# Public display of affection



## macta123

I don't know whether I should put forward this question 

 In India - in a newspaper supplement I read that in cities(Indian cities) the Public Display of Affection(Love) between a couple is curbed either by Police or moral police in one way or other. Many a time they do go unnocticed. They are sometimes fined also.

 What is the state of PDA in your country? I know that in most American cities they fell free in this regard. So what's the stats in your country? And what is your opinnion about it?


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## luis masci

Well... first of all I`d like to know what is the “grade” of afection that you are referring to when you say they were fined for it.
Here in this city is fairly  common to see couples(mainly young couples) doing signs of afection each other, in public places. 
There’s not any fine for it. Nevertheless if they could do some sexual intercourse front other people they even could be arrested. 
My opinion....I’d say everyone is free to do anything while it doesn’t affecting other people. 
I’ve heard in other countries (mainly U.K.) there’re places when couples do something that very puzzled  me in the first time when I noticed it. 
That is called “dogging” and I really don’t know if it’s indeed as popular as somepeople from there say it’s. 
Here it’s something unthinkable (at least for now)


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## natasha2000

Well, there's something interesting I found on "dogging". Click here.

In my country, Serbia, there is no such thing as moral police. People can express affection to each other as much as they want, as long as it does not implies sex, although there are some hidden places where people actually, practice sex, like parks or lonely parking places, etc. I wouldn't know what would happen if the police catches them, maybe they would be fined, or maybe they would be just warned and of course very much embarassed ..... I really cannot claim anything, since I am not sure.

On the other hand, I heard that in Spain you can go to prison if police catches you practicing sex on the beach or whatever is "in public".... Which does not mean that people don't do it... You just need to go to some disco's bathroom.....
Other ways of expressing affection are completely normal and very much seen in streets of Spain.


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## zorton

Concerning Spain again:

I don´t think that people is arrested in my country due to their sexual attitude  on the beach in summer. The thing is that every summer, thousands of youngs and not so youngs (I can include my girlfriend and myself time ago) practice sex on the late summer nights. This attitude have become so popular that authorities have to take part on the subject. But they just bother you with their  lamps and request from you  to leave the beach, that´s all. I can understand now this, think about the thousand of people and children coming to the beach next day finding condoms used some hours before. 
Particullarly in the south of Spain, where I come from, you can express your affection in the way you want, and you can kiss your couple as long as you want sitting on a bank in the street, main street, in front of the police heathquarter and everywhere. You can prudently  do sex in parks or places with not very much people, but nudity could be offensive. But you will never be arrested for this. A good example: There´s a guy in Spain who likes to jump into the football  stadium fields running completely undressed, just with a hat. Well, what a could know, is that this guy just receive a fine  after doing this but is not sleeping at jail any night.  He´s not allowed to go into sport events now, that´s all.


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## vlazlo

Where I live, PDA is    looked  down   upon and viewed to be in very bad taste.If a couple is making out in a public place, people will give them dirty looks or even say something to them like, "get a room (in a hotel)".  I don't think that the police will fine anyone, let alone take anyone to jail for kissing in public but if someone were to get caught having sex in a parking lot or a park what would happen to them would depend largely upon the police officer that caught them.  Maybe the cop would let them go with a warning or maybe they might get a fine (maybe taken to jail?) for public indecency.


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## Bonjules

How about not just lovers or 'couples, but 'friends and acquaintances'?
Here in Puerto Rico it is not unusual to kiss every female in a group on the cheek, even if you have not met them before,
saludos
bj


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## Pivra

In Thailand, it is A OK to do so, but people will just give you the "look" and stuff. But public intercourse is definitely not OK.


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## GenJen54

> How about not just lovers or 'couples, but 'friends and acquaintances'?


 
I think there is a vast difference between showing affection for a friend or acquaintance, and showing one for a lover or spouse. 

You have to remember, too, that in some countries, like the United States, "kissing on the cheek" as a way of greeting a friend is not very common.  It certainly exists in some social circles, but is not the norm. 

In the city where I live - which is very conservative - PDA is usually kept to hand-holding and some kissing.  I don't think this is out of any fear of arrest, so much as it is general public decency.   

I remember the first time I visited France and would see couples along the Seine, or on park benches, making out - completely lost in one another and not paying attention to the rest of the world.  You would not see this in my city, nor in many American cities, I would venture to say.   As Vlazlo noted, most couples aggressively "making out" in public would be stared at and admonished with a chorus of "get a room."  

This is not to say this type of behavior doesn't exist in nightclubs or places that are considered more "overt."  It's not also to say that you won't find couples making out (or more!) in cars late at night in near-empty parking lots once the clubs have all closed.


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## natasha2000

zorton said:
			
		

> Concerning Spain again:
> 
> I don´t think that people is arrested in my country due to their sexual attitude on the beach in summer. The thing is that every summer, thousands of youngs and not so youngs (I can include my girlfriend and myself time ago) practice sex on the late summer nights. This attitude have become so popular that authorities have to take part on the subject. But they just bother you with their lamps and request from you to leave the beach, that´s all. I can understand now this, think about the thousand of people and children coming to the beach next day finding condoms used some hours before.
> Particullarly in the south of Spain, where I come from, you can express your affection in the way you want, and you can kiss your couple as long as you want sitting on a bank in the street, main street, in front of the police heathquarter and everywhere. You can prudently do sex in parks or places with not very much people, but nudity could be offensive. But you will never be arrested for this. A good example: There´s a guy in Spain who likes to jump into the football stadium fields running completely undressed, just with a hat. Well, what a could know, is that this guy just receive a fine after doing this but is not sleeping at jail any night. He´s not allowed to go into sport events now, that´s all.


 
As I said, I was told this, but I am not sure about it. As a matter of fact, When I heard it, I was a little bit surprised, since my experience from Barcelona is completely different... The beach is full of both homosexual and heterosexual couples and nobody bothers them...


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## tvdxer

Well, we certainly don't have any "moral police" here, but PDA is generally considered bad form.  Giving somebody a peck or hug in public is acceptable, but lengthened kisses and making out are most certainly not, at least where I'm from.  The response generally would be at most a dirty look, followed by a "they should get a hotel" away from the PDA-givers' hearing range.

Most people here have the moral decency not to have sex or make out in public places and certainly not to leave condoms around, although many do so in parked cars (the "Lover's Lane" thing has been around since at least the 1950's), or in movie theaters (make out, not have sex!), where it is considered slightly more acceptable.


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## Outsider

Holding hands, hugging and kissing* in public are quite normal for young couples. I even see older couples hold hands or hug in the street, which I find endearing. There are no laws against it.

Anything racier is probably best left for the privacy of one's home.

*By 'kissing', I did mean to include 'making out', minus actual sex, although this is normally done in more private places, such as public gardens. There are some schools which forbid it within their premises.


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## danielfranco

I think that both in the Mexico of my childhood and in the region of the USA where I live now people are (and were) tolerant of PDA as long as it isn't either too intense or too persistent.
But the one thing that seems to really make people curl their lips in distaste (and me, too!) is when a couple (no matter how young or old) keep talking to each other in "baby talk" and after each phrase they exchange they end up a-hugging and a-kissing...
Oh, brother!


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## natasha2000

danielfranco said:
			
		

> But the one thing that seems to really make people curl their lips in distaste (and me, too!) is when a couple (no matter how young or old) keep talking to each other in "baby talk" and after each phrase they exchange they end up hugging and a kissing...
> Oh, brother!


 
 Yes, this can be very annoying, the loud kisses that never end... It is not a moral question, it is just as if I had a dripping tap next to me...


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## elroy

In the Palestinian Territories, and all Palestinian regions of Israel, PDA is not acceptable in any shape, manner, or form - let alone sex.   I have never seen a pair of Palestinians publicly kissing or making out.

In non-Palestinian Israel, PDA is more common.

I agree with the others who stated that PDA is not looked at too well in the US.  Europe is another story altogether.


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## fenixpollo

In the Southwestern US, my experience is different than that of the Oklahomans and other Americans that have posted -- PDA is OK.  

For me, PDA includes amorous kissing, hugging and caressing, but stops at overtly sexual contact (don't make me explain that! )

Isn't it interesting that several Americans have judged PDA on moral grounds?

Mexico: At lunchtime and after school, many parks in large cities are full -- every park bench occupied -- with young couples making out (kissing, tonguing, rubbing against one another) with no concern for passers by. My theory is that they can't show their affection at home because they're not allowed, so "in public" is the only private place they can go to get all jiggy with it.


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## Markus

People in France are NUTS, they're PDAing all over the place with their wet slurpy kisses! To my sensitive Canadians eyes and ears it's hard to bare, but I'm getting used to it.


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## zorton

It would be interesting to hear what the opinion about PDA is in northern Europe, in Scandinavian countries. Can any scandinavian post a message?


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## luis masci

Or even someone from UK, Zorton (I know there are a lot here) 


			
				natasha2000 said:
			
		

> Well, there's something interesting I found on "dogging". Click here.


453.000 (and plus) is showing an amazing number of members and it’s announcing in any way there’re, in that region, very people interested in this kind of stuff.


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## Fernando

zorton said:
			
		

> every summer, thousands of youngs and not so youngs (I can include my girlfriend and myself time ago) practice sex on the late summer nights. This attitude have become so popular that authorities have to take part on the subject.



Which way do they take part? 

Depending on your anwer,

How can I become a civil servant in your town?


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## vlazlo

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> In the Southwestern US, my experience is different than that of the Oklahomans and other Americans that have posted -- PDA is OK.
> 
> For me, PDA includes amorous kissing, hugging and caressing, but stops at overtly sexual contact (don't make me explain that! )
> 
> Isn't it interesting that several Americans have judged PDA on moral grounds?
> 
> Mexico: At lunchtime and after school, many parks in large cities are full -- every park bench occupied -- with young couples making out (kissing, tonguing, rubbing against one another) with no concern for passers by. My theory is that they can't show their affection at home because they're not allowed, so "in public" is the only private place they can go to get all jiggy with it.


 
I don't think PDA is immoral (whatever that is anyway), just tacky, like say, wearing socks and sandals or my 300lb aunt, Wanda in lime green spandex (yikes!)...


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## fenixpollo

So, it's not a moral value judgement... just a "good taste" value judgement.

What makes kissing in public "in bad taste" in the same way as lime-green spandex on obese women?


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## vlazlo

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> So, it's not a moral value judgement... just a "good taste" value judgement.
> 
> What makes kissing in public "in bad taste" in the same way as lime-green spandex on obese women?


 
Like most other value judgements, it is based on culture.  In my culture it is in bad taste to get jiggy (to quote you) in public so my natural (or rather, learned) reaction to people macking in a restaurant is to think/feel that it is in bad taste.  I spent a summer in India a few years ago and there it is perfectly normal for men to walk down the street holding hands.  I was visiting the Taj Mahal and was hanging out with a guy from Orissa.  We were walking around and suddenly, he reached down and grabbed my hand.  I can't say I freaked out, but I did tense up for a bit but continued to walk down the street holding hands with him.  Obviously, on the whole in Oklahoma, men don't walk down the street holding hands but I wasn't in Oklahoma.  My reaction to tense up was based on the fact that I perceive reality in the way that I do and that is based on what I learned in my culture.  Conversely, in many places I have travelled or lived certain things that seem quite normal or harmless to me are frowned upon or even outlawed so I suppose it goes both ways.  So, a long winded answer to "what makes kissing in public in bad taste" relates to the original question itself which was "What is the state of PDA in your country". In my country(better said, in my part of the country, in my culture...) a peck on the cheek or holding hands in public is ok whereas two people all over each other is not.   By the way, my aunt Wanda in lime green spandex is just plain wrong anywhere...


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## fenixpollo

vlazlo said:
			
		

> I spent a summer in India a few years ago and there it is perfectly normal for men to walk down the street holding hands. I was visiting the Taj Mahal and was hanging out with a guy from Orissa. We were walking around and suddenly, he reached down and grabbed my hand. I can't say I freaked out, but I did tense up for a bit but continued to walk down the street holding hands with him.
> 
> So, a long winded answer to "what makes kissing in public in bad taste" relates to the original question itself which was "What is the state of PDA in your country". In my country(better said, in my part of the country, in my culture...) a peck on the cheek or holding hands in public is ok whereas two people all over each other is not.


 Thanks for the long-winded explanation.  You wouldn't have sold me, otherwise.


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## maxiogee

I have not heard the expression  "Public Display of Affection" from the lips of an Irishperson - ever.
We have no problem with people being affectionate in public (as a concept), but people have a problem with being affectionate in public (as a personal activity).
We are not the most romantic of nations, nor are we 'physical'.


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## Gusso

In Mexico, the situation is not quite different and I agree about how long could last a kiss or a hug, a little kiss between a couple could be a very lovely demonstration of tenderness; or a long, hot, noisy kiss could be very aggresive for the other people; anyway, having sexual intercourse in a car, in a lonely and dark street could be frustrated by the police, if they catch you they will try to remit you to command and fine you, BUT... in Mexico (sadly) you could always try to bribe them and in the 99.99 per cent of the occasions it will be enough and you won't step on the jail (!)


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## fenixpollo

vlazlo said:
			
		

> So, a long winded answer to "what makes kissing in public in bad taste" relates to the original question itself which was "What is the state of PDA in your country". In my country(better said, in my part of the country, in my culture...) a peck on the cheek or holding hands in public is ok whereas two people all over each other is not.


 Again, thanks for the response, but I'm still very curious as to the criteria that people are using to judge whether a given show of affection is offensive to them if it's done in public.

Here's an interesting discussion on a related subject: what constitutes obscenity?

Cheers.


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## vlazlo

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Again, thanks for the response, but I'm still very curious as to the criteria that people are using to judge whether a given show of affection is offensive to them if it's done in public.
> 
> Here's an interesting discussion on a related subject: what constitutes obscenity?
> 
> Cheers.



The criteria that people use to judge whether a given show of affection is offensive if done in public, hmmm....  What a good question.  I don't know if many people are very self-aware.  Rather, things fall into the whole "good/bad" dichotomy.  Good= makes me feel comfortable/safe and bad=threatens me/makes me uncomfortable/unsafe.  Many people seem fairly oblivious to what evokes them to feel or think a certain thing.   A stab at an answer would be that this criteria depends upon the environment (culture), personal experiences and level of self-awareness.  It is easier/safer to react in a knee jerk fashion and takes more work to look deeply into a situation.  Maybe...


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## fenixpollo

I agree. I mean, I didn't really start examining my own feelings about this issue (see? "feelings"!) until this thread. Public displays of affection make me uncomfortable (therefore they are "bad") if they cross two lines: 

when I see two people "going at it", I get frustrated that I can't participate with them or in the same manner as they are, but with my own partner (ie. I'm mad because I'm not gettin' any)
when I see exposed breasts, genitalia or buttocks, or if I see amorous manipulation of same, in full view of many people, it makes me uncomfortable. I enjoy it, mind you, but I get uncomfortable nonetheless because of the societal taboos about "sex" in public.
I think that this makes me either _tolerant_ or _perverted_, depending on your point of view.


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## coppergirl

Well, since someone wanted a few other European responses, I admit that PDA makes my English husband more uncomfortable than it does me (even though I was raised in the USA). My American parents were very uncomfortable about it and discouraged it quite a bit when we were teenagers in America.

In England, it does go on, but it usually ends up in the newspaper somewhere with some celebrity getting caught for it in the gents or cloakroom in a restaurant etc. 

Of course, it is common to see couples holding hands and occasionally having a quick kiss somewhere, but anything prolonged or intense will cause people to cast discouraging looks, especially on trains late at night, in parks etc.

Hope that helps!

Cheers!


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## cadylayne

In Australia, the reaction varies.
It's quite dependent on the individual. I find that young people like myself are looked upon very harshly as displaying PDA's, especially in schools, where I have been reprimanded for hugging my boyfriend. Most people tend to be ok as long as you're not hooking up, but a lot of people find even standing closely or hand holding quite offensive.

cadylayne


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## fenixpollo

cadylayne said:
			
		

> Most people tend to be ok as long as you're not hooking up, but a lot of people find even standing closely or hand holding quite offensive.


 Could you (or somebody) define what "hooking up" means to you?  To me, it is a vague term that says "two people had a romantic interlude", but without getting specific about what they did.


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## danielfranco

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Could you define "hooking up"?


 
Yes, please define it.
As an quasi-old fart, I have trouble believing young people when they say "hooking up" means nothing serious, it's just "making out". Because when I was a teenager myself, "hooking up" meant meeting someone for the express purpose of having sex.
What is the "modern" definition nowdays?
Thank you.


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## macta123

vlazlo said:
			
		

> Like most other value judgements, it is based on culture. In my culture it is in bad taste to get jiggy (to quote you) in public so my natural (or rather, learned) reaction to people macking in a restaurant is to think/feel that it is in bad taste. I spent a summer in India a few years ago and there it is perfectly normal for men to walk down the street holding hands. I was visiting the Taj Mahal and was hanging out with a guy from Orissa. We were walking around and suddenly, he reached down and grabbed my hand. I can't say I freaked out, but I did tense up for a bit but continued to walk down the street holding hands with him. Obviously, on the whole in Oklahoma, men don't walk down the street holding hands but I wasn't in Oklahoma. My reaction to tense up was based on the fact that I perceive reality in the way that I do and that is based on what I learned in my culture. Conversely, in many places I have travelled or lived certain things that seem quite normal or harmless to me are frowned upon or even outlawed so I suppose it goes both ways. So, a long winded answer to "what makes kissing in public in bad taste" relates to the original question itself which was "What is the state of PDA in your country". In my country(better said, in my part of the country, in my culture...) a peck on the cheek or holding hands in public is ok whereas two people all over each other is not. By the way, my aunt Wanda in lime green spandex is just plain wrong anywhere...


 
What you experienced in India isn't PDA!! It's just bad manners (or simply anything like that). Out here in India, yes man and girl can hold hands (That is too common). But kissing or anything like that in Public places can be dangerous (if someone see you two[couple] ).

     Nobody can just grasp somebody's(stranger's) hand. But then some guys(ruffian type) dare to do so.


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## cadylayne

Sorry everyone.
Hooking up is australian slang for making out or french kissing. It has no sexual connotation. It's purely tongue kissing.

cadylayne


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## natasha2000

macta123 said:
			
		

> What you experienced in India isn't PDA!! It's just bad manners (or simply anything like that). Out here in India, yes man and girl can hold hands (That is too common). But kissing or anything like that in Public places can be dangerous (if someone see you two[couple] ).
> 
> Nobody can just grasp somebody's(stranger's) hand. But then some guys(ruffian type) dare to do so.


 
So, you actually say the guy tried to rob him, or something like that?


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## vlazlo

natasha2000 said:
			
		

> So, you actually say the guy tried to rob him, or something like that?


 
Having been in situations where someone was scheming on robbing me, following me to rob me or actually trying to rob me, I can tell you that this guy was on the up and up.  He and I met in Delhi and travelled together for a few days.  When I arrived in India I noticed men holding hands, nothing sexual, nothing romantic, nothing devious.  My opinion is that for him to grab my hand was as natural to him as anything else, we were friends and it was a natural expression of his friendship.  When in Rome...


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## natasha2000

vlazlo said:
			
		

> Having been in situations where someone was scheming on robbing me, following me to rob me or actually trying to rob me, I can tell you that this guy was on the up and up. He and I met in Delhi and travelled together for a few days. When I arrived in India I noticed men holding hands, nothing sexual, nothing romantic, nothing devious. My opinion is that for him to grab my hand was as natural to him as anything else, we were friends and it was a natural expression of his friendship. When in Rome...


 
OK, sorry, I did not understand...  First I thought you didn't know the guy at all, and then macta123 said:

Nobody can just grasp somebody's(stranger's) hand. But then some guys(ruffian type) dare to do so.Today 04:10 PM

So I thought what I said.


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## Outsider

vlazlo said:
			
		

> When I arrived in India I noticed men holding hands, nothing sexual, nothing romantic, nothing devious.  My opinion is that for him to grab my hand was as natural to him as anything else, we were friends and it was a natural expression of his friendship.  When in Rome...


A bit like patting you in the back in the West, I expect...


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## tvdxer

Do you here consider holding hands in public a PDA?

I've never thought of it that way.


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## la reine victoria

In the UK (I can't speak for Northern Ireland) public displays of affection are reasonably well tolerated. However, there are some couples who go a bit too far with their kissing and fondling. This tends to embarrass those who witness it; eyebrows may be raised and "tut tuts" of disapproval muttered.

This behaviour is generally found only amongst the young. I must admit to being guilty myself many many years ago.  People were even less tolerant back then.

Nowadays it is commonplace to find lovers getting very intimate in parks and on beaches. But they do stop short of actual intercourse as this is a criminal act.

Happily it's now accetable for gays and lesbians to show affection towards each other in public but usually only in certain cities which have large gay/lesbian communities. The south coast town of Brighton is reputedly ''the gay capital'' of Britain. I only witnessed this behaviour, by chance, when travelling to Chichester (near Brighton) one day. A broken down train was blocking the main track so mine was diverted and involved changing to another train. The station platform where I changed trains was populated by about 500 gays/lesbians, Brighton-bound for the Gay Pride festival. The gays were as usual, in my experience, very entertaining and had such a great sense of humour. Modest kissing and cuddling was going on but it didn't seem to bother anyone. 


LRV


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## Chaska Ñawi

fenixpollo said:
			
		

> Could you (or somebody) define what "hooking up" means to you?  To me, it is a vague term that says "two people had a romantic interlude", but without getting specific about what they did.



In Canada, "hooking up" is teenspeak for getting together for the express purpose of having sex.


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## Cristina Allende

Hi,
I was wondering about what a couple can get away with in public in different countries.  In America, kissing's okay, but I wouldn't ever kiss someone in public.  It seems to be such a private thing.  I am interested especially in the Spanish-speaking countries, as I am trying to become fluent in Spanish some day and everything about Spanish culture interests me.


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## Josita

i'm from Brazil and here is not common to do it....Or better is a little common,but in my town no one likes to do it...It is personal and not public,and i'm very shy.


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## cuchuflete

Cristina Allende said:


> I am interested especially in the Spanish-speaking countries, as I am trying to become fluent in Spanish some day and everything about Spanish culture interests me.



Well for a start, all but one of the Spanish-speaking countries does not have "Spanish culture".  Spain has that.  Uruguay has Uruguayan culture, Colombia has Colombian culture, etc.  Each is distinct. In addition, you are apt to find regional differences within countries, just as in your own.  Urban and rural populations often have distinct standards.

To discard all those variations will not help your learning process.  

If you use the forum Search function, you will find a few older threads about kissing customs in various countries.


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## Outsider

There were a couple of threads here in the forum about public displays of affection. The links here may be of interest.


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## Cristina Allende

Next time I will be careful of how I word my questions; I didn't mean to lump all the countries together under the word "Spanish,"  rather I just wanted a general feel for what most Spanish-speaking countries find acceptable.

Thank you so much!


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## Horazio

As far as I kno only the Asians are shy about "displaying public affection".. I know that in Japan for example,it's kind of wrong to make out on the streets.
Here in Italy it's ok,especially for young people.


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## alexacohen

Cristina Allende said:


> Hi,
> I was wondering about what a couple can get away with in public in different countries. In America, kissing's okay, but I wouldn't ever kiss someone in public. It seems to be such a private thing. I am interested especially in the Spanish-speaking countries, as I am trying to become fluent in Spanish some day and everything about Spanish culture interests me.


 
All right:
In Spain you can get away with everything from french kissing to intercourse as long as you do it at night in a park, on the beach, in your car. If you don't mind onlookers, you'll be alright.
You can get away with french kissing and petting (no masturbation or public display of bodily parts) during daytime. 
You will get the "why don't they get a room?" comment from passers by, as it is considered bad taste to display such intimate behavior in public places (but teenagers do it, of course).
The occassional kiss and embrace, or holding hands, or walking with your arms across each other's waists and the like are OK and will not draw a look or a comment from anyone.


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## Horazio

In Uruguay it's also OK but you could also hear funny comments like (mostly by young people) "Rompele la boca !"  (brake her mouth) meaning : "kiss her really hard"....well this happens especially if the girl you're kissing is hot.


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## argentina84

The occassional kiss and embrace, or holding hands, or walking with your arms across each other's waists and the like are OK and will not draw a look or a comment from anyone.[/quote]

Same in Argentina, but you can also find couples French-kissing everywhere, and it is not frowned upon as it used to be a couple of years ago. In fact, I didn't know the difference between a "kiss" and a "French kiss," since evrybody French kisses here! ( I'm sorry for my ignorance!).

I personally feel very unconfortable, because I prefer to show my affection in private and with modesty. But, you cannot say anything because what people think is that you would like to be in their place!


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## eternal

For Yapese, or "Yap Island" there really isn't a such thing as PDA, ha.
There is barely any words for affection towards someone other then your family


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## Outsider

Hello, welcome to the forum. I had never heard about Yap island! 

Are the Yapese really that reserved?


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## LaReinita

I'm from the Northeast of the US and I have to say that PDA is looked down upon here also.  Now mind you, a peck, hug or holding hands is completely acceptable, but for instance, I am a cocktail server on Friday and Saturday nights at a club, and earlier tonight I saw this girl straddling this guy while kissing him and giving him pretty much a full on lap dance and she was wearing a mini-skirt.  And my thoughts were "What a slut!"  Sadly, after she finally walked away, the guy was like "I don't know where the hell that came from!"  So I asked, "Don't you know her?" and he say "No, not at all!"  It doesn't matter that this happen in a club, it was still in VERY POOR taste!  It's not a swingers club!  I don't think anyone should tongue kiss in public at all.  I think that it's very tacky, especially by adults.  You would think that they have a home to go to, do it there.


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## krisbaby16

In the city I live in, in Texas, PDAs are a lot more tolerable than when I lived in Arkansas. Personally I find it in poor taste to do any sexual or affectionate acts in public... I do not hold hands, hug, kiss, or anything else in public just because I think it's tacky and it makes me feel like I'm being put on the spot. So I would never do it, but I don't mind other people doing it.


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## E180

krisbaby16 said:


> In the city I live in, in Texas, PDAs are a lot more tolerable than when I lived in Arkansas. Personally I find it in poor taste to do any sexual or affectionate acts in public... I do not hold hands, hug, kiss, or anything else in public just because I think it's tacky and it makes me feel like I'm being put on the spot. So I would never do it, but I don't mind other people doing it.


Not even hold hands?


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## eternal

Outsider said:


> Hello, welcome to the forum. I had never heard about Yap island!
> 
> Are the Yapese really that reserved?


 
Not alot of people have.  I guess you could say relationships are not a main priority, such as boyfriends/girlfriends, and even if you do get married they're are certain standards you have to go by, mainly what cast you are marrying into.


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## Outsider

Caste. 

What do you think of the article I linked to above. Does it give an accurate description of social relations in Yap? Is there something important you feel is missing?

From your post, I get the impression that not all Yapese are expected to marry. Am I right?


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## argentina84

LaReinita said:


> I don't think anyone should tongue kiss in public at all. I think that it's very tacky, especially by adults. You would think that they have a home to go to, do it there.


 
I agree with you, but it is widely spread that people can do what they want where they want. Many times it's really disrespecful.

Regards!


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## Solbrillante

Hand holding-OK
Short kiss on cheek, lips,top of head, hand-OK
Small embrace-OK
Arms around waist/shoulders-OK

Anything other than that...get a room (Or, just don't get caught)


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## ColdomadeusX

As far as I've seen in Australia, so long as you're not actually having sex in public kissing and light groping's fine.-if you're really feeling each other up then expect plenty of dirty looks.But a kiss on the cheek and a hug are probably the most common non verbal ways to greet someone in Oz apart from handshakes. In Sydney,if you're in the back of the bus and kissing/groping a bit more than you would in a public square,it's kind of ignored-everyone around you usually pretends that you don't exist. I've seen people get the occasional "get a room,you lot". But otherwise it's not completely stiff when it comes to affection in public.


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## anthodocheio

Having read the whole of this thread I'm so pleased you made this an issue guys and that this conversation came up again so that I can read it myself.

I've travelled quite all over Europe and I live in Greece, OK? But I came home so confused after spending some days this summer at Barcelona...

Here is Greece showing affection like greeting with a kiss and holding hands is more than normal. Walking around with your arms across each other's waists is perfectly acceptable and you every day meet couples kissing in mouth and hugging in public. Sometimes I even find them so sweet...

But what I describe is an ocean away of what I show in Barcelona.. It made feel so really badly. Even in the middle of “La Rambla” where everybody is taking his walk there was a couple where the boy was “touching” so all over his girlfriend’s body, so in public, so NOT romantic... 

I’m really glad to see that I’m not the only one...


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## argentina84

anthodocheio said:


> I’m really glad to see that I’m not the only one...


 
Yeah. I have also discovered that I am not the only one! Everybody here seems to agree with modesty. That is not something I amnot accustomed to here in the city, where everybody feels free to do what they please no matter what others think or how they feel. 

Regards!


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## MarX

In Jakarta where I grew up couples holding hands is normal.

Lip to lip kissing is rarely seen. Not because it's taboo or anything. It's just not part of our culture. (This is really hard for Occidentals to comprehend.)

Grüsse,


MarK


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## CrazyArcher

In Israel it's okay to hug and give a small kiss in the cheek when good friends meet (the latter only for different-gender people, hehe). As for couples, kissing in the middle of the street won't recieve anyone's attention either. Touching each other all over is not OK - not in a really public place, at least. Cuddling in a park or at the seaside with barely any people around no one will say anything. Anything beyond that will be considered by others as really inappropriate.
All that applies only to secular population. As for religious one, any contact between different-gender people is banned.


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## Etcetera

The situation in Russia is pretty much alike the situation in Israel as described by CrazyArcher.


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## MarX

Hi!

I wonder where may the border be, where men stop kissing each other (on the cheek) as a greeting.

As far as I know, it is quite common in Arab countries.
Do they still do that in Persia, Middle Asia, or Pakistan? Does the custom even reach some parts of India?

Saludos


MarX


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## Anathulia

Well, I'm from Trinidad and Tobago, and in the Caribbean anything goes, I guess. You might get a few stares and some comments but other that that shows of public affection is not really such a big deal in my country. I guess when you see something in public that should be done in the bedroom, people just turn their faces and ignore it. If there were laws put in place for that kind of thing, everyone would disregard them. This is just trini culture, you can get away with practically anything.


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## joy15

In the Philippines  PDA is pretty much accepted, although avoid doing it in front of "old" people.We are a Roman Catholic country so most oldies will frown at you when you do it in front of others.The younger generations however are more liberated and will mostly not mind what you're doing.


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## uchi.m

When I was studying in Japan, I never saw any Japanese couple holding hands, let alone making out or kissing each other on the streets.

I wonder how do Japanese couples express their feelings to each other... maybe verbosely?


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## icklemiss_flirt

In England kissing, hugging and holding hands is normal, although if you know the couple then some good-natured banter "get a room!" etc is normal!
Over the top/overinvolved kissing/snogging/making-out willg et you funny looks!


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## Sakuraita_

Here in Chile you can see a lot of couples kissing and cuddling around, and nobody sees it as weird. The thing is that you will get arrested if you are caught unaware while having sex in public spaces; if you are discrete, there's no problem at all.


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## tvdxer

Sakuraita_ said:


> Here in Chile you can see a lot of couples kissing and cuddling around, and nobody sees it as weird. The thing is that you will get arrested if you are caught unaware while having sex in public spaces; if you are discrete, there's no problem at all.



The question is _why_ you'd do this.  Do some people have such uncontrollable urges that they can't find a place in private to have sex?


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## avok

In Turkey, a man can kiss another man on the cheek as a way of greeting just like French men do, too. So I am used to that and while I was in France, I made some Brazilian friends and when I approched to kiss one of the Brazilian men to greet some other day, he stepped back with surprise ! and he told me that men "never" kiss each other on the cheeks to greet each other in Brazil. He was not just surprised but also found it very disturbing to kiss another guy on the cheek as a way of greeting.

And also Nordic people find "kissing" as a way of greeting very warm and mediterranean/oriental and not-so-necessary, so they keep "hugging" each other. But to me, hugging someone is far more personal than kissing someone ( a quick symbolic kiss on the cheek, well actually it is not even a kiss, just the touch of different cheeks) so, I generally hug people that I feel I am close to. And again that's the trend in Turkey.


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## Grop

avok said:


> In Turkey, a man can kiss another man on the cheek as a way of greeting just like French men do, too.



Hello, men in France generally don't kiss each other for greeting: it is more common to shake hands (unless they are relatives, or maybe close friends - and it may still depend on places).

The sort of greeting you refer to generally happens when there's a woman involved (meeting an other woman or a man).

Anyway, this is greeting, not signs of affection (unless of course you are somehow extravagant at doing this).


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## fenixpollo

tvdxer said:


> The question is _why_ you'd do this. Do some people have such uncontrollable urges that they can't find a place in private to have sex?


 Maybe they don't have a lot of options: 





fenixpollo said:


> Mexico: At lunchtime and after school, many parks in large cities are full -- every park bench occupied -- with young couples making out (kissing, tonguing, rubbing against one another) with no concern for passers by. My theory is that they can't show their affection at home because they're not allowed, so "in public" is the only private place they can go to get all jiggy with it.


 


tvdxer said:


> Most people here have the *moral decency* not to have sex or make out in public places and certainly not to leave condoms around, although many do so in parked cars (the "Lover's Lane" thing has been around since at least the 1950's), or in movie theaters (make out, not have sex!), where it is considered slightly more acceptable.


 So, what you are saying is that a parked car on Lover's Lane and a movie theater are not "public places"; and that people who make out in a movie theater are "morally decent", but people who make out on a park bench at night are not.


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## Broccolicious

Hi All

A few people have referred to same-sex PDA, which is interesting. In London, same-sex couples can walk along holding hands, with their arms around each other, etc, with no comments or funny looks at all. In some parts of town, two men kissing might draw some disapproving comments, but in most areas that would be acceptable. I think two women kissing would be more likely to draw negative responses.

And outside London - well, in the small town in which I grew up, there is absolutely no way a same-sex couple could walk down the street holding hands without serious negative comments, probably verging on abuse. Sad and shameful, but true - those prejudices do still exist. 

Similarly, one of my black friends says that she receives far more negative comments when she is with a white man than when she is with a black man - comments from black people and white people.

I wonder about same-sex couples in other cultures - and how about couples where the two people are of different races?


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## Grop

fenixpollo said:


> So, what you are saying is that a parked car on Lover's Lane and a movie theater are not "public places"; and that people who make out in a movie theater are "morally decent", but people who make out on a park bench at night are not.



Well I havn't made a serious study or anything, but I think in my place it is definitely viewed as more decent to do it in a desert park at night than in a theater where people are actually watching a movie.

(Concerning motives, they seem obvious to me too: no privacy at home, more excitement in diffent places, etc).


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## avok

Grop said:


> Hello, men in France generally don't kiss each other for greeting: it is more common to shake hands (unless they are relatives, or maybe close friends - and it may still depend on places).
> 
> The sort of greeting you refer to generally happens when there's a woman involved (meeting an other woman or a man).
> 
> Anyway, this is greeting, not signs of affection (unless of course you are somehow extravagant at doing this).


 
Hmmm Are you sure? Most of the French men I met, at least once attempted to kiss me.  Of course I am not talking about serious occasions. But in Brazil, as I understood it is almost a taboo for a man to kiss another man on the lip..sorry the cheeks.


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## Outsider

avok said:


> Hmmm Are you sure? Most of the French men I met, at least once attempted to kiss me.


Maybe they just do it with foreigners, to embarass them.


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## twinklestar

What about this in New Zealand? Are there any people from New Zealand and Korea?

A New Zealander told me that his Korean girlfriend refused to hold hands with him in the street of New Zealand. But from his remarks,  it sounds to me that he quite approves public display, i.e. French kisses, caressing in public.

I read through the thread, but just found a member from Australia. I'm not sure if that between Australia and New Zealand is similar.


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## Pugnator

In southern Italy public display of affection are very common, especially by young ones and it is not frowned upon. (I mean mostly make out.). An American friends of mine once said that sometimes walks in street make him feel uncomfortable because, his words, seem that everybody "is about to fu*k each other"  so I suppose that there is a big culture gap about this thing.


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## Sepia

Could anybody describe what the exact duties of this "moral police" in India are?  And is that what this authority is officially called?
It seems odd to me that what allegedly is a democry would have such a police.


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## Barque

Sepia said:


> Could anybody describe what the exact duties of this "moral police" in India are? And is that what this authority is officially called?


The so-called moral police aren't an authority or an official body. They're usually mobs of members of right-wing political parties, who object to some aspects of "Western culture". They're usually more active in smaller towns. They object to such things as dating and Valentine's Day and unmarried couples sitting together on park benches. They started off as a political gimmick - small-time politicians trying to convince the public that they wanted to protect "Indian culture". According to them, sex and romance are permissible only among married couples.

People can and do complain to the official police about them but the extent of action the official police might take varies. Valentine's Day is a day when the moral police make a lot of noise, even making public announcements about how they will try and force dating couples to get married, and there has been a crackdown on this by the official police.


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## Sepia

Now I really don't understand any of it clearly - the action that may be taken by the police, that you are talking about is against whom: The street thugs that you call the "moral police" or against their victims? And if the latter - action on what grounds?

What really puzzles me the most here is that we are talking about India - the country where it seems that group rapings can take place without police taking any action unless kicked very hard in th butts.


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## Barque

Obviously against the moral police. 


Barque said:


> People (the victims/general public) can and do complain to the official police about them (the moral police)


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## Sepia

Barque said:


> Obviously against the moral police.


So the police is taking action against the things that harrass people for public display of affection?
Seems reasonable. That is what police should be doing - however, I can imagine police here in Europe doing that, but not in India.


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## Sepia

We had a funny situation here in Hamburg about a year ago, that has somewhat with this theme to do because most people believe that what took place was even illegal.
Someone had photographed a woman visiting the trottoir section of a fashionable restaurant down at the port.
If she was wearing anything at all it may have been her hi-heels. (I suppose her companion carried the credit card). A tabloid published the photo and it all seemed quite sensational. Then people from the restaurant and around there said they had seen here quite often and she isis alwa (un)dressed like that when she goes there.
Is this legal? Answer from the press secretary of the Hamburg police - not just anybody, above him is on only the chief of police and the senator of the interior: Sure it is legal! As long as no sexual provocation, sexual arousement or act takes place which people with good right could find disturbing, there is no law against being naked.

So if someone had anything against it they would actually have to call them. They would not stop the patrol car and get out just because they saw a naked woman walking by.


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