# 夫唱妇随



## yuechu

Hello/大家好,

I came across the expression: 夫唱妇随 today. My dictionary gives the definition: marital harmony. Does this simply mean "marital harmony" or does it also, as it seems to, imply that the husband makes all the decisions and the wife follows?
For example, if the wife is the "boss" of the husband (how to put it... ), would you say  妇唱夫随? Or..., could a harmonious marital relationship where the husband does not necessarily make all the decisions (if it is equal for example), also be considered 夫唱妇随 since it has "marital harmony"?
Thanks/谢谢！


----------



## xiaolijie

It's difficult question, baosheng!  It could simply mean "marital harmony" regardless who is "the boss", but the linguistic habit may dictate that you choose another expression when the wife is the boss, for the simple reason that the literal meaning contradicts the intended meaning.


----------



## yuechu

Thanks for your reply, xiaolijie!

The reason I ask the question is because I saw it on 非诚勿扰. A man was talking about his ideal relationship and mentioned "夫唱妇随". Would most people then interpret it as simply meaning "marital harmony" or would it imply more.. ? (that the woman always listen to the man in the relationship?) As in.. would this necessarily say anything about the speaker's views on marriage? (or is it a completely neutral?)


----------



## xiaolijie

Here is my understanding of the view of traditional marital harmony in the East but things are changing everywhere, so it can be controversial or even downright wrong: _A happy family is a family in which the wife obeys the husband and the children obey their parents_. 
Note that I've said that things are changing, and some societies are changing fast than others: China vs Japan, for example.


----------



## EmileD

In short, it means 'I'll follow you, do whatever you do'.


----------



## Youngfun

EmileD, is it true the stereotype of Shanghai couples, in which the wife is often the boss, and usually the husband cooks, washes the dishes and cleans the house?


----------



## EmileD

I think, in a high civilized environment, wives are respected by husbands. They get a lot of care from their husbands. Not only Shanghai native men do that, but also other developed places' men do.

Cooking and cleaning are everyday(or weekly) homework for a normal family. If you don't do those work, the other will have to do them. It's no reason for escaping. You do everything you can because you love your family.


----------



## Coldie

Haha, I love this 成语! Just wanted to chime in and confirm that mdbg.com gives the following definition:
_fig. the man sings and the woman follows / fig. marital harmony_


----------



## xiaolijie

An interesting thing I've just noticed is the character 唱 in "夫*唱*妇随". I always (wrongly) thought that it was 倡 of "提*倡*", as 倡 would make better sense in the chengyu: "夫*倡*妇*随*".


----------



## EmileD

It looks that it can be made sense as well with the literal meaning.


----------



## YangMuye

xiaolijie said:


> An interesting thing I've just noticed is the character 唱 in "夫*唱*妇随". I always (wrongly) thought that it was 倡 of "提*倡*", as 倡 would make better sense in the chengyu: "夫*倡*妇*随*".


倡 appeared later than 唱 and can replace 唱 in this case.


----------



## Youngfun

EmileD said:


> I think, in a high civilized environment, wives are respected by husbands. They get a lot of care from their husbands. Not only Shanghai native men do that, but also other developed places' men do.
> 
> Cooking and cleaning are everyday(or weekly) homework for a normal family. If you don't do those work, the other will have to do them. It's no reason for escaping. You do everything you can because you love your family.



Yes, I agree.
I only heard that from my mother, that this is very common in Shanghai, that men does all the housework, while the wife doesn't and is often the boss in the couple, and usually she spends her time shopping with the husband's money. 
But this is only stereotype. I think in a couple there should be equality, sometimes the husband does housework, sometimes the wife. If one is better at cooking, the other can wash the dishes, etc.

However in the north of China, I've seen couples where only the woman can cook, while the husband doesn't. Maybe they still think cooking and housework are women's job.
I was like the only one male talking about cooking recipes with the women .
Maybe you can watch the TV series 家有儿女。Only women cook in that drama.


----------

