# Usted / tú (with grandparents)



## gloria2lagos

In writing a thank you letter to a grandparent, would one use "tu" or "usted"?  Also, what would be the best greeting and best closing for this?

Gracias de antemano.  (no accents - sorry)


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## belén

Hello
As a form of respect to an older person, I recommend you use "usted" in a letter.

Belén


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## Karkarinus

belen said:


> Hello
> As a form of respect to an older person, I recommend you use "usted" in a letter.
> 
> Belén


 
Unless it's your own grandparent, in which case use "tú"

Use varies from country to country, but normally you would say "tú" because you
 are obviously on first-name terms and have a close relationship, and their age has nothing to do with it. I have never met _anyone_ who calls their own family "usted."


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## belén

Karkarinus said:


> Unless it's your own grandparent, in which case use "tú"
> 
> Use varies from country to country, but normally you would say "tú" because you
> are obviously on first-name terms and have a close relationship, and their age has nothing to do with it. I have never met _anyone_ who calls their own family "usted."



You may not have met them, but they exist 
In Spain it is not happening anymore, but my mum (born in 1950, not an old person) used "usted" on her parents.
And there is people my age who uses "usted" on their grandparents (if they are lucky to still have them)


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## Karkarinus

belen said:


> You may not have met them, but they exist
> In Spain it is not happening anymore, but my mum (born in 1950, not an old person) used "usted" on her parents.
> And there is people my age who uses "usted" on their grandparents (if they are lucky to still have them)


I know they exist, and also that it was used much more often in the past, but the question is presumably referring to a modern-day situation, in which the most likely manner would be to use "tú"


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## AuthenticZephyr

I have a friend (who is a native spanish speaker from Mexico) who uses tú with his parents, but I (an english-speaking Spanish student) use usted with my 75-year-old Spanish teacher.


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## lateacher

tu: informal form of address
usted: formal form of address
used by youngsters ,in some latin American families,  to address adults


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## Alelo

I'm from Mexico and even though I use "tu" with my parents, I never used "tu" to address my grandparents, I always used "usted".  It was just a form of showing respect.  In fact, the only people I use "tu" with which are significantly older than me are my parents, I also adress my aunts and uncles with "usted".


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## Marias-espanol

Hola,
Tengo una pregunta.  To use Usted isn't it equal to Ma'am and Sir in English.   Some parents teach their children to say "yes, no ma'am/sir".  It is just being polite or useing your manners.  Even to your parents and grandparents, and certainly to teachers or someone older than you that you don't know.
Gracias,
María


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## CarolMamkny

I always use "usted" when I am talking to my grandparents and uncles (and I am 23 years old). It has always been that way in my family.


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## Argónida

Marias-espanol said:


> Hola,
> Tengo una pregunta. To use Usted isn't it equal to Ma'am and Sir in English. Some parents teach their children to say "yes, no ma'am/sir". It is just being polite or useing your manners. Even to your parents and grandparents, and certainly to teachers or someone older than you that you don't know.
> Gracias,
> María


 
I think "Ma'am" and "Sir" are equivalent to our "Señora" and "Señor", that are very very formal expressions, I think much more formal than "Usted". For example, here there are people that use "Usted" when they are talking to their parents or grandparents (I don't, but my mother do), but nobody calls them "Señor/Señora".


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## Bilma

I am Mexican (39 years old)  and I used *tu* with all of my grandparents (two from Spain and 2 from Mexico)


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## miguel64086

It depends of the country.
In Chile... if you are a child, you would always use Usted.  (así, con mayúscula).   But as you grow older, you can start using  tú.

In some countries, like Bolivia, you use "usted" as a way to express "cariño", regardless of age, and  you use tú for people you don't know.
In other countries... is the other way around.....


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## Juanitoc

I use "vos" with my parents and grandparents.
Use depends on the family.
I generally use "Usted" just with someone significantly older than me that I don't know very well.


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## libre_pensador

It depends on the relationship you have with your grandparent. I use 'tú' with my parents and grandmother, but I would never use 'tú' with a person who is older than me that I don't know. If you are unsure, it's always respectful to use 'Usted' first until you are invited to speak in 'tú'. Hope this helps!


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## Babel_b

Hi! In Argentina we would never use *usted *to refer to our granparents because it sounds too formal. We would say "*vos*" which is the equivalent of "*tù*" in Spain. Can you post the sentence you'd like to write?


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## greco-mexicano

I use both with my grandma, depending on what I'm saying, which is probably weird.  Pero creo que siempre he dicho ¿cómo está? en lugar de ¿cómo estás? con ella.


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## chorobisco

Karkarinus said:


> Unless it's your own grandparent, in which case use "tú"
> 
> Use varies from country to country, but normally you would say "tú" because you
> are obviously on first-name terms and have a close relationship, and their age has nothing to do with it. I have never met _anyone_ who calls their own family "usted."


 
I suppose you haven't been to los Andes either then!  In Venezuela, los 'gochos' (la gente de los Andes) often use 'usted' to refer to anyone in their families. So the _grandparents_ call the little children usted!

Because people in other parts of Venezuela don't speak like that, some of the Andinos change the way they speak when they come into other settings, like the university. But at home everyone is still 'usted'.


So to return to the original post, I suppose the question is: where is the person you are writing to from?


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## sigpro

I have seen my parentes addressing my granparents -their parents- by using USTED, but I have never addressed them using that way, always TÚ.
That happened in Spain, where it was very common that sons addressed their parents with "usted". It depends on the country.

Un saludo.


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## chorobisco

sigpro said:


> I have seen my parentes addressing to my granparents -their parents- by using USTED, but I have never addressed to them using that way, always TÚ.
> That happened in Spain, where it was very common that sons addressed totheir parents with "usted". It depends on the country.
> 
> Un saludo.


 
Just to say, watch out with the preposition 'to' in English. There are many cases where 'a' used in Spanish in which it would be wrong to use a preposition in English.

I hope that helps. I always want people to correct my Spanish, so I assume that you don't mind my correcting your English!


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## sigpro

Well, it looks like my first edition was not quite right (too many "to") and you corrected it before I edited it.
No problem with correcting, it is the best way to learn!

But now, I have a doubt again:
We have realized the sentence "I have never addressed to them using that way" is not correct; the "to" is a mistake.
But I wrote "I have seen my parentes addressing to my granparents" and there was no correction.

Is it all right?

In some English books I have there is no use of address (to say something directly to somebody) followed by "to" but in one case : when you addres sth to somebody : All your questions are to be addressed to your teacher.

Thank you.


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## chorobisco

sigpro said:


> We have realized the sentence "I have never addressed to them using that way" is not correct; the "to" is a mistake.
> But I wrote "I have seen my parentes addressing to my granparents" and there was no correction.
> 
> Is it all right?
> 
> In some English books I have there is no use of address (to say something directly to somebody) followed by "to" but in one case : when you addres sth to somebody : All your questions are to be addressed to your teacher.
> 
> Thank you.


 
It should be: 'I have seen my parents addressing to my grandparents'. I must have missed that one out!

'To address something to someone' and simply 'to address someone' are not the same.

In the sentence 'She addressed the envelope to her mother', there is a direct object (the envelope) and an indirect object (her mother), which have to be distinguished. The indirect object is preceded by a preposition, whilst the direct object is not. You would not say 'she addressed to the letter to her mother.'

Does that help at all?


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## Marias-espanol

libre_pensador said:


> If you are unsure, it's always respectful to use 'Usted' first until you are invited to speak in 'tú'.


Hola amigos,
I have always heard that you will be invited to use "tú".  I have friends from México that are my age and younger, they have NEVER told me to address them as tú.  However they address me with tú.  Is that the same thing, should I use tú with them.   Muchas gracias,
María


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## Soy Yo

People will probably think I'm crazy, but I think it does depend on the family and the way you were brought up. If you are an English speaker and need a guideline, maybe this would work: use Ud. with anyone that you would use "sir" or "ma'am" with in English. This includes parents and grandparents, if you call/use "sir" and "ma'am" with them. Most people I know are NOT on "first-name basis" with parents and grandparents, but I think that's slightly different.


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## chorobisco

Soy Yo said:


> People will probably think I'm crazy, but I think it does depend on the family and the way you were brought up. If you are an English speaker and need a guideline, maybe this would work: use Ud. with anyone that you would use "sir" or "ma'am" with in English. This includes parents and grandparents, if you call/use "sir" and "ma'am" with them. Most people I know are NOT on "first-name basis" with parents and grandparents, but I think that's slightly different.


 
Hi soy yo. I understand what you are trying to say, but I have to disagree on a couple of points.

Most people I know would _never_ call their grandparents sir or maam in English. They are both formal words that don't normally apply to family situations, at least here in the UK. 

Given that 'usted' varies widely in its degree of formality depending on the country, region and family, among other things, you cannot apply any rule to its use in a particular family. You have to know the culture. I would suggest that, in Latin America at least, it's generally safer to use 'usted' if there is some doubt.

You're right that not being on first-name basis with your parents/grandparents is different. The fact that you don't normally call them by their first names certainly does not imply a lack of closeness. In fact, calling someone 'mum' or 'dad' usually implies a greater degree of intimacy and confidence than calling someone by their first name.


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## Soy Yo

Soy Yo said:


> *People will probably think I'm crazy, but I think it does depend on the family and the way you were brought up.* If you are an English speaker and need a guideline, maybe this would work: use Ud. with anyone that you would use "sir" or "ma'am" with in English. This includes parents and grandparents, if you call/use "sir" and "ma'am" with them. Most people I know are NOT on "first-name basis" with parents and grandparents, *but I think that's slightly different*.


 
Basically, I agree with you Chorobisco.  But the fact is I did/do say "ma'am" and "sir" to my parents and grandparents...  I think I would have been expected to call them Ud., if we had been a Spanish-speaking family.  Since I know that some Spanish-speaking natives do use Ud. within the family, I was making a parallel with my own up-bringing which I think is similar (if not identical)... and offering it as a kind of guide.

I did not mean to imply that the majority of English-speakers (nor the majority of AE-speakers, for that matter) do.  Also, I recognized in my earlier post that being on a literal "first-name basis" isn't exactly the same as being on a familiar basis with family members.  (But someone else used the idea of first-name basis previously and that's what I was referring to.


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## sigpro

Thank you! Nice explanation!


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## LearninDeSpaneesh

That seems weird to me to use usted with family members.


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## Soy Yo

I can understand that it may seem weird, but you, apparently, did not grow up "sir-ing" and "ma'am-ing" your elders, including family members.  That's all I am trying to say.  It may be a dying custom, but it is still done in some parts of the U.S.A. (parts of the South, in particular).


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## libre_pensador

Using usted with family members is just a form of respect. If you are raised that way, it doesn't seem so weird.


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## PocketWatch

My father grew up in Mexico (his family is not Mexican but my grandparents moved there before he was born, long story...) but anyway I was raised speaking Spanish. Occaisonally I speak to his family in Spanish but have used the tu form when addressing them. I learned that the Tu form is used for family, including grandparents.


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## chorobisco

Soy Yo said:


> I can understand that it may seem weird, but you, apparently, did not grow up "sir-ing" and "ma'am-ing" your elders, including family members. That's all I am trying to say. It may be a dying custom, but it is still done in some parts of the U.S.A. (parts of the South, in particular).


 
I didn't mean to imply that it's wrong to call your grandparents sir or maam in English, and hope that it didn't come across as an attack in any way. I entirely agree that in this case 'sir' or 'maam' would be translated as usted. However, the point I was trying (inadequately) to make, was that it is problematic to use the use of those English words as a guideline for the use of the usted form in Spanish. Whilst you would almost certainly address someone you call 'sir' or 'maam' as 'usted', in many Latin American regions the latter doesn't carry the same degree of formality. In the example I used of the Venezuelan Andes, the use of 'usted' in family situations actually has nothing to do with formality, as the parents will also use it with the children. Your point is good though, in that if you did call your grandparents 'sir' or 'maam' in English, you would use the 'usted' form in Spanish.


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