# Spoilsports - opting out of congrats



## emma42

Re opting out of Congrats.

Well, I think it's a shame!* I realise that some people find congrats embarrassing and, of course, they have every right to opt out, but some people really _like _to express their thanks and admiration publicly - people have emotions, you know. I can't be the only one.

I feel like if I don't opt out people will think I _need_ to be congratulated and complimented, but I like compliments from people I respect and I don't want to opt out. What's wrong with being nice and complimentary to eachother in public? It spreads a little happiness all round.

I am not expecting people who have opted out to change their minds, but I would like to feel that I am not alone in my thoughts. Course, I don't _need _support for my views because I am a barren island who needs no rain or sunshine.

*a little bit sad, not that anyone should  be "ashamed".


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## cuchuflete

Dear Island,
As of this evening's BBC World News, some eight or nine, out of 56 thousand or more registered, licensed, fingerprinted
organic and pure foreros have requested a respite from additional postiversary festivations, plomp and circumlocutionstance. There is no need to run with that bad/good/quizzical/comical crowd.  

Please accept unneeded sunshine.  I encourage any and all who enjoy a good party to stay well clear of the opt out thread.  You have earned the right to celebrate.

Spoilsport curmudgeon


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## emma42

As always, well said, Mr Cuchu.


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## You little ripper!

emma42 said:
			
		

> Re opting out of Congrats.
> 
> Well, I think it's a shame! I realise that some people find congrats embarrassing and, of course, they have every right to opt out, but some people really _like _to express their thanks and admiration publicly - people have emotions, you know. I can't be the only one.
> 
> I feel like if I don't opt out people will think I _need_ to be congratulated and complimented, but I like compliments from people I respect and I don't want to opt out. What's wrong with being nice and complimentary to eachother in public? It spreads a little happiness all round.
> 
> I am not expecting people who have opted out to change their minds, but I would like to feel that I am not alone in my thoughts. Course, I don't _need _support for my views because I am a barren island who needs no rain or sunshine.


Emma, let us know how you feel after 3,000 posts. If you're anything like me, the first one was nice, the second one a combination of interesting and 'ho hum', and the third quite embarrassing!


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## maxiogee

Just for you, Emma, I'll opt back in when I hit one million.


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## emma42

Oh, thank you Tony!

Bonjour, Charles. Oui, tu devrais avoir raison, toi. J'en considérai après 2999! Merci de ta pensée.

Yes, you might be right. I'll think about it after 2999. Thanks for the thought.


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## fenixpollo

emma42 said:
			
		

> Well, I think it's a shame! I realise that some people find congrats embarrassing and, of course, they have every right to opt out, but some people really _like _to express their thanks and admiration publicly - people have emotions, you know. I can't be the only one.


 I don't think it's a shame, at all.  I commend those of you who have opted out for your integrity in the face of the prevailing culture of the place.  _Hear, hear!_

That said, I don't understand what makes a congratulations thread so unappetizing that one would go to the trouble of asking others not to open one to felicitate him or her on not only the quantity of the milestone but the quality of the contribution.

Could someone explain this to me?


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## emma42

Oh, nobody agrees with me.  Ok, then.


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## maxiogee

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> That said, I don't understand what makes a congratulations thread so unappetizing that one would go to the trouble of asking others not to open one to felicitate him or her on not only the quantity of the milestone but the quality of the contribution.
> Could someone explain this to me?



I'll quote my post in the opt-out thread (and this time I'll undo the invisible ink) as my response to fenixpollo…


			
				maxiogee said:
			
		

> Include me out, please.
> I have found the fulsome praise of my contribution here to be an embarrassment.
> What I post here is either for information and a little bit of fun, or for fun and a little bit of information
> - either way to be told that I am the best thing about the forum sits very uncomfortably on me.
> Private Messages are always welcome.



As for…


			
				emma42 said:
			
		

> Oh, nobody agrees with me. Ok, then.



Emma my oul pal, you have had 4 respondents in about 15 hours.... not quite "nobody", more a case of "nobody yet", or even more a case of looking at the list of opt-outs and calculating that, depending on the size of your palm, a handful _disagree_ with you.


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## Fernando

Where is the "opt-out thread"?


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## Jana337

Fernando said:
			
		

> Where is the "opt-out thread"?


In congrats.


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## emma42

I know, Maxiogee. Pardon my petulance.  And my palm is, of course, tiny and fragrant.


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## fenixpollo

Actually, emma, I agree with you to the extent that I enjoy it when people tell me, "Good job, Pollo!"  I thought that your choice of the word "shame" was a little strong, though.  I mean, if some people don't want a congrats thread, I respect their integrity, as I said, and their choice.  

However, I believe that all humans enjoy recognition for a job well done; and the congrats thread exists whether the congratulatee looks at it or not, so it seems like a labor-free, painless thing that could only bring benefits.

I guess that I will just have to accept that there are many people for whom the benefits of recognition are outweighed by the embarassment of _public_ recognition.  For me, however, this is counterintuitive to what I know of human nature, so I'm still a bit confused.

Thanks for those of you who have PM'd your responses to me, rather than state them publicly.


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## emma42

Hi fenixpollo.  Perhaps there is a misunderstanding here with the word, "shame" - or perhaps not!

I meant that I thought it was a bit sad, that's all.  I didn't mean to criticise anyone or imply that people should be "ashamed" at all.


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## fenixpollo

I should open a thread on the AE/BE interpretation of the word "shame".


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## emma42

Indeed.


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## maxiogee

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> I should open a thread on the AE/BE interpretation of the word "shame".



Wasn't he a cowboy played by Allan Ladd, the final scene with the young Joey is famous, we see him ride off (into the sunset) with Joey shouting "Shame ... Shame ... Come Back!  

Okay, my bad! Sorry, I couldn't resist it.


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## emma42

You are the _naughtiest_ leprechaun.  And now I've got us both deleted.


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## cuchuflete

Oh, Shane on you Tony.

and his horse was named My Bad

Ahem!


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## Benjy

for me there are two reasons: one of them believe it or not is that i _really_ like going unnoticed. at any party i am the person in the corner, being weird  i don't even know how i ended up being a mod.

but more than that the whole congrats thing for me has become rather tired, and more of a social obligation. i feel that mechanically popping in when i know that i just passed a milestone and saying thanks then mostly ignoring it for the other 99.9% of the time is the height of bad grace. so i would prefer it that people didn't make a big deal out of something that for me is routine. i'm not really big into birthdays either (congratulations, you're not dead yet!!!11).

humbug. 



			
				fenixpollo said:
			
		

> ...However, I believe that all humans enjoy recognition for a job well done; and the congrats thread exists whether the congratulatee looks at it or not, so it seems like a labor-free, painless thing that could only bring benefits.
> 
> I guess that I will just have to accept that there are many people for whom the benefits of recognition are outweighed by the embarassment of _public_ recognition.  For me, however, this is counterintuitive to what I know of human nature, so I'm still a bit confused...


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## emma42

Yes, I am beginning to understand more now.  I have to say that I am not a wallflower (although I don't really like parties), but, yes, things are becoming clearer.  Thanks.


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## Fernando

Well, I have not opted out (I even do not know how to do it) but I can easily understand them:

- It is embarassing

- It is personal. I get annoyed when I hear personal comments. I do not come to the fora for meeting people (I have "met" very nice people, but only as a "collateral damage").

- It encourages the formation of "lobbys" in the forum, which is sad.

- It is a social obligation and I hate social obligation. I use to say "Good morning" and "Goodbye". I have some problems to go beyond that.

- To reach a milestone is hardly a reason for pride (only if your posts deserves to be praised).

Obviously, I love being praised. Even if my self-steem is high enough every praise enlarge my pen...I mean, my ego.


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## TrentinaNE

Charles Costante said:
			
		

> Emma, let us know how you feel after 3,000 posts. If you're anything like me, the first one was nice, the second one a combination of interesting and 'ho hum', and the third quite embarrassing!


I can see that. Reaching the first 1,000 is kind of a big deal for many of us, and it's nice to get (and give) some recognition for having stuck around and made some noteworthy contributions. But for subsequent milestones, it becomes difficult to find a new way to express thanks and congratulations and has the risk of turning into a popularity contest. 

Elizabeth


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## maxiogee

TrentinaNE said:
			
		

> and has the risk of turning into a popularity contest.



And then there's…
maxiogee congratulated me on my 1000, but not on my 2000 - have I offended her?  

yes, I know what I wrote!


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## natasha2000

Even though I looked for that famous opt out thread, I couldn't find it...

But, I must say I like and dislike to be congratulated... 
I like it, because, as Fenix said, it's nice when others say, Yo did a good job!, but at the same time i dislike because I am completely unable to respond with the same enthusiasm, I cannot find the adequate words, I am just not good at giving thanks when somebody congratulates me something, which then makes me look like rude or weird person...

Where is that thread? What's its title?


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## cyanista

It's a sticky in the Congrats forum - at the very top of the page.


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## almostfreebird

Congratulations!! Now the number is 666!!

Total Posts: *1,852* (6.66 posts per day) by emma


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## fenixpollo

It's called *Thanks...but no thanks*.

I will admit that sometimes it seems like my time and energy could go to better ends than the congrats threads, but then I ask myself, "What makes me effective here in the forums?"  Answer: two things.
(a) language knowledge
(b) relationships

I mean, I could be a crackerjack translator, but people wouldn't appreciate my help if I was a total jerk about it (e.g. pompous, condescending, curt).  In addition, I am sometimes able to offer more direct help to people who need it because I've established working relationships with those people here in the forum.  Building trust with foreros helps me to use my time better here, rather than responding to yet another thread about translating a CV or what _güey_ means.   For me, the congrats pages are part of that, so I see them as giving me a positive result.


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## natasha2000

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Thanks, I've already found it according to cyanista's instructions....
> 
> Well, I think that everybody has the right to do what they want in regard to this issue. If someone doesn't want to be congratulated, then let it be. Nobody should be ofended by that. At least I see it in that way. Especially the mods, as ElaineG said, some of them do not post so much but more intervene as moderators:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So many of my posts are moderation adminstrative functions, it feels like cheating to me.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If they feel this way, ok... Besides, do not forget that foreros come from very different cultures, backgrounds, religions, they are all different personalities, so everyone has their own reason to do or not to do something... And this is really, really very minor thing...
> 
> Cheers!
Click to expand...


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## Etcetera

But it's so pleasant to say nice things to each other from time to time... I really enjoy saying compliments to those who deserves them!


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## cuchuflete

The decision to opt out may come, as has been mentioned by a few people already, from tedium.  I just glanced at the post counts for those few who have opted out so far, and the average is somewhere near five thousand posts.

Maybe we prefer novelty to repetition?  Should some kind forero choose to congratulate me for an especially nice hybrid daylily, or an abundant blackberry crop, I might take pleasure in sharing the topic.


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## emma42

Thank you, almostfreebird, that was most kind!

Cuchu, you have a lovely daylily.


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## fenixpollo

Are those who are opting out of having congrats thread opened in their name also opting out of posting in others' congrats threads?


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## fenixpollo

What I mean to say is, are the people opting out of having a postiversary thread in their name, or are they also opting out of making posts in other foreros' postiversary threads?


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## Jana337

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> What I mean to say is, are the people opting out of having a postiversary thread in their name, or are they also opting out of making posts in other foreros' postiversary threads?


I apologize for an irrelevant reply. 

I assume the former is true. I have seen several spoilsports posting in congrats. 

Jana


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## danielfranco

To tell the truth, I always squirm in my chair a bit every time I participate in the Congrats Forum... I feel awkward because I want to say nice things to nice people, but on the other hand it's just plain weird to get personal in cyberspace, especially in a forum geared towards more academic and esoteric audiences. If it were a chattier forum, where we'd be here to get comfy and cozy with each other and hold hands and sing kumbaya by the fire, I guess it'd feel little bit less... peculiar.
Also, I understand the point of view from the people who have a gazillion posts already, and how it could even get embarrasing after a while...
Regardless, I don't think I'll sign up to exclude myself from well-wishers...
I guess in my heart of hearts I just crave all the acceptance I can get, no?


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## cubaMania

Each 1000 posts is too often, I think.  Many forum members are very active and run through 1000 posts in short order.
Congrats would be more meaningful and less embarrasing if we were to go, say to
1000
5000
10000
25000
(and someday 50000
100000)
etc.


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## emma42

That is a good idea, cubaMania. I think I will opt out after I reach 2000. I am still new enough to be excited at the thought of my 2000th! I can see that tedium might set in after that.


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## la reine victoria

I'm a spoilsport who has chosen not to be congratulated in future, but that won't stop me offering my warmest congratulations to those who haven't opted out.  

Get a move on Goose Girl - you're nearly at 2000!  



U&K
LRV


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## emma42

I'm trying, I'm trying, Your Maj!


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## Benjy

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Are those who are opting out of having congrats thread opened in their name also opting out of posting in others' congrats threads?



i don't think so. at least i haven't


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## emma42

I wouldn't.  I enjoy it.


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## GenJen54

I certainly won't either.  It's really more a matter of just not feeling the need to be congratulated for something I take great pleasure in doing....I feel a bit guilty about it.   

I also don't mind being feted for my birthday, but since it's apparently an "all or nothing" proposition, then I guess the birthday party will just have to stay landlocked.  That's okay....next year is my big #$(%$#%&, so I don't need to celebrate anyway!


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## fenixpollo

Don't you see it as a double standard that it's OK for you to congratulate others, but it's not OK for others to congratulate you?  Why deny us the same "pleasure" (to quote Jen) of congratulating you that you derive from congratulating us?


By the way, I don't feel that the people who are opting out are spoilsports.


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## GenJen54

I've never really thought of it that way. 

I cannot speak for others (obviously), but for me, it's a personality defect.  I'm rather like Benjy.  At parties, I'm usually the weird one in the corner somewhere; a bit of an introvert in that way...and I HATE COMPLIMENTS...even in real life.  I never feel quite deserving of them. 

Of course, that never stops me from bounding heaps of praise upon others.  I just don't get it when it's heaped upon me.  

Fellow mods, please feel free to delete this drivel anytime.


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## Benjy

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Don't you see it as a double standard that it's OK for you to congratulate others, but it's not OK for others to congratulate you?  Why deny us the same "pleasure" (to quote Jen) of congratulating you that you derive from congratulating us?
> 
> 
> By the way, I don't feel that the people who are opting out are spoilsports.



the second i replied i could see in my minds eye the reply. and i have been thinking about it. i personally probably won't be venturing back into the congrats forum. i just don't want to ban myself from going back in there.


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## cuchuflete

I'm off in the corner with Benjy and Jen.  I congratulate others.
If they didn't want congrats, they would post in the spoilsport thread.  No logical dilemma at all.


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## la reine victoria

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Don't you see it as a double standard that it's OK for you to congratulate others, but it's not OK for others to congratulate you? Why deny us the same "pleasure" (to quote Jen) of congratulating you that you derive from congratulating us?
> 
> 
> By the way, I don't feel that the people who are opting out are spoilsports.


 

Dear Rooster,

Some of us (non)spoilsports  have said that PMs are always welcome; we're just a bit shy of public outpourings of thanks and praise.

So it's not a double standard.  I shall continue to congratulate those who haven't opted out, and those who wish to continue sending me PMs are very welcome.

I've congratulated an "opt-out" by PM this very morning.  



LRV


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## fenixpollo

Please don't think that I am suggesting that the opter-outers are living a double standard or not acting with integrity.  As I said, I truly respect the decision to opt out, but this is the part that I can't relate to, personally.  I was just looking for a better understanding.  

I just realized why I like the congrats threads: I'm lazy!  Now, I'm going to have to frequently look at the members list to see who I need to congratulate.  With the congrats threads, other people did that for me!


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## Mei

GenJen54 said:
			
		

> I've never really thought of it that way.
> 
> I cannot speak for others (obviously), but for me, it's a personality defect.  I'm rather like Benjy.  At parties, I'm usually the weird one in the corner somewhere; a bit of an introvert in that way...and I HATE COMPLIMENTS...even in real life.  I never feel quite deserving of them.
> 
> Of course, that never stops me from bounding heaps of praise upon others.  I just don't get it when it's heaped upon me.
> 
> Fellow mods, please feel free to delete this drivel anytime.


My opinion is that you and all of those that think they don't deserve it should be congratulated as well, just because you're part of this forum and even if you just do what ElainG said "So many of my posts are moderation adminstrative functions, it feels like cheating to me.", you're helping and I think that every help must recieve a "Thank you". BUT if you don't want it in a public way I respect it, of course. 

When I congratulate I don't wait for a great thank you... I just want to let you know that I read what you write and I learn with it even if what you say is correct or not or I agree or not, I'm learning anyway. That's all.

Cheers

Mei


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## JazzByChas

I must say that those who opt out of being congratulated are committing no social "faux pas." They are simply shy, and I can respect that...I myself, being a "pimple" (people) person, can take and give praise at will...who knows, maybe I am "needy." But whatever the case, this is a forum of civilized people, and we all like each other enough to respect each other's wishes...that is what true friends and colleagues do. Just simple civility, if you ask me...

Just my $.02


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## Fernando

I have reread my post #22 and I have decided that the cons are more than the pros and I have posted out.

Some foreros who have claimed that they opt-outers but not spoilsports. I have to disagree. I AM a spoilsport.


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