# Short wintry poem



## Lorenc

Reading the book "A mouthful of air" by A. Burgess (a short book on languages) I found the following rhyme:
Winter winds                
Freeze the trees.            
Winter winds                
Chill the knees.            
Bitter, shrill,                
They whistle, shriek,        
Nip and whip                
Chin and cheek.                
Shiver, shiver, bird on tree
Shiver, shiver, fish in sea.
Stream and river, frozen be.
Soon will spring            
Bring the sun,                
Linnets sing,                
Winter done.                


The author presents it as an exercise for foreigners in order to practice the difference in pronunciation between /i/ and /i:/. 
Anyway, I think it's delightful! Just for fun, I tried to translate it into Polish (just a plain translation of the meaning, with no artistic aims given my poor skills). 
I just would like to know what native speakers make of it (I don't like the "niech...będą" bit but I didn't know any better).

Zimowe wiatry
Zamróźcie drzewa.
Zimowe wiatry
Wyziębijcie kolana.
Przejmujące, przenikliwe, 
Gwiżdżą, wrzeszczą,
Warzą i smagają
Brodę i policzek.
Drżyj, drżyj, ptak na drzewie,
Drżyj, drżyj, ryba w morzu.
Strumień i rzeka, niech zmarznięte będą
Wkrótce wiosna
Przyniesie słońce,
Makolągwy śpiewajcie, 
Zima skończona.


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## LilianaB

Ot is OK, on the whole. There are some small problems. 
Przemrozcie kolana, maybe
Kasaja i smagaja 
drzyj ptaku na drzewie
drzyj rybo w morzu 
Rzeko i stumieniu zamarzajcie
i makolagwy would sound better

I am sorry about the diacritics. I think you will know exactly how to change the poem. If not, I will rewrite it for you so it is more clear.

I am very sorry. It will be better without _I_ - makalgwy spiewajcie, although I have no idea what kind of bird it is.


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## apex39

"Strumień i rzeka, niech zmarznięte będą" Is very good. I think it is better, than "Rzeko i stumieniu zamarzajcie", because it express something like "Let them be frozen".


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## LilianaB

_Zmarzniete_ means cold - they are cold. _Zamarzniete_ means frozen. _Niech zamarzniete beda_ does not sound like literary Polish, to me. Niech zamarzna, perhaps.


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## apex39

> _Zmarzniete_ means cold - they are cold. _Zamarzniete_ means frozen.


Yes you're right.

But,

"Niech zamarzną" => We want them to be frozen, but they are not.
"Niech będą zamarznięte"/"Niech zamarznięte będą" => They are frozen, and we'd like to let them still be frozen.


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## LilianaB

Niech beda zamarzniete does not sound like proper Polish, unless the language has changed that much towards new grammatical constructions , which I doubt. It sounds very odd to me. Niech zamarzna, means let them freeze in this context.


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## Lorenc

Thank you Liliana and apex for the corrections! 
As to _drzyj rybo w morzu_ I was very unsure whether one should use the vocative or not... after all _ryba_ is the subject of the verb (imperative, second person plural) so I conjectured the nominative was more correct. I guess that's not the case.
Liliana: I'm sorry but I didn't understand your suggestion concerning the penultimate line: _makolągwy śpiewajcie. 
_As to the bird, they are similar to goldfinches (szczygły)


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## LilianaB

Lorenc, I used ryba in the vocative since I treated it as a person. This is possible only in poetry and fairy tales, I think. You could also say: wstawajcie ryby - plular. Makalalagwy -  have never heard of such a bird, but I know only a few birds in Polish.


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## kknd

dałem upust swojej inwencji (na podstawie powyższego tłumaczenia), starałem się zachować rytm i układ rymów – stąd kilka neologizmów, mimo to wszystko będzie chyba zrozumiałe…  (dla odmiany moje tłumaczenie chyba nie ma żadnych walorów dydaktycznych… )


Zimne wiatry
Zmroźcie brzeziny.
Zimne wiatry
Wyziębcie stopiny.
Ostre, tkliwe
Gwiżdżą, wyją,
Szczypią żywie
W nos, za szyją.
Dygoc, dygoc, ptaku w borzu,
Dygoc, dygoc, rybo w morzu.
Strugo, rzeko stań dla mrozu.
Wkrótce wiosna
Zwróci słońce,
Zięby pieśń na,
Zimy końce.​


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## LilianaB

Beautiful. I don't write poetry in Polish. This is really beautiful, much better than many published poems.


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## Ben Jamin

Chyba nie 'dygoc' a 'dygocz'. A słowa w 'borzu" chyba też nie ma. Coś chyba robisz z tego nowy przekład 'Jabberwocky'.


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## LilianaB

Yes, you are right, Ben, it should be dygocz i borze, but I like the poem a lot, the sound of it.


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## kknd

i feel flattered…  i am really glad you liked it—i'm honored especially because you're professional translator… ^^


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