# Words for "you"; あなた ...etc



## Strutter

q_006 said:


> I believe the temee is a very rough and rude form of anata.
> 
> kimi, anata, omae, temee, kisama - all can mean 'you'; but omae, temee,  kisama, going from left to right, are increasingly rough/rude.



I don't totally agree with that order of rudeness. Anyway, a thing much more important than discussing about the order is, it is generally rather rude to use any Japanese word for the English word "you"; あなた, おまえ, etc, except in some particular cases.  A better way to handle this issue is always being careful to call them their own name/nickname.

For instance:I want to get something to eat. How about you?

Although "How about you?" can be translated to "あなたはどうですか？" and I don't feel it's very rude, but I recommend saying their name instead of "you", for example, 宮本さんはどうですか？/みやもっちゃんはどうですか？ One of the reasons is that calling them a word like あなた could infer that you are treating them as less than an individual. Why I'm writing this is I've noticed quite a few non-native people tend to say too much あなた, and I think, especially in everyday Japanese, it is pretty sad to use words like あなた without knowing what they sound. 

And now, I have a question for Japanese-learner: how do you learn about  あなた? What I mean is, do they teach you not only the meaning but also some extra information?


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## uchi.m

Strutter said:


> I don't totally agree with that order of rudeness. Anyway, a thing much more important than discussing about the order is, it is generally rather rude to use any Japanese word for the English word "you"; あなた, おまえ, etc, except in some particular cases.  A better way to handle this issue is always being careful to call them their own name/nickname.
> 
> For instance:I want to get something to eat. How about you?
> 
> Although "How about you?" can be translated to "あなたはどうですか？" and I don't feel it's very rude, but I recommend saying their name instead of "you", for example, 宮本さんはどうですか？/みやもっちゃんはどうですか？ One of the reasons is that calling them a word like あなた could infer that you are treating them as less than an individual. Why I'm writing this is I've noticed quite a few non-native people tend to say too much あなた, and I think, especially in everyday Japanese, it is pretty sad to use words like あなた without knowing what they sound.
> 
> And now, I have a question for Japanese-learner: how do you learn about  あなた? What I mean is, do they teach you not only the meaning but also some extra information?


I was never really told that _anata _could hurt someone, but as time went by, and by living among Japanese people, I came up to the conclusion that it is preferable to use the counterpart's name instead of _anata_.


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## almostfreebird

I'm speaking only for myself. Actually I rarely say "anáta" 
because it sounds distant and sometimes aloof. 

However I don't mind at all if non-native speakers use "anáta". 

Rather I want them to use "anáta" not worrying too much.


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## 涼宮

I learnt about あなた a long long time ago(When I was young and beautiful) I learnt that あなた can sound a little offensive to the listener, because it sounds as if you were accusing the listener of something(only if you use it too much). Tha's why is prefered the surname or the name + courtesy title, but it is necessary if you do not know the person's name and you have to refer to the listener in somehow like an interview!

I was taught (by reading) that it is a lot better to use nothing when it comes to refers to someone as the listener could misinterpret it. For instance in many アニメ I have seen so far, they use a lot of pronouns and I have noticied that when they use あなた they try to stress the emphasis on the person, even in an anime called 地獄少女, a conversetation between a teacher and a mother took place, the teacher refered to the mother in a really polite way, but the teacher got angry because of the mother's complains about her daugther, then the teacher from using nothing(about pronouns), she used あなた and the mother got angry for it!. The mother yelled and complained about it by saying 'How do you dare to use あなた? Have I gaven the right to use it?!.

Because of it I understood that あなた as you said it can be really bad sometimes. But well アニメ is アニメ sometimes it exaggerates the japanese grammar as well as it uses it correctly.


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## almostfreebird

涼宮 said:


> Because of it I understood that あなた as you said it can be really bad sometimes.



"あなた" is no worse than other alternatives.


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## 涼宮

Yes, there are other ones, but in that case it was really bad for the mother as the teacher did now know her, so she had not any right to refer to her in a direct way


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## lilyzard

Sorry for getting in the middle of the discussion, but I have a doubt... I've heard the word "omaesama" and I believe it's a kind of archaic form of "you", and didn't understand either if it's rude or not... because it sounds like "omae" (that i learned is quite rude) but the context was a bit formal (at least seemed so). Is this "omaesama" used in any special context?


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## Strutter

Thank you all for the answers!



> However I don't mind at all if non-native speakers use "anata".


Neither do I. I just thought it would help to improve their ability to speak Japanese naturally to know facts like that.

Lastly, I really don't hope I make you think you have to avoid using words like あなた. As a matter of fact, in everyday Japanese you hear of a lot of ways to refer to someone; for "he", nickname//name+くん or さん/あの人/アイツ/彼/あの野郎/あのおっさん ...etc etc, for "you", nickname//name+くん or さん/あなた/君/お前... etc etc. And it's a basic way to recognize their character/mood, to know which words they prefer to use according to the situation, in other words, your own character is deeply involved in your way. So, I hope you will finally discover your own way, which definitely gives an identity to your Japanese. By the way, I'm the kind of person who likes to use お前, I sometimes wonder if I should quit using it though, haha.



lilyzard said:


> Sorry for getting in the middle of the  discussion, but I have a doubt... I've heard the word "omaesama" and I  believe it's a kind of archaic form of "you", and didn't understand  either if it's rude or not... because it sounds like "omae" (that i  learned is quite rude) but the context was a bit formal (at least seemed  so). Is this "omaesama" used in any special context?



Not at all. Well I've almost never heard of it in everyday Japanese, but I've heard of it a lot when watching shows like 時代劇. And I feel it's formal and natural only if it is used in such kind of shows/novels or something. Speaking of which, I saw a movie-武士の一分 (ah NOT "One minute of 武士", but like "A principle of 武士") a couple of months ago, and if I remember correctly, the wife of the hero called him お前様 (or maybe it was お前さん).


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## almostfreebird

I sometimes say "おめーさん(omehsan)" or "おまえさん" to people I know very well.

I think it sounds less rude than "omae".


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## almostfreebird

I know this sounds crazy but, when I hear non-native-speakers speak imperfectly it sounds natural but when I hear them speak too-natural Japanese I would be stunned and wince a little.


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## lilyzard

Strutter said:


> Not at all. Well I've almost never heard of it in everyday Japanese, but I've heard of it a lot when watching shows like 時代劇. And I feel it's formal and natural only if it is used in such kind of shows/novels or something. Speaking of which, I saw a movie-武士の一分 (ah NOT "One minute of 武士", but like "A principle of 武士") a couple of months ago, and if I remember correctly, the wife of the hero called him お前様 (or maybe it was お前さん).



Yeah, I thought so, because I usually hear this in series about Meiji Restoration... Thanks!


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