# Kun for boyfriend



## shorty35565

Is it correct to put kun at the end of the name of a man you're in a relationship with even if he's not a teenager?


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## Strutter

Humm... At least not wrong. But calling them name + さん is basically better if they are not kids.


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## shorty35565

What does "さん" mean? And can you put it like in word form? 
I only know a little bit about the language, trying to learn more though. So please bear with me as I don't know the technical stuff.


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## almostfreebird

Please refer to this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_honorifics


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## Strutter

shorty35565 said:


> What does "さん" mean? And can you put it like in word form?
> I only know a little bit about the language, trying to learn more  though. So please bear with me as I don't know the technical  stuff.



Sure, of course. Humm... it's hard for me to explain anything about it because that is deeply involved in the difference between both languages, but at least, words like くん/さん are put at the end of someone's name and used to show your friendship or something. For more detailed information, refer to a good dictionary.

Ah very roughly speaking, we tend to call...
boys: name+くん
girls: name+ちゃん
adults: name+さん


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## blackpuma

shorty35565 said:


> Is it correct to put kun at the end of the name of a man you're in a relationship with even if he's not a teenager?



English is *extremely* informal. We don't convey much information with names and forms of address.  Japanese conveys a *lot* of information this way. So from an English-speaking perspective it looks complicated. 

I may be corrected, but I believe it would be appropriate to use your BF's _first_ name + san. Using the first name increases the intimacy of the relationship.


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## shorty35565

almostfreebird said:


> Please refer to this article:



I read it. This is what stuck out about kun to me. "It can also be used by females when addressing a male that they are emotionally attached to or have known for a long period of time."
So then kun could be put at the end of his name? Beacuse of the emotional attachment.


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## blackpuma

In my experience it's rather junior high-ish. I would be somewhat embarrassed if my wife went around calling me "kun". I would expect her to use the highest level of intimacy, which is the plain first name. (If you're trying to look cool and throw in a little Japanese lingo that's a real buzz kill, I know.  I'm being somewhat silly here.)

Because you said, 





> even if he's not a teenager?


 I would defer to the native speaker's suggestion and use -san. 


> But calling them name + さん is basically better if they are not kids.


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## Strutter

shorty35565 said:


> So then kun could be put at the end of his name? Beacuse of the emotional attachment.



Yeah, you can, if so. (I'm assuming you are almost the same age.)  

Roughly, among relatively young people, 
very close, just nickname or first name
close, first name+くん
still not close, family name+くん 



blackpuma said:


> I would be somewhat embarrassed if my wife went around calling me "kun".


 Yeah, really. I would be embarrassed too if heard my mom does... That would be really awesome!


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## shorty35565

blackpuma said:


> In my experience it's rather junior high-ish. I would be somewhat embarrassed if my wife went around calling me "kun". I would expect her to use the highest level of intimacy, which is the plain first name. (If you're trying to look cool and throw in a little Japanese lingo that's a real buzz kill, I know.  I'm being somewhat silly here.)
> 
> Because you said,  I would defer to the native speaker's suggestion and use -san.



Oh no, this isn't about real life. But I am married and I just call him by his name like everyone else in america haha. 
This is for a story I'm writing, actually a fanfiction that involves an anime. I like to be as spot on as I can be when writing. I want to be correct, know what I mean? 
But no, the two characters aren't the same age. The female is 20 and the male is, gah, i don't know, maybe 250 (he's from the anime and technically dead haha. But he looks like he's in his twenties) He's also a noble and normally prefers people don't call him by his first name, which is Byakuya. I was going to have her call him Bya-kun (i thought it was cute), but it doesn't sound like she should from the way yall are talking.


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## blackpuma

Ah… I see. That changes things then. You have an idea of how it works in RL. I guess it would depend on genre, etc. because some things are exaggerated on purpose. If he's a noble that _really_ throws a wrench in the system.  Seriously. Context is everything.


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## shorty35565

blackpuma said:


> Ah… I see. That changes things then. You have an idea of how it works in RL. I guess it would depend on genre, etc. because some things are exaggerated on purpose. If he's a noble that _really_ throws a wrench in the system.  Seriously. Context is everything.



Not only is he a noble, but the Head of his noble family as well and a captain in his worlds military. Very well respected man. In the world he lives in the mode of life closely resembles that of feudal Japan  But if he loves her, then he shouldn't mind it, right? Since she's just doing it to be cute and she is only 20. She is young. Would girls her age do that? (she's not from his world by the way. Her dad is though.)


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## blackpuma

Wow. It gets even hairier.  

Probably not, especially where "kun" in that kind of context it could be condescending or demeaning. Said in anything other than complete privacy and it could be head-chopping time. Even in complete privacy, to such an important person… you're stretching the suspension disbelief envelope generally speaking. 

Context is everything. His relationship to her, who else is present, the situation, etc. With a feudal-style setting, the context can shift from moment to moment, depending on who is talking to whom. 

*Now having said that…* 

In fiction (especially short forms like manga), you can of course play  fast and loose with the rules for exaggerated effect. If you're writing a fast-paced,  rip-roaring comedy, "kun" could be (and has been) played that way. For example, the girl cluelessly saccharine-sweet about  it and everybody is so serious and formal. In other manga, the girl is very formal in her language and everybody else is very casual. 

Additionally, American-style otaku audiences horribly abuse honorifics in ways even dōjinshi artists wouldn't think of, so you could probably get away with it and nobody would blink an eye. 


It's that annoying context thing all over again… if you're trying to be somewhat realistic, you'll really have to slow down and take time to immerse yourself in the culture enough to get a good feel for it. If you're writing for American otaku, you're off the hook for the most part.


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## shorty35565

blackpuma said:


> Wow. It gets even hairier.
> 
> Probably not, especially where "kun" in that kind of context it could be condescending or demeaning. Said in anything other than complete privacy and it could be head-chopping time. Even in complete privacy, to such an important person… you're stretching the suspension disbelief envelope generally speaking.
> 
> Context is everything. His relationship to her, who else is present, the situation, etc. With a feudal-style setting, the context can shift from moment to moment, depending on who is talking to whom.
> 
> *Now having said that…*
> 
> In fiction (especially short forms like manga), you can of course play  fast and loose with the rules for exaggerated effect. If you're writing a fast-paced,  rip-roaring comedy, "kun" could be (and has been) played that way. For example, the girl cluelessly saccharine-sweet about  it and everybody is so serious and formal. In other manga, the girl is very formal in her language and everybody else is very casual.
> 
> Additionally, American-style otaku audiences horribly abuse honorifics in ways even dōjinshi artists wouldn't think of, so you could probably get away with it and nobody would blink an eye.
> 
> 
> It's that annoying context thing all over again… if you're trying to be somewhat realistic, you'll really have to slow down and take time to immerse yourself in the culture enough to get a good feel for it. If you're writing for American otaku, you're off the hook for the most part.



I'm pretty sure most if not all of my audience is American, but like I said before I want to be correct and not just do what I think is right. So no kun, even in private. I'm thinkin he might find is offensive, even if she's not meaning it that way, since he's so overly important. So san would be ok then? Bya-san? Shortening his name would be fine?
I've read that the japanese don't normally do pet names, so he wouldn't have one for her. But she's only half japanese and grew up in the states, so she would be prone to giving people to her nicknames. (especially since i've made  that part of her character. She rarely ever calls any1 by their name.) Is there any nick name she could call him? Maybe something having to do with his status? I don't know haha, i'm just trying to find something. Oh and the story is a romance/drama


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## Strutter

shorty35565 said:


> I've read that the japanese don't normally do pet names



What is the difference between "pet name" and "nickname??" I'd never heard of that word


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