly acceptable alternative.


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## A90Six

I agree with mariposa. The only one I use is, "What the f***!" If there are children present or someone whom I think I might offend, I omit the f*** and leave a pause.


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## la reine victoria

Don't laugh, but I've heard "What in the dickens is that?"  Somewhat archaic, but inoffensive.






Woofs and wags,  
LRV


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## emma42

I say "What the Dickens" sometimes, but it is archaic and I only say it when I am putting on an act.

I say "What the f**k" a lot, but my mother keeps telling me off.


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## boonognog

Now why would anyone laugh at "What the dickens...?"  I say it all the time... Now I wonder if people are laughing at me?!  (I guess my earlier post didn't catch anyone's notice... )

And I didn't realize this expression would be received as archaic...!  Perhaps yet another feature of the so-called Bible Belt.


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## fenixpollo

Hey, John... tell me which is more hypocritical: a religious person who says "What the heck!" or an atheist who exclaims, "Oh my God!"


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## la reine victoria

Sorry Boonognog,

I didn't see your "what the dickens?" I suppose I thought it funny and archaic because it appears to involve Charles Dickens. It's definitely archaic over here. 

Other posters have mentioned "What . . . . . . . . blazes?" In England I've heard "What the blazes?" with no additonal words. Again archaic.

My personal choice is "what on earth?" I often use this in my thoughts about some of the posts in the forums. "What on earth is this person trying to say?", I think to myself. Swearing is reserved for my PC when it is being wilful - then I let rip, audibly!  But only in my cat's presence.

*Emma: *I'm not surprised that your mother keeps telling you off. I would never have dared to swear in my parents' hearing. Write out 500 times "I must not swear in front of mummy."  (And see me after school!) 




LRV


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## emma42

LRV, I have completed my task (I haven't really) and apologise to your Maj. 

Boonognog, could you enlighten me as to why you think Nottingham, England is the Bible Belt? The Qur'an belt, maybe...

And why would people in the Bible Belt take offence to "What the Dickens"? I know lots of American people like British things, but surely they don't actually _worship_ Dickens?  I think I must have misunderstood something.


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## la reine victoria

Ooh! We live and learn here. I've just googled for the origins of "what the dickens?" and found this (under "like the dickens") -




> "Nothing to do with Charles Dickens. Dickens is a euphemism for the word devil  , possibly via devilkins  . Shakespeare used it in 'the Merry Wives of Windsor: 'I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of.'" Source


 


LRV


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## maxiogee

nycphotography said:
			
		

> On cursing in general, replacing one offensive swear word with a different (supposedly) inoffensive one is pointless and hypocritical.



I have to disagree, nycp.
When I worked in the sacristy of a semi-redundant RC church here in Dublin, where I was typesetting a magazine, I had to mind my language - which up to that time had been no worse than most people's, but which - _in extremis_ - was definitely unsuitable to the location. The church was being used to show a multi-media history of the Church in Ireland and in Dublin in particular. There was one Mass a day, and there were no worshippers outside the times of Mass. But still, people knew they were in a church and expected a certain level of decorum.
I took to saying "*Bother!*" quite a lot and could explode it out of my mouth with all the force one usually associates with  "b*ll*x". People around me knew I was cursing. For really extreme cases I came up with "*Kni-ckers!*" It was as if I was swearing in a foreign language. And that can be the point of swearing, not to offend, but to let your listener know that you're swearing…
Your minister might upset you by asking "what the heck are you doing?", but I bet you'd be even more upset if he phrased it more emphatically - "WHAT - the - HECK - are - you - DOING?" —> it's in the tone and delivery as much as, if not more than, in the content.​
The others who worked there had all come to their own arrangements and it was interesting to see how expressive people could be while maintaing a level of apparent piety.
I was in that job for 8 years and in the final four had moved from the sacristy into what had been the parish house, but I still tend to say *bother* and *knickers* and rarely find myself saying anything really offensive.


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## quark44

Mr Bones said:
			
		

> A lovable alternative came swiftly to my mind, but I reckon it may be a bit old-fashioned: *What the deuce?*


Saying "what the deuce?" would be understood by most everyone. It would sound a bit strange to some people. For lack of a better word though, I think it would sound "neat" to hear someone use this expression. I personally like it. 

To be more universally understood though, I would stick to "what the heck?" The word "heck" is can be safely used in more polite situations when "hell" would be too offensive


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## Mr Bones

Thank you, quark. I think I like _what the deuce_ because of its sound. As a foreign student of the English language, I sometimes go for some sounds that are very strange to us. The word _deuce_ may be the case. But I like to know the context as well and try to use them in its appropriate register. So I'll refrain myself from saying it too often (Unfortunately, I don't have many opportunities to do it, though). Regards, Mr Bones.


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## A90Six

"What the deuce" is not heard in BE today. (Certainly not by me anyway.) I would expect to hear it spoken by Basil Rathbone, playing Sherlock Holmes, or in dramas set in an earlier period spoken by dandies and fops.

Were it used in the UK today, it is likely to be misunderstood as "What the juice," and thereby, simply cause confusion.


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## nycphotography

The point of the teachings of each of the great spiritual leaders (jesus, mohammad, buddha) was to find your spirituality within yourself.  In an inwardly focused spirutuality as taught by the original spiritual leaders, offense is not something which can be given, it is only something which can be taken, and expletives are not to be avoided for fear of offending, rather the goal is to grow spiritually until one no longer needs them.

Only in the context of an organization, ie a church, does it become necessary to author "divinely inspired proscriptive manuals" which outwardly focus one's attention on the actions of others, replete with extensive lists of Do's and Don'ts which can be easily measured and adopted by the masses.

Also, there is a great invidual variability in the extremism and strength which is emptionally attached to each individual word.  This meaning is by and large an emotional (subjective) one rather than a rational (objective) one.  

What is my point?  The point is that the specific words used are by and large irrelevant, as at the root, the concepts are pure.

Anyone who cares to discuss it further is invited to PMs or to some other, more appropriate forum.


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## maxiogee

nycphotography said:
			
		

> In an inwardly focused spirutuality as taught by the original spiritual leaders, offense is not something which can be given, it is only something which can be taken, and expletives are not to be avoided for fear of offending, rather the goal is to grow spiritually until one no longer needs them.



But, we are not all on the same spiritual path. Nor are those who are all at the same place along the path.
Maybe offence can not be given, but it can certainly be caused, and sometimes deliberately. With that in mind many people try not to put other people into a situation whereby they might assume that an offence taken might have been deliberately caused.

Watch a child who has learned a new rude word when they try to 'sound out' their parents' attitude to it.
Watch an uncouth and vocabularily-challenged lout try to pick a fight by causing offence to be taken to his language.


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## emma42

There is much in what you say, I think, nycphotography. However, I also have to concur with some of what I think Maxiogee is saying.  Even though one person may try to attain "serenity" for want of a perhaps more appropriate word, other people may not be anywhere near there, or want to be. Therefore, we should sometimes (?) be careful in what we say if we care about offending others.


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## harneyp2

I personally like "What the deuce!" but then again Stewie Griffin on "Family Guy" has made it a college catchphrase but if someone watches "Family Guy" they probably won't be offended by your language in the first place. I think hell is perfectly acceptable and the word heck to be so inoffensive that it doesn't really show any emotion.


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## Lancearoni

nycphotography said:
			
		

> On cursing in general, replacing one offensive swear word with a different (supposedly) inoffensive one is pointless and hypocritical.




How can you make the above statement, and then sign off on your post with the comment, "I dont much give a rats patootie who might be but if you do care, then be advised, you may offend some (really uptight self rightous?) people".

Aren't you substituting 'patootie' for 'ass' in this context?


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## boonognog

emma42 said:
			
		

> LRV, I have completed my task (I haven't really) and apologise to your Maj.
> 
> Boonognog, could you enlighten me as to why you think Nottingham, England is the Bible Belt? The Qur'an belt, maybe...
> 
> And why would people in the Bible Belt take offence to "What the Dickens"? I know lots of American people like British things, but surely they don't actually _worship_ Dickens?  I think I must have misunderstood something.



Wow, I couldn't have been more confusing, I guess.  When I said, "Perhaps yet another feature of the so-called Bible Belt..." I was referring to _my _location, not yours.  I meant that here in the Bible Belt it would make sense that some archaic expression would persevere so as to avoid offending another's _Christian _sensibilities.  (In the Bible Belt, it's only "Christian sensibilities" that matter.)

I assumed everyone here would be familiar with that expression as a reference to a region of the US, and now I am reminded, again, what happens when one assumes.


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## maxiogee

Lancearoni said:
			
		

> How can you make the above statement, and then sign off on your post with the comment, "I dont much give a rats patootie who might be but if you do care, then be advised, you may offend some (really uptight self rightous?) people".
> 
> Aren't you substituting 'patootie' for 'ass' in this context?



 No, the word is a substitute for "arse"!
"ass" is already a substitute!


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## boonognog

And harneyp2, thanks for reminding me where, in my subconscious, I was 'hearing' the phrase "What the deuce!"... and why the voice has such a strong British accent in my mind... 

Family Guy is one of my guilty pleasures that I don't get to enjoy much.  My wife can't stand the show, and I have three young kids who would devour the attitude and language presented on the show, which is not suitable for anyone under the age of 14 (in my opinion).  (My kids still believe that anything on TV that is a cartoon is meant for _them_.)


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## nycphotography

maxiogee said:
			
		

> No, the word is a substitute for "arse"!
> "ass" is already a substitute!


 
Ironically, in AE people tend to use arse to euphemistically sanitize phrases containing ass.  Go figure.  I'll stick to my patootie, thank you very much.


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## Jumble

I would add...

_What the hootin' nanny...?!_
_What in the world...?!_


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## boonognog

I wonder if 'patootie' is one of those universal words... We use it here in the South as well.  (That's USA, emma42! )


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